Quotes: So Okay, It's Average

(parodying "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt)
"You're passable
You're passable
You're passable, it's true.
I saw your face.... it's okay.
So I figure that you'll do
'til I find somebody new."
Todd in the Shadows, in "Top Ten Songs About Mediocre Romances"

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He strained to listen for what was missing, and felt that the music was like a flightless bird that didn't even know what capacity it had lost. It walked very well, but it walked where it should soar, it walked where it should swoop, it walked where it should climb and bank and dive, it walked where it should thrill with the giddiness of flight. It never even looked up.

    Live-action TV 

.....................(five minutes pass).....................I have nothing to say about this car. (walks away)
Jeremy Clarkson on the Vauxhall Vectra

That's good. That's like a forty-degree day. Ain't nobody got nothing to say about a forty-degree day. Fifty? Bring a smile to your face. Sixty? Shit, niggas is damn near barbecuing on that motherfucker. Go down to twenty, niggas get they bitch on, get they blood complainin', but forty? Nobody give a FUCK about forty! Nobody remember forty, and y'all niggers is giving me way too many forty-degree days, WHAT THE FUCK?!!!
Stringer Bell, The Wire


Rich: See, I dunno if this is "terrible" as much as it is just a letdown. It's definitely not "good." You could do worse.
Jay: Oh, there's been plenty of worse sequels, but... this is almost worse in the sense that it's so uninspired. When something is that middle-of-the-road, it's almost worse than a disaster sequel.

    Tabletop Games 

When nothing but second best will do.

    Web Animation 

Let me just restate that Uncharted 2 is by no stretch of the word bad; it's all very 'balanced' and 'compelling' and 'cinematic' and all the other words from the GameSpot review generator... But apart from that it doesn't add a single thing, not to its own series or to gaming as a whole. It's even got an unlockable zero-gravity mode. You see, it's so opposed to the concept of newness it feels it has to defy Sir Isaac New-ton.


It's mediocre. I'm not overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I'm just whelmed.
— "Mulberry's 2009 Fall TV Preview"

    Web Original 

A few weeks back, while I was in the depths of despair after ranting about Highlander: Endgame, I set out on a quest with Sarah to watch a good Christopher Lambert movie. Unfortunately, no such thing exists outside of the original Highlander and perhaps Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan. However, there are a lot of mediocre Christopher Lambert movies out there...

David: This movie is a straight line, everybody. There are no good parts. There are no bad parts. Just a neverending din of sub-mediocrity. This movie is like nails on chalkboard, neverending and monotonous. It is completely bereft of any original thought.
Chris: I think there’s actually a point where you can tell they just completely stop giving a damn.
David: When, the “Warner Bros.” logo?
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Catwoman

Initial reactions toward Match Point probably were more glowing than they should be but I can certainly understand why. Slogging through (Woody) Allen’s filmography recently has been like eating Ramen noodles for every meal for a month. Your first real meal back will probably seem like Filet Mignon no matter what.
Miles Antwiler on Match Point (2005)

Who ever watched a movie and said “oh that shot was classic Ratner…” Yeah, Ratner and directors of his ilk get stuff made on time and on budget, but there’s not an ounce of creativity. You might as well just dump a sack of bricks into the director’s chair for all the flair and invention you’ll get. What a choice. M. Night Shyamalan, or a sack of bricks.
—-Stuart Millard on Brett Ratnet

So far the reviews are mixed to negative and most agree that it’s about as exciting as a sloth’s yawn, but also said that it’s better than the book and somewhat entertaining. But then again if Sam Taylor-Johnson shot nothing but a snail humping a leaf on a puddle of vomit and called it the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, it would still be better than the book.

(Malcolm) MacDowell may actually be too low key here and elsewhere: According to the movie, his character is supposed to be deranged by his need to return to the ribbon, unhinging his moral compass enough to allow him to commit genocide, but McDowell just isn’t giving us deranged at all. It’s a good performance, but it’s an unmemorable one, and certainly not the one that’s called for by the plot. In the end, it’s just a technically solid performance by a solid actor, nothing more. As I said before, this movie screws up even the things it does right.

