Mario's not the only Wonder here.
Three surgeons were arguing over which kind of patient is easiest to operate on.
- Surgeon A says electricians are easiest because everything inside them is Colour-Coded for Your Convenience.
- Surgeon B says librarians are the easiest since their insides are alphabetized and categorized according to the Duey Decimal system.
- Surgeon C wins the argument by saying politicians tend to be the easiest since they have no balls, no backbone, no brains, no heart, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.
Our Favorite Cowgirl, er, Mare
I saw this on a sign in a tavern I used to go to.
"When ancient man would hit the ground with sticks while shouting swear words, they called it witchcraft. When modern man does the same thing, they call it golf."
I like to keep my audience riveted.
How many Zero-Context Examples does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
I was about to say I don't get it then I got it. That is actually pretty good.
Why did the dog go to the gym to work out? Because he was a little husky.
Who watches the watchmen?
What did the Yelp review say about the Marxist law firm?
It's a good praxis
SPACE
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That'll be $75,000.
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
A hit man once described being hired to kill a water buffalo in a rice field with some porcelain figurines. It was a knickknack paddy whack.
Who watches the watchmen?
Never date cross-eyed people. They might be seeing somebody on the side!
my current job
A mathematician's favorite hockey team?
The Edmonton Eulers!
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
"Darn, I lost my cutting tool again!"
"I knew you were a saw loser."
(This works best in a non-rhotic accent)
In the name of being honest
East German leader Erich Honecker is on a diplomatic mission in Austria. Various government ministers of East Germany and Austria are introduced.
Finally, a man is introduced as the Minister of the Austrian Navy. Honecker bursts out laughing: "But you have no coastline!"
The Austrians are offended. "We were very polite when the GDR's Minister of Trade was introduced!"
Echoing hymn of my fellow passerine | Art blog (under construction)
Our Favorite Cowgirl, er, Mare
How are an accordion and a lawsuit similar?
Everybody is glad when the case is closed.
I like to keep my audience riveted.
SPACE
Q - "What do we want?" A - "Clickbait!" Q - "When do we want it?" A - "The answer will shock you!"
Mweheheh
Three guys are hiking in the woods and find an old lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie. He booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact $1,000,000,000.00
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man of all time." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over $100 trillion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
The first guy says "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
The second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
The third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
The first guy pauses, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone & his knees don't bother him any more.
The second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 30 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
The third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My final wish is for my head to nod back and forth for the rest of my life." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck & disappears; the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and talk about how things have been going.
The first guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets; I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."
The second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy of all time and revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
The third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I screwed up."
Peace is the only battle worth waging.
In the name of being honest
It is 1989, and East German Communist leader Erich Honecker is hosting a dinner for a large number of party officials. His mistress is sitting next to him.
“Erich,” she whispers in his ear, “please open the border with the West.”
“Why?” he says, suspiciously.
“Because I want to be alone with you."
Echoing hymn of my fellow passerine | Art blog (under construction)
Our Favorite Cowgirl, er, Mare
I couldn't help but say this while I was watching Svengoolie showing Terror Out of the Sky. ^_^;;
Svengoolie: Somebody hit me a B flat!
Me as I watch: If you're not careful, we'll all B flat.
Learned this from a 9-year-old, judge accordingly.
What are the most popular vacation spots for cows?
Cow-lifornia and Moo York
edited 25th Feb '18 4:48:10 AM by RaspyMink
Miyamoto Musashi
Q: What kind of car would a cat drive?
A: A Purr-geot.
edited 12th Apr '18 10:30:24 PM by ReikoKazama
FC: SW-1445-0294-1719/PSN: TekkenGirl4Lyfe/Currently playing: Fate/Samurai Remnant
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
Most folks know Chiron the half man, half horse of the creatures of legend trained Greek Heroes. Many forget he is also a Doctor.
This makes him the Centaur for Disease Control and an advocate of herd immunity. :P
Who watches the watchmen?
Cape Malleum Majorem
Following his annual migration, a robin lands on a lawn near a cat. "Am I the first robin of Spring?" he asks. "I've always wanted to be the first robin of Spring. You haven't seen any other robins around here, have you?"
The cat remains silent, which the robin takes as a positive response. "Yay! I made it! I'm the first robin of Spring!" And he flies off happily.
"Lucky for him, he's actually the fifth robin of Spring," the cat muses. "I couldn't eat another bite."
This Space Intentionally Left Blank.
My uncle's ex-wife and their divorce agreement had a lot in common...
They're both heavy, ugly, and screwed my uncle.
In the name of being honest
Today at the lab we made a benzene ring with iron atoms in place of the usual carbon.
It was a ferrous wheel.
Echoing hymn of my fellow passerine | Art blog (under construction)
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
Oh that was horrid. I like it.
One day a lumberjack walks into the woods to cut some trees for project. As he is getting ready to swing his axe on the third tree of the day it talks to him.
"Please wait! I am talking tree and magical. Come on you can't cut down a magic talking tree, can you?"
The lumberjack smiles. "Aye your a magic talking tree now, but you will dialogue."
Who watches the watchmen?
Hah.
This amuses me.
The Great Northern Threadkill.