Assorted Tinfoil Hat Ramblings
Baby Face's Blaster is loaded with birdshot.It would explain both the damage penalty(good luck actually killing anything with it) and the tighter spread of its pellets.
The Intelligence is actually a Porn StashIt would explain why everyone fights to defend it with their lives, because there's 8 guys(Pyro aside) all cooped up together in the desert with no female contact other than an angry lady yelling at them over the intercom.
The Intelligence is nothing of importanceNot since the beginning, of course (back when the game was new, and the story was just "two companies make their decisions by fighting"), but once we actually learned about the Gravel Wars, The Mann Brothers, and the Administrator's interest in keeping them at an eternal stalemate, it only stands to reason that she'd conjure up excuses for more pointless battles. After all, it's not like Redmond or Blutarch still had any tricks or advantages that the other hadn't outright copied. What secrets are left to steal?
Gordon Freeman exists in the TF2 universe......but since Australia holds a monopoly on the world's technological development, he's a grizzled old airboat captain who offers tourists rides. There's a sign saying "Freeman Airboat Tours" on the Mountain Lab and Lakeside maps. Clearly many people come from near and far to see the classes blow each other up.
Freeman's Mind is the Team Fortress timeline version of Half-Life.Incompetent workers and soldiers? Less-than-ideal but still entertaining hero? Ridiculous architecture? Just give it a splash of TF 2 paint and it matches!
Medieval Mode isn't actually set in medieval timesThe map is just an amusement park that the teams stumbled upon. Being largely a a collection of lunatics, they merely assume that they're in the middle ages, and think that using guns will cause some sort of present-day-altering butterfly effect.
The Engineer can play any song on a single string of his guitar, like this.And on that note:
Every G Mod video and YTPMV actually happened in-universe.Maybe they have too much free time. Maybe I have too much free time.
The battles are entertainment in-universeOf the gladiatorial variety. The whole "two corporations secretly ruling the world" thing is just a storyline cooked up by the fight organizers. Seriously, it's pretty hard to keep a pitched gunfight secret, not to mention the mercenaries themselves—no sensible person would hire people that crazy.
The game shares a universe with The Adventures of Dr. McNinjaInspired by these links. It certainly would explain the Fantasy Kitchen Sink being gradually added to the gameplay. Poker Night at the Inventory features a cameo by Trixie Trotter from Telltale's BTTF game, thus confirming that (at least in the Inventory continuity) it's in the same universe as TF2. Doc Brown became friends with Engineer and Medic, and brought them back trinkets they'd possibly find useful, like iPods.
During spectator mode, you are playing the Announcer.Or, since you can't issue orders, you could be playing Miss Pauling.
The Christmas cards are canonEvery Christmas(Smissmas?) the teams, perhaps coerced by their Engineers, call a truce between RED and BLU for the day and celebrate it together. The Administrator doesn't know about this which is why it keeps on happening, though it usually doesn't last more than half a day before they start trying to kill each other again. This guess incidentally means Sniper actually knows how to knit jumpers.
If Valve HAD put in female versions of the classes, they would've had their own specific personalities, rather than being gender-swapped versions of the original males.Just check out T03nemesis' Deviant ART page and search for "Team Fortress Fan Girls" to see what they may have looked like.
Little Jack from the Christmas comic will grow up into a badass mercenaryHe's already seen the BLU team in action, had a conversation with Spy and killed a man. Perhaps he'll grow up to be a hired gun, even a Spy specifically!
Pyro and Engie don't actually live togetherWhen Engineer's house gets cleaved in half, he says they 'owe him a new house', not 'owe us' a new house. Maybe Pyro was just visiting for Smissmas.
Underneath the Pyro's gask mask and Spy's balaclava...They wear a balaclava and a gas mask, respectively.
tr_walkway is the RED team's training modeWhile the BLU team's training map is small and strict, the RED team's training map is large and open-ended.
There is going to be a video focusing on the BLU team.When they're not being shot to smithereens, that is. The Announcer mentioned at the end of 'Meet the Director' she would hire another director to talk to the BLU team, so maybe we'll get a Meet the Team video where the BLU team defeats the RED one via the power of teamwork. (okay, maybe not that far)
In the Team Fortress 2 universe, milliners live the high lifeEither worshipped like gods or as high class aristocrats.
