These are what we call the 'YMMV items.' Things that some people find in this work. We call them 'your mileage might vary' because not everyone sees these things in the same way. This starts discussions in the trope lists, a thing we don't want. Please use the discussion page if you'd like to discuss any of these items.
Hm. Did you know that the YMMV box only shows up at the top when this is classed as a work? Unlike the other namespaces, which appear once their respective pages are created.
Cloak and DaggerThe Problem With Penis Land
A powerful vampire who hunts other vampires, as the pilot says. He dies less than a third of the way into the fic. Sometimes (although more often after his death) he is portrayed as a "wise mentor" to Seras. He likes Fakebook. Get it? It's "Facebook," but it isn't!)
Berserk Button: Insulting Intergra. Do it, and he will eat you.
Don't call him "Al" either.
Boomerang Bigot: He's a vampire who considers other vampires to be bad. Towards the end of the fan fic, Carl doesn't like him for this.
Catch Phrase: He will UNLEESH HECK [sic] on the bad guys.
Decoy Protagonist: The first two chapters are mainly about him. Then chapter 3 comes and gives a little more screen time to Seras and Carl. Chapter 4 is mainly about the Millennium, but when he comes into play, he dies shortly after and Carl, Seras, and Rip become the main characters. He's even listed along with Seras as the fic's central characters until he dies, afterwhich it's just Seras until Rip's Heel Face Turn.
Dracula: Averted, in this fan fic they're two separate entities. A flashback in chapter five reveals this, where Alucard tried to visit Dracula to turn into a vampire. But he couldn't, since transformation only worked on the opposite sex.*
A rule which was later thrown out the window three chapters later when Carl transforms Mayor Quimby.
Dropped a Bridge on Him: Getting killed with a massive bomb (which also qualifies as a Wave Motion Gun) is one thing, but the reason for him being unable to escape as his tank stalling on him? What.
Expy: Of Alejandro. He even breaks into a ripoff of This is How We Will End it in his fight with Jan, and he's even called "Alejandro" in the first chapter.
Word Of God sometimes compares him more to Duncan's treatment in some Total Drama fan fics. Although it should be noted that Alejandro also goes through similar stuff. (Demoted a little, getting a brutal comeuppance, and being treated as someone far worse than they are. (Although for Alucard that's not until chapter nine, way after his death.))
Gosh Dangit To Heck: Again, he will UNLEESH HECK on the bad guys. It's also supposed to be his Catch Phrase, but he only says it twice, and once was in a flashback that supposedly explained the phase's origin.
Irony: He quote is said right before the battle that he dies in.
He sometimes talks like a pirate. This would normally be excused as the fic's usual bad sentence structure, but it's notable in that nobody else does that.
Also like a stereotypical "wise mentor," even calling Seras "young grasshopper."
To show [Lawyer Guy] meens bisness, he dun dun dun STABED INTEGRA THRU BACK! (hay this is borderline filer and I want a litel more plot revelense in here so that it not a complet waste of tim also theres a littel caracter developement cuz before there was not really that much)
Fridge Logic: She's somehow able to bite and transform Carl without teeth.
And Carl's not a virgin. In fact, that's why Zorin was unable to "metaphor" him.
Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red to Carl's blue. Also, to some extent, red (or more like yellow) to Rip's blue.
Lady Swears a Lot: For some reason, she keeps spouting out increasingly lewd and disturbing threats to the Millennium. She also keeps dashing to attack them head-on. She swears more than Jan, who amusingly doesn't curse at all in this fic.
Spiritual Successor: Jade during the "Homerstuck" intermission of The Eds' EDventure acts a lot like her when she's in "Millennium mode." Both characters swear a lot, and both have made oddly specific threats. Jade even begins a statement ripped from a movie*
at one point, and Seras says the second part to it during chapter 3. ("...USS go fuck yourself or—" "...I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!") They both even grind their designated love interest's faces on walls. (Of course, it never works.)
Stuff Blowing Up: Her bullets gain the ability to explode after she sleeps with Carl.
Too Dumb to Live: She's dashed on to attack "Card Guy" and Schrodinger head-on. She also attempted to do this with Walter and the Captain, but Rip, who is supposed to be a "loveable idiot" type character, stops her.
