Give or Critique a Story Short Summary

Ummmmmm

A cross between ecchi and Combat Tentacles, with some Shonen Action thrown in between the Eldritch Abominations and the Humanoid Abominations!

edited 9th Jan '11 3:39:06 PM by CyganAngel

Title: Steeped in Idiocy

Genre: Dystopian fiction, romance, dramedy

Rating: PG-13

Summary: In a world where eccentricity and lunacy are regarded as synonyms, a patient in a garden-variety Bedlam House finds love, tries to tolerate a society that despises him, and generally attempts to stop being such a whiny, sarcastic baby.

edited 9th Jan '11 3:51:20 PM by ChutneyProphet

...-cough- I didn't think it'd be such a big deal. Sorry if the CAPS bug you, I can stop that. I guess I felt some people would be most interested in the 'final judgment' first, so I wanted that part to stand out a bit? I don't mean any offense when I grade 'No', since this is about personal choices as much as objective criticism. Every writer's potential readership is going to have their own tastes, biases, standards, and be very scrutinizing. 100 people might seeing a story, and it'd be a well-read story if just 5 of them end up reading it. But you typically never hear why the remaining 95 people decided to pass it over. I thought this would be helpful in that, so the 'Yes/No' was kind of important. I won't cover your story summaries if the way I critique bothers you then, sorry.

And I'm... 'sugar-fueled' O_o ? I guess I'll take that as a good thing, though my friends would laugh if they heard me described that way ^^; .

Thirteenth Sage No. But almost, probably because I'm a bit biased and 'sages' make me think of fantasy. The lack of period in the last sentence hurts it a bit. Otherwise, it is technically sound. Personally, I like the 'bait and switch' technique used here, so 'This was not their story.' gave a nice effect for me. But other than that peaked curiosity and a potential for a passably-written fantasy-related story, nothing grabs at me.

The second you posted is better in terms of content, but how you wrote it is less elegant than it could be (the first sentence only) . Perhaps try breaking it into two sentences, or using a semi-colon. 'There once were' is also an over-used way to start a sentence, so rearranging the wording a bit could make it more stylish. Combine the strengths of both your summaries and I'd give it a Yes.

Barely Vigilantes No. The first word, 'the', is not capitalized, and that is a huge disqualifier; I normally wouldn't finish reading even the sentence. Otherwise, I would add a bit of interest with the family. 'The descendants of a family' is a mouthful, but it doesn't have any interest at all, so it's wasted space. Why is the family important, what makes these descendants interesting enough that we should care to hear their story?

Nephilim Demon Comics No. The sentence wasn't really stating anything, more listing various elements within the story. This is a good route to go if you have a random or packed story with various 'cool stuff' that will catch interest, but follow it through with some kind of direction. Otherwise it seems like a hanging sentence that you forgot to finish, and that seems careless.

Irrideemable No. Very common sayings, to go with common themes in writing. If you added another sentence that indicates how these general themes relate to your unique story or characters, that would make it much stronger.

Your fairy-tale summary is a No, but it has a lot of potential. I especially like 'for a price'. The wording and some grammatical elements are just a bit awkward.

Your gun man summary is a Yes. Technically sound and stylishly written. It flows very well, and creates emotional connections and curiosity smoothly. The reference to a mother and the final words were what clinched it. Making a connection with mothers, boys, and 'never go out after dark' with a gun wielding man is original.

Cygan Angel, I would say No. It has very similar weaknesses to your other summary, and is riddled with cliche words like 'broken', 'shattered', 'burden', 'picking up the pieces', 'broke'.

snowfoxofdeath, I would say No. The first two thirds felt strong, but the last few words, "had learned to erase from my being" don't flow too well, and are a bit tired. But also, it makes me suspect that it's one of those 'good girl wants bad boy' type stories or something, and I tend to dislike those, so on that suspicion alone I likely wouldn't.

Steeped in Idiocy Yes. But I would proceed with caution. Spelling and grammar are decent, though the sentence is a bit long. The content of the summary is rich in interest, and it sounds like something I could like. Eccentricity, mental illness, romance, and sarcasm all appeal to me. However, the title could be more catchy or clean, and some parts of the writing in the summary are less fluid than they could be.

<3 ali

edited 10th Jan '11 5:20:03 PM by almyki

Yeh, my story be fantasy, yargh. Well, a shonen-styled fantasy, anyway.

Aaaargh, I do be bad with summaries, matey ;)

I dunno. The themes of the story just don't fit within a short one-or-two sentence summary. It really needs something more along the lines of two or three paragraphs, like the blurb on the back of a book, to get the message along better. Otherwise, I'm just trying to fit too much into 140 characters.

Wow... can't believe I let the capitalization pass! I'll get back later with a retry, just to see what would have changed. Thanks!

Just to clarify, the fairy tale summary is a retry of Nephilim Demons, and the gunman one is a retry of Irrideemable.

I would pass over the one about eccentricity, but again, it's for the genre. It sounds good except for the 'finds love' bit, since I much prefer romance to take a backseat to other plot, but that's just me.

How about “everything I had been trained to shut away”? Or does that still sound like what you described?

It’s actually about two autistic people.

The first one is original, the second is for a Pokemon fanfic I want to write.

• Title: The Guardians
• Genre: Action/Adventure
• Rating: 15+
• Description: They are some of the best warriors and magicians that man, demon, and deva have to offer - can they stop a horrendously powerful being of hatred and a ancient plot for revenge against God?

