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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Taylor Swift
"Mine" happens directly after "White Horse"
  • "Left a small town and never looked back" could refer to him... but it could just as easily refer to her, or both of them. And yes, I realize that since these are her diary entries they must be in the same story, but that doesn't mean the same arc.

Taylor Swift is a elf or elf/human hybrid from the remmants of Middle Earth
When you think about it none of the films or novels state what really happened after most of the immortal races left Middle Earth after the end of the series except that either most or all had gone to somewhere known as the "Twilight Lands" and had (seemingly) never returned and remained only as distant legend.

But what if some Immortal folk decided to remain among the world of mortal men and had even married and conceived children with them. Taylor may be either a great descendant or even possibly a pureblood immortal herself from before the age of antiquity (face it Taylors facial appearance does have a vagely Uncanny Valley elfin appearance about it and since elves and halflings aren't really Human anyway this makes an fair amount of sense).

To boot the Lord of the Rings series takes place in a unknown prehistoric era of the UK. And most country music singers are known as "Rednecks" which (according to The History Channel) mainly consist of people of Irish/Scottish descent and the UK does include Ireland and Scotland among its territories. This also makes sense that basically if anyone ever got too curious about Taylor's heritage Taylor could just say that she was from some sort of Anglo-Irish-Scottish descent which wouldn't be too far from the truth.

Also if Taylor accidentally ever uttered any actual elvish she could just say that she just a big fan of the novels and Orlando Bloom and learned the "fictional" language no differently then how Star Trek fans speak Klingon and some of her inner geek just slipped out (something which she has admitted to before). Finally if Taylor suddenly happened to "die young" of some sort of accident an indefinite amount of albums made "posthumously" could come out for years possibly decades..or even centuries.

  • I'm not sure about the Middle Earth bit (and, I would differ on the "Redneck" bit, as she's not from the South, but Pennsylvania...), but I have thought (after an idea from someone else) that Taylor is one of the Fair Folk. In fact, she might be hinting it herself in "Long Live." And this picture shows her enchanting an audience. It gives some detail on her wings, though it doesn't show much of her pointy ears... [ http:// www.xcelenergycenter.com /uploads /images /Taylor Swift 11_main.jpg ] (Delete the spaces to see the image...)
    • Yeah, good luck with those wings...
    • There are rednecks in Pennsylvania. Ever heard the expression "Philly in the east, Pittsburgh in the west, Kentucky in the middle"?

If Taylor Swift has a more serious break up she's going to end up doing Metal, for at least one song.
Better than Revenge is already heading that way. Imagine if she'd been more serious. Besides you know it would be awesome.
  • She did do a CMT Crossroads episode with Def Leppard, so pop-metal might not be out of the question.
  • I think she's saving her metal stuff for a divorce...

"Better Than Revenge" is from the POV of the liar in "Mean" who is also the lovely bride-to-be in "Speak Now."
After the POV character in "Speak Now" interrupted her wedding, she went on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge - or the small-town version of it anyway, spreading lies about how the Speak Now POV character was able to steal her man ("She's better known for the things that she does on the mattress") which lead the "Speak Now" POV character to defend herself in "Mean."
  • You do know that "Speak Now" is fictional where as "Better Than Revenge" is about Camilla Belle, don't you?

Taylor Swift is a lesbian.
Her overly-girly 'I love sparkles and fairy tales!' persona and obsession with writing songs about guys is so no one will ever suspect.
  • I always thought she and Kellie Pickler seemed especially close, even for BFFs but I always attributed that idea to me being bi myself and thinking Girl on girl is hot.

Every Taylor Swift song is literally the same song.
They just change the title and edit the word order, and no one notices except me.
  • Listen to "I Knew You Were Trouble," then listen to "Mean." See if that changes your mind

Taylor Swift is a Time Lord.

