Solaceon Ruins

-Samus kneels down next to the cluster of deceased Unown solemnly.-

Samus: <I suppose we now know why this place isn't filled to the brim with Unown. They've abandoned the place, and the ones that stayed... end up like this.>

-She gestures toward the mass, accidentally hitting it with her arm. The end of her arm cannon glows.-

Jubilife

Hmm? No. She hasn't.

Georgette: (tilts head)

Solaceon Ruins

Mezzo: <Uh, is that really such a good idea?>

-Mezzo touches her paw to the mass of Unown-

Mezzo: <Oh!>

Solaceon Ruins

Marvel:<Ewewewewew!>

-He and Marco also poke the mass-

<Eeeeeeeeeeeew>

Marco:<Oh stop your whining.>

HAVE ANOTHER SHITPOST◊ semi-loosely based on RL events.

Back In January

-Nico's browsing the internet on his laptop and comes across something that makes his eyes light up.-

Nico: Wait, they're releasing a remaster of my favorite Zelda game this March? With a sweet amiibo to go with it? And a preorder soundtrack? I'm nabbing one!

-Browses more-

Hrm... Pinwheel's all out...

-browses yet more-

Oh, Gamefilch still has some!

-preorders-

February

-Nico's managing the X-Nauts in a new base when his phone buzzes and he picks it out of his pocket-

Nico: Oh, an email!

-checks-

...Wait, couldn't process the payment?!

-calls the help number provided, is promptly put on hold as he snarks at all the terrible and/or inaccurate video game advertisements mentally before...-

Phone!???:

...

<...Hello...>

...

<...Welcome...>

...

<...To...>

...

<...Gamefilch...>

...

<...Customer...>

...

<...Support...>

...

<...How...>

...

<...May...>

...

<...I...>

...

<...Help...>

...

<...You?>

Nico: ...Wait, are you a Slakoth? ._.;

Phone!Slakoth: <...Yes...>

...

<...We...>

...

<...All...>

...

<...Are...>

...

<...Again...>

...

<...How...>

...

<...May...>

...

<...I...>

...

<...Assist...>

...

<...You?>

Nico: Erm...

Several Excruciating Hours Later

-Nico hangs up the phone and groans as a Kadabra X-Naut approaches.-

Kadabra!X-Naut: <What seems to be the trouble, Lord Tremendous Thwap?>

Nico: -sighs- I just had to hassle for hours with a customer support team composed entirely of Slakoth just so I could get a video game's preorder shipment method changed to a higher price one so the payment would be processed later when my video game budget's renewed.

Kadabra!X-Naut: <...I... Am not sure what that entails, Lord Tremendous Thwap, but sounds like you could afford to take matters into your own hands.>

Nico: -puts a hand to his chin- Hmmm, that does sound tempti-

-looks to the staff he's holding, then the helmet he's wearing, and shuts his eyes tightly, grimacing-

No, I am not abusing my power, I am not abusing my power...

Kadabra!X-Naut: ...OK, I know even less what's going on, so... Have a better rest of the day, Tremendous Thwap?

-walks off as Nico sighs again-

Nico: ...OK, the game's gonna be paid for when parents renew the gaming budget, everything should be fine...

A week before the game's release

-Nico's checking his order history on the Gamefilch website-

Nico: OK... Parents renewed budget, so I should be good to go downgrading shipping to something cheaper...

-does so-

OK! Everything should be juuuuuuuuuuuust fi-

Day of the game's release

Nico: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ORDER CANCELED?!

-calls, waits on hold for ages, and is greeted by a Slakoth again-

Hello, I'm calling to ask why my order was canceled for changing the order method?

Slakoth A: <...Can...>

...

<...You...>

...

<...Give...>

...

<...Me...>

...

<...Your...>

...

<...Order...>

...

<...Nu->

Slakoth 1: <...Hey...>

...

<...Dwight...>

...

<...What...>

...

<...Did...>

...

<...The...>

...

<...Sneasel...>

...

<...Say...>

...

<...To...>

...

<...His...>

...

<...Dad?>

...

Slakoth A: <...What...>

...

<...Did...>

...

<...He...>

...

<...Sa->

-it is at that point Nico hangs up-

-he then lets go of the phone, which hovers in the air instead of dropping...-

-And then is telikinetcally crushed into a tiny ball of metal, glass, and silicon-

-He dons his helmet and grabs his staff as his eyes glow pink-

Nico:    THAT'S FUCKING IT! I'M GOING GHOST LORD!   

Gamefilch Headquarters, Angela (because where else would a corporation like Gamefilch be?)

-Actually, the company it's satirizing is headquartered in the equally-seedy Texas, not Los Angles-

...Dan, I'm not paying you for useless trivia.

