Colin: No, what I wanna ask you is, er, can we... use your 'ouse?
Sharon: What? Course we can. Tracey realises I got me own life to lead, as long as you don't make me make too much noise.
— Sharon Theodopolopodous misinterpreting Detective Constable Colin Mortimer.
- Date First Aired: 14/11/1993
Tracey is worried about Garth, as he has made her Breakfast in Bed - and it's not for anything special. Meanwhile, Sharon's relationship with Colin has inspired her to broaden her horizons, leading to her going out to a fringe theatre. However, whilst they're out, Colin asks if he can use the sisters' house. See, Colin's governer, Detective Inspector Dunford, wants 24 hour surveillance of someone in Bryan Close and he wants the sisters house thanks to Colin's relationship with Sharon. Tracey is of course extremely pissed off by this, especially as it was a Detective Inspector which put her husband in prison, although Sharon eventually convinces her to do so by saying that it could be an international drug lord. In fact, it may well be Emile, Dorien's new unrequited love.
Soon, the police move into the house. Specifically, Sharon's bedroom. The next morning, Dorien shows up, having mistaken the detective for Tracey cheating on her husband, and Sharon goes on with the lie, claiming that Tracey has a sex slave. Unfortunately, Dorien also reveals that she saw Garth in an apparent drug deal from Emile, leading Tracey to believe that Garth is a drug dealer. Luckily, Garth is able to clear up things - Emile is actually a world-famous chef, who has come to Essex to open a country house hotel. The money that he had gotten was actually from him being asked to dice carrots for a private party. Tracey also finds out about Sharon's lie and concludes that all of this mess came about because she let the detectives into the house. So, Tracey decides to throw them out...only to come across them having sex. As it turns out, there was never a surveillance operation in the first place, DI Dunford having used the opportunity to have an affair with Constable Wheatley, who never was a constable to begin with.
Tropes In This Episode:
- Absurd Phobia: Sharon claims to have a fear of boxes to avoid sleeping in the box room.
- Added Alliterative Appeal: Sharon claims that two detectives from the Serious Strumpet Squad are spying on Dorien.
- Auto Erotica: Implied in Sharon's faked story about Tracey's new secret lover, where something magical happened on the A13 which led to him becoming basically her sex-slave.
- Breakfast in Bed: According to Tracey, Garth made her breakfast in bed. Specifically, deviled kidneys. This worries Tracey, as it's a sign he's acting too nice to her.Dorien: Can I smell a full English breakfast?Sharon: Tracey's just had it in bed.Dorien: With whom?Tracey: On my own. You're a trollop, you are.
- Call-Back: Tracey doesn't trust Detective Inspectors after her previous encounters with Detective Inspector Tatum.
- Celebrity Resemblance: According to Dorien, her new love Emile looks like Gérard Depardieu.
- Continuity Nod: The shirt Dorien wears when she breaks into Tracey and Sharon's house is one she had previously been wearing in "A Brush with the Law" and "East Side Story"
- Credit Card Destruction: Sharon threatens to flambé Dorien's credit cards if she tells another soul about the (fake) sex slave of Tracey.
- Dope Slap: Tracey gives one to Sharon when she remarks that by (apparently) selling drugs, Garth is only following in his father's footsteps.
- End-of-Episode Silliness: The episode ends on Dorien, Tracey, Sharon and Colin racing upstairs to watch Detective Inspector Dunford's sextape.
- The Ghost:
- Emile Berrod, a French chef that Garth is mistaken for doing drug deals with, never appears on screen.
- The same applies to Garth's mate Richard.
- Girls Love Stuffed Animals: Sharon apparently has a collection of teddy bears in her bedroom.
- Hypocrite: Tracey calls out Dorien on this when she feels sorry for Detective Inspector Dunford's wife, pointing that it's a bit rich coming from the woman who has likely had sex with almost every man in Essex without her own husband noticing.
- In-Series Nickname: Tracey and Sharon tend to call Emile "the Frog".
- Interrupted Intimacy: Tracey, Sharon and Colin walk in on Detective Inspector Dunford and Stephanie having sex.
- "Just Joking" Justification: Dorien makes a joke at the wrong time and Tracey throws a ceramic object at her.Dorien: It was lighthearted quip! What's going on?
- Layman's Terms: When Dorien says "in flagrante delicto", Sharon has to dumb it down to "givin' 'er one" for Tracey to understand.
