ITT: Make a badass bost about yourself

I am the terror that slacks off in the night! I am the jerk who talks during the movies! I am..... GAMEREX 27!

This doesn't nessicarilly need to be in Darkwing Duck format. Just make a badass boast of any kind.

edited 3rd Feb '11 5:09:28 PM by gamerex27

I am the shadow in the corner of your eye! I am the terror to all who fear me! I. AM. MALPH!

I am the Corsair circling overhead with a full load of HE. I am the artillery battery ready to lay down a curtain of (s)hellfire. I am the thunder and the lightning, the bang and the flash.

I am the Sabre's Edge, and I am here for battle.

No flour shall be unmixed nor solder left solid.
No cloth left unstitched or prop left unmade.
No eight shall be left in once piece for I! Am! BISECTED8!

T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cock-sure, prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs: come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone! I'm a Grimm bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end!

I! AM! EARL OF SANDVICH!

edited 3rd Feb '11 5:15:13 PM by EarlOfSandvich

Do you have any idea where I've been for the past year? I've been killing countless monsters, horrors beyond your imagination! Do you honestly think I would even begin to hesitate to slice your filty, greasy head from your body if you refuse to tell me where they are?!

I'm Anno R you bastard. Now tell me where they are.

edited 3rd Feb '11 5:13:28 PM by AnnoR

Improbable items become death in my hands. I once injured someone with naught but an orange and a spoon.

Beware.

True story, that.

Boast, Badass, Mark II, somewhat closer to reality this time.

I write with the hyperfocus of an axe murderer and the single-handed dedication of an executioner. No metaphor, no phrase, no word slips by without being surveyed by the scrutiny of a sniper, the suspicion of a bloodhound. The lucky few that escape my notice know: diving out of a clear blue sky will be the last-minute edits, as unexpected as a falcon's stoop, foreshadowing the shellburst and the thunder of a full regiment's worth of revisions, until the only survivors are the words and phrases, connected by the slender lines of prose, that are deemed worthy.

My name is Sabre's Edge, and I have an essay to write.

No words can begin to describe Vox, Vox IS.

I'm zam that's all you need to know.

Who is Black Hole, you ask?

The better question would be, What is she? She is an enigmatic entity, the shadow's shadow, the duck's echo, the one thing we all fear the most, And more! She'll take down five guys at once, using one hand, and three punches.

She. Is. BLACK HOLE OF FOOD!!!!!!!!!

edited 3rd Feb '11 6:52:36 PM by BlackHoleOfFood

What do you see before you? Naught but a girl, harmless and easily destroyed. Not noteworthy. Ignored. You do not notice. You speak of your secrets with others, you plan and hide. The shy one, unseen, hears all. It has advantages. But perhaps, one day, you wrong her, you anger her. You do not think me able to take revenge. But the flames rise. You see all around you destroyed. Impossible. Everything you have is burned. You realize, too late, who has done it. As your whole world turns to ash, you recall me.

I am the one who starts fires.

edited 3rd Feb '11 7:39:02 PM by Firestarter

I am the greatest Rouge fan!! Far greater the Knuckles or Shadow will ever dream of! I will always love her! I! AM! MIRU!!!!

My name is redrosary. My task: to enforce Lex Natura. My reason: Justice.

Why do I need to boast? In a second you'll see with your own eyes the extent of my fury.

You may think that the quiet black person in front of you couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. He's just a nerd, a pushover. You'd be incorrect, and you'd be joining the various villains that I've put down during the decade I've spent fighting the likes of you. I nuked an entire world, fought in and survived more wars than I care to count, combated Cosmic Horrors, and I've explored most of the multiverse under my jurisdiction. To me, you're Tuesday.

I am rmctagg09, the Wanderer, and I will not allow you to endanger the worlds any longer! You're either leaving here in cuffs or a body bag, and I don't really care which.

(Well, that's my absurd post. I'll do a more realistic one in a few hours.)

edited 5th Feb '11 11:18:31 PM by rmctagg09

I've seen wars, my friend. I've seen bullets with my name written on it fly me by. Due to fear. Death fears me, mate. What or who are you to disagree with her?

Death has come after me many times, and not only did I best it, I tore it's nipples off! Those who do not know me well think of me as 'that shouty chick with the Meta Knight avatar', but others know me as something that is unkillable, for I have many names!

I was never really alive, thus I cannot die.
I will never give up, even if my Ideal isn't fulfilled.
My will, just as my regrets, will never end.

I am the one who began as a fool and ended as a genius.

I am the one who began as a pathetic evil and ended as a great good.

I am the one who meets you today.

What the hell will I be once our time has ended?

Hi. I'm betterthanstrawberry. You Can Start Panicking Now.

Good evening. Before you, you see a short 13 year old boy with glasses. Are you not taking me seriously? Do you think I'm cute?

Well, the last person who tried to insult my sister now has his heart laying in a jar. And Michael Vick is living on borrowed time, since he killed those dogs.

See, I love dogs. It's my name, actually. It's who I am.

Who are you, then?

Hmm... I see you haven't run yet. Obviously you haven't heard about me. Or perhaps you have, but thought they were merely inflations of the truth. Or maybe you, in all your infinite stupidity, thought you could take me.

I'll give you about five seconds to run before I prove to you just how wrong you are.

Jibun no DVD wa chou sugoi da. Jibun wa Enzeru da yo! At first, I was going to use Google Translate and make a completely fake boast, but I decided to stick with the JPN-ese I already knew and my DV Ds. Why? They're awesome!

edited 8th Feb '11 9:47:06 AM by 1whowillmakeEnzeru

I learned my trade in the harsh unforgiving seas of the Atlantic, an icy hell of ice and salt and steel. I have shepherded my flock across the waste filled with roving, one-eyed grey wolves. I have seen men drown and ships die, rolling over to succumb painlessly, snapped in half with a broken back, or burning down to the waterline in a pool of fire.

I have skippered corvettes and frigates, destroyers and destroyer escorts. I was there when the sky filled with desperate tracers and wild flak, groping for the Condors that wheeled and dove overhead; I stood on the bridge during the nights when ghostly light of falling starshells flickered and burned over a sea filled with flaming ships, when every flicker of spray foreshadowed a possible torpedo and every flash in the darkness looked like the deck gun of a U-boat. I have known the ocean's freezing touch, the oil's blazing inferno, the rough canvas of the rescue nets and the stiffness of corpses on the sea.

I have felt the tension of the hunter and the fear of the hunted, the splash of the depth bomb and the whir of the torpedo, the crash of cannon and the thudding of bombs. I have known days when the sea was mirror-bright, marked only by forty perfect wakes streaming behind the convoy; I remember nights when the fog pressed down like a blanket and every mast and spar was lined with ice.

For some the war is only a memory of a memory, living on through secondhand tales and dusty academic records. For me it never ended. Every day is spent charting our course, standing watch, listening to dispatches and intercepts, guiding the wayward merchantmen and the junior escorts. This is my flock; this is my convoy. They are under my protection. I am their shepherd.

And it is my role, when it comes to it, to fight off the wolves. Attack them at your own risk. I will sink you if you try.

edited 8th Feb '11 10:47:41 AM by SabresEdge