Quotes: Talkative Loon

"As the length of a webpage grows linearly, the likelihood of the author being a lunatic increases exponentially."
Time Cube Law

I speak in English and think in French.
Someday, I'll take French lessons and find out what the heck I'm thinking.
The PHB, Dilbert

George Smock, better known as Brother Jed, used to be a sociology instructor and Janis Joplin aficionado. They say DMT ruined his mind. Later, he became a wingnut Methodist evangelist who wanders around the United States evangelizing at college campuses. This is hilarious and a great way to reduce stress during finals week. Do not miss his act. He is famous for his extremely confrontational style, "It's not Ok to be gay" song, and racism...When he has warmed to his topic, you want to stand back a little; he literally begins to spray it while saying it.

Charlie Sheen just couldn’t bear to remain silent on the unfair treatment Brian Williams was receiving, so he took a break from thinking about running for President in 2016 to write a letter to his favorite former news anchor explaining that he knows the TRUTH: that this is nothing but a “vile witch hunt” against American Hero Brian Williams. Charlie gave said letter to TMZ (aka he was found in the TMZ parking lot screaming “HEY, SOMEBODY WRITE THIS DOWN” into a broken bullhorn) and it’s long and it’s crazy...But I think the craziest part of that whole letter is that Charlie Sheen watches actual legitimate news on television. I just assumed he got his news from the talking rat who appears every time he huffs paint thinner in the garage. “Good evening, Charlie. Today’s top stories: Just as you suspected, the government is definitely monitoring your thoughts using microwaves, there’s a ghost living in your pool house who wants to steal your teeth, and aliens are trying to communicate with you through your urine. All that and more, tonight on Rat News 6.“

"Breaking news! And if you broke it, you have to pay for it. And now the weather: partially gaga with a fifty percent chance of schizophrenia!"

Stare deeply into the stinking abyss of my individually wrapped slices. I have powers pinto beans only dream of! Wanna see me pull a tapeworm outta my ass? Huh? You're all zombie thigh fat people, brought into existance by some evil force of forceful evil! Shit, that lipstick's the wrong color for you!
Happy Noodle Boy, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

"I don't know what I'm saying! I never know what I'm saying!"
River Tam, Serenity

"I am Ed! Cheese and macaroni!"
Ed, Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show (to kick off the car chase)

"Oh, life is fun! Try sayin' that ten times fast ten thousand times a minute every day for the rest of your life and it'll screw with your head so bad that all problems will disappear like MAGIC! Okay okay okay, I've gotten past the sadness and as of now I'm evolving to a HIGHER STAAAATE! Right!? Tell me you all think so! Life...is a magnificent beast, and it excites me."
Graham Spector,Baccano!

"Oklahomans everywhere are letting themselves go...for lower carbohydrates and calories, pickles. Cheese. I challenge every one of us to stop murdering and kicking dogs and girlfriends, ALEX. You're a bad boyfriend. *pushes dog insert* Get out of the shoot. Now, some jets. Dogs. Snake! Those are my pennies! Where are yours?"

"Now listen all you swingers, don't you try to tag along
I know monkey see, but monkey's dead, for you it would be wrong
Put a dime in my jukebox, you'll only hear this song
And it won't be fun for long"
Absolutely Bill's Mood They Might Be Giants

"So, um, yeah, this is 1-1 reconstructed. They've reconstructed World 1. It had a lot of renovations to do. It just wasn't up to code, you know. There was some stuff going on, and they-they found a whole lot of battery acid running around in the attic, and you know how noisy that can get. Neighbors started to complain, they called a telephone number, which doesn't even exist, but they managed to make one just for that one occasion. I-i-i-it was just a big ol' piece of chili pie."

The UK goverment has forced the Merdocks to postpone the BSKYB bid as they are finding the money to give them 100% of BSKYB in return for all MPs to fiddle and squander there're MPs expensives with a injuction for news about the matter meaning that it can not be published in The Sun On Sunday or any other newspaper or form of media what-so-ever meaning MPs are can steal of the british people as well as the rest of the world an be immune to any charges ever.

"I am Cornholio! You will name you baby Bungholio! Is he an albino? Julio Bungholio... he will be an albino... and a gringo...."
Beavis as Cornholio, Beavis And Butthead

"The shiny moonbeams ate all my corn cobs... They sliced my mom's PEARLY PEARLS and sent the Rakk to graze on her piano-driven corpse! My parents JIGGLED and SQUIGGLED AND I DIDN'T KILL THEM I PROMISE! They called me INSANE! No! I am not insane! I am throatscratch! I am the pants! I. AM. RAKKMAN!"
Rakkman's ECHO log, Borderlands 2

(I don't know the dead man. Probably didn't deserve what he got. Doesn't make him special, though. All kinds of people die out here. The innocent, and the not so innocent. I want to warn him, tell him to run, to hide, so that I don't have to kill him. That's... what I wanna say. What actually comes out of my mouth is...)
(Heh. Close enough.)

(She's a Vault Hunter. A Siren warrior who can kill me with her brain. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Tell her she's as beautiful as a thousand sunsets. Tell her you need her help. Tell her to rescue you and care for you, and whatever you do, do not scream the word "poop" at the top of your lungs!)
[Flipping the Bird and waving his buzz axe around] "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"
(It's over, idiot. You're gonna die here and now, and your last words will have been "poop train".)