ITT: Make a badass bost about yourself

This is the true story of my life. I've done more in twelve years than most do in twenty. I've become a second degree black belt and beat the crap out of the biggest bully in school. I've roamed the streets and hunted deer. And I've seen things, heard things, that no kid should ever have to. I've proven myself in fighting, from street brawls to wrestling to Tae Kwon Do. I've taken out men twice my size. I've protected and raised a little brother. And I am only twelve

edited 21st Apr '11 6:58:06 PM by ey13

I've seen things Things that would chew and gnaw at your soul and devour your dreams heck I've done some of those things, MY oceans are filled with the blood of my enemies try me.

edited 21st Apr '11 5:26:32 PM by zam

I was born and have grown up in the darkest reaches of the north, through blizzards and floods I eked out my existence. Every environment I have traversed, I have conquered-jungles, deserts, forests, the seas-every single one.

Last Friday I stared into the coal black Abyss that Nietzsche spoke of (in my backyard) and asked it out on a date. It was then suddenly filled with light, as the black ran screaming from my proposal, proclaiming that I was the worst of monsters and how terrified it was to stare back into my eyes; eyes greyer and more chaotic than the tempest that flooded the world as recorded in the holy books. I then asked Cthulu to join me for dinner AND ATE IT AND HAD THE OLD ONES FOR A LATE-NIGHT TEA.

I am neither Terror, nor am I the Everlasting Night. I am the Terror that Fear is scared shitless of, and I use the Everlasting Night as my blanket and always wake the next morn promptly at 0900. I use holy arrows for toothpicks, brush my indestructible teeth with an argon/oxygen plasma just for the hell of it, and my mascara is dark matter. My golden hair, brighter than light itself, must always be hidden, for when it is viewable, it is mistaken for the stars supernova'ing and all sentient lifeforms go into a state of irreversible panic and despair of the utmost kind.

When I let out a gentle sigh, trees and flowers begin to blossom and spring is had for all. When I inhale, Life leaves the land and winter sets in. My smallest sneezes are recorded at Category 5 Hurricanes and Typhoons and my largest ones are mistaken for solar wind activity bouncing about the Earth and seen as the auroras (both Borealis and Austalis!) I once burped so loud it caused something that the sentient life form on Earth incorrectly calls "The Big Bang." My hiccups cause Time and Space to unravel.

Yes, I was born on Earth AND YET I CREATED THIS UNIVERSE AND ALL OTHERS.

My name is Paradox and I am

edited 21st Apr '11 6:34:38 PM by Sakan4k

That was wonderful (':

edited 21st Apr '11 6:23:18 PM by Littlequeen

I've been through all of the crap that Greyson City has thrown at me for all fourteen years I've been alive, dangit. So what in the frak makes you think you'd be able to stop me? The answer is that you wouldn't. So don't think I'm gonna hold back now, because I'm absolutely not going to keep myself from being me. Listman. The hero of this book. The guy who gets the girl. The guy who is frakking awesome.

So, I've got a question for you: What's the square root of 9?

edited 21st Apr '11 6:40:46 PM by Tre

I'm not a hero.

Never really wanted to be.

I didn't want to be the guy who beat the villain, got the girl, and saved the day.

I wanted to be the guy who got shit done quickly, quietly, and with a minimum of fuss.

Guess some dreams do come true.

You think you know fear? I've seen things no amount of training can prepare you for, no rational mind can handle viewing without being stuck in a padded cell. I've seen my friends dismembered and slaughtered beyond recognition. I have defied gods and demons, angels and devils. I am the reason my enemies are afraid of the dark. Because they know I'm waiting there. So don't even try talking to me about fear, you pathetic coward. I AM fear.

I am Abracadavre. And I advise you to start running- *Loads Revolver* -because I'm about to make you wish you could die.

(Meanwhile, my theme song is playing in the background)

edited 10th May '11 5:19:56 PM by Abracadavre

Hey! I was looking forward to seeing you, Troper! My rival should be strong to keep me sharp! While working on my Pokédex, I looked all over for powerful Pokémon! Not only that, I assembled teams that would beat any Pokémon type! And now! I am the Pokémon League Champion! Troper! Do you know what that means? I'll tell you! I am the most powerful Trainer in the world!

I bet you think you've seen it all, don't you? That I'm just another clown for you to strike down and forget about by dinner time, right? Heh. Well, it seems to me that there's something you're forgetting: there's always somebody stronger, and, even if there isn't, you can bet your ass there will be. Unfortunately for you, in THIS particular case, that somebody is me. So, if you're still feeling so damn sure of yourself, then what're you waiting for? I'm right here if you wanna test your luck!

So, I've been sitting here seeing all these guy saying their tough and they've seen it all. Well I have seen it all, I'm not entirely tough but I have survived to kick a lot of well deserving douche bags in the taint, and keep a lot of the one's who think their better than everyone else in line.

I say I'm a peaceful guy, Don't piss me off or your gonna catch my foot with your balls!

I AM EMMENS!

To the ultimate degree I know despair and rage and coldness and the darkness within, dwelling beside the furthermost light which shines in all the dark spaces of the world.

I am here, but what you face is fate.

I am not the hero, but through me you face infinite heroism.

Will this be a story of acceptance, or will you be a footnote?

