WTF news headlines.:

Total posts: [805]
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26 Bur7th Mar 2012 04:57:27 AM from Flyover Country , Relationship Status: Not war
Chaotic Neutral
Saw this one checking the Yahoo!News today:

"What sank the Titanic? Scientists point to the moon." [lol]
i. hear. a. sound.
27 RocketDude7th Mar 2012 03:25:41 PM from AZ, United States
Face Time
That makes sense, if you know about the moon's effects on the tides.
Tumblr | "Hipsters: the most dangerous gang in the US." - Pacific Mackerel
28 Bur7th Mar 2012 03:32:38 PM from Flyover Country , Relationship Status: Not war
Chaotic Neutral
So the article explained, but taken at face value one might imagine the moon going "I'M GOING TO DISGUISE MYSELF AS AN ICEBERG AND SINK THE TITANIC! MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!"
i. hear. a. sound.
That settles it. The moon did 9/11.
I have no beard. I have no beard, and I must scream.
30 Deboss8th Mar 2012 02:59:18 AM from Awesomeville Texas
I see the Awesomeness.
If I were the moon, that would totally be my plan. They'd never see it coming.
31 Aryn8th Mar 2012 09:30:39 AM from The place with states.
Shipper of Spacetime
It must've planned that out at least three days in advance.
32 PippingFool8th Mar 2012 05:31:56 PM from A BEAUTIFUL DUWANG , Relationship Status: I get a feeling so complicated...

DARN IT! You beat me to the obligary Majora's Mask refernce.
When I find your terror's tells, my 「Enigma」 can strike perfectly!
34 Malph26th Mar 2012 05:34:49 PM from The middle of somewhere , Relationship Status: I want you to want me
All hail
[up] Well of course. Otherwise it would be perfectly legal for stoners to create The Bong Dynasty or for 13 year olds to give Confucius the idea to say "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok".
So, in the U.S., randomly stripping is a signal that you want to sing the national anthem? - That Human
Chaotic Greedy
[up][up]There's a "http" problem with your link (possibly a missing colon)
"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."
36 Flanker6629th Mar 2012 03:48:34 AM from 30,000 feet and climbing , Relationship Status: You can be my wingman any time
Dreams of Revenge
Okay, so I found these in a book that had a chapter devoted to these sort of things, but here goes:

  • "Man bitten by chocolate biscuit in midnight snack attack" (Makes Just as Much Sense in Context, I presume)
  • "Filming in cemetery angers residents" (Ah, the joys of ambiguity)

Unfortunately those are the only ones I can remember off the top of my head. As a bonus, have a choice excerpt from a newspaper which had its' meaning change very dramatically with a single typo:

"A man frowned after falling into the river Teviot."
Locking you up on radar since '09

Hand out the arms and ammo,

We're gonna blast our way through here!
37 Bur30th Mar 2012 04:56:29 AM from Flyover Country , Relationship Status: Not war
Chaotic Neutral
From the Yahoo!News today:

Man Attacked by Mountain Lion, Saved by Bear

....wait wait wait. You give me a "...lolwut" headline like that and expect me to not read you? ...well played, journalist.
i. hear. a. sound.
38 Mort081st Apr 2012 10:50:31 PM from Oklahoma , Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
Pirate AND writer!
"Studies Show Liberals Are More Stubborn Than Normal People"
Total nerd
"Women knit uteruses in protest"

"Easter Bunny' arrested"

"NYC abandons 'dinosaur' ban on tests"

"Lightning hits car, mom reacts"

Not giving you the links so you can maintain confusion :3

40 Bur4th Apr 2012 04:39:26 PM from Flyover Country , Relationship Status: Not war
Chaotic Neutral
Now I want to knit a uterus. And maybe turn it into a purse.
i. hear. a. sound.
41 InverurieJones5th Apr 2012 01:03:07 AM from North of the Wall. , Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
'80s TV Action Hero
(possibly a missing colon)

I know a guy who has that. Wears a bag-thingy.
'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'
42 MikeK12th Apr 2012 12:18:41 PM from planet earth , Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
3 microphones forever
I think I've talked about this before, and it's a mundane story but a very unfortunately worded headline - the article was about the Tim Burton adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory having a good opening week at the box office. They went with something like "Depp's 'Chocolate Factory' Has Delicious Opening". As far as actual weird news stories go, I'm still kinda fond of Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke.
43 MobileLeprechaun13th Apr 2012 09:41:30 AM from La ciudad se llama Duke, Nuevo México el estado , Relationship Status: Married to the job
[up] D'aww! Hooray for porpoises! grin
It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate

It takes strength to be gentle and kind
44 Nohbody13th Apr 2012 04:57:37 PM from Somewhere in Dixie , Relationship Status: Mu
"In distress", my ass.
For WTF value in both headline and content (more the latter than the former, admittedly), I present to you Police: Man Armed With Plunger Tries To Rob Central New York Bank

edited 13th Apr '12 4:58:27 PM by Nohbody

45 Bur30th Apr 2012 02:25:23 PM from Flyover Country , Relationship Status: Not war
Chaotic Neutral
"Cannibal Shrimp: The Invasion Has Begun"

It's a very un-WTF news story, but tell me the headline doesn't make you think of a B-movie.
i. hear. a. sound.
46 0dd111th Jun 2012 07:38:29 AM from Nowhere Land
Just awesome like that
[up]I totally wanna make that movie now.
Insert witty and clever quip here.

My page, as the database hates my handle.

My music.
Urinate with precision and elegance.
48 Danniiee12th Jun 2012 05:48:13 PM from    THE DEPTHS OF HELL   
Man Attacks Girlfriend With Wasabi-Covered Pants.


49 NickTheSwing29th Jun 2012 11:41:50 PM from Ya really wanna know? , Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
Swing, not Slide
[up][up][up][up]In the aftermath of a nuclear accident near New Jersey, unknowing of the horror awaiting them, the people of Jersey head to the beach after the nuclear waste issue has been sufficiently dealt with by the government. But, just when the beach babes and dudes thought it was safe to get back in the water... -cut to a picture of a fake tanned steroid user getting pulled into the water by a giant shrimp made of bad CGI-A HORROR UNRELENTING! Its hunger for human flesh never sated! Cannibal Shrimp: The Invasion Has Begun

I also remember reading about some sort of story titled Mitt Romney - Man or Unicorn?

edited 29th Jun '12 11:42:58 PM by NickTheSwing

50 Wenn1st Jul 2012 11:35:49 AM from GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Steambot Fanatic
I don't know if this is worthy enough to be placed here, but I found the Serial Butt Stabber to be WTF-inducing, even if the article is a bit old.

Also, Man Claims Leprechauns Beat Him Up
Keep your head down, go to sleep,
to the rhythm of the war drums.

Total posts: 805
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