- Loophole Abuse: In an effort to make sure Tracey wouldn't find out the lies she told to Dorien, Sharon makes her promise that what she hears won't leave the four walls of the kitchen. They don't, as Tracey enters the kitchen and Dorien tells her everything.
- Mistaken for Cheating: Dorien sees the two detectives by the window and thinks that they're Tracey and another man. Sharon decides to string Dorien along with this, claiming that Tracey has a sex puppet (although Tracey apparently only teases him in a bid to remain faithful to Darryl).
- Mistaken Identity: Dorien mistakes Constable Wheatley and Detective Inspector Dunford having an affair for Tracey and a mystery man.
- Noodle Incident:
- Chris once danced to "Una Paloma Blanca" at a disco in Margate, ending in him tripping up, spilling his lager over two rugby players, and having to spend a week in traction.
- Tracey was once offered cocaine from a child in Edmonton and gave him a smack for it.Sharon: Kid musta loved you - smack was expensive 'round Edmonton.
- Tracey once hit Sharon at school for putting a dissected mouse down her bra.
- Nosy Neighbour: Detective Inspector Dunford mentions Tracey has some very nosy neighbours, leading Tracey to make a remark about Dorien.
- The Oldest Profession: After Tracey finds £50 in Garth's pocket, Sharon remarks he must be selling his body on the street, claiming it's as likely as him selling drugs.
- One-Shot Character: Detective Inspector Greg Dunford and Stephanie Wheatley.
- One-Steve Limit: Garth mentions going to the Stag Party of Richard from his cooking course. Richard was also the name of another one of Garth's mates back in "Young Guns".
- "Open!" Says Me: When Dorien finds that for once, Tracey and Sharon have locked the back door, she simply smashes in one of the glass panes on the door and unlocks it from the inside.
- Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: Sharon one mistook The Nutcracker Suite for a sofa and two armchairs, although she claims she was mucking about.
- Pop-Culture Pun Episode Title: The title of the episode is a reference to the play An Inspector Calls.
- Rich Language, Poor Language: Sharon has to dumb down Dorien's posh words.Dorien: But what I don't understand is... if they spent all their time in flagrante delicto.Tracey: Wass that mean then?Sharon: Givin' 'er one.
- Sequel Episode: To "A Brush with the Law" from earlier this series.
- Shout-Out:
- Tracey remarks that even she knows The Nutcracker Suite is a ballet and not a sofa and two armchairs.
- Dorien listens to Melvyn Bragg on Start the Week on Radio 4.
- Dorien lends Sharon a copy of The Chronicles of Barsetshire.
- Emile apparently looks like Gérard Depardieu.
- Sharon tells Colin that he reminds her of Inspector Morse, although he thinks he's closer to Kenneth Branagh.
- Sharon accuses Emile of being The French Connection.
- The Stag Party Garth went to apparently had enough booze to sink the Ark Royal and a woman dressed up as Princess Diana.
- Sharon wears a New York Yankees shirt.
- Tracey remarks she doesn't watch Crimewatch Francais when Garth asks her if she knows who Emile Berrod.
- Tracey mockingly calls the two detectives "Dempsey and Makepeace".
- Stag Party: When Garth first appears in this episode, he has come from one such stag party held for a guy named Richard from his course. It involved a lot of strippers, booze, and a "Princess Di-agram" (a woman dressed as Princess Diana).
- Take That!:
- Tracey switches off "New World Symphony" by Antonín Dvořák and calls it crap, asking Sharon what's wrong with Radio 1. Sharon then claims Radio 1 as "churns out remorseless technopop for people with no discernible brain cells", making Tracey remark that that's rich coming from the woman whose former number one Desert Island Disc used to be "Una Paloma Blanca" by the George Baker Selection.
- Dorien calls "Mahler's 4th Symphony" easy listening symphony for the uninitiated.
- Sharon remarks that the Queen would rather have a son like Garth than Prince Andrew.
- Tracey keeps complaining about having to cook vegan food.
- Dorien hopes Detective Inspector Dunford's sextape wasn't on Betamax.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Garth calls out Tracey for not trusting him enough to believe that he was doing anything other than getting into a drug deal.Tracey: I made a right balls-up o' that, di'n't I?Sharon: Yep.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Sharon claims to be afraid of heights and boxes in order to avoid sleeping in the attic or the box room.
- Your Door Was Open: Inverted. For once, Sharon and Tracey's door is locked when Dorien tries to get in. So she instead smashes the glass pane next to the lock and unlocks it anyway. The look of disbelief on Sharon's face has to be seen to be believed.
