Quotes / The Alcoholic


Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
Oh alcohol, I still drink to your health...
Barenaked Ladies, "Alcohol"

"I fought against the bottle, but I had to do it drunk."
Leonard Cohen, "That Don't Make It Junk"

"It’s just that I'd rather die of drink than of thirst."

Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking.
Arthur: It'd have to be a real big woman!
Arthur (1981)

Frank Slade: Clear them little bottles off. And when I get off the phone here, call up Hyman and tell him I want it wall to wall with John Daniels.
Charlie: Don't you mean Jack Daniels?
Slade: He may be "Jack" to you son, but when you've known him as long as I have, heh. [beat] that's a joke.

"S/he needs alcohol to get through the working day."

"Alcohol is one of mankind's friends. Can I abandon a friend?"
Yang Wen-Li, Legend of Galactic Heroes

Richie: What's in this?!
Eddie: Brandy!
Richie: Good!
Richie: [sarcastically with an effeminate voice and camp gesture] Drambuie?! Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh!
Eddie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright! You've gotta put something in for the birds, haven't you?
Richie: [taking a whiff] Jesus! How are you alive?!
Eddie: I may very well not be!
Bottom, "Hole"

Estate executor: Next, to my alcoholic brother...
Hedge: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!
Estate executor: To dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life...
Hedge: I'm covering up my head! (takes cover)
Estate executor: ...I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey...
Hedge: (raises head) ...really?
Estate executor: And a boot to the head!

"To alcohol—the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!"

Starstruck, Bronyism

God, I'd give anything for a drink...my goddamn soul, for just a glass of beer...
Jack Torrance, The Shining

"99 bottles of vodka on the wall! 99 bottles of vodkaaaa! Shoopity doopity doopity doop!"

"I'm scared if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me."

"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."
— Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

"I must drink beer. Beer is the mind killer. Beer brings the hangover that causes total obliteration. I will scull my beer. I will let it pass through me, till only urine remains!"
Captain Proton and the Planet of Lesbians

"Have some whiskey, honey! Makes ya feel better!"
Mother Grandma, from Liam Kyle Sullivan's "Kelly" shorts

Captain Billy Bones: Rum Jim. Fetch me rum.
Jim: I can't, Captain! I promised Dr. Livesy.
Captain Billy Bones: Oh, hang all doctors. Give me rum.

"I'm just trying to make a living, you know, booze costs money. Usually."
Jessica, Jessica Jones (2015)

Winter: [indignantly] He was drunk!
Glynda: He's always drunk!
RWBY (on Qrow)

"Oh God it hurts. She got me right in the goddamn liver Morty! It's the hardest working liver in the galaxy Morty! And now it has a hole in it."
Rick, Rick and Morty

"I don't drink anymore. 'Course I don't drink any less either."
Male Dwarf joke, World of Warcraft

“Why are you drinking? - the little prince asked.
- In order to forget - replied the drunkard.
- To forget what? - inquired the little prince, who was already feeling sorry for him.
- To forget that I am ashamed - the drunkard confessed, hanging his head.
- Ashamed of what? - asked the little prince who wanted to help him.
- Ashamed of drinking! - concluded the drunkard, withdrawing into total silence.

See, fun fact about Officer Eiffel: Dougie Boy doesn't like to have a drink. Dougie Boy doesn't like to have two drinks, or four drinks, or six drinks. Doug likes to have twelve drinks. Fifteen drinks. But when Doug has a kid, he thinks it's time to go the full Robert Downey, Jr.. He goes to meetings, gets cleaned up. And then one day - one bad day - he has one drink. One. Then it's showtime folks! The Doug Eiffel Limbo: How Low Will He Go?!
Doug Eiffel, Wolf 359

I know that one less vodka cranberry tonight
And I could feed some foreign family for a fortnight
But I might just have one more
After all, what is vodka for?
Apart from making you wanna shag your best mate's wife
And dampening the guilt you feel about your perfect life
Tim Minchin, Fuck The Poor

Randy: Mr. Lahey, is that you, or the liquor talking?
Lahey: Randy... I am the liquor.