Tsundere: To Carl. It's even described as her accent. Very, very, very little on the dere.
Wangst: Her quote. Oddly, this isn't said until chapter 13, wherein she's been a vampire for thirty years.
Carl Stevens
We goin to KICK DIS UP A NOTCH!
Martian rockstar who got stranded on earth during a vacation. He killed Pip by accident on his way to earth. He is eventually promoted to Hecksing's leader after Integra's death.
Author Avatar: Parodied. It's not noticeable at first (wherein he seems to be more like a generic Marty Stu), but then several Author Tracts are added, as well as constant reveals that he is geeky.
Awesome, but Impractical: His skill is only ever useful during the "Card Guy" fight. Outside of that, his weapon is essentially a weaker gun.
Double Standard: According to him, racism against vampires? Wrong! Racism against werewolves? Okay!
Also, it's okay to add another once-evil woman to a polygamous relationship and redemption, but any once-evil men who attempt the same should be cut in half. (Granted, it was Zorin who killed the soldier, not Carl, but this was heavily implied.)
Fantastic Racism: "Wherewolfs just smok pot and always ALL CAPS there senteses. They are suck."
Jerkass: And how. Word Of God intended to make him completely unbearable.
Marry Them All: His proposal at the end of chapter 7. It works, despite two of the participants being the enemy.
Memetic Mutation: Most of his character (and SBIG!John Egbert) is based on the "Winning!" music video more than the Charlie Sheen interviews themselves. John shows this more; the first intermission includes everything from the "list" in that video.
Spiritual Successor: John during the "Homerstuck" intermission of The Ed's EDventure. It's hard to tell who's more annoying. (Oddly, his character in Sweet Jade and Hella John is more like canon John mixed with Hella Jeff.)
It should be noted that like Carl, John's primary love interests are a girl with short(-ish) blonde hair, and a long-haired brunette with glasses. Word Of God says that this is more of a coincidence.*
SBIG!Jade's personality is more like SBIG!Seras, and SBIG!Rose resembles SBIG!Integra, if anyone.
Spotlight-Stealing Squad: Especially noticeable during the Final Season (Chapters 10-13), where he's the one with most of the plans.
Rip Van Winkle
We'll win. Because I have win in my name!
Former member of Millennium until the London invasion, wherein she and Zorin disobeyed orders and slept with Carl. She got fired by the Doctor, through Schrodinger, and was hired in Hecksing not too long after by Integra.
For some, never explained reason, everything she says is written with perfect spelling and grammar.
Ascended Extra: Not only does she get a much bigger role, but it's also implied that she has some bizarre, cross-dimensional communication powers, and that her and the Johnny Cash ghost from the intermissions are the same person.
This trope continues in Sweet Jade and Hella John.
Bullet Hell: Her special skill involves controlling bullets... only in this fic, they multiply after she sleeps with Carl. And each of the multiples can be controlled. And this also goes for bullets fired from anything, even rapid fire machine guns.
Dumb Blonde: Even though she's not blonde, she still fits the stereotype to some extent. (See: Chapter 4.)
Easily Forgiven: And how. For both the Millennium and Hecksing. She outright wipes out half of the "Wild Geass" and gets away with it pretty much because Carl has a boner for her. Before that, she makes a horribly stupid mistake and yet the Millennium forgive her because the Doctor... well, same reason as Carl.
Expy: Word Of God says that her character in this fic is loosely based on portrayals of Lindsay. Also, of White she-devil. (The ending of chapter 7 makes the latter more obvious.)
It should be noted that That's So Cliche and Total Fan Service Plains both make refference to her attire through Bridgette and Lindsay, respectivly.
Informed Ability: She can "charm" people, but she never does so. Unless you count the Doctor seeing her after accidentally falling into water, but that was an accident.
Irony: Her charm skills? Yeah, she ends up falling for Carl, and would have won the "invashon" had she not fallen in love with him.
Karma Houdini: In all honesty, the worst thing that happens to her is that she gets fired. Which she even avoided the first time.
Meaningful Name: Apart from her quote, there's also how she Rips stuff out. Like how she rips Seras apart. When she was born, she ripped through paper. Steel paper.