Some of the characters have had dealings with magicians in the past.We already know Merasmus exists and that he can send people back in time. But magic could also explain some of the cast's unnatural abilities, such as Medic's Regenerating Health, Pyro's Hadoken and the fact Heavy can kill people with his finger gun- they made deals with wizards. Or threatened wizards. Or are wizards. Or Pyro is Merasmus.
All the strange stuff in game can be explained using AustraliumBasically, most of the things that are brought up in both this section and the Headscrater's one can be explained through the use of the wonder metal Australium. Though it's only been mentioned once (in the Loose Cannon comic), and it's barely explained there, what little we know of it points it to be psyco-mimetic; meaning, basically, whatever you want it to do, it will do. It also is apparently slightly radioactive, and this radiation causes physical changes in those who are exposed (most prominently the growing of impressive moustaches, huge muscles, and a patch of hair on their chest that's shaped like their homeland, as shown by Saxton Hale). Basically, my theory is this; everything in the merc's world (weapons, tool, the landscape, even the merc's themselves) either have Australium as part of their construction or have been exposed to a low level of Australium radiation. This explains; Being able to get ammo from any dropped weapon by walking over it (Australium can change whatever material it's infused with into something else, instantly) How the Engineer builds/repairs his buildings with his wrench (Austrailum can be "set" through focused thoughts, meaning that any exposure to more Australium will cause whatever it's in to revert to whatever state it was "set" in. In this case, the Engineer's "metal" is raw Australium, and as he hits his buildings he adds more to it, reverting the building back to it's original state. This is how upgrading works as well; Austrialium can have mutilple "sets", depending on how much Austrialium there is. More metal, it goes to a higher set.) How the Dispenser, Medi-gun, and Bomb Cart work (the beam is basically Australium radiation, which (as above) sets it's target back to a "set" state, physically, mentally, and equimentally. Which is why the cart and dispenser can't overheal but the Medic can (he simply increases the output of radiation to move the patient to a higher "set", just like upgrading a building). Of course, they can't go beyond this second "set", which is why the medi-gun won't heal the Demoman's missing eye.) Ubercharge (The Uber-device attached to each class's heart runs on Australium radiation, fed to it by the Medi-gun, and, when activated, covers the medic and patient in a "shell" of Australium radiation. This is why it takes time to charge up. The medic COULD theoretically force-feed the full radiation burst all at once...but the result would be similar to what happened to the Heavy's original heart, but on a full-body scale.) Critical Hits (All weapons used by the merc's have Australium in them. Sometimes, the latent radiation will transfer to the ammunition, causing additional damage. They can also be created intentionally by feeding radiation into the ammuniction, as in the case of the Frontier Justice and Manmelter.) The Sniper's rifle "Charge" (Basically, as the Sniper stays zoomed in, the rifle slowly feeds radiation to the round in the chamber, increasing the reactiveness of the gunpowder inside it. This results in a faster round, which does more damage) Respawn (Upon death, the Australium content of the deceased merc is forcefully removed from the corpse by the machines inside each spawn point, and refromed according to (again) a "set".)
How payload and control points workThe payload cart works as follows: 1. To move it forward, an operator (determined by fingerprint scan) simply presses a "forward" button. Each time the button is pressed, the cart moves forward a bit. During payload matches, the characters each remember to press the payload button every second or so, which, added together, causes the cart to move forward. The scout, being the hyperactive type he is, tend to jab the button much more often, increasing the speed at which he can move the cart. 2. When the cart is near an "enemy" it does not respond to commands to avoid accidents (explaining why it stops when an enemy is nearby.) 3. If the cart has not been given orders for some time, it moves back to a "safe spot", to avoid damage or accidents until further orders. The way a control point works is similar, but instead involves pressing in a series of numbers to lock control and access to a particular group. The scout, being more hyperactive, is able to do this more quickly, and the point also "logs out" after a time a=to avoid accidents, identity theft, and such.
