"I can't wait to get away from you
Unsurprisingly you hate me, too
We only communicate when we need to fight
But we are best friends, right?"
—Amy Winehouse, "Best Friends, Right?"
"Acquaintances disagree, friends argue."
Harold: I've got bad skin, what can I tell you.
Michael: Who wouldn't, after they deliberately take a pair of tweezers and deliberately mutilate their pores. No wonder you've got holes in your face after the hack-job you've done on yourself, year in and year out.
Harold: You hateful sow.
Michael: Yes, you've got scars on your face, but they're not that bad. And if you'd leave yourself alone, you wouldn't have more than you've already awarded yourself.
Harold: You'd really like me to compliment you now, for being so honest, wouldn't you? For being my best friend, who will tell me what even my best friends won't tell me.
People think we had a love-hate relationship. Well, I did not love him, nor did I hate him. We had mutual respect for each other, even as we both planned each other's murder.
"Once Gene and I were invited in a joint appearance with another Chicago media couple, Steve Dahl and Gary Meier... Gene and I were known for our rages against each other, and Steve and Gary were known for their accord. They gave us advice about how to work together as a successful team. Soon afterward Steve and Gary had an angry falling-out that continues to this day."
Red Mage: Would you rather be killed by Sarda or by your beloved friends?
Black Mage: Neither! Also, I hate you guys.
Red Mage: Hate is a kind of Love.
Penny: Why do you hang out with [Sheldon]?
Howard: We like Leonard [Sheldon's roommate].
You guys are the worst friends ever!
— Joey, Yu-gi-oh! The Abridged Series
Brad: I kinda turn around and look at the unconscious bloody body of Mr. You-don't-know-it-but-you're-already-dead, and...
Brian: I'm communing with my god, shut up!
Brad: ...And wonder if we should just leave him to die.
Aimee: No, 'cause I need him to heal me.
— Jade Regent, episode 3, from RPGMP3
There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but there's a skirmish of wit between them.
— Leonato, Much Ado About Nothing, I.i.60
Hobbes: You know, maybe we don't need enemies.
Calvin: Yeah, best friends are about all I can take.
— Calvin and Hobbes, after another snowball fight.
But as she shook your hand, she stole your man
And it was done so swift, it had to be a plan
Couldn't trust her with cheese, let alone your keys
With friends like that you dont need enemies
Stan: We're gonna go to save the little baby cows, fatass!
Cartman: What? Why?
Kyle: 'Cause they're gonna get slaughtered tomorrow, butthole!
Stan: So we can't let 'em die, douchebag! You're our friend; now come help us!
Cartman: Well, let's see. In the last 3.2 seconds you've called me "fatass", "butthole", and "douchebag". I really don't feel like you guys' friend.
— South Park, "Fun With Veal"
You know, you guys are the reason I need therapy.
— Krillin, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
JonTron: You know...I took in what you said, and I don't care.
Egoraptor: Glad to know I have friends like you.
If you were Harry's enemy, his plots might be hard to see through at first, they might even be stupid, but his reasoning would make sense once you understood it, you would comprehend that he was trying to hurt you.
The way Harry was acting toward Draco right now did not make sense.
Because if you were Harry's friend, then he tried to be friends with you in the alien, incomprehensible way he'd been raised by Muggles to do, even if it meant destroying your entire life.
And Draco realized with a note of horror and despair, that although it was a terrifying fate indeed to be Harry's friend, Harry now had so many different avenues for threatening Draco that being his enemy would be even worse.
Well, he could always switch to being enemies later...
He was doomed.
Michael': Isn't that sort of what we do?
Katie: Real friends, Michael. Real friends.
— After Hours, "5 Horrifying Secret Rules Of Life In A Movie Universe"
Sonic: You're making my work go really slow!
Captain Rescue: I'm just trying to help!
Sonic: Yeah, well, with help like yours, we don't need badniks!
— Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, "Over The Hill Hero"
Salladhor Saan: You are not my friend, my friend.