Love Shyness - Is the dude solely to blame?

There is, as far as I know, a really unsavory stigma attached to people who called themselves "love-shy" and unable to score girls. The popular explanation is that these guys are misogynistic/chauvinistic jerkass Nice Guys who doesn't deserve any in the first place.

Courtesy of Edmania, I spent some time lurking through this site, and I realized a large number of them are, personalty-wise, okay guys.

What, then, could have explained their not getting any? Of course, on the other hand I am quite impressionable, and at some point I thought I could have sympathized with some guys from Stormfront, so my impression might be wholly wrong.

Discuss.

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Filtering out the ones that have genuinely obnoxious personalities/body odor/something else like that, I'd say a lot of them are probably kept down by fear. Fear of rejection, fear of heartbreak, people dicking with them emotionally, etc etc.

Of course, this doesn't really make much sense, but a lot of fear is pretty illogical anyway.

Never heard of that stigma. But that could be me.

After giving 10 minutes or so to the side I have two answers: I can emphasize with being sad/angry/depressed from being unable to express their feelings/sucessfully initiating a relationship. And some of the responses I've seen are out of the line. I can understand the mindset but not consindering women could have feelings makes some of them pretty hypocritical in my opinion.

No, of course not. Anything from sheer bad luck to crippling mental illness could be holding them back, although I think some of them could stand to lose the entitlement issues (no one deserves a girlfriend).

Well, anyone who describes themself as "love-shy" is implicitly copping to a lack of self-confidence and/or resiliency. To do so is to basically say "I'm not even going to try to get laid. Also, I am totally lacking in masculinity."

tl;dr: Pussies don't get pussy.

No. If you think it's soley the guy's fault, you're going into the same sexist territory that gets 'nice guys' hated in the first place. Let's use some deductive logic.

• All homo sapiens sapiens are unique
• All human females are homo sapiens sapiens
• Therefore, all human females are unique.

Thay each have their own motivations, ambitions, attractions, et cetera and suggesting that a guy has to pass a certain standard to hook up with one is, ultimately, objectifying them.

My name is Cu Chulainn. Beside the raging sea I am left to moan. Sorrow I am, for I brought down my only son.

I did not say that whenever a guy can't get laid it's his fault (though, to be honest, I can't think of a single instance in which it wouldn't be his own fault). What I said was that the kind of people who brand themselves "Love Shy" and then bitch about how they can't get laid on the internet have no one to blame but themselves.

ELABORATIONEDIT: And no, saying that women should have standards is not objectifying them. Quite the opposite.

edited 26th Jan '11 6:56:39 AM by Wanderhome

You're right, mostly, but avoiding mentioning that you have low self confidence is not the way to solve having low self confidence.

Keep in mind that most people are likely to present themselves as better than they are or (un)intentionally will gloss over negative personal traits on the web. So they might seem okay, but perhaps they are not.

Also, fucking love-shy.com. There's a difference between complaining about relationships on a more general purpose forum and a forum deicated to complaining about how girls don't see you as a Nice Guy.

"That said, as I've mentioned before, apart from the helmet, he's not exactly bad looking, if a bit...blood-drenched." - juancarlos

EDIT: THIS POST IS ABOUT LOVE-SHY.COM, NOT A BLANKET STATEMENT ABOUT PEOPLE THAT CANNOT GET DATES. THANK YOU. /EDIT

Oh jesus fuck, those fuckers. The majority of them are misogynists of the top degree, who seem to think that subjugating women is the man's job, and the remaining "nice guys" are suspect just for hanging out there. Nobody's going to force a Megan Fox lookalike to date you just because you whined about it on the internet, you have to fucking get out there and work for it.

