Stars Above Discussion Thread

Well guessed, this Demon was born from an Alzheimer's patient. And I'd love to hear what your idea for Kyoko's torment was... :D

Congrats, bro, and good luck with that.

Anyway, this seems to be as good a place as any to say that updates might be slow for a while. Real Life issues are putting a serious dent in my creativity at the moment, and until I either pull myself out of my funk or manage to catch up with my Japanese class, I doubt there'll be much progress storywise, on either SA or Tasakeru.

tl;dr, I need a little time.

Oh, an Alzheimer's patient? Really? I was just joking around, but I guess I was closer to the mark than I thought.

I hadn't actually thought that much about how to torment Kyouko, so my ideas weren't especially creative. Just the straightforward stuff, like Mami getting horribly maimed in some way that a Mercy Kill was the best option, basically. Maybe having her soul gem partly cracked by a demon, but not destroyed, so she'd be in constant agony with no chance of recovery. Sort of like the scene where Homura kills Madoka to prevent her from turning into a witch. Your idea is probably better.

Anyway, take as much time as you need. (But not too much more than that — we like updates!)

Indeed we do, and that time I might as well use wisely too.

Also, Kyouko vs Ciacco, how would that work out?

Interesting question. Assuming she knew Ciacco's nature and what his punishment entails, Kyoko might actually feel sorry for him, maybe. It's also likely that she would just whale on him that much harder, given that he reminds her of her family's near-starvation. I think either way it would be a really messy, brutal fight.

Good news, everyone!

I think I've successfully worked through my funk, as I got about two pages written of Chapter 21 last night before I went to bed.

Now, it's still not likely that there will be any updates this week, as I have a Japanese test that needs to be finished before anything else... but I figured you'd appreciate knowing I'm somewhat back on track.

eri romre patson ucla uq eri romre patson ucla uq eri romre patson ucla uq eri romre patson ucla uq

edited 1st Oct '12 8:23:18 AM by FringeBenefits

Yay!

Reposting from my Tumblr because of awesomeness:

The last two games you played have been merged together

Madoka Magica Portable: Fall of Cybertron

A third-person shooter with RPG elements in which you choose one of the Puellae Magi, able to freely switch between Magical Girl and Witch form. In the course of the storyline, fight against Megatron and the Decepticons, then experience their side and take on Optimus Prime and the Autobots. As Cybertron falls apart around you, a horrible swarm is released from the bowels of the planet: THE KYUBEYCONS, set on contracting everything in their path. Features three special levels in which the psychopathic Kirika Kure (Oriko Magica) joins forces with Grimlock and the Dinobots. Multiple story paths lead to dozens of horribly depressing endings, most of which involve all the characters you love being killed.

Also features team-based multiplayer, in either Autobots/Magical Girls Vs. Decepticons/Kyubeycons or Transformers Vs. Puellae Magi Characters format.

…

SOMEBODY KICKSTARTER THIS SHIT.

edited 1st Oct '12 3:37:26 PM by FringeBenefits

GUYS

GUYS

THEY KNOW.

edited 2nd Oct '12 6:59:53 AM by FringeBenefits

Nice. That looks like what you might use if you wanted one of those deceptively cheerful covers. Which totally sounds like something you'd do.

And considering what the intent of Madoka Magica's intro was, it would make sense.

Yeah, that's totally something I would do. XD

IN OTHER MADOKA-RELATED NEWS:

I got my Blu Ray player today, and of course the first thing I watched on it was the first episode of Madoka.

HOLY CRAP. THOSE BOXED SETS WERE EXPENSIVE AS HELL BUT SO VERY MUCH WORTH IT.

Oh yeah, and happy birthday to our Goddess. Pay your respects. Here's mine.

edited 3rd Oct '12 9:59:22 AM by FringeBenefits

She is forever, her birthdays is forever and always... or at least I think so

Short excerpt from the next part of My Sunshine, which is almost complete. Spoiler'd for those who want to be surprised.

She grinned around the pocky stick in her mouth. It was not a happy grin. Come on. Come on.

Standing all alone in the middle of the broken, shattered street, at sundown, with the fog just starting to roll in… it was perfect, Kyoko thought. The only thing missing was the Demons, but they would come. There weren’t many left in Mitakihara, but they would come, attracted to her like moths to a lantern. She wondered if they could already smell her. Come on, come on. I’ve got a nice, juicy Heart ready for you, all full of despair, just like you like it. Come on out.

This would be it, her final stand. And this was the perfect place, the perfect time for it.

Kyoko Sakura had made her decision. She was going to die tonight.

But damned if she wasn’t going to go out fighting.

