ITT: Talk about non-existent music

This came from an idea in the "Unpopular Music Opinions" thread in the Music section, when the topic got derailed into talking about ridiculous bands that don't exist. It's a good idea, so I created this topic for it.

That aside, have you guys heard Baroque Snow, the new release by Benny Cabala? I dunno, Pitchfork gave it a 63.5 out of 10, and said it was the best brutal folk-darkwave effort of January 2011, but it just doesn't hold up for me. Benny, if you want people to hear your (unremarkable) guitar playing, don't record in a mailbox at the bottom of the Marianas Trench and drown it in random noise. I do like the song "Overtiring" - the addition of a Blue Man Group percussion thingy to the 213 instruments he already plays on the disc is genius - but I'm afraid it's just not as good as Professionalisation, and he probably never will be again.

It's not as good as the Rap Aria in Mozart's Here's a Little Night Music, Bitches!

edited 27th Feb '11 4:33:30 PM by SantosLHalper

Benny Cabala's just been spinning his wheels (figuratively and literally) ever since he left Concrete. Their Warbling EP was so brilliant and groundbreaking that every blackened jungle violencestep artist has been ripping it off for the past five years; it's a real pity to see the Concrete alumni themselves reduced to the same.

How about the Lowercase People? I don't want to hyperbolize, but I think the humppa hip-hop scene may single-handedly save music.

God no, they're so overrated. Jesus christ people, there's this thing called 'rhythm', maybe you've heard of it. And Skinny Z did way better work when he was part of that one dwarfcore band, anyway.

edited 27th Feb '11 4:34:00 PM by Zudak

[geezer mode] By gum, I hate that toggle music all the young whippersnappers are listening to today! It's not nearly as melodious or clever as the rap and scream metal we had when I was young! And what's up with the 18th Century formalwear all the togglers wear? It looks so artificial! [/geezer mode]

Maybe alternating bars of 5/4, 7/9, and 22/7 time are just too difficult for you to follow.

Dwarfcore isn't for just anyone. I'd recommend at least three, preferably four years of studying music theory and history. You can't expect to just waltz right in and instantly understand something so rich and complex, or with such a diverse background. Your typical cultural troglodyte, raised on rap, pop, and metal (provably the most creatively stagnant, least innovating, most mentally stunting of all musical genres) simply isn't capable of understanding bands like Controlled Invitation or Recent Refrain. They just don't have the necessary background to "get" the point they're making.

edited 27th Feb '11 4:54:49 PM by Zudak

Did you hear the new stuff by Trope Title? If there has ever been a more troperiffic band than Trope Title I have not heard it.

edited 27th Feb '11 4:57:47 PM by Pentigan

@ Zudak: I disagree. You can't appreciate it fully without studying musical theory and history, true, but the heart of Dwarfcore is one simple melody. Even without musical training, the average musical human person can appreciate the diverse rhythms, the non-traditional instrumentation, and the heated chords.

edited 27th Feb '11 4:59:05 PM by SabresEdge

I like my music less evil, thank you. And Demetra Ash can play an awesome piano.

Demetra Ash are a bunch of posers. If you want real psycho-technojazz, you should listen to Lofi Elements.

Say what you will about Can You See It? but I love their highly minimalistic post-metal style. I mean, sure, their first album was a bit too Stars of the Lid-y, and their second album was made awful by Alan Woods's horrific attempt to sound like Sigur Ros. But, I think they're really hitting their stride now, making music unlike anything I've heard before.

Of course, with all the hate for them, I am surprised that they keep managing to put out albums.

edited 27th Feb '11 5:12:33 PM by LuckyRevenant

^^What? Ever since their failed collaboration with Toby Blimpfeld and DJ Vomit, it's been all downhill. I'd rather listen to cowbells dangling away like wind chimes while suspended from the necks of "mooing" cattle!

edited 27th Feb '11 5:13:49 PM by SeanMurrayI

Can You See It? certainly has some good songs, but most of their stuff is repetitive Jes Willmorser inspired garbage.

edited 27th Feb '11 5:13:59 PM by LolipodDistortion

Jes Willmorser is one of the most innovative artists of our time coming out of the revolutionary Horsecore scene in northern San Antonio. His album Mongolian Anarchy was one of the best mixed albums of the last five years!

Am I the only fan of Kaori Ishikawa and Emily Molyneux? I think they're the best players of the electric violin and the electric bass, respectively.

Seriously, I've Never Seen It was hauntingly beautiful. And their vocals flow with the instruments so well.

I know what you mean by "repetition", but I think it helps add to the affect. If you don't think it makes their songs more foreboding, then I don't know what's wrong with you. I mean, how could you listen to their Alone In Your Dark Abode EP and not think that it was incredibly creepy.

I seriously couldn't sleep after listening to it, the first time.

I guess you just get it, or you don't.

^^While I'm not the biggest fan of Horsecore, I will say that Jes's influence has been far and wide, and overall, I'm not disliking it.

^Never heard of them. Sorry.

edited 27th Feb '11 5:20:51 PM by LuckyRevenant

I have to agree, I've Never Seen It is a masterpiece. Still, I think their music reaches entirely new levels of awesome with Open The Door

You've never heard of them? That's a shame, they're some of the best Pseudo-rock classical out there.

Open the Door is one of my favorites, along with I've Never Seen It.

So does anyone here listen to Li'l Fish? Everything about his music is awesome. The lyrics are dense and thoughtful, his delivery is perfect, and the backing tracks could stand as a whole song by themselves.

What about Canon of the Cannons? They're a pretty good Psuedo-classical band too.

I tried it. The music is fine, but the synthesized contrabassoon/bass ocarina is a pet peeve of mine.

Ah, you see, thet's what I like about Ishikawa and Molyneux. They keep it fairly simple, but they never use synthesizers.

Lil' Fish? I can't say I've heard of him. But I'll definitly check him out.

edited 27th Feb '11 5:29:16 PM by AnnoR

I've been listening to a lot of Pantsless Pete & The Spores lately. Their pop-punk licks and crude sense of humor remind me a lot of Blink-182 and Douchie Tuesday And The Rest Of The Week.

edited 27th Feb '11 5:29:59 PM by SeanMurrayI

Did you hear about the up and coming band Random Access? They aparently make their songs completely out of versions of Windows startup music and then add lyrics.