(parodying "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt)
You're passable, it's true.
I saw your face.... it's okay.
So I figure that you'll do
'til I find somebody new.
— Todd in the Shadows, in "Top Ten Songs About Mediocre Romances"
He strained to listen for what was missing, and felt that the music was like a flightless bird that didn't even know what capacity it had lost. It walked very well, but it walked where it should soar, it walked where it should swoop, it walked where it should climb and bank and dive, it walked where it should thrill with the giddiness of flight. It never even looked up.
"He's colossal! Stupendous! One might even go so far as to say he's mediocre."
"That's good. That's like a forty-degree day. Ain't nobody got nothing to say about a forty-degree day. Fifty? Bring a smile to your face. Sixty? Shit, niggas is damn near barbecuing on that motherfucker. Go down to twenty, niggas get they bitch on, get they blood complainin', but forty? Nobody give a FUCK about forty! Nobody remember forty, and y'all niggers is giving me way too many forty-degree days, WHAT THE FUCK?!
— Stringer Bell, The Wire
"Nobody hates Weekend at Bernie's! The WAB films are generally regarded as so unremarkably mediocre they don't even attract any trolls who care enough to shit on it. Believe me, I've tried to get in debates with people about it!"
—Jake English, Homestuck
"It's mediocre. I'm not overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I'm just whelmed."
— "Mulberry's 2009 Fall TV Preview"
"I think the highest and lowest points are the important ones. All the points in between are, well, in between."
"If The Lonely Lady had even a shred of style and humor, it could qualify as the worst movie of the year. Unfortunately, it's not that good. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there in Hollywood and it's not enough to be merely awful. You need something to set yourself apart. Pia Zadora tries, and she has pluck, but she's just not bad enough all by herself."
"Directors like Cameron and Spielberg are masters of pulling at those all-important heartstrings. With some exceptions, they are the makers of the movie versions of Applebee's, Panera Bread, and T.G.I. Friday's. Exceptionalism is the exception my friends. The brilliant, complex and challenging falls by the wayside, while the safe and the familiar is the norm. So this is why I can't officially say that Titanic's a bad movie; it aimed for the middle — and hit the mark perfectly. Titanic makes you step back and look at the bigger, more depressing picture: that we're mostly creatures of habit, and we're... average. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Rich: See, I dunno if this is "terrible" as much as it is just a letdown. It's definitely not "good." You could do worse.
Jay: Oh, there's been plenty of worse sequels, but... this is almost worse in the sense that it's so uninspired. When something is that middle-of-the-road, it's almost worse than a disaster sequel.
—Half in the Bag riffs Ghostbusters II
.....................(five minutes pass)....................."I have nothing to say about this car." (walks away)
"Let me just restate that Uncharted 2 is by no stretch of the word bad; it's all very 'balanced' and 'compelling' and 'cinematic' and all the other words from the GameSpot review generator... But apart from that it doesn't add a single thing, not to its own series or to gaming as a whole. It's even got an unlockable zero-gravity mode. You see, it's so opposed to the concept of newness it feels it has to defy Sir Isaac New-ton. "
"I’d rather have an M. Night Shyamalan on his worst day than, say, a Brett Ratner, who might as well not exist. Who ever watched a movie and said “oh that shot was classic Ratner…” Yeah, Ratner and directors of his ilk get stuff made on time and on budget, but there’s not an ounce of creativity. You might as well just dump a sack of bricks into the director’s chair for all the flair and invention you’ll get. What a choice. M. Night Shyamalan, or a sack of bricks."
David: This movie is a straight line, everybody. There are no good parts. There are no bad parts. Just a neverending din of sub-mediocrity. This movie is like nails on chalkboard, neverending and monotonous. It is completely bereft of any original thought.
Chris: I disagree. I think there’s actually a point where you can tell they just completely stop giving a damn.
David: When, the “Warner Bros.” logo?
"A few weeks back, while I was in the depths of despair after ranting about Highlander: Endgame, I set out on a quest with Sarah to watch a good Christopher Lambert movie. Unfortunately, no such thing exists outside of the original Highlander and perhaps Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan. However, there are a lot of mediocre Christopher Lambert movies out there..."
"(Malcolm) MacDowell may actually be too low key here and elsewhere: According to the movie, his character is supposed to be deranged by his need to return to the ribbon, unhinging his moral compass enough to allow him to commit genocide, but McDowell just isn’t giving us deranged at all. It’s a good performance, but it’s an unmemorable one, and certainly not the one that’s called for by the plot. In the end, it’s just a technically solid performance by a solid actor, nothing more. As I said before, this movie screws up even the things it does right."
"That's what makes reviewing this episode so difficult: it's not actually bad, it just has so much you have to sit through that's just uncomfortable. It's a sci-fi prostate exam."
"I used to have enough passion to note every little inconsistency and oddness. Back in season four it was much easier, because it was the first time I'd seen the systematic deconstruction of the framework. They were taking something which had run well, and driving it without oil until the head blew.
Now the car is just stopped, and we're waiting for the mechanic. Earlier this season, some kindly dude named Geoff stopped by, pushed the car ten or fifteen feet with the help of a few friends, but now here we are, sitting by the side of the road in the female 18-25 demographic."
"It's okay, but that's the problem. It's so 'okay' that it's not even worth existing. So bland and mediocre that it's hard to even come up with legitimate complaints."
"As a show, Primeval is solidly not bad, which is, of course, the exact worst thing a show can possibly be for the purposes of blogging about it. The staggeringly execrable and the absolutely phenomenal are both fairly easy to write about. The almost great but fatally flawed is dead easy. Basically competent schedule filler, on the other hand, is absolutely murderous."
"Initial reactions toward Match Point probably were more glowing than they should be but I can certainly understand why. Slogging through (Woody) Allen’s filmography recently has been like eating Ramen noodles for every meal for a month. Your first real meal back will probably seem like Filet Mignon no matter what."
"To tell the truth, I actually find it difficult to talk about the writing, not because it's so bad, but because it's so astonishingly mediocre. The plot? Mind-numbingly average. The characters? Despicably one-note."
— Phillip on Season of the Witch
"Is it a good movie? Well let me tell you something: This. Film. Was. Okay. Just... okay. I mean... not good, not bad, it's just... okay. How is the monster? It's okay. How is the acting? It's okay. How are the special effects? It's all okay! It's like a giant flaming nuclear ball of adequacy!"
Yes, Telenet's quality control was lacking. For every Exile series, the company churned out twice as many unremarkable titles... It wasn't as though the typical Telenet release was even memorably bad; it was more the game equivalent of unflavored oatmeal.
"It's so-so, middle of the road, decent, it's just okay and that is actually...okay."