Mann Vs. Machine is a Batman Gambit by The Spy, The Administrator, and possibly The Engie to create a true Forever War.In rough order of events:
The next Mann vs. Machine Map will be The Maze...Think about it; Mann Co. is a huge company, that can't only have 3 areas that need defending, right? And we haven't seen any Engineer Bots yet, right? Well, here's what I am thinking the next level for Mann Vs. Machine will be; Gray Mann is actually winning this war. Sure, he failed getting Coal Town and Mannworks, but really, he has so many robots, that the odds are, he has more territory then Mann Co. currently has. Not only is Gray winning, he's securing his winnings with Engineer Robots (Which explains why they haven't appeared at Mannworks and Coal Town and Decoy). What can Saxton do to reclaim his losses? Why obviously, blow them to kingdom come! If Mannworks and Coal Town have bomb holes, then so do his other areas. The next maps will be a reverse of how Mannworks/Coal Town/Decoy have worked; Instead of waves upon waves of Robots coming to kill you and you defending the territory, your carrying a bomb to destroy territory Gray has already taken! Of Course, the area that Gray actually took over can't be a cake walk to win. Since all the maps have been in a desert, this new map will be set in a Gorge; a crazy long gorge with dozens of dead ends and false exits. At the end of every dead end will be an Engineer with a Sentry ready to blow your brains out! And worse still, Special Offensive Engineers, known as "Tin-1000 Engineers" (With Frontier Justice, Gunslinger, Lugermorphs, and Mini-Sentries), will be patrolling the gorges and coming after you in waves. However, if you don't go the wrong way, and you survive long enough to carry the bomb straight to the actual factory, be prepared to fight Tin-1000 Engineer Robots, Sentries and Mini-Sentries, Giant Engineers who use extra-powerful Short Circuits ('Shocking Discovery Engineer'), and Modified Tanks that shoot at you and charge for your base of attack (Basically Spawn Camping you). If you manage to throw a bomb down into the base, however, the Robots will be forced to retreat, and you can claim all the bounty within the now ruined base; Including some new Engineer weapons that Mann Co. was working on!
Gray Mann Killed the Administrator.He put poison in Miss Pauling’s morning coffee and took her place to get close to the Administrator, killing her before the daily match. However, Gray forgot two things. 1. Miss Pauling doesn’t even drink coffee, and 2. Miss Pauling was already on her way to work, but stranded in traffic. When she arrived and saw her boss dead, she realized what was going on and made a quick call to Saxton Hale informing him that Gray Mann had returned and he was out for blood. Saxton then told her it was time to tell the mercs why they were really hired and that they needed to stay together in one place to await further instructions from Saxton himself. Those Administrator lines you hear? that’s actually Miss Pauling imitating the Administrator. After all this, she just didn’t have the heart to tell the mercs she died.
The reason Medic and Heavy sound odd…They are both terrified of robots, having both been exposed to them in childhood. Medic’s parents where kidnapped to provide “brains” for a Nazi-funded robotics program. Years later, the Soviets would attempt the same thing with Heavy’s mother and two sisters. However, Heavy was able to protect his family but Medic could not. Seeing the Robots again inspire fear in Medic and pure rage in Heavy. Painful memories are being pulled up for both of them, but they deal with them differently.
Soldier KNEW about the robots coming.His Halloween costume wasn’t just a fun getup, it was his disguise if he needed to escape! He tried to tell the other team members, but no one believed him because, well, he’s Soldier. Only when Spy got into the “TOP SECRET” room and saw the photos for himself did he realize the robots were coming.
The Alternate Reality Game is not done yet...The ARG that started in Pyromania is not done yet. 6 Of the Items were burned during Pyromania, and the Damaged Capacitor has shown the world the horror of Robots as of Mann vs. Machine. But there still remains one item that we have not been able to piece into the puzzle just yet. The Secret Diary still has not been opened, still has not revealed what lies within its contents, and Valve wouldn't throw in a completely useless item for no reason (Even the Goldfish, the thing that had no real connection to the Pyro or Monkeynaught Poopy Joe or Robots, served it's purpose as ashes). The Diary will open up soon... But what is in it? Will be up for Valve to decide... —Dingo Walley
Something has happened to Australia and its cash of Australium.In Loose Canon, we see Australia as it was some 70 years before the game setting. We see that it is a futuristic industrialized utopia where everyone -including women- are big muscled macho-men with mustaches. This of course is attributed to their exposure to Australium. Now, fast forward to the modern day TF2 setting. Notice how the only Australians we see (Sniper and his parents) are neither ripped or moustachioed. Nor is what we see of present-day Australia extremely futuristic or even really industrialized. Plus, the director claims Australians are "victimized" or at least discriminated against, something that would be unlikely if Australia was still a huge world power. So what happened exactly? Perhaps a war? Or did they just run out of it?