Obfisucating Stupidity: She actually appears to be competant. She was able to take out Walter, one of the more ellite forces, and she came up with a complicated plan to take out Major in chapter 11. And the plan worked. And then there's the lengthy, semi-intellectual recap at the beginning of the final season, and pretty much everything she does in Sweet Jade and Hella John...
Older than They Look: A flashback in chapter 5 reveals that she was the one who vampirized Alucard, since the latter needed a female to turn him. This occurred during World War II, and when she was vamperized herself was unknown.
Painting the Fourth Wall: For some reason, she speaks in completely clear and correct grammar. And it's weird to see that after three chapters of Large Ham.
It's short sentences on her first appearance, though. Arguably it's because there's not much to be said during that incident.
The Stoner: Before joining the Millennium, she and the Captain were a pair of supernatural stoners. They, or at least the Captain, still take drugs now.
Stripperific: Her usual attire, consisting of nothing but a thong and shirt, which she wears almost all the time. The exceptions are when she's naked, and her "cannon suit" towards the end of chapter 7.
The Vamp: Implied. She's been stated to be able to "charm" people and was even sent at first to charm Alucard. It's unknown if her skills could work on Al, because Jan took the mission instead.
Verbal Tic: A possible aversion. She talks perfectly. As in, not with the usual SBIG typoes. It's not that noticeable until around chapters 8 onward, but it's still there.
Another person sent as part of the London "Invashon." Like Rip, she falls for Carl, but unlike Rip, she dies in the very next chapter.
Cluster S Bomb: Her reaction upon finding out she would be partnered with Rip.
Cruel and Unusual Death: She's killed when Walter takes a huge extract of blood from Mayor Quimby, weaponizes it into a fist, a punches her face so hard that it flies right through it.
Early-Bird Cameo: She appears in chapter 3 with little lines and disguises as Seras in a Paper Mario reffrence... for some reason.
What Could Have Been: The author had planned on actually sparing her until the end of the fan fic. Then he planned on having Seras drink her blood and summon her as a familiar in the final chapter. Neither of these happened, and when she died, she stayed dead.
The Worf Effect: Getting defeated by Walter in chapter 8 with little to no effort.
Master Chief/Kamina
Four vampires? 3 of them hot chiks? This is gonna be SWEAT!
After Alucard's death, Integra took a trip to New York in order to find a replacement for him. While there, she was attacked by a giant mutant Homer Simpson (no, it's never explained how he came to be), but he was defeated by an unknown person, whom Integra hired as Al's replacement. The person turned out to be the Master Chief, who in turn would later reveal to be Kamina.
Flat Character: As the "Master Chief," he has next to no characterization aside from being a generic party dude at one scene. (Which provides the page quote.)
The Quiet One: As the Chief. And that's saying something; the second most silent character is arguably Rip, who still occasionally babbles about some stuff.
Monster Mash: They consist of several vampires, a magical sharpshooter "demon queen", a witch, a quantum catboy, a "God fiter" werewolf, a fallen angel, a mad scientist, and a robot. Also, counting Hitler, a snake-man.
Retcon: They no longer blow up any agents who fail but survive their mission. This shows to be important to the plot; Jan would later decoy and kill Alucard while Rip and Zorin would partake in the "invashon" and later join Hecksing. If the latter were to happen the the chips didn't have the self-destruct feature, said two members would be destroyed immediately. Or, Jan would have actually died instead of being used for the robo-arm project, and Rip would succeed in charming Alucard.
Those Two Bad Guys: They are partnered up ala the Akasuki: Jan and Luke (the siblings); "Card Guy" and Schrodinger (the odd ones out); Rip and Zorin (the only females); Captain and Walter (one apparently trains the other or something); and Major and Doctor (Big Bad and The Dragon). Captain and Rip, two Platonic Life Partners, were also once partnered up before the events of the fan fic.
We Hardly Knew Ye: Luke, "Card Guy," and the Captain being the primary offenders. Although there were a few hologram scenes with the latter one, and he even had a small role in the Show Within a Show.
What Could Have Been: They were originally not going to be called "Millennium" in this fic, just "The Nazis." Oddly, they're rarley reffered to as Nazis.
