Every time someone doesn't read the first part of this post, Rick Santorum eats a kitten and your post may be frowned upon.Idea stolen from Critique Circle. The writer will post no more than the first 500-1000 words of their work (unless you desperately need to finish a sentence, I guess). If it's a script, the first four pages should suffice, since 1000 words is about four pages in most books. The reader is pretending to be an editor going through the slush pile, and will stop reading the excerpt if they lose interest. The reader will post to say if they stopped reading, why/ why not, and offer suggestions. The critique doesn't have to be detailed, but please at least offer some advice.
Every time someone doesn't follow the second part, Rick Santorum eats five kittens and your post has a 90% chance of being ignored.FRIENDLY REMINDER: As the title of the thread implies, if someone posted an excerpt before you, please critique it before posting your own. If you skip someone, you lose the right to whine if someone skips over you. People that have been skipped, feel free to post a polite reminder if you're getting concerned. Reading 1000 words and leaving a few comments shouldn't take too long. And look at it this way: if you critique it yourself, you don't risk waiting forever for someone else to do it for you (this thread takes occasional naps) and you don't have to hope the critiquer doesn't have an excerpt of their own to post right after. A SHORT NOTE: By hook we mean the first thing the reader sees of the story, not necessarily some sort of inciting incident. Your beginning can be slow and steady, but it still counts as the hook because readers can still be interested by something that moves slowly as long as something is there that gives the reader a reason to keep going. So if you have a prologue that meets or surpasses the word limit, don't stick your first chapter underneath it. DISCLAIMER: This isn't a hardcore critique thread, so don't try to milk a detailed critique for your first chapter. That's why we have the word limits. Just think of this as a preliminary screening process for serious problems so you can get started on making your first impressions sparkly and awesome.
edited 20th Aug '12 7:46:48 PM by SnowyFoxes
edited 1st Dec '11 9:51:31 PM by NoirGrimoir
edited 1st Dec '11 6:59:15 PM by NoirGrimoir
The sun was just considering peeking over the horizon of the Simvanian desert. A white house sat on a sandy hill, fostering the shrillest screams known to man. “Just sit down, and we’ll get you to a hospital!” Vidcund Curious advised his convulsing older brother, Pascal, in a not-quite-so-calm voice. “Forget the hospital, this baby’s coming now!” Pascal screamed back, assuming the birthing position on the blanket spread over the floor. “To think,” he thought, “just a few seconds ago, life was so normal.” Nine months earlier, Pascal had been stargazing through the telescope, as he had done for the past fifteen years. He was just about ready to call it a night, when he saw a blue light streak through the sky. By the time he was able to zoom in closer, it was too late. He was sucked into the UFO, Vidcund and Lazlo powerless to do anything other than watch and maybe play a game of Punch You Punch Me. Upon being thrust unceremoniously from the aircraft and running to the toilet, he came to the conclusion that he, just like his father, Glarn, had been impregnated by the aliens. And now here he was. “I’ll get the scissors!” The third, youngest brother, Lazlo, ran for the bathroom medicine cabinet. Vidcund knelt in front of Pascal, who spread his legs for his younger brother, and worked his hands into a pair of rubber gloves. He’d hardly been looking forward to this part; in Vidcund’s view, no amount of training would ever prepare him to yank a little green person out of his older brother. He was almost tempted to yell at Lazlo to get his butt back out here and help-it didn’t take that long to fetch a pair of scissors, what could he be doing?-but that would only upset Pascal (rather unwise, considering he now had a strong hold on Vidcund’s wrist). “Whatever you do, don’t pull him out. Alien babies hate that,” Pascal warned, his voice dropping to a shaky whisper.
edited 2nd Dec '11 1:28:41 PM by BlackElephant
edited 2nd Dec '11 11:51:28 AM by JHM
edited 2nd Dec '11 11:17:58 PM by NoirGrimoir
edited 3rd Dec '11 4:43:00 PM by NoirGrimoir
edited 3rd Dec '11 7:53:09 AM by ohsointocats
edited 3rd Dec '11 5:02:28 PM by NoirGrimoir
- Clarence Darrow
edited 4th Dec '11 9:09:19 PM by NoirGrimoir
edited 5th Dec '11 2:38:07 AM by NoirGrimoir
- It's a couple of things, actually, but a fondness for the style does come into it. Mostly, though, it's a kind of weird fusion of orneriness * and osmosis * . But yes, I might have read more into that than I should have.
- I really didn't want to end up doing that... but I did. Mi dispiace.
- Another thing I hate doing, but did anyway. Rudeness is no excuse for further rudeness, and I am sorry.
- One day, in the near future, I will tell the world, "It is done." You'll be the first to know. But in the meantime, I'll stick to editing this one in private. I could post something from my main work, however...
- I don't know how appropriate it is without the context of the rest of the story and its setting, but on the face of it it seems a little odd that Roan refers to someone with a title, whom he plainly neither likes nor knows well, as 'Jack'.
- Someone else said that it wasn't understandable, I think? Apart from the odd ambiguous or weirdly punctuated sentence, it all seemed perfectly clear. I wouldn't worry about it.
edited 5th Dec '11 12:59:53 PM by cityofmist
- Clarence Darrow
edited 6th Dec '11 3:32:46 AM by fanty
- Clarence Darrow