-...You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just two different forms of narration for one writer in a crazy collaborative Pokemon story.-

...One more crack like that and you're fired.

-N-no! I have three kids!-

-...Er, anyway, a bunch of Gamefilch executives are sitting in a dimly lit room collaboratively scheming how to best rip off their customers for no practical reason all while twiddling their fingers and giving evil grins in perfect tandem and the sad part is they're likely still less blatantly villainous than actual Gamestop executives. But anyway...-

-kazam-

-A bunch of X-Nauts are teleported into the room, including Nico atop Grodus.-

Nico: Heloooooooo, my fine ladies and gentlemen! Oh, and you executives we're visiting. I'm here about an itsy-bitsy problem that's gotten me a tad... persnickety.

-The Gamefilch employees look among themselves and their new visitors before one speaks up-

Executive 1: ...OK, what do you wise guys want?

Nico: -gives a condescending chuckle as he leans on his staff and gives the executive a dismissive wave of his hand- Ahaha, you think we're the wise guys, oh, that's plenty rich when you're the sorts of people that make mons like this guy...

-points to the Metagross he's standing atop of-

Want to wipe out humanity.

Grodus: -blinks-

Nico: -to him- ~You're welcome.~

-To the executives-

But I have dealt with just a bit too many problems ordering a new-and-improved version of one of my favorite Zelda games and since your team of Slakoth customer support guys intend to just sit pretty I'd figured I'd bring up my problem with the big shots.

Executive 2: ...And what do you expect us to do for you, kid? You're just some dweeby teenager in a weird costume.

-Nico rolls his eyes and smirks as he lets go of his staff and telikinetically twirls it beside him-

Nico: Psychic dweeby teenager in a weird costume, sir! And on that note, you're ignoring the Alakazam in the room...

-turns to a female Alakazam X-Naut-

...Dzal? Happy birthday.

-Several X-Nauts cheer and pat Dzal on the back as she smiles-

-Nico turns back to the executives-

...More on point...

-gestures to himself in a mock-self-demeaning manner-

Now, of my Psychic abilities, I'm not exactly the best mind hacker, sadly enough...

-gestures broadly to the X-Nauts grinning maliciously-

...But I assume all these fine fellows who work for me could give it a try - especially since, you, know, I try to actually be a good boss to them? And they'd be willing to spread any knowledge of your illicit activities they wrench from your brains to anywhere needed.

-the executives look at the X-Nauts and grumble-

Executive 3: ...OK, kid, I assume you want your game?

Nico: And the amiibo! Don't bother with the soundtrack CD, I mean who uses C Ds anymore, right?

-gives a mock pout-

And I can just pirate it off the internet as I play the world's smallest electric guitar in woe of the horrible violation of your sacred "intellectual property" I'm committing.

-A tiny psychic construct of an electric guitar pops into existence next to Nico's head playing an instrumental version of this.-

Executive 3: Yeah, real clever kid.

-presses an intercom button-

James! Bring up that new-old Zolda game with the Skylander figure stat!

-A racecar bursts into the room...-

-...And a Slakoth exits it carrying the bundle, which Nico quickly snatches up telikinetically-

Nico: Right, decidedly not a pleasure doing buisness with you! We'll be off~

-kazam-

Elsewhere

Nico: -holds up the bundle- Well, now I have this.

Grodus: <That was admittedly a bit over-elaborate for a video game, don't you think?>

Nico: Patience, Grodus, I've got a method to my madness...

-Sends a telepathic message to Grodus and his staff-

~Svin? Is the headset working?~

Svin the Metang X-Naut: ~Fuck yeah!~

Nico: ~Good. I assume we bought you enough time to hack into their system?~

Svin: ~Yep! All their used game profits have been funneled to PEFE and both divisions of the X-Nauts without a trace!~

Nico: ~Good job, Svin, I'll have Dzal teleport you out of there ASAP - and tell everyone involved in this little heist they're all getting raises.~

-he cuts off the communication as he nods to Dzal and she teleports out.-

Grodus: -blinks- You...

Nico: It's called a hustle, sweetheart~

Ark of Yamato, now

-Nico is happily playing his game, the amiibo beside him, when Umbra approaches-

Umbra: Oh, this is that new remaster! I heard its plot was initially inspired by Annoski's first uprising in Sinnoh...

Nico: Yeah, and it's my favorite! Lots of fond memories of this one...

-to Umbra-

...Though, in a way, I have you to thank for getting this version!

Umbra: ...Oh?

Nico:    Teaching me when to put my foot down. ^_^   

-goes back to cheerfully playing his game-

Umbra: ...

