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Joke thread:

 151 Morwen Edhelwen, Fri, 24th Aug '12 8:58:30 PM from Sydney, Australia
Tolkien freak
@truteal: Laughing and eating jelly at the same time.
The road goes ever on. -Tolkien
 152 truteal, Sun, 26th Aug '12 12:01:55 AM from the great southern land
animation elitist
A Sane Brony watches FIM several times a day

A Militant Brony watches nothing but it

A Sane Brony has seen some Pony Rule 34

A Militant Brony can't get off to anything but it

A Sane Brony dislikes it when people badmouth the show but respects their right to have an opinion

A Militant Brony is trying to find out how to make an burnable effigy that resembles Howard Stern/Jerry Springer

A Sane Brony is trying to find a girlfriend

A Militant Brony says "who needs a human woman when I have Lyra"

A Sane Brony is happy that Tara Strong and John De Lancie support his fanon

A Militant Brony is aroused by the fact that Michelle Creber supports his fanon

A Sane Brony acknowledges that there are problems in the brony community

A Militant Brony gave the Sane Brony a bloody nose for saying that

edited 26th Aug '12 12:02:27 AM by truteal

 153 Morwen Edhelwen, Sun, 26th Aug '12 12:19:11 AM from Sydney, Australia
Tolkien freak
ha ha ha ha ha ha
The road goes ever on. -Tolkien
 154 Jimmmyman 10, Sun, 26th Aug '12 10:17:16 AM from polan Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
cannot into space
Confucius say

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Go play Kentucky Route Zero. Now.
Definitely not a weirdo
Confucius say

Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

Confucius also say

He who wants date with hot nurse, must first be patient.

edited 26th Aug '12 5:13:14 PM by CompletelyNormalGuy

 156 Loose Cannon, Sun, 26th Aug '12 5:18:15 PM from Everywhere and Nowhere
The Groose Is Loose
Confucius say

It take many nails to make crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me.
 157 Master Inferno, Sun, 26th Aug '12 5:25:20 PM from Ideal City Relationship Status: Cast away
All Pop, No Culture
Confucius say

Man who get stuck in pantry have ass in jam.
Today's episode of Master Inferno Says Terrible Things is brought to you by...
Cmdr. of His Supremacy's Armed Forces
[up][up] I am using that.

edited 26th Aug '12 7:33:01 PM by Steventheman

 159 Midnight Rambler, Mon, 27th Aug '12 9:45:49 AM from Germania Inferior
JEZUS MARIA PANIE KURWA BOŻE
In primary school, Johnny is asked the following question by his (female) teacher: 'There are ten pigeons sitting on a wall. A hunter comes up and shoots two of the pigeons. How many are left?'
'None', Johnny replies. 'The others have all flown away because of the noise.'
The teacher smiles and says, 'Actually, the answer is eight. But I like the way you think.'

The next day, Johnny asks the teacher, 'Miss, there are three women eating ice pops. One of them licks it, another nibbles at it, and the third one sucks on it. Who of the three is married?'
The teacher blushes and says, 'The one who sucks on her ice pop.'
'Actually, it's the one with a wedding ring on her finger', Johnny says. 'But I like the way you think!'

edited 27th Aug '12 1:37:12 PM by MidnightRambler

That's the way you do it: get your pony for nothing, and your mares for free.
 160 Master Inferno, Mon, 27th Aug '12 1:33:01 PM from Ideal City Relationship Status: Cast away
All Pop, No Culture
A Tennessee fan is at a bar. He turns to the guy sitting next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Florida joke?"*

The guy says, "Sure, but before you tell it I think you should know a few things. I'm 6 feet 3 inches and 220 pounds and I'm a Florida fan, and the guy next to me is 6 feet 4 inches and 250 pounds and he's a Florida fan, and the guy next to him is 6 feet 6 inches and 280 pounds and he's a Florida fan too. Do you still want to tell the joke?"

The Tennessee fan thinks for a moment and says,

"No, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
Today's episode of Master Inferno Says Terrible Things is brought to you by...
 161 Jimmmyman 10, Mon, 27th Aug '12 1:41:34 PM from polan Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
cannot into space
HEYS

AHM FROM FLORIDA AND I FIND THAT OFFENS... OFENSSIV... HOW DO YA SPELLS IT?
Go play Kentucky Route Zero. Now.
 162 Master Inferno, Wed, 29th Aug '12 1:48:33 PM from Ideal City Relationship Status: Cast away
All Pop, No Culture
They say that if you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you can hear Satanic messages. But that's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs Windows.

Why don't Macs have a blue screen of death?

