Quotes / Unusual Euphemism

"I apprehended the accused and advised him of his rights. He replied, 'Why don't you ram it up your pimhole, you fusking clothprunker.'"

''This game made me realize that the plot of many Mario games can be enlivened somewhat by assuming that 'cake' is the Mushroom Kingdom word for 'sex'. The Princess invites Mario over for some... 'cake', but Bowser kidnaps her so she can make some... 'cake' for him, instead. (Only now he's five hundred feet tall and emperor of the universe, so she'd better make sure her... 'cake' is spread quite wide."

Laura: And now it's time to play the recurring Batman Odyssey game that I like to call Decipher This Series of Words: "BLAST YOU BOY, you scared the string out of my knees!" ...I just Googled the phrase "scared the string out of my knees," and it appears no one has ever said it outside of this comic, right now. Oh wait, I stand corrected: It was also used one time in Volume 1 when Batman dropped LSD.
David: It is literally not a figure of speech.
Laura Hudson and David Wolfkin, "The Complete and Utter Insanity of 'Batman: Odyssey'"

"Soon the primal fire began to burn in Lady Hookstraten's body. Her hips twitched and trembled as each...fireball from Oliver's powerful cannon erupted like molten lava into the quivering mouth of her ever-fluttering love purse."
Steve Martin, The Lonely Guy

Grignr, The Eye of Argon

Birger: Can I say dick in here?... Hello! Is one allowed to dick in here?!
Behind the scenery: No!
Birger: No? Well... Then I say synthesizer instead!
— Birgers unintended joke, in Bakhalt

"Sometimes I ride the goat while swabbing the deck, and that is not a euphemism for anything."
Sealand, Axis Powers Hetalia

"This froopin' WHOMPS!"
T.J. Detweiler, Recess

Jake: (beat) What?
Adventure Time, "Conquest of Cuteness"

(Hugo has just told his father he's in love with Alice.)
Geraldine: So what did he say?
Hugo: Well, I can't tell you what he actually said because, because you're the vicar. But let's say a certain word is represented by another word that, that sounds a little like that word, like, uh... like... "duck," for instance.
Hugo: He asked me what the duck I was playing at. He said he didn't give a flying duck if I ducking loved Alice ducking Tinker, and if I ducking kissed her again, he'd make sure that I was well and truly ducked.
Geraldine: Well, duck me.
The Vicar of Dibley, "Engagement"

Tsunade: (Consulting Anko on her accidental pregnancy, which she's been insisting is just the flu.) "You don't have to stay sick with the flu."
Anko: "I said not to say it. I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Hiashi doesn't rule you, nor does he make decisions for you."
Anko: "I know that. But it's my flu, and I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Are you going to let him have any say in this flu? Help raise the flu bug or anything?"
Anko: "That's the silliest thing I ever heard. Raise a flu bug? Don't you think you're carrying this a bit far?"

(Joel just discovered Craig and Rya (a robot) have had sex.)
Joel: "Holy crap! You weren't supposed to...count the sheep with her."
Phil: "You call sex 'counting the sheep'?"
Joel: "I call everything that. Including people. Sheep."

"I just got such a thrill out of it because it's always been a fantasy of mine to go camping with two men. So I said it was my Jules et Jim" fantasy".
— Dana Delany quoted in Dana Delany on "Jules et Jim"

Anything can be charming with the right choice of words.
Woman: Oop! I've had a few too many whiskeys. Time to play mama bird to the toilet!

Shinji:“Do you think we’ll be able to keep it quiet enough in here? The walls are thicker than at home, but not soundproof.”
Asuka:“I’m very well motivated to be quiet right now, Shinji, because I really want this to happen. Now get your ‘Positron Rifle’ into ‘firing position’, quickly.”
Shinji:“You say the most sensual things, liebchen,”
Asuka:“Shut up and kiss me.”

"After some silent voting, we decided that Davis Mipper was definitely the worst artist, so we drained all of his vein paint and spread it on the wall with our fingers. But I wasn’t satisfied with just that garish red, so we ground up his bones and made it into a really pretty pastel pink."
Hailey Solomanari, Kakos Industries

Paula: Cookie, I am all for you getting your butterfly smashed.
Rebecca: Listen, nobody is smashing my butterfly.
[jump cut to:]
Rebecca: Do it, Greg, smash my butterfly!
Greg: What?
—"Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?", Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

"When you poured the Bisquick, did you mean to make pancakes?"
Abraham on how Glenn and Maggie conceived a child, The Walking Dead

Smithy: Do you want that corn on the cob?
Nessa: Is that a euphemism?