Remind me to talk to him later. ._.;

Apparently RP!Me, unlike RL!Me, is unaware that a certain monopolizing game retail corporation is ten times eviler than he used to be.

But thoughts? Also, I didn't pothole them, but I snuck many references to a certain movie in for people who saw it to spot. >:3

edited 8th Mar '16 11:20:40 AM by Umbramatic

Solaceon Ruins

Venomous: <...Do we have to?>

Wirrbelle: <Given the previous instances....>

-She reaches her cannon out-

Venomous: <...Alright.>

-She likewise reaches hers out, a bit more hesitantly-

Jubilife

Maggie: "Oh, good. Because there's a group of glitched mons that named themselves after the Fresh Precure villains or at least, the first 4 and apparently their Eas is a Zebstrika."

"Figure Setsuna probably wouldn't do that unless something weird was going on, but... never hurts to check?"

Merry: (all her Pokemon respond warmly to Rachel, except for Pygmy who hides behind her trainer)

Daydre's House

".. Hm. Why do I suddenly feel glad I preordered in-store?"

Rowan <Wait what>

<Where did that come from?>

"... I.. I don't know."

<._.>

"._."

Jubilife, past.

Dunyazade: I see. No, I'm not him. -she extends a hand to shake.- Dunyazade.

edited 7th Mar '16 8:42:32 PM by Izshta

Northern Slopes of Mt. Coronet

-A strange woman wrapped in a trench coat treads through the snow.-

Earlier

Black Marketeer: Aye, I know of the shipments you speak of. Old contacts, long gone cold, have been recalled of late. Someone speaking the words of planets and moons...

-The woman notices a strange metal installation where none should be.-

Earlier

Black Marketeer: The shipments are being dropped off on the Northern Slopes. You can find the trail there, but be careful... the eyes of moons are often keen, and the eyes of Ganymede are keener than most.

-The woman approaches the installation. Despite the freezing temperatures and high elevation, the metal is warm to the touch and lacking the hanging ice clinging to the surrounding area. The lack of ice covering clearly reveals the silhouette of a stylized G.-

Woman: Hmm...

-The woman ducks as a Fire Burst flies through the space that her head used to occupy. A Magmortar, the source of the attack, proceeds to shoot a Fire Blast at the installation, creating a towering fireball against the cold grey backdrop. Behind the Magmortar is a man.-

Cid: Hm. I figured I'd made a few splashes calling some old contacts.

-The woman brushes off the embers on her coat as she glowers at the scientist.-

Woman: You.

Cid: ... I'm sorry, have we met before? I'm terrible with faces.

Woman: You provided aid and resources to a madman and arms dealer.

Cid: ... Surely that can't be all. In any case, I have no time for you, if I've offended you in any way, blame yourself or the gods.

-The Magmortar and man disappear with a blink, leaving the woman in the snow and burning wreckage.-

Well, this is a bit mood-whiplashy from the shitpost, but this thingy's technically been ready to get kicked off since this weekend and I was recently informed it should be kicked off sooner rather than later, so have my fanwork-crossovery-part in the Scythermen plot, Dave and Mia Try Roleplaying! To start, a bigass thank you to the creator of the titular characters, Dragonfree/antialiasis, for letting me use them and a very belated happy birthday to her as well with the dubious gift of them getting roped into WAAPT shenanigans. But anyway...

PEFE Underground

-It's pretty dark in the depths of the cavern-

-Not that the Scytherman minded - or rather Scythergirl, for this one was a young female; despite her mostly Scyther-ish anatomy her larger abdomen and more human-like head and face◊ gave it away. She could make her way just fine in the dark, casually prowling for something to kill and eat.-

-Except this time she'd wandered enough to see an odd pinprick of light ahead-

-She glanced at it once, looked away, then looked again at it with idle curiosity before approaching it-

-The light grew bright enough she hesitated several times before her eyes quickly adjusted and she moved further...-

-Until she emerged in a place that she had to stop and gaze in confusion at what lay before her-

-Strange, green growths, not like the rocks of the underground, they seemed alive, though not in the way prey would. And yet above them strange, white panels that were definitely not alive yet not like the stony walls of the underground either.-

-Her thoughts upon her meticulous, calculating analysis of her new surroundings were thus:-

Scythergirl: ...This place is weird.

-She briefly considered turning back when a rustling caught her attention, and she became hyperfocused as she stalked towards the source-

-The source turned out to be a Skiddoo, happily munching on a berry bush, unaware of the Scythergirl's approach until...-

-The Scythergirl was starving, ate every last bit of the Skiddoo's meat off of its bones, then righted herself, not even bothering to wipe the blood off her face as she looked around disinterestedly-

Scythergirl: That was good. Tastes better than the Zubat underground. Wonder if there's more.