Watching "Live Fast and Prosper" is like having really unsatisfying sex: the mechanics are adequate but there is no lust, no energy, no flair and no pleasure. The plotting is so drab you can guess every twist a mile off, even when it is trying to be clever.
Joe Ford on Star Trek: Voyager, "Live Fast and Prosper"

As a person or even in his many comedic exploits, Drew Carey is fine. He was a run of the mill 80s and 90s comedian, who got a sitcom, and did Whose Line Is It Anyway? and The Price Is Right (Barker’s better). Congrats to Drew Carey, he is a certifiable C grade celebrity.

If I can get a bit literary, I think that show could be best summed up by paraphrasing Gertrude Stein on Oakland — "There was no THERE there." It seems like three hours went by, and nothing happened.

Jay Leno is renowned for providing background noise for elderly on nursing homes. His barely understandable speech and crappy jokes help the geriatrics sleep better.

As a show, Primeval is solidly not bad, which is, of course, the exact worst thing a show can possibly be for the purposes of blogging about it. The staggeringly execrable and the absolutely phenomenal are both fairly easy to write about. The almost great but fatally flawed is dead easy. Basically competent schedule filler, on the other hand, is absolutely murderous.

Then there is, of course, the fact the entire song was written specifically for the second sequel to a not especially successful movie about dancing that was notable largely because it heavily hyped the fact it was shot in 3D. I mean really, you’d be hard pressed to find a song that better encapsulates the desperation and excess of modern pop.
John Marsfeder on Flo Rida's "Club Can't Handle Me"

Final Fantasy VIII isn't really a step forward for the series, but not a step backwards, either. It's a hop to the side.

Yes, Telenet's quality control was lacking. For every Exile series, the company churned out twice as many unremarkable titles... It wasn't as though the typical Telenet release was even memorably bad; it was more the game equivalent of unflavored oatmeal.

    Web Video 

As soon as you turn this movie off, you're gonna forget what you did for the last hour and a half. 'Oh, yeah. I watched a movie. What was it called again? I dunno, uh, Fatal? Deadly?
Good Bad Flicks and Allison Pregler on Lethal (2005)

Directors like Cameron and Spielberg are masters of pulling at those all-important heartstrings. With some exceptions, they are the makers of the movie versions of Applebee's, Panera Bread, and T.G.I. Friday's.

"I think Eraser's guilty of being a knock-off Arnold movie that just happens to star Arnold. It's almost there."
"Oh, I just noticed: This music—this score is by Alan Silvestri. That theme there is basically Captain America. "Doo doo da doo doo da doo doo doo"... Silvestri scored Captain America, too."
"He just dipped into his archives?"
"I think he figured, 'Who's gonna remember Eraser?'"

That's what makes reviewing this episode so difficult: it's not actually bad, it just has so much you have to sit through that's just uncomfortable. It's a sci-fi prostate exam.

It's okay, but that's the problem. It's so 'okay' that it's not even worth existing. So bland and mediocre that it's hard to even come up with legitimate complaints.
The Angry Video Game Nerd on Independence Day for the Playstation

    Western Animation 

He's colossal! Stupendous! One might even go so far as to say he's mediocre.

    Real Life 

I think the highest and lowest points are the important ones. All the points in between are, well, in between.

Ishtar was a B-minus, C-plus comedy.
Dustin Hoffman on his seminal work

If Hollywood produced five times as many films as it does now, it would still not meet the demand. There is space for the mediocre!
Menahem Golan, 1986 interview

Notice the jump that happens at the 5 score. Notice how the whole tone of the guide changes. Suddenly the guide is not talking about the fine points of addressing the prompt; it is talking about the life-choking drabness of it all. You can almost hear the guide's author muttering under his or her breath, 'I wish we could give these essays an even lower score; they are so boring!' The 5 essay is a trap; many 5 essays are written by good students, and most of these students probably think they wrote a pretty good essay. But in actuality they wrote only an adequate essay, a mechanical essay, a commonplace essay—a boring essay. After grading the fifty-fifth essay of the day, a reader writes down a 5 and picks up another essay from the pile, praying: "Please, not another drab, boring 5 essay!
— Richard Atley Hartzell, Cracking the AP English Language & Composition Exam