The Final Boss of Mann Vs. Machine will be Gray piloting a giant Saxton Hale robot.At some point, Mann Vs. Machine will stop being updated. However, to bring the robot slaughter to a proper close, once a player finishes their Tour of Duty, they gain access to a new, optional map that involves Gray losing his mind and trying to kill the mercs himself whilst piloting the aforementioned robot. 9 players fight the boss together, only one of each class can be used, and Gray will use attacks and patterns to force the team to work together.
The "robot rebellion" game mode will play like Starcraft.With the leader Heavybot of the rebellion (being controlled by a player) controlling the Mann Co. carrier tank and building new robots using Credits to fight alongside the normal Mercs, in addition to constructing Mann Co. Stores and research facilities for revenue and upgrades to both the Mercs and the Robots. Cue thousands of fully-upgraded Giant Rapid Fire Soldiers (with similar amounts of Über Medics and Steel Gauntlets as support) being summoned to take down a single group of Scoutbots.
Spy got himself bit by a zombie.Part of the Halloween special features zombies. On the main blog page, Spy’s head has been replaced by a skull. This is to signify that he is accidentally responsible for the zombies. Seems zombies are attracted to the smell of tobacco. One bit him, he bit medic, medic bit heavy, heavy bit engie, engie bit scout, scout bit soldier, soldier bit sniper,sniper bit demoman and demoman bit pyro.
2013's Halloween boss will be related to the Sniper in some fashion.Late one night, I had a revelation. The first boss, the Horseless Headless Horsemann, wasn't related to any one class, but used the Demoman's model as a base. Next year, MONOCULUS! was, of course, Demoman's disembodied eye, and used Soldier's programming. Over the next year we were introduced to Merasmus, Soldier's roommate who became the next Halloween boss. He uses Sniper's model as a base. If the pattern continues, we'll have some creature (perhaps a mutated Australian creature of some kind?) relating to Sniper as next year's boss, and whoever's model that uses will have something related to them as the 2014 boss.
Barnabus Hale is Sasha Nein's father.Eerily similar character designs, both lost a woman they loved, both games written by Eric Wolpaw and Chet Falisek...
Cracky Pop◊ contains crack cocaine.It's an obvious parody of Coca-Cola and its ads from the 50's, and considering Coca-Cola used to contain trace amounts of cocaine, plus the rather... "questionable" practices of RED and BLU, it's no stretch of the imagination that they'd put something super-addictive in their soda to boost sales.
The Mad Milk IS milkBut the source suffers from Mad Cow Disease.
MONOCULUS Is related to Peeps.MONOCULUS married another giant floating eyeball and gave birth to Peeps. Alternatively, Peeps is another eye of another person who opened the Bombinomicon.
The entire Gravel Wars thing was merely training for Mann vs Machine.When the Administrator and Saxton Hale realized Gray Mann's true intentions, they decided to hire the two teams of nine mercenaries, made up of brothers, cousins or just clones. The fighting was simply a huge training session that lasted for years, not a forever war. The classes got to know each other's strengths and weaknesses, and all the non-stock weapons were simply Mann. Co copies of Gray Mann's weapons for his robots. Eventually, when it was time, the mercenaries, now experienced, were sent to fight the robots, and did a damn good job of it. Oh, and the Halloween Bosses? The VS Saxton Hale mode? These were simply more training for the huge special robot mooks. Which means, Merasmus was paid to fight.
Future Engineer is foreshadowing the Borderlands 2 Vs Team Fortress 2 update.Because reasons.
Miss Pauling is The Administrator's illegitimate daughter.At some point, the Admin got involved with a young worker of her, which lead her to get pregnant, due to her status as descendant of a wealthy family and obsession with her job, she decided to give the child to adoption, however, she never forgot about it even a second, years later, when Miss Pauling aplied for a job at TF Industries, she had to review her application as part of her job, realizing the matching age and the fact Pauling is adopted, she investigated further, eventually finding out that she was, in fact, her daughter, at that point, The Administrator decided to give a very well-paying job (which is still pale in comparision to her birthright) as her personal assistant right away, both to ensure she would never have money troubles and to allow her to get at least a little bit close to her without revealing the truth, The Admin, however, did not expect the conficts between Blutarch and Redmond to evolve the way they did, or even count on Gray Mann's existence, leading to Miss Pauling to get more involved with the conflict that The Admin was confortable with.
Gray's new allies are all TF2 Freaks, led by Christian Brutal Sniper.Just look at the smile. At the silhouette. It's Christian Brutal Sniper! I'd bet my hats on it!