Millennium's self-proclaimed "trump card" and good fighter. He's the Major's talkative, emotional werewolf bodyguard who tends to wear a full SS uniform. He wishes to do most, if not all, of the dirty work. The Captain finally gets his wish when he is sent on the Quimby capture, but is shortly after shot and killed by the Chief.
Anti-Climax: For Millennium's trump card, he goes down really quick.
Back for the Finale: It turns out that Rip went back to the Grand Canyon between chapters 9 and 10 and drank his blood. He later reappears as a familiar in chapter 13.
Berserk Button: Making dog noises to tease him. In a deleted scene*
GPF said he removed it because he forgot to write it at first and when he went back, he couldn't find a way to properly add it into the story
Breaking the Fourth Wall: His "actor" tells kids not to eat random mushrooms from the ground after David Haselhoff reveals that mushrooms are why he's big. Since he's dead, there are three other people in the scene, and kids likely won't be reading this in the first place, and that not eating random food in the wild is an obvious lesson, it is odd why this happens in the first place.
Unfortunate Implications: Four chapters ago, anything the Millennium liked was supposed to be seen as "bad" as evident in the "message" at the end of the Show Within a Show, and vise-a-versa. Take this into consideration... the ironic part was that we were supposed to see him picking this song as a good thing.
No Indoor Voice: He almost always talks in ALL CAPS. The first time he speaks in lower case (unless you count an "accidental" turning off of caps lock in the short Show Within a Show in chapter 5) was not until chapter 8, his proper introduction.
The Millennium's messenger. He can't die, because he is quantum physics.
Offscreen Teleportation: Averted. In this fan fic, he can teleport on screen. Using fairy dust.
Tubalcain "Card Guy" Alhambra
Wanna see my card triks?
The Millennium's dude in Brazil. Because every successful organization has one.
Back for the Dead: A line-less, actionless mention during chapter 4, where Alucard uses him along with his other familiars to try to take down Jan. And since Alucard is dead, that makes him and the others Deader than Dead (as it was revealed Jan did not drink Al's blood.)
Fridge Logic: The Millennium's hideout is in the Grand Canyon in this fic, not Brazil. So why the hell do they need someone in Brazil in the first place? Why are they even bothering with a plan to launch a surprise attack on Brazil when the goal is to invade "The United Kingdoms of London?"
Too Dumb to Live: He openly admits he's a part of the Millennium after Carl asks him so.
Jan Valentine
U mad?
Initially one of the Millennium's two hitmen sent to "test" out Hecksing's forces. However, he manages to escape, but with a missing arm, so the Doctor gives him a powerful synthetic arm and assigns him to guard the Millennium's hideout. He disobeys, taking a mission intended for Rip and ultimately leads to Alucard's demise.
Deadpan Snarker: It's not evident in his first appearance, but comes chapter 4 where he randomly refferences Bugs Bunny (but not the blackface one since it's racist), tricks Rip into taking a Nazicopter (which provides his quote), mocks Alucard's appearance, and in chapter 8 where he starts insulting Carl and the Chief.
Onor Before Reason: He'd rather cause a massive suicide explosion than fight his own brother. This doesn't really make sense, but neither does much of SBIG.
Stuff Blowing Up: His arm has a self-destruct feature capable of taking out an entire aircraft carrier and killing Alucard. (Strangely, his tank is able to survive it.)
Recurring Boss: He's fought a total of three times, unlike the other villains who are only fought once.
Luke Valentine
Uh oh im starting to thik THIS IS BAD IDEA.
The other hitmen and Jan's brother. While Jan escapes Hecksing Manor, Luke is killed by Alucard in a very humiliating battle.
Villainous Breakdown: See his quote. Also doubles as an understatement. He's notably the only character to face Alucard who does this.*
"First Boss" underestimates him; Anderson acts surprised at best (and that only when he comes back from decapitation); Card Guy just tries to fight him; and Jan outright mocks him, even when he enters his One-Winged Angel form. Interestingly, Rip never faces him in combat. (And ironically, a flashback in chapter 5 revealed that she turned him into a vampire in the first place.)
The Titan Mecha
A mechanical device build by the Doctor. Him, Major, and Schodinger ride it at the beginning of the "Final Season."
Not technically a character, since it is inanimate.
Elemental Powers: It can shoot fire, electricity, poison, and... water. It later adds explosives after merging itself with Alucard's tank.