And you know that I'll pick up every time you call, just thinking 'one more time'—Alcohol!
Gogol Bordello, Alcohol

His dipsomania had gained considerable ground since his last serious episode, and when he awoke, his first instinct was to open a beer and begin the measured process of filtering reality for the rest of the day. It was a fine art, and he'd read once that Italian fishermen had long since mastered it. They would drink steadily throughout the day, beginning as their boats set out to sea and their nets were cast, but always pacing themselves so not to reach the tipping point of total inebriation. It was not an easy discipline, since wine has a thirst all of its own, but Riaz followed the regime during daylight hours. It was only at twilight that he allowed himself to lose control entirely, and his thoughts turned to a certain story – or maybe it was a fable – written by F. Scott Fitzgerald in the 1920s of a dipso who had lost himself and climbed into the bottle for a couple of decades but who, after sobering up, found himself a total stranger in the New York he'd never actually left.
Decay, by Mark Samuels

Above my bunk, Vinegar Irish is asleep and snoring in his bed. He won't see me leave the dormitory room. After drinking so much this evening - the cleaning liquid with the wet paint smell that I stole from the stores for him - he climbed into bed on his hands and knees with eyes looking at nothing in particular. Most mornings it takes me over twenty minutes to wake him for our work upstairs behind the reception desks. He drinks all day, can remember nothing, and needs his sleep. His face is purple with veins and his lumpy nose smells of bad yeast.
Doll Hands, by Adam L G Nevill

You wouldn't peg Trev as a Hermetic these days. Now he's more of a drunk veteran. He shows up at Perilous almost nightly, mumbling war stories to anybody who'll listen (and plenty who won't). He never dances, but makes up for it by drinking a lot.
Mage: The Ascension - The Orphan's Survival Guide

Have ye heard aboot the Beer of the Month Club? Well, I joined the Beer All at Once Club.
The Demoman, Ring of Fired

Armitage: Where are we going?
Peg: An inn.
The Dog: Yes! Do Faeries have sherry? They must do, right? Booze is the first thing any intelligent species invents. Sherry must exist here.
Armitage: Why an inn?
Peg: That is where we will find the Queen's contact. He is an awful creature who drinks too much and he falls unconscious every night.
The Dog: Sounds awesome.
Clockwork City, by Paul Crilley

Constantine: Who the fuck would let you run a pub?
Brendan: [lying on the floor, surrounded by empty glasses] I'm only mindin' it for Thick Davy, John. He's on his holidays. It's been a veritable triumph, but: I'm tellin' yeh, by simply doin' away wi' outmoded concepts like licensin' laws an' payin' for drink, I've created Heaven on Earth.
Hellblazer: Son Of Man

    Real Life 
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. 'Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic.' 'Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus.' One of those two doesn’t sound right.

As we did not break for lunch until noon, Graham would get a bit edgy around eleven o'clock. On the third day, he muttered in my ear, 'I have a flask. Dare I...?' Since Gorbachev was currently engaged in his doomed battle against vodka, I said we must show solidarity in public. 'But why not drop a paper on the floor, reach down for it, and take a swig?' He shook his head sadly: 'I might not come back up again.'
Gore Vidal on Graham Greene, "Gods and Greens"

I was with Jeff Bernard when he had pancreatitis, and he was in a terrible state of illness. And the doctor—a nice doctor in Middlesex—said, 'Jeff can you knock off the vodka?' And Jeff's eyes filled with tears, you know, as though someone said, 'Will you betray your country?' 'Ah, no. Christ,' he said, 'No. I couldn't give up the vodka.' And the doctor said, 'Well, maybe you could cut it down a bit, Jeff.' And Jeff's eyes then filled utterly with tears and he said, '....No. I've been with Sally Smirnoff too long to give her the elbow now.' Sally Smirnoff, who killed his dick. Who was killing him, had become the great substitute; an incredible transference of affection that, finally, the pain of deprivation—the pain of doing without Sally—outweighed his fear of death.

My insides are in an alcohol solution, and without it they'll die.

People who public with their newly found sobriety have an alarming tendency to relapse. Consider those pathetic celebrities who check into rehab and hold a press conference....People who tell everyone they've gone two weeks without a drink are on thin ice.

An alcoholic is someone who can violate his standards quicker than he can lower them.

It usually takes two liters of vodka just to make me feel warm inside.

The average stoner isn't gonna be a cop. Stoners hate cops. You wanna meet someone with a false sense of repression? Talk to a stoner who has been busted by the cops. THIS FUCKING COUNTRY, MANNNNNN. SOMETHING'S GOTTA CHANGE. Maybe there's one guy out there who wants to be the KEWL KOP who smokes weed and is nice to black people, but that's about it. Every other cop became a cop specifically so that they could get drunk at Irish pubs and then stumble home to an angry wife and curse her out for not understanding WHAT THIS JOB DOES TO A MAN. That job was made for alcoholics.

"But those passages of pointless linguistic pirouetting? The arguments that don’t track if you look beneath the bravura phrasing? Forgive the cliché: that was the booze talking."
Katha Pollitt, on Christopher Hitchens