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The Bible Game Gospel
Finally, they made a game for me
Fanservice for Christianity
Regardless of faith, you gotta admit
This game right here is pretty sick
It's a crowd-pleaser
It's a converter
It's a jack-of-all-trades, it never fails
Forget enlightenment, this will never grow stale
Learn about the Bible while you have fun!
All thanks to Crave
A good scripture, no biggie
Or a commitment, I'm not picky
The Bible Game, it does it all
It's a trivia game and a bathroom stall
Win a round, you'll feel all swell
Come in fourth place? See you in hell!
A game no other core responds
To Christianity and beyond
A sin or not, I'm not ashamed
To give this game
[Break]
2 out of 10.
Fanservice for Christianity
Regardless of faith, you gotta admit
This game right here is pretty sick
It's a crowd-pleaser
It's a converter
It's a jack-of-all-trades, it never fails
Forget enlightenment, this will never grow stale
Learn about the Bible while you have fun!
All thanks to Crave
A good scripture, no biggie
Or a commitment, I'm not picky
The Bible Game, it does it all
It's a trivia game and a bathroom stall
Win a round, you'll feel all swell
Come in fourth place? See you in hell!
A game no other core responds
To Christianity and beyond
A sin or not, I'm not ashamed
To give this game
[Break]
2 out of 10.
Madden Just for Me
Madden '03 and '04, you play it for the lore
Packed with stuff never done before
Madden '97 turned it to eleven
This game can cure all kinds of depression
Madden 25, what, did we travel through time?!
(No, I mean... it was pretty alright)
John Madden Football, now I've seen it all
It shows how the mighty just refuse to fall
Pick any game you want, you have my guarantee
'Cause there's a Madden just for ME!
Madden Overdrive, not a nosedive
EA Sports, you continue to thrive
What's their bottom goal, their honest intent?
Providing players with pride and accomplishment
Madden CD, oh boy, oh gee
Why can't these things start growing on trees?
Madden '08, it's nirvana on a plate
(I don't like that one)
You're a f-bleep-ing disgrace
Pick any game you want, you have my guarantee
'Cause there's a Madden fooooooooooooooor (not you) ME!
Packed with stuff never done before
Madden '97 turned it to eleven
This game can cure all kinds of depression
Madden 25, what, did we travel through time?!
(No, I mean... it was pretty alright)
John Madden Football, now I've seen it all
It shows how the mighty just refuse to fall
Pick any game you want, you have my guarantee
'Cause there's a Madden just for ME!
Madden Overdrive, not a nosedive
EA Sports, you continue to thrive
What's their bottom goal, their honest intent?
Providing players with pride and accomplishment
Madden CD, oh boy, oh gee
Why can't these things start growing on trees?
Madden '08, it's nirvana on a plate
(I don't like that one)
You're a f-bleep-ing disgrace
Pick any game you want, you have my guarantee
'Cause there's a Madden fooooooooooooooor (not you) ME!
Bargain Bin Christmas
Scott: We've got American Idol on PS2
It's two nintey-nine, of course it blew
Ka-re-o-ke Revol-ut-ion
With no microphone, that might be fun
DJ, Band and Guitar Hero
Just the games, price point zero
Games are games, ignore the fuss
Chorus: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas!
Scott: FIFA there and everywhere
Ninety-nine cents, that's not even fair
Skylanders, it was just a phase
I turned these copies into a maze
LEGO Dimensions, that really exists?
I guarantee you, it was a miss
Games that are the anti-ass
Chorus: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas!
Scott: Just take Battleborn, you swine
Play it before it goes offline
Madden '16, '17, '18
Not as good as '08, pretty blatantly
But who cares? It's at a great price
Presents that'll make anyone say "nice"
Gifts with value and some class
Chorus: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas! Yeah!
Rex: WHAT THE F-*BLEEP*!
It's two nintey-nine, of course it blew
Ka-re-o-ke Revol-ut-ion
With no microphone, that might be fun
DJ, Band and Guitar Hero
Just the games, price point zero
Games are games, ignore the fuss
Chorus: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas!
Scott: FIFA there and everywhere
Ninety-nine cents, that's not even fair
Skylanders, it was just a phase
I turned these copies into a maze
LEGO Dimensions, that really exists?