Crocodiles once ruled the world. Back in the times of Pangea (a word from Pan-Gaia, an ancient term meaning One-Earth), before the lands had separated, back when there was but one magnificent ocean, before the Dinosaurs fell into oblivion.

Crocodiles survived the event that killed off sixty per-cent of life on earth. What is humanity? A blink of an eye, a mote of dust in the wind.

But Crocodiles are the greatest survivors of all time.

And I am the Crocodile with the Best Hat.

edited 17th May '11 11:06:59 AM by AlirozTheConfused

Greetings. A pleasure to meet you.

Firstly and foremost, let it be known that I am mortal. I am cabable of being killed at any moment, and I accept that without resentment. My live is fairly average. There's always those bloody annoyances that ruin otherwise wonderful days, and I've experienced tragedy that would make children as old as I was back then cuddle up with a stuffed toy and never leave their room, but there are certainly lives out there that have gone through even worse. Physically, I appear to be a wimp, and appearances aren't always deceiving. All in all, you've probably met people like me on a daily basis, and have never thought once that they were more than background characters in the story of your life.

But I have a wild imagination. For nearly every action I make, I wonder what would happen if I went the other way instead. That punk in the plaid jacket that jaywalked, almost got hit, and went scott-free? Sure, I stayed at the curb until the light turned, then went on my merry way. But if I tried, I think I'd be fully capable of running up to the idiot and using my body mass to hurl us both to the ground. We'd tussle a fair bit in the street, both gaining bite marks and scars. Perhaps all traffic would come to a halt around us, waiting to see who would be the first to break it up. Or the cars could just keep moving, allowing me to get in a good groin shot and use some housewife's minivan to commit murder by proxy while he's stunned. And if I'm the one that would die in the scuffle, that poor boy would have to suffer for more than walking when the light was red. To think, all it would have taken for this future to occur is a little more temper and two seconds to catch up to him.

Sometimes, I don't even need an incident to start thinking of what life would be like if I had a little more ambition. I once dreamed that a man murdered my best friend, and I retaliated by reaching down his throat, pulling out his stomach, and eating it before his eyes. Now, I'd hate to have my hands covered in saliva should the need to eat a man's stomach actually present itself, but all it would take is a kitchen knife or a letter opener in the right spot to make a proper incision. Come to think of it, there's a number of objects around me right now that I could use to kill a man. Suffocation by too many tissues stuffed down the throat, a pencil jammed so far into the earlobe that it pierces the cerebral cortex, and it's probably wise not to think of all the 'shocking' things I could do with a computer. Just putting that out there.

I've accepted my mortality. I accept yours, too. And should you prove to me that the life you've been given is undeserved, I will rectify the situation immediately. Blast away half of my brains, and for the few moments I'm left alive, the other half will focus entirely on how to make you suffer for your crimes against humanity. All it would take is one irredeemable action for me to go From Nobody to Nightmare...but just in case my limits ever decrease, make sure to look both ways before crossing the street, and always check the lights.

And with that, farewell. I hope we never meet again.

Do you honestly think I can be defeated so easily!? I am an idea, a thought, elusive and fatal. I have destroyed empires, species, whole planets. All shall fall before my power... it's just a matter of when. For I am the three words that ring true whenever they are spoken...

YOU MUST DIE!!!

I am the Alpha and the Omega. I was there at the creation, and I will be there at the end. I am more powerful than God. I am... BIG... DADDY...ow...fuck I stubbed my toe... ow...

Sorry what was the question?

You think I'm a God? A God is a mere insect compared to my power....

• sigh* those gods of universes I made keep forgetting that I was one who made em.

You know something, tough guy? You wanna know why I'm not a force to be reckoned with? Well, I'll tell you exactly what extreme pain I went through and managed to survive it all!

In an extreme fit of rage, I stabbed myself with a pencil, causing me to get four, count em', four scabs on my left arm, right here. Ya see this? This is pure, 100%, unadulterated PAIN. That's not all, I had to go to my school's office to get bandages, and I had to use the stapler, and I accidentally stapled my thumb!

I had to have it removed and rub the wound on an ice pack when I got my pencil wounds bandaged up and cleaned.

I am Awesome Zombie 22, and I. AM. BADASS.

This actually happened. I won't tell you the full reason why I stabbed myself, but I'll just tell you that I couldn't find a stapler for something.

edited 17th May '11 8:28:58 PM by AwesomeZombie22

I will shoot your titties.

I can look directly into the sun with only minor permanent eye damage! I! AM! YOWUZA!

I am the only burger eater you need to know. I am the one ultimate burger eater!

...Say, how long it's been since you last looked behind your shoulders?

I am... ME !

I have seen into the hole through time in space. I have seen what humans fear to see. I know your and I's fates. I have walked where death fears to tread. I have killed creatures that would kill you with ease. You don't know me and there is a reason for that....I kill all those that I introduce myself to.

I...am....Philosopher.

What are you, some unconscious servant to your "friends"? Some insignificant spec in the scheme of the cosmos? Barely capable of leveling the smallest mountains?

I am the sun that burns your flesh. I am the thunder that keeps you awake at night. I am the shadow that leaves you in fear. Are you dense? Are you retarded or something? I'm the goddamn Promethax, and you will know me by that name as I eat lightning and crap thunder in your face!