Hitler Badguy
belittle? al's ALWWAYS been littel, eh!
Not a technical part of Millennium, as he does oversee a wide variety of "evil organizations," but still leads the Millennium.
Anti-Climax Boss: Chapter 12 was supposed to be the big showdown between the remainder of Hecksing and him. Instead, it only lasts a little more than ten lines, and is the shortest chapter by far as he goes down by accidentally bitting Schrodinger.
vverbal tooc: He talks oon a redicooloosly thick canadioon accoont, replooces soome vvoowwels with "oo," and doobles hoos "Vs" and "Ws," eh. The last part is notably part of Eridan's typing method, to which he also talks with. (His sentences are not capitalized and he refers to characters — notably Alucard — by their first syllable.)
He's the presedent of the United Kingdoms of London. Yeah.
Designated Hero: He's implied to have done more bad than good, and the fic out-and-out states he speaks in a "corrupt" accent. (Word Of God says this "accent" includes his "er a um" Verbal Tic.)
Remember the New Guy: He isn't introduced or even implied to exist until chapter 8, but afterwhich he gets a heavty ammount of screen time and plot role in every following chapter except 12.
Verbal Tic: er a um, he always begins his sentences with a stutter. er a um, the annoying thing is that it isn't capitalized.
Lawyer Guy
Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: He comes out of nowhere, is the only antagonist to explicitly not have connection to Hitler's forces, and is a flipping robot.
Crack Pairing: For some reason, he's paired up with Ned Flanders.
Curse Cut Short: "NO WAT THE FU." Keep in mind that characters and even the narrator swear regularly in later chapters, although Anderson is dead by that point.
Demoted to Extra: Not nearly as important as in the original series. At all.
Gosh Dangit to Heaven: "WHAT THE HEVEN? nOT AGAIN WITH THIS aLUCARD! wHAT ARE YOU, INVISIBLE?"
Hypocrite: He's against vampires... and yet in this fic, the vampire priest that attacked the village (forest in this fan fic due to Adaption Decay) is a part of the same organization.
, and one of Hitler's armies (alongside Millennium and Heavensing). They attempt to revive Hitler's groups thirty years after the events of the first 12 chapters.
Badass Decay: Maxwell's methods of slaughtering London are much weaker than how he does it in canon.
Book Ends: An evil religious group being both the first and last people to be seen battled by Hecksing.
Critical Research Failure: Their military is mistakenly referred to as "KKK members," based on how they dressed.
Critical Research Failure: In chapter 13, Rip (and the fan fic) credits the creator as Matt Groening, rather than John Kricfalusi. Odd, since the clip in the same chapter shows knowledge of John K's "never use the same expression twice" standard. Also odd, because this is Rip we're talking about, who is the fan fic's Only Sane Woman to the extent that she knows more than the faux-alter ego writing the story.
Nausea Fuel: Ren eats a sandwich with Stimpy's semen in it in the first clip. Quite possibly the most disturbing moment in the entire fan fic, even for a Hellsing fic and even through the clip was only three lines.
Precision F-Strike: Stimpy drops an F-bomb on the second clip. And this was supposed to be broadcasted on a kids award show!
And, you know, R&S is supposed to be a kid's show.
Shout Out: To a scene from early The Simpsons that used them. The first R&S clip is modeled off of that part, only with a sandwich rather than meatball soup.
Springfield Republican Nazi Party Inner Circle Units (SRNPICU)
A group of thirteen Republicans who want to take over the world. Most of them die like flies.
Feminazis — Main Members
Lisa Simpson
Juliet Hobbes
Patty and Selma Bouvier
Feminazis — Experiments
Four people who have eaten a pill that will allow them to turn into incubi. Since they are all men, Lisa considers them "pawns."
♥ Sideshow Bob ♥
The first experiment, who took the transformation pill as a reward for saving Lisa's life.
♣ Chet Englebrit ♣
♦ The Great Raymondo ♦
♠ Moe Syzlack ♠
The fourth and final experiment. Got the pill from a bargain with Lisa, wherein instead of paying Lisa for band candy he has to take the last pill. The reason for this is because unlike Bob, he considers becoming an incubi to be a curse rather than a gift.