I guarantee you, it was a miss
Games that are the anti-ass
Chorus: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas!
Scott: Just take Battleborn, you swine
Play it before it goes offline
Madden '16, '17, '18
Not as good as '08, pretty blatantly
But who cares? It's at a great price
Presents that'll make anyone say "nice"
Gifts with value and some class
Chorus: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas! Yeah!
Rex: WHAT THE F-*BLEEP*!
Why Don't You Play Them
Scott: It's not FlingSmash, Geist or Burnout Crash
Not Mario Party 6 or Ultra Smash
Neither Clubhouse Games or Wii Fit Plus
Nor Family Feud on SNE-us
All the games I've played, whether good or bad
Have tropes in common, my favorite doo-dads
They may be rushed or plain or flawed
But they aren'tPGs, oh thank God
Are my tastes just bad?
Am I the one to blame?
Or is it RPG's that are DUMB and LAME?
Rex: No.
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: They just take so damn long to complete
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: 60 hours just to rinse and repeat
Chorus: But you could grind for years just to beat that boss, ooohh
Scott: Why waste all this time on JUST ONE GAME?
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: I just don't like them, I just want to play stupid Nintendo games! (looks at Xenoblade Chronicles X)... that aren't this stupid!
Why don't I like them? Okay...
Turn-based battles and too much text
I'd rather be out not having sex
Menu-cluttering, useless stats
And random encounters can kiss my ass
No gameplay 'til hours in
Combat ready! How did I win?
Same thing happens over again
And that there fun part comes up when?
I missed one thing, and now I'm lost
That one inch of text really meant a lot
There's a shop with items I can't afford
So grind for money, you won't be bored!
I'm tired, I'm scared, I'm not having fun
There's no other way this can be spun
What do I do? What do I check?
It's an RPG, what did I expect?
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
They're so good though
Scott: Now listen guys
Chorus: YOU CAN'T HAVE OPINIONS
WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: They're not my style
Chorus: Start a new file
WHY DON'T- WHY- WHY DON'T YOU-
Not Mario Party 6 or Ultra Smash
Neither Clubhouse Games or Wii Fit Plus
Nor Family Feud on SNE-us
All the games I've played, whether good or bad
Have tropes in common, my favorite doo-dads
They may be rushed or plain or flawed
But they aren'tPGs, oh thank God
Are my tastes just bad?
Am I the one to blame?
Or is it RPG's that are DUMB and LAME?
Rex: No.
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: They just take so damn long to complete
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: 60 hours just to rinse and repeat
Chorus: But you could grind for years just to beat that boss, ooohh
Scott: Why waste all this time on JUST ONE GAME?
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: I just don't like them, I just want to play stupid Nintendo games! (looks at Xenoblade Chronicles X)... that aren't this stupid!
Why don't I like them? Okay...
Turn-based battles and too much text
I'd rather be out not having sex
Menu-cluttering, useless stats
And random encounters can kiss my ass
No gameplay 'til hours in
Combat ready! How did I win?
Same thing happens over again
And that there fun part comes up when?
I missed one thing, and now I'm lost
That one inch of text really meant a lot
There's a shop with items I can't afford
So grind for money, you won't be bored!
I'm tired, I'm scared, I'm not having fun
There's no other way this can be spun
What do I do? What do I check?
It's an RPG, what did I expect?
Chorus: WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
They're so good though
Scott: Now listen guys
Chorus: YOU CAN'T HAVE OPINIONS
WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM?
Scott: They're not my style
Chorus: Start a new file
WHY DON'T- WHY- WHY DON'T YOU-
Stupid Nintendo Games
Scott: Over fifteen thousand games to try,
To discuss and later shelve
The consistency, alphabetically,
And Player's Choice can go to hell
The size and shape of discs and cards,
For an hour or so I'll talk
I'd swipe right on them 'til both my thumbs are stems,
'Cause every day's Fat Tuesday in my eyes
The world doesn't get my passion
They all think Wii Play: Motion's a sin
But it's their loss, for they
Got no spare time to waste
This is something I know we should all embrace
I'm on a quest
To address all the requests
Please understand this kind of stuff is virginity cache
We have been blessed, no time to rest, I've got a lot to undress
You don't need sex, this is better anyways
It's stupid Nintendo games!