-Suddenly, the place she's in starts shifting on the whole, and she flinched before it settled and a door made of the same strange material as the ceiling had appeared nearby-

-She approaches it, only to flinch as it opens upon her approach-

-She steadies herself, however, as her senses pick up traces of Pokemon - some bigger predators, some prey- as well as humans through it-

-And sensing humans brought one possibility to her mind.-

Scythergirl: ...Maybe Dave's here...

-She dashes through the door just before it closes-

Thoughts on Scythergirl's debut?

And Rhyme, I'll respond once someone else posts.

edited 7th Mar '16 9:02:55 PM by Umbramatic

Solaceon Ruins

Samus: <Under different circumstances, I'd give them a proper burial, but we have bigger things to focus on, and I don't want to find out if extended contact with these glitched things changes what they do.>

-She jumps back down and heads back through the room's exit, back the way they came-

Solaceon Ruins

Mezzo: <That's probably a good idea.>

Umbra: Oooh, interesting. Having trouble seeing link though.

Every: For Dave and Mia Try Roleplaying kickoff? Thanks! As for the pic of Scythergirl's head, try this◊?

Near Merry, past

-Rachel headtilts at Pygmy-

edited 7th Mar '16 11:07:20 PM by Umbramatic

Merry: She's a bit shy.

Pygmy: <She probably wouldn't like me...>

Nymph: <You can't think like that Pygmy!>

Jubilife

Huh, I see. That's odd.

Georgette: <Should we investigate too?>

Jubilife

Maggie: -to DS- "It is, yeah."

-to Georgette- "Sure! It'd be helpful to have more people looking into this, yeah."

Oreburgh City

-A Stoutland lies on the cool pavement of the sidewalk. This itself is an oddity, as Stoutland aren't native to Sinnoh. But what is more odd are the thoughts he is pondering.-

Cun Annwn: ~I wonder at what point a lesser evil is preferable to no evil... maybe when the lesser evil has less potential to become a long term problem, or when the greater evil has near-permanent consequences... And when do the ends justify the means...? Oh Arceus, are there ever any ends?! Do the ends that villains and heroes work towards actually mean the end? I mean, that's when stories usually end, but in real life nothing has really ended. If Annoski had actually succeeded, would that really have been an end? Or would more heroes rose up to stop him? Because when Dr. Doom had succeeded at collapsing the Marvel universe, and ruled over the remnants in a sort of utopia, even THAT wasn't an end. So... the ends don't justify the means, because there aren't any real ends...?~

-*Ploink!*-

-Cun's ears go up.-

-*Ploink!*-

-His eyes dart up the street. They lock onto a bright, red, bouncy...-

Cun Annwn: <Ball!>

-The ball hits a strange angle on the asphalt and goes zipping down the road right past Cun's face.-

Cun Annwn: <Ball!>

-He goes running after it.-

Cun Annwn: <Ball ball ball ball ball ball!>

Rhyme: Reminder of Pygmy's species?

Toolbox: <Well I do like going places and doing things with my human, but I still know how to take care of myself>

-Yuzuki sighs, and picks Toolbox back up.... who quickly wiggles free once again-

PEFE HQ

Jacob: "Okay this has gone on long enough. I've been here for over a month now and I haven't done anything. I'm gonna go take care of this Scythermen problem thing today. Regina!"

-He looks over to see Regina currently in battle with a walking vending machine-

Jacob: ".... Um?"

Regina: -Blasting it back with Psychic- <I'll catch up!>

Vendertron: i desire quarters. Coins for the coin throne, bills for the bill god.

Jacob: "I◊... I.... okay."

-He turns around, walking straight into Argentum, who is carrying Woe, Valea, and Discord-

"... You mean this is my negotiating crew?"

-Sylva pops her head out from behind Woe, and waves-

"... Well okay let's do this."

"Time to go down! To the caves. And... Lower. I assume."

edited 8th Mar '16 2:07:49 PM by Verax

PEFE HQ

-If Jacob is paying enough attention he might notice something relevant stalking around where he's at-

-If he doesn't, he'll notice it soon enough when it finds a mutual enemy with one of his mons-

Jubilife

Eevee: <Sounds like I misjudged you, then.>

PSP: -to Yuzuki- "Oh, uh, I think our Eevee are talking to each other."

PEFE HQ - Jungle Module

Jacob: -Catches a flicker of movement and halts- Did I imagine that...?

-Argentum stops as well, all his passengers disembarking, Sylva glomping the back of Jacob's head-

Argentum: <Inquiry: Why did we stop?>

Jacob: -He looks over to where he thought he noticed something- "... I'd stay on guard if I were you."