They're too busy freezing up to display one.
Today's episode of Master Inferno Says Terrible Things is brought to you by...
 163 Morwen Edhelwen, Wed, 29th Aug '12 3:59:09 PM from Sydney, Australia
Tolkien freak
laughing...
The road goes ever on. -Tolkien
Definitely not a weirdo
So the other day I was reading this short story about time travel. There was this society that was phasing out time machines (having to rebuild your society for the fourth time after some idiot get it into his head to kill Hitler gets rather annoying). Anyway, by the time the story takes place, there are only two time machines left. Unfortunately, one of them has been stolen by an inter-temporal criminal who is swapping out historical artifacts for duplicates. The other belongs to the time police who are busy tracking him.

Now obviously they can't destroy the last two time machines when one is in the hands of this criminal, so catching him is a top priority. The department spends a lot of time comparing history books to a ripple-proof archive in hopes of finding any subtle changes that would allow them to catch him. Unfortunately, he is very careful and covers his tracks well, so it is a long and arduous task.

Finally, after years of investigation, a detective spots a one-word change in one of Shakespeare's plays, and they are able to catch him. He arrested, the last two time machines are destroyed, and all that is left to do is fill out the paperwork. During this process, some overworked bureaucrat discovers a glaring error in the investigation. Rather early on, the criminal botched up an operation in 15th century Spain. Even a cursory glance at that period of history would have revealed his location and saved a ton of trouble. It all lasted so much longer than it needed to because no one inspected the Spanish Inquisition.
 165 amberaqua, Wed, 29th Aug '12 5:27:25 PM from under a rock.
You know my shockproof, waterproof, rustproof, shatterproof phone? It just caught fire.
When he swallowed a boomerang he came back from hospital and got re-admitted 238 times.
Wanna hear a joke about potassium? ‘K.

 166 Hourai Rabbit, Thu, 30th Aug '12 6:04:13 AM from Fort Sandbox, El Paso Relationship Status: Hooked on a feeling
Do pushups.
Did you hear about that new crazy militia, the Legion of Ohm? Their rallying cry was "We are the Resistance!"
Wise Papa Smurf, corrupted by his own power. CAN NO LEADER GO UNTAINTED?!
 167 Purple Dalek, Thu, 30th Aug '12 7:55:33 AM from a planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse Relationship Status: Tongue-tied
Soufflés and a cup of tea
My gay friend says vending machines are homophobic.

Apparently, his bills aren't straight enough.
It has to be your place. Mine totally reeks of ocelot piss.
Definitely not a weirdo
So, if large breasted waitresses work at Hooters, where do waitresses with one leg work?

IHOP
In uffish thought
@the jokes at the top of this page: Who is Confuci-whatsit?
Merge those duplicates! Fix that factual error! Delete that shoehorned non-example! You have the power! Meta Four
 170 Pyrite, Sat, 1st Sep '12 9:10:32 AM from Right. Behind. You. Relationship Status: Hiding
*DOINK*
You know, that Italian Catholic Mathematician troper who posts fairly frequently in religion / philosophy-related threads. Pretty cool guy.

(...Okay, that was pretty terrible. Here's our page on the actual Confucius.)

edited 1st Sep '12 9:16:43 AM by Pyrite

Not a substitute for a formal medical consultation.
 171 Physical Stamina, Sat, 1st Sep '12 8:36:56 PM from Centipede Central (save me!) Relationship Status: If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
'ey, dis is Toime Gal, aka de 'Eroine of Toime
Why did the egg cross the road?

To get laid.

...that was probably obvious.
 172 Mukora, Mon, 3rd Sep '12 1:12:16 AM from a place Relationship Status: Love is an open door
Uniocular
So three diplomats from Mexico, China, and America were all on a sinking ship. To stop the ship from sinking, they had to lighten their load, and thus, each diplomat decided to throw off something they had a surplus of in their country.

The Mexican diplomat threw off a sack of sand. The Chinese diplomat threw off a sack of rice. The American diplomat threw off the Mexican.

edited 3rd Sep '12 1:13:19 AM by Mukora

 173 truteal, Tue, 4th Sep '12 2:28:11 AM from the great southern land
animation elitist
Dear Bronies

Have you found a C.S. Lewis quote to defend the work of Megasweet yet?
 174 Morwen Edhelwen, Tue, 4th Sep '12 2:29:31 AM from Sydney, Australia
Tolkien freak
@truteal: Can you explain?
The road goes ever on. -Tolkien
 175 truteal, Tue, 4th Sep '12 2:36:23 AM from the great southern land
Total posts: 1,066
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