It was enough.

edited 6th Oct '12 9:35:31 PM by FringeBenefits

Not reading the spoiler. I'll wait.

Thanks for your patience, here's Part 3 of My Sunshine.

Go back and look at Chapter 1 of Stars Above again.

Eh, orange probably wasn't the best color for Demon blood in retrospect... I chose it at the time because I thought it seemed strange and alien. Also, if I recall correctly, the Angels in Eva had "blood-type orange", so it's sort of an homage.

I should maybe change it to vermillion or something, but that would involve a hell of a lot of revision, as it was first mentioned back in SA Chapter 2.

Any other thoughts?

I don't see any reason for you to change the blood. Also, nice Call-Back with the joke there.

Um... other thoughts? Not really. It's very well written and works well, and I don't have time to review in more detail because I should be working on this proposal that's due in a couple hours rather than posting here.

Gotcha. Take your time, no rush.

Okay, now that I've finished washing off the blood writing that proposal, I can give a little more feedback.

First, the chapter titles are a little cliche. The Five Stages of Grief are overused as a plot device/framework, so while it's not a big deal, you could avoid it by changing the titles slightly, maybe to a more subtle or indirect reference to the same.

Second, your portrayal of Kyouko is really good. I can almost taste her delicious despair. Strong emotions are hard to write, and a lot of writers do it clumsily and weaken the atmosphere that way; I think it's one of your best points as a writer. Not perfect, of course, but it stands out.

I have to admit, there was part of me that was basically thinking, "Kyouko can't die yet! She still has to traumatize Yuma by dying in her arms!"

Anyway, the mood in this fic is getting more Kitoh than Urobuchi at this point, I'd say. Even Urobuchi isn't usually this bleak and sadistic; you've perhaps gone further than canon in that regard.

About the mood... there's some serious mood whiplash in this chapter. Not sure whether it was intentional, but it's jarring at times. Not necessarily bad, but just so you know, that's how it read to me. It might work, though, since it certainly kept me off balance.

The chapter titles were something I just came up with today, and added back into the earlier parts... something with me didn't sit right just leaving them as "Part 1", "Part 2", etc. Yeah, I cheerfully admit they're a little overused, but hey, they work... I think.

And here I was worrying that Kyoko's despair wasn't strong enough. Glad to hear I'm hitting all the right notes so far.

You're comparing me to Kitoh and Urobuchi? Really? -Luminescent Blush- Gosh, I'm honored, really. And you think it's bleak now... -Evil Laugh-

The Mood Whiplash was definitely intentional, I wanted to make the emotional gut punches that much more severe. I worried that that might be just a bit too jarring, but I guess I used it to the right effect if it kept you off balance.

D-don't get me wrong, idiot! I'm not saying you're even a tenth as good as Urobuchi or Kitoh. I just meant that you're telling a story with a similarly bleak tone, that's all. And it's not like you actually kept me off balance or anything, just that some other readers might have felt that way. So don't read too much into it, got it?

Anyway, as for Kyouko's despair, I think it's fine. She's pretty resilient, so any outward reaction she shows probably reflects a lot more. I mean, think about it this way: Kyouko basically attempting suicide? Kyouko, the one who lost her family due to her father's murder-suicide? The fact that she actually tried to get herself killed, when she's usually the last one I'd expect to do something like that, shows just how bad of a state she's in. So too much more would risk seeming excessive.

-cough cough- tsundere -cough cough-

Thanks as always for your input. You make a good point about treading the line of "too much" with Kyoko's angst, I'll keep that in mind. For what it's worth, this chapter is probably going to mark a turning point in which she slowly, slowly starts moving towards the Acceptance stage, at least in the "present" scenes... the worst of what happened at Mount Fuji is still yet to come, though. I'm gonna try to be careful to interweave those scenes from here on, so as not to disrupt the mood.

ALSO: Once My Sunshine is done (probably in one or two more chapters), I'm planning on another, much shorter side-story called Pioneer, which will be taking a somewhat more sci-fi approach. I've got the first few paragraphs of it written, but I'm keeping it in reserve for now. More details will come soon.

edited 9th Oct '12 9:15:05 AM by FringeBenefits

Shut up! I'm not giving you a review because I want to d-devour your soul or anything! Idiot...

Um. Anyway. Looking forward to the new story. Any estimate of when the next chapter of the main SA story will be done, by the way?

I've got about three and a half pages written now, but it's looking like Chapter 21 will be pretty long, so I can't really say. Fortunately, though, I managed to finish a post for my other series this weekend, so aside from my job and Japanese class I don't have anything else in my work queue for the next week or so.