  • Uh, Time Lords are male. A Time LADY, maybe...
  • I'm not sure how "Back to December" would fit into this. On one hand "I'd go back in time to change it, but I can't." might appear to qualify as disproving it. However, if you can't change history..."Not one line", as the Doctor put it, it could avert that. And let's not forget the flashbacks ("Love Story", "Forever and Always") and flashforwards ("Mine")...

Taylor Swift is a Time Lady.
Tying in with the theory above, Taylor Swift is a Time Lady who has a Fob Watch. Hence the "I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't". line in Back To The December. She's remembering subconciously that she can travel in time, but the human part of her mind reminds her she can't. All the songs are various entries of a diary she kept in case this happened, they account her various adventures and goodbyes with her companions.
  • Yes, this is a good idea, but the companions in question might be worse than Adam Mitchell, given how she sings about some of them...
  • Totally different point- her tour bus has a fireplace. How many other traveling vehicles have fireplaces?

You Belong With Me is about two homosexual teenagers.
It's Taylor Swift singing it, but it's told from the point of view of a boy who knows his jock friend is gay, and is hiding it by dating a popular cheerleader.
  • This also works with "Love Story". It even makes the "scarlet letter" reference make more sense.

Swift is the daughter of Aphrodite.
  • In Greek mythology, Aphrodite was the beautiful goddess of love and beauty, and the gods and goddesses were known to seduce mortals. Hence, it would only make sense if they passed their genes on to their children. As for her singing ability, she was blessed (or possibly cursed) by Apollo, the god of music. Why are these gods still present? They've come and gone with the nations, a la Percy Jackson. And this is coming from a troper who isn't too keen on Epileptic Trees!

"Love Story" actually does make sense with the literary references.
  • Romeo had a relationship with Juliet. He met Swift at the party, and they had an affair. Her dad found out and said that Romeo had to leave Juliet, and the lines where Swift calls herself Juliet are her convincing Romeo to actually fall in love with her instead of resenting her because of the situation.

"Love Story" and "White Horse" are sung by the same character.
  • The former song is about her younger, more impressionable self who gets swept off her feet and feels like a princess. In the latter, she's more mature and jaded and realizes she's not a princess.
    • To my knowledge, you're most likely correct.

Something I saw on IMDb...
This chick is a robot; some marketing creation by overpriced ad agencies —- she has no soul. People complain about her songs, but fail to realize that — because she's a robot — she's unable to relate to humans (feelings, experiences, emotions).

Another possible theory for "Love Story"...
The scarlet letter means exactly what you think. Juliet in this song is an adulteress. Possible evidence:

-The first line, "We were both young" if it is considered in a historical context. The song takes place during times when girls were married off at a young age while men waited till they were financially stable. Juliet was married to a much older man that she had no feelings for. Due to her young age, she mistook infatuation for love when she met a handsome young stranger. Her affair was uncovered and she was left by both husband and lover.

-Because she was branded a scarlet letter,no man wanted anything to do with her. When she says, "You were everything to me", she is completely serious. All the begging she does for Romeo to stay is out of desperation, not love. He is pretty much her last chance at marriage, otherwise she's doomed to live as a spinster and we know how well they were treated back in the day.

-Every time her father is mentioned, he is telling Romeo to stay away from Juliet, not vice-versa. He is ashamed of his daughter and is warning Romeo to stay away for his own good.

-Romeo in this song is a lot like Romeo from the play; melodramatic and willing to marry a pretty girl without giving it much thought. Juliet's father tried to talk Romeo out of it but he wouldn't listen. Eventually, the father just gives up and lets them marry.

-Isn't it possible "Love Story" is a simple Re Write of the ending of Romeo and Juliet?

"Mean" is about David J. Stewart.
There are several lines of evidence for this:

- Word of God confirms the song is about a specific individual.

- This article by Stewart is about as mean and false as one can get.

- The song's bridge refers to its subject as "a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life and mean". This description fits Stewart perfectly.

- As some have pointed out about the song on Swift's official forums, those who are tormented often lead better lives than their tormentors. Mr. Stewart is now suffering severe neck pains and has been convicted of child molestation.