Gray will die due to his Life Extender running out of power, only to rise again as the Halloween 2013 boss.
The 2013 Halloween event will be a crossover with Left 4 DeadAfter all, there were a lot of rumours about Left 4 Dead 3 this year, so maybe Valve will respond with this.
Gray is not Zepheniah's favoriteWouldn't it seem odd that Zepheniah, who wanted to smother Gray at birth and charged Elizabeth with keeping the "miracle gravel" out of Gray's possession in his last will and testament, would refer to Gray as his favorite? No, Zepheniah still hates Gray, and he only tells Redmond and Blutarch that Gray is his favorite because he's trolling them. This is, after all, the same man who left the gravel pits to Redmond and Blutarch, knowing very well that doing this would mean they would wage Forever War with each other, as punishment for them convincing him to purchase the useless land. He's less concerned with parental favoritism as he is with making sure that his sons suffer, regardless of which one goes to Hell first, and he knows that telling them that they're not his favorite would cause them agony.
Gray really is Zepheniah's favoriteAs an alternative to the above WMG, even though Zepheniah hated Gray in life, he has come to admire Gray in death. Whereas Redmond and Blutarch squandered their family fortune waging a Forever War over useless land, Gray has earned his own fortune and, in one fell swoop, single-handedly ended the Gravel Wars and is on the verge of claiming control of Mann Co. Tired of the incompetence of Redmond and Blutarch, Zepheniah finally sees that Gray has the potential to live up to the family name and has grown proud of him. Thus, when the ghosts of Redmond and Blutarch demand to know which son is Zepheniah's favorite, Zepheniah tells them the honest truth.
Olivia Mann is actually a robot.Doesn't her apparent age seem odd when compared to that of her father? Not to mention we've never seen her mother, assuming she even has one. Plus it definitely sounds like something Gray Mann would do just to gain control of Mann Co.
Olivia Mann is actually a midget or dwarf.Gray adopted and paid her to change her last name to his and tricked everyone into believing she is his underage, young daughter including Saxton Hale knowing he would not fight a child as young as her.
At the end of the Team Fortress comic series, the guys go out too celebrate at a diner...Only too find out that Gray Mann is running the diner, and the last line of the comic is Scout saying "Told ya, Frenchie!"
The Soldier has seen the Pyro's face.He's got everyone else's heads, why not Pyro? He just hasn't said anything yet either due to him not realising that it's meant to be a mystery, or due to him not understanding the respawns and instead dismissing the dead Pyro as a decoy.
The Team Fortress Classic Medic is going to join the Fortress 2 team.Well, the Fortress 2 Medic is otherwise indisposed, so they'll need a replacement.
The Red and Blu Medic collaborate frequently.It's in neither's interest for either side to win the war, as it leaves one medic either dead or with no patients, and the other in a situation where the higher ups are no longer desperate enough to give the Medic free reign. So, in order to keep both in employment with a fresh stock of patients, they share their discoveries in order to maintain the stalemate. Hence why Blu Medic has a medigun identical to Red's home made one: He built it to his specifications.
The Medic is going to kill the Team Fortress Classic Heavy.As the big face off reaches it's climax, the Heavy will demand an Ubercharge... Cue the TFC Heavy's chest exploding, and the Medic remarking on how he was earlier forbidden from implanting more baboon organs into the team.
In Meet the Spy, the Red Spy really was disguised as the Blue Spy.He was carrying the Dead Ringer and Your Eternal Reward. Having previously killed the Blue Spy - which was not shown for obvious reasons of drama - he briefly turned invisible upon being shot by the soldier, backstabbed the scout and took his form while no-one was looking, and then abandoned the disguise on camera. This is why the Blue Spy actually "died" upon being shot by an ally.
Meet the Medic and Loose Canon occur at similar times.Both are said to predate the regular play, and both demonstrate technologies that would become a staple of enforcing the stalemate in the Gravel Wars. The technology the Engineer acquires in Loose Canon is implied to be what he uses later in the game, and what he uses to revive dead players (and given that it even works on those who have been gibbed, it makes sense that it's some sort of cloning device rather than a life extender) could likely be used to duplicate players as well, allowing for the army of Blu soldiers. Either by negotiated exchange or a little help from the observing Miss Pauling, the technologies were subsequently exchanged, leading to the modern game.