Quotes / With Friends Like These...

"I can't wait to get away from you
Unsurprisingly you hate me, too
We only communicate when we need to fight
But we are best friends, right?"
Amy Winehouse, "Best Friends, Right?"

"Acquaintances disagree, friends argue."
Chinese proverb

Harold: I've got bad skin, what can I tell you.
Michael: Who wouldn't, after they deliberately take a pair of tweezers and deliberately mutilate their pores. No wonder you've got holes in your face after the hack-job you've done on yourself, year in and year out.
Harold: You hateful sow.
Michael: Yes, you've got scars on your face, but they're not that bad. And if you'd leave yourself alone, you wouldn't have more than you've already awarded yourself.
Harold: You'd really like me to compliment you now, for being so honest, wouldn't you? For being my best friend, who will tell me what even my best friends won't tell me.

"People think we had a love-hate relationship. Well, I did not love him, nor did I hate him. We had mutual respect for each other, even as we both planned each other's murder."
Werner Herzog on Klaus Kinski (he's not joking, by the way)

"Once Gene and I were invited in a joint appearance with another Chicago media couple, Steve Dahl and Gary Meier... Gene and I were known for our rages against each other, and Steve and Gary were known for their accord. They gave us advice about how to work together as a successful team. Soon afterward Steve and Gary had an angry falling-out that continues to this day."

Red Mage: Would you rather be killed by Sarda or by your beloved friends?
Black Mage: Neither! Also, I hate you guys.
Red Mage: Hate is a kind of love.

Penny: Why do you hang out with [Sheldon]?
Howard: We like Leonard [Sheldon's roommate].

Mario: You work for me now. You do some jobs for me, you work yourself out of debt. You fuck up (cuts to henchman holding Tails at gun-point) I'll kill your little fox friend there.
Sonic: Yeah, I'm going to stop you there, that's not really a threat to me at all.
Tails: Mmm, yeah, he's right, he could give a shit if I live or die.

"You guys are the worst friends ever!"

Brad: I kinda turn around and look at the unconscious bloody body of Mr. You-don't-know-it-but-you're-already-dead, and...
Brian: I'm communing with my god, shut up!
Brad: ...And wonder if we should just leave him to die.
Aimee: No, 'cause I need him to heal me.
Jade Regent, episode 3, from RPGMP3

"There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but there's a skirmish of wit between them."
Leonato, Much Ado About Nothing, I.i.60

Hobbes: You know, maybe we don't need enemies.
Calvin: Yeah, best friends are about all I can take.
Calvin and Hobbes, after another snowball fight.

"But as she shook your hand, she stole your man
And it was done so swift, it had to be a plan
Couldn't trust her with cheese, let alone your keys
With friends like that you don't need enemies"
Whodini, "Friends"

Stan: We're gonna go to save the little baby cows, fatass!
Cartman: What? Why?
Kyle: 'Cause they're gonna get slaughtered tomorrow, butthole!
Cartman: So?
Stan: So we can't let 'em die, douchebag! You're our friend; now come help us!
Cartman: Well, let's see. In the last 3.2 seconds you've called me "fatass", "butthole", and "douchebag". I really don't feel like you guys' friend.
South Park ("Fun With Veal")

"You know, you guys are the reason I need therapy."

JonTron: You know...I took in what you said, and I don't care.
Egoraptor: Glad to know I have friends like you.

"If you were Harry's enemy, his plots might be hard to see through at first, they might even be stupid, but his reasoning would make sense once you understood it, you would comprehend that he was trying to hurt you.
The way Harry was acting toward Draco right now did
not make sense.
Because if you were Harry's
friend, then he tried to be friends with you in the alien, incomprehensible way he'd been raised by Muggles to do, even if it meant destroying your entire life.
And Draco realized with a note of horror and despair, that although it was a terrifying fate indeed to be Harry's friend, Harry now had so many different avenues for threatening Draco that being his enemy would be even
Well, he could always switch to being enemies later...
He was doomed."

Michael': Isn't that sort of what we do?
Katie: Real friends, Michael. Real friends.
After Hours, "5 Horrifying Secret Rules Of Life In A Movie Universe"

Sonic: You're making my work go really slow!
Captain Rescue: I'm just trying to help!
Sonic: Yeah, well, with help like yours, we don't need badniks!
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, "Over The Hill Hero"

"You are not my friend, my friend."
Salladhor Saan, Game of Thrones

"I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight. But my friends, my goddamned friends, they're the ones who keep me walking the floor at nights!"
President Warren G. Harding, who kept less than scrupulous company.

"Fine, leave! See if I care! With friends like you, who needs... enemies?"
Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, The Return of Harmony Part 2

Aerith: I wonder where they [the other AVALANCHE members] are? They must be so worried about you...
*Smash Cut to the 7th Heaven*
Barret: Well! I guess Cloud's dead. Guess we all owe Biggs ten bucks.
Biggs: Yes! *everyone else grumbles*
*Back to Cloud and Aerith*
Cloud: What can I say? It...pays to have friends...

Easy Rawlins: If you got a friend that you know does bad things, I mean real bad things, and you still keep him as a friend even though you know what he's like, do you think that's wrong?
Degan Odell: All you got is your friends.

Maki: She's the embodiment of a self-loving narcissist who doesn't care about others. That tactless hairpin weirdo only knows how to seduce men. I'll never forgive her....
Shirogane: Didn't you say she's a precious friend?