Also, if you're really that desperate, stop being so goddamn picky. Yeah, okay, so it sucks that hot chicks only want to date interesting guys. You know what that means? It means you have two options here. One, get out of the goddamn house and be interesting. Do stuff for the fun of it, not because you think it'll get you laid. Or two, go for desperate girls. There's plenty of fat chicks with hygiene problems who whine about never getting laid too. I know, I used to be one. And you know what? I went through a string of desperate losers before I realized that going out and doing shit meant that I met better people.

tl;dr: I have no sympathy for them, because they're morons, and would rather feel angry/depressed than actually fix the problem. Girls like nice guys, but girls also want nice guys that are deeper than a kiddie pool.

edited 26th Jan '11 2:46:12 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

This. No-one's actually going to come out and say, "I think all women are evil bitches because they don't automatically wish to jump on my penis when I desire them."

There's also the fact that online interaction can be easier than in person, because you have time to think about your words before you communicate. And they are talking with people whom they know will understand and sympathize with them, which means they will be more comfortable and natural. Around women, it's likely they get nervous and uncomfortable, which makes them seem a whole lot more creepy and thus less attractive.

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well, in my view, some people are just shy and we should not hate on them for that.

Speaking as one of those who fit this description....

Whether it's only the guy's fault, I don't know, but it's certainly not the girl's fault. This is no different than women blaming all guys for the fact they've never had a lasting relationship.

<browses love-shy.com>

• This thread is exactly that sort of inane attitude. If there is something wrong with how all women in general behave, then there is something fundamentally wrong with all humanity. You cannot change billions of people all by yourself. You can only change yourself.
  • But it's not wrong to admit your attitude, it's cathartic to actually state it.
• This thread at least accepts that we have to accept that we are in the minority. Most men do not have this problem.

Exactly.

No one deserves hatred for being shy, not having a girlfriend, etc.

Being a hateful misogynist on the other hand...

Hodor

People have colossal entitlement issues over all sorts of things. It's no surprise to find people with entitlement issues over the most important thing, scientifically speaking.

“Love is the eternal law whereby the universe was created and is ruled.” — St. Bernard

Especially if they've been dicked with emotionally before, double-especially if it happened during their most critical socially formative years.

That said, that site is pretty bad about having a lot of Bitch in Sheep's Clothing.

edited 26th Jan '11 10:02:38 AM by Pykrete

It's impossible to judge from the outside whether they have arrived at their loathing for the opposite sex and society out of genuine bad experiences or echo chamber bitterness, but they use their spite in the worst possible manner.

Instead of not conforming to standards of personal grooming and self-imposed exile out of spite, how about shoving oneself in the faces of their causes of ire and setting your own standards instead of defining yourself in the opposite?

I know what you said, sugar, but 'platonic' still entails a world of ideas.

I'm kind of like this, I just sort of have personal space issues. I'm horrible with flirting because when someone gets really close to me I start to get horribly nervous and need to put a few feet between myself and said person. I think it's a cop thing.

I've heard many single police officers say that, so it probably is a cop thing.

WHASSUP....... ....with lolis!

What does that mean? *totally confused* Could you explain please?

I understood maybe four words in that last sentence.

Huh, I've known more girls who were love-shy. I told a few of them to get over it, they got flustered so I offered my shoulder for them to punch. It still aches from time to time.

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥

Attempt at Translation: "What do you think of male anime fans who reject an opportunity for (allegedly) wholesome and meaningful relationship(s) with (an) undesirable Real Life human female for Perverse Sexual Lust for an artistic image."

Personally, if they're happier that way, I have no issues with it.

edited 26th Jan '11 12:19:12 PM by FrodoGoofballCoTV

on fourchan, subboards [former] /r9k/, as well as /soc/ and /adv/ are full of nothing but relationship and misogyny threeads on this SAME EXACT SUBJECT. As in people discussing this, women (or trolls) calling them 'losers', return flames, minsults and other stuff that makes me angry. And I'm kind've angry that that subject entered tvtropes of all places.

EDIT: Frodo Goofball got my reference correct, the Waifus and Daikaimuras

More like "I'm tired of getting hit for hopeless cause in which I simply waste my life and energy away, so I say 'fuck this shit'.

So cool story bro.

edited 26th Jan '11 12:28:07 PM by BalloonFleet

WHASSUP....... ....with lolis!