Gord is a local deity. Very local. He's a regular guy who owns a game store, and that makes him God over that store and its customers. Well, technically no one ever claim that Gord would be a god; it's just that the whole story of how he's running the store and deals with all kinds of moronic customers is written in the form of scripture. The nickname "Gord" helps as well.Acts of Gord is an archive of true anecdotes about the Gamer's Edge Video Game shop in Penticton, British Columbia, Canada. Basically, this site is a mix of sarcastic storytelling and a Not Always Right focused on the rise and fall of a single retail establishment.
Badass: The Gord, anytime he chases down thieves and other jackasses.
Bittersweet Ending: The end of the Apocalypse Book. Despite the victory, Gord hasn't returned to the game-retailer world since, leaving only what's written on the site. On the other hand, Gord seems to be very happy with his new life.
The usually facepalming image of Gord drawn like Calvin.
I Resemble That Remark: In Acts of Gord, Book of Annoyances, Chapter 23, a reporter asks Gord, the owner of a video game store, for a quote for the front page of the newspaper, pertaining to video game violence and its impact on society. Gord replies, "Video games don't make people more violent, and I'll kill anyone who disagrees." After a dramatic pause, the reporter replies that he doesn't think his editor can print that.
"And the winner of the tournament won the controllers that were opened for the tournament (worth $80), and $20 in cash. Second place was a can of coke and an autographed picture of Gord. Third place was $20. The Gord likes to remind people that second place is just the first loser."
On numerous occasions, Gord would price crappy games higher than they were worth, or place broken hardware in tantalizing places, just to see if someone would steal them.
Another favorite pastime of Gord's is to take old crappy games and tag them with a sign that says, "Hey, I suck! Buy me!" The author notes with amusement that any game the sign is placed on sells out within a couple of days.
The most obvious piece of bait, however, was a completely inoperable PS1 complete with a note in place of the laser assembly mockingly "congratulating" would-be thieves on stealing broken PS1, which the employees "enshrined" in old PlayStation boxes just outside the store, with a little sign saying "Please don't steal me. You're being watched. -Mgnt." Only one person picked up the console, and quickly set it back down before running off.
Another was planned involving a booby-trapped Golden Eye 007 cartridge that would destroy any N64 that tried to run it with a 50000 electric charge, but the screwdriver set the Gord needed to open it didn't arrive in time.
Gord: Talking to a person about being into the hardcore gaming scene is completely different than talking to them about the hardcore anime scene. In future, I must find a new adjective.
And do not, I repeat, do not say "if she is really into the hardcore anime scene, I can get import DVD's from Japan and Hong Kong" when I'm talking to a 14 year old girl's mother.
Further notation: Do not attempt to salvage this by then saying "I mean, I can get DVD's from Japan that you can't get here."
Next time, say "really likes anime" and "can get DVD's not on sale here yet."
Too Dumb to Live: More than a few of Gord's customers. Special mention goes to the "Hey... FIFA." kid and the guy who used Gord as a work reference despite never working there and having never returned games he rented.
X Days Since: In one of the stories, he comes up with the idea of having an "X days since I've had to deal with an idiot" sign. The idea being that while dealing with an idiot, he would sigh and flip it back to 0, right in front of them. He hoped the customer would be offended enough to leave.