Quotes: The Alcoholic


Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
Oh alcohol, I still drink to your health...
Barenaked Ladies, "Alcohol"

"I fought against the bottle, but I had to do it drunk."
Leonard Cohen, "That Don't Make It Junk"

"It’s just that I'd rather die of drink than of thirst."

Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking.
Arthur: It'd have to be a real big woman!
Arthur (1981)

"S/he needs alcohol to get through the working day."

"Alcohol is one of mankind's friends. Can I abandon a friend?"
Yang Wen-Li, Legend of Galactic Heroes

Richie: What's in this?!
Eddie: Brandy!
Richie: Good!
Richie: Drambuie?! Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh!
Richie: [taking a whiff] Jesus! How are you alive?!
Eddie: I may very well not be!
Bottom, "Hole"

Estate executor: Next, to my alcoholic brother...
Hedge: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!
Estate executor: To dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life...
Hedge: I'm covering up my head! (takes cover)
Estate executor: ...I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey...
Hedge: (raises head) ...really?
Estate executor: And a boot to the head!

"To alcohol—the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!"


God, I'd give anything for a drink...my goddamn soul, for just a glass of beer...
Jack Torrance, The Shining

"99 bottles of vodka on the wall! 99 bottles of vodkaaaa! Shoopity doopity doopity doop!"

"I'm scared if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me."

"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."
— Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

"I must drink beer. Beer is the mind killer. Beer brings the hangover that causes total obliteration. I will scull my beer. I will let it pass through me, till only urine remains!"
Captain Proton and the Planet of Lesbians

"Have some whiskey, honey! Makes ya feel better!"
Mother Grandma, from Liam Kyle Sullivan's "Kelly" shorts

Captain Billy Bones: Rum Jim. Fetch me rum.
Jim: I can't, Captain! I promised Dr. Livesy.
Captain Billy Bones: Oh, hang all doctors. Give me rum.

    Real Life 
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. 'Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic.' 'Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus.' One of those two doesn’t sound right.

As we did not break for lunch until noon, Graham would get a bit edgy around eleven o'clock. On the third day, he muttered in my ear, 'I have a flask. Dare I...?' Since Gorbachev was currently engaged in his doomed battle against vodka, I said we must show solidarity in public. 'But why not drop a paper on the floor, reach down for it, and take a swig?' He shook his head sadly: 'I might not come back up again.'
Gore Vidal on Graham Greene, "Gods and Greens"

I was with Jeff Bernard when he had pancreatitis, and he was in a terrible state of illness. And the doctor—a nice doctor in Middlesex—said, 'Jeff can you knock off the vodka?' And Jeff's eyes filled with tears, you know, as though someone said, 'Will you betray your country?' 'Ah, no. Christ,' he said, 'No. I couldn't give up the vodka.' And the doctor said, 'Well, maybe you could cut it down a bit, Jeff.' And Jeff's eyes then filled utterly with tears and he said, '....No. I've been with Sally Smirnoff too long to give her the elbow now.' Sally Smirnoff, who killed his dick. Who was killing him, had become the great substitute; an incredible transference of affection that, finally, the pain of deprivation—the pain of doing without Sally—outweighed his fear of death.

My insides are in an alcohol solution, and without it they'll die.

People who public with their newly found sobriety have an alarming tendency to relapse. Consider those pathetic celebrities who check into rehab and hold a press conference....People who tell everyone they've gone two weeks without a drink are on thin ice.

An alcoholic is someone who can violate his standards quicker than he can lower them.

It usually takes two liters of vodka just to make me feel warm inside.

The average stoner isn't gonna be a cop. Stoners hate cops. You wanna meet someone with a false sense of repression? Talk to a stoner who has been busted by the cops. THIS FUCKING COUNTRY, MANNNNNN. SOMETHING'S GOTTA CHANGE. Maybe there's one guy out there who wants to be the KEWL KOP who smokes weed and is nice to black people, but that's about it. Every other cop became a cop specifically so that they could get drunk at Irish pubs and then stumble home to an angry wife and curse her out for not understanding WHAT THIS JOB DOES TO A MAN. That job was made for alcoholics.

It's too bad, because I think more cops should smoke weed. Instead of arming them with guns, just arm them with big Js and some kick-ass dancehall beats, and all conflicts would be resolved within seconds.

Okay, I think it might be time for Giles and the rest of the Scooby Gang to book a hotel room and call up the Sunnydale equivalent of Candy Finnigan, because this is getting sad...It doesn’t take a genius to realize that putting Nicholas Brendon in a hotel room with a bunch of booze during a comic-con weekend spells trouble and/or a trip to jail, so maybe organizers of future comic-cons might want to think about a strategy to prevent this mess. Like letting him Skype in from home from now on? Or at least start taking the mirrors out of his hotel room.
DListed , "Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One: Xander From Buffy Got Arrested At A Comic-Con In Florida"

"But those passages of pointless linguistic pirouetting? The arguments that don’t track if you look beneath the bravura phrasing? Forgive the cliché: that was the booze talking."
Katha Pollitt, on Christopher Hitchens