• Title: Redemption
• Genre: Action/Adventure
• Rating: 13+
• Description: A former outlaw decides to follow his own conscience and turns against his criminal organization - can he bring peace and justice to a land plagued by thieves and murderers with his newfound friends? Or will he turn into a monster even worse than those he swore to destroy?

edited 9th Jan '11 6:19:46 PM by AcesoldierZero

^ They both sound like something I'd take a look at, but kinda cliched at the same time, particularly the second one.

Ditto.

I can't really walk the walk, but I'd like to know if I can talk the talk.

• Doesn't seem like it. Argh.

Harry Potter and the Riddle of Steel

• 13+(I don't get ratings ?) 17+, Sword and Sorcery
• What is a wand, compared to the hand that wields it? Unstructured child abuse might have been fine for the Dursley's, but for a Hero you need to deliver it deliberately and precisely. Harry struggles to answer the riddle of steel. Look at the strength of your body, the desire in your heart...Not much, according to Harry...and Voldermort.

^If I read Harry Potter fic, I'd at least give that one a look. So, yes. Though probably for the genre more than the short, snappy summary.

The only other in this thread so far I'd say yes to would be Barely Vigilantes, because again, it sounds like a story I'd want to read and its summary doesn't come off as pretentious, well it would be more accurate to say wordy or awkward or generic-sounding. Sorry, pretension had nothing to do with my objections.

This is pretty challenging. Are works-in-progress allowed?

This one is for a Super Smash Bros fanfic I've been struggling with. I got the summary under 255 characters, which is the limit for summaries at Fan Fictiondot Net.

Title: Hero of Ashes

Genre: dark fantasy/action

Summary: The world dies screaming at the feet of the God Tier. Link quests to rescue Zelda from their prison for she is the last hope of vanquished Hyrule. His only friend and ally is also his immortal foe, Ganondorf.

edited 9th Jan '11 11:16:55 PM by MildGuy

A decades-dead surgeon rises from the grave and starts harvesting the body parts of the living to replace his own that have rotted. Told from the point-of-view of the police investigator trying to find him. Played completely straight.

edited 9th Jan '11 11:08:47 PM by DonZabu

^I was with you till that last sentence.

They both sound like something I'd take a look at, but kinda cliched at the same time, particularly the second one.

Fair enough. What did you find cliched about them?

A decades-dead surgeon rises from the grave and starts harvesting the body parts of the living to replace his own that have rotted. Told from the point-of-view of the police investigator trying to find him. Played completely straight.

I like it, but I think playing it straight would probably cause a bit of Narm.

edited 10th Jan '11 11:04:23 AM by AcesoldierZero

^ I've seen almost every aspect of those stories many times. The fact that you have decent grammar and spelling gives me the feeling that you have the intelligence to pull off those stories decently.

edited 10th Jan '11 12:30:32 PM by snowfoxofdeath

Fragile Cargo: All Carina had to do was lie still in a padded coffin breathing from her secret oxygen tank, while Rob did the dirty work of digging her out.

Fragile Cargo: All Carina had to do was lie still in a padded coffin breathing from her secret oxygen tank, while Rob did the dirty work of digging her out.

Personally I find this summary is very informative as to what the plot is, but I don't feel drawn to reading it. I think it needs something to hook the reader.

Edit: If people don't place a genre than I'll just assume it is a vanilla work of fiction.

edited 10th Jan '11 12:58:15 PM by EldritchBlueRose

What exactly do I need to add for more pizazz? Something about their relationship? The setting? The reason she's in the coffin at all?

What genre are we talking here?

^^ This summary.. while I'm sure the story itself will be quite tense, the summary feels flat. Like a passive sentence, and it doesn't nab at the imagination. If you try selling it, like this:

The coffin snuffs Carina's sanity away, second by second, as she drowns in her sweat and claustrophobic fear. Her lungs suck wind from the air canisters. Rob does not know how to begin saving her.

edited 10th Jan '11 2:15:08 PM by QQQQQ

@ Slan: Basically I was trying to say what QQQQQ said.

This is a very interesting excerise. I frequently try to give as little summary of my stories as possible to create a sense of wanting to know more, but now I realize that might be boring.

• Title: Ghosts
• Ages: Older Teen+, Horror/Supernatural
• Summary: A therapist has a session with a quiet young girl. Not everything is what it seems.

• Title: In Nine Syllables
• Ages: Teen+, Tragedy
• Summary: Things were simpler now. Go for a drive. Get groceries. Try as hard as you could to not have a breakdown.

• Title: Harvester
• Ages: Teen+, Slice-of-Life/Supernatural  ^*
  ^{...black comedy/drama/romance}
• Summary: Step 1: Finish high school. Step 2: Throw self off seventeen story building. Step 3: Become psychopomp. I'd say "life's a bitch," but...

edited 10th Jan '11 3:57:46 PM by Latia

I wouldn't read Ghost, there is really nothing that calls to me in that summary, knowing there's something wrong with a girl in a horror piece adds no real hook. As for Harvester, I'd maybe take a look, depending on my mood, but the only one I'd for sure click on to read is Only Nine Syllables.

I enjoy the short sentence/list you have for both ONS (because I'm lazy) and Harvester, but for me with Harvester there is too much incongruence between Step One and step Two. I'd probably ignore it for that reason.

((Just for the information I'm not a native english speaker and my stories are of course written in my own language, danish. None the less, I thought I might as well try summarizing it in english..^^))

Title: Of Heroes and Womenfolk (Om helte og kvindfolk) Genre: Psychological/Humor/Absurd (Fantasy?) Summary: "I am a fairy,". That's how the neighbour's daughter introduced herself to 32 years old gamer Jonathan Hansen. From then on things only got weirder, and where is the connection between downtrodden men, incest and saving the World anyway?