- Jossed - The original WMGer saw on 60 Minutes that the song was inspired by the critics of a particularly off-key performance.

She's biding her time, plotting a gloriously awesome comeuppance for Kanye West.

It's been quite some time since Kanye ruined her big moment at that awards show. She's been waiting this long in order to lure Kanye into a false sense of security. But when the moment is ripe and Kanye thinks he's safe, she will strike, orchestrating some sort of massive public humiliation for Kanye West.

Or, alternately, out of nowhere either Kanye West's gonna turn up as a guest on her next album or vice-versa.

For the sake of closure, and proof that both have matured (find someone who thinks either of them don't need to), this would truly create an example of Crowning Music of Awesome.

Swift is a Good Bad Girl.
"Tim McGraw", "Sparks Fly" & "Dear John", while clearly about different people, all suggest she had sex with their respective subjects. Still not buying it? This will change everything.
  • "She dates a lot of men" doesn't necessarily mean "she has sex with lots of men". Indeed, the fact that she seems to have a lot of messy breakups could be explained by her refusing to sleep with them.
    • Very good point, but someone on Swift's forums has suggested an equally plausible theory: her boyfriends "wooed her, got what they wanted and dumped her"; in other words, her taste in men is to blame for her own promiscuity.
  • This actually seems unlikely - Harry allegedly broke up with her because she wouldn't have sex. Or something. I can't remember if it's because she wouldn't have sex with him at all or just as often as he wanted, but he apparently said she was a prude who was also oddly obsessed with antiques, when he'd rather go clubbing.
    • That information is just random tabloid gossip. It doesn't disprove anything.

Tying in with the above theory, Swift's fourth album will have at least one Intercourse with You song.
Honestly, it wouldn't be that surprising.
  • Yup. From "Treacherous" :
    I'll do anything you say
    If you say it with your hands.

"Better Than Revenge" is about Camilla Belle.
Probably the most plausible WMG here.
  • This is pretty much fact since it's a response to "Much Better" which is definitely about her.
    • "Much Better" was a response to "Forever & Always", so they're just really going back and forth, aren't they?]

"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" takes place during "Mary's Song (Oh My My My)."
It's during the time covered by the third and fourth verses, or possibly between the fourth verse and the bridge.

She didn't miss the point of Romeo and Juliet in Love Story.
Romeo and Juliet do die, just like in the source material. That last part about them being able to marry and live Happily Ever After is actually Romeo and Juliet reuniting in Heaven.

She writes the breakup songs about her boyfriends while she's with them.
As we speak she's bouncing ideas in her head about flippy hair and English accents and buttondown shirts buttoned all the way up and all those annoying little things...

When Tom Odell and Taylor Swift break up, the result will be each of their Magnum Opus-es.
Link. Tom Odell and Taylor Swift are both famous for break up songs. Because we know they both have highly charged emotions, when they break up they will begin writing entire albums about each other. The result will be mind-blowingly Awesome Music.

Similar jokes have been made about Taylor Swift and Adele.

"Ours" is about Schoolgirl Lesbians.
(This WMG disregards the video, obviously.) There's not a male pronoun in the whole song, and it's never stated that the love interest is a "bad boy," or why exactly people disapprove. So my theory is the narrator is actually singing to her girlfriend, which gives a new meaning to certain lyrics. ("There's always someone who disapproves." "The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours.")

The indie record that's much cooler than Taylor Swift's is Laura Marling's.
  • It's about Jake Gyllenhall, who has said he is a fan of Laura before. Laura is an indie folk artist who critics love, and her third album came out at the time that they were dating. It's a possibility...

The boyfriend in "Stay, Stay, Stay" is another self-indulgent taker.
Consider: He doesn't take her seriously when she's mad and has convinced her that no one else will love her when she's mad. He carries her groceries not out of politeness, but to remove control she has over her own life in even the smallest aspects. He took the time to memorize her. He's given her no choice but to stay. And overall he just looks a whole lot like Prince Hans.
SupertrampWMG/MusicSymphony X

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