It may be hard to find a place to start, so might I suggest [hits a copy of Madden '09 with a bat] not that.
Might I suggest a Geist to start things out,
Then moving on to Pac 'n Roll
Lost in Blue and Tetris 2,
Or whatever's left at Kohl's
Nigel Mansell plus Clubhouse Games,
Name a better pair to taste
If you said Madden '09 and skin,
Get the f*ck out of my face
Please tell me that you understand
Terry: As a vegan, this fits my diet plan.
Target Employee: They make for great Target practice.
Rex: As long as I'm not having sex.
Jeb: You didn't tell me one of these was f*cking Gex!
Scott: I shouldn't dwell, I've got no sex to sell,
Take 'em all and distribute 'em, and you're spreading Wii Play
It's so swell, these extra copies extra ban you from hell
I've got a FlingSmash to play every single day
Stupid Nintendo games!
I must confess, I might be slightly obsessed
How could I not be? Have you seen these? I've got no shame to blame
If you're down and feeling blue when life crops in around you,
There's a solution for all that pollution dilutin' your brain:
Stupid Nintendo games!
To discuss and later shelve
The consistency, alphabetically,
And Player's Choice can go to hell
The size and shape of discs and cards,
For an hour or so I'll talk
I'd swipe right on them 'til both my thumbs are stems,
'Cause every day's Fat Tuesday in my eyes
The world doesn't get my passion
They all think Wii Play: Motion's a sin
But it's their loss, for they
Got no spare time to waste
This is something I know we should all embrace
I'm on a quest
To address all the requests
Please understand this kind of stuff is virginity cache
We have been blessed, no time to rest, I've got a lot to undress
You don't need sex, this is better anyways
It's stupid Nintendo games!
It may be hard to find a place to start, so might I suggest [hits a copy of Madden '09 with a bat] not that.
Might I suggest a Geist to start things out,
Then moving on to Pac 'n Roll
Lost in Blue and Tetris 2,
Or whatever's left at Kohl's
Nigel Mansell plus Clubhouse Games,
Name a better pair to taste
If you said Madden '09 and skin,
Get the f*ck out of my face
Please tell me that you understand
Terry: As a vegan, this fits my diet plan.
Target Employee: They make for great Target practice.
Rex: As long as I'm not having sex.
Jeb: You didn't tell me one of these was f*cking Gex!
Scott: I shouldn't dwell, I've got no sex to sell,
Take 'em all and distribute 'em, and you're spreading Wii Play
It's so swell, these extra copies extra ban you from hell
I've got a FlingSmash to play every single day
Stupid Nintendo games!
I must confess, I might be slightly obsessed
How could I not be? Have you seen these? I've got no shame to blame
If you're down and feeling blue when life crops in around you,
There's a solution for all that pollution dilutin' your brain:
Stupid Nintendo games!
Closing In
It starts off the same for every week
And ends with a game on PS3
Pick something right out of the drawer,
And hold it up against the floor
Spew some junk about no sex
Then a vegan comes just to say "Gex"
At the desk, look like a hoarder
Surrounded by some big blue border
I just want to break the mold
To not follow a path
But every week my life involves
Mentioning Barrel Blast
(It's closing in)
My screen is all burned in?
(It's closing in)
I always have that stupid grin
(It's closing in)
And just like my virginity,
I'm worried this 1080p outline's here for infinity
(I'm on the border)
Does my whole life need a giant watermark?
(Of starting over)
I truly really never noticed something so stark?
(Why is it this way)
These are some deep questions—this is getting too philosophical for me
(Blue from feeling like I'm suffocating)
To lay it on the line, it's closing in on me
(It's closing in)
It's always been this way?
(It's closing in)
Not sure if that's okay...
(It's closing in)
Constantly from day to day
To lay it on the line, it's closing in on me!
And ends with a game on PS3
Pick something right out of the drawer,
And hold it up against the floor
Spew some junk about no sex
Then a vegan comes just to say "Gex"
At the desk, look like a hoarder
Surrounded by some big blue border
I just want to break the mold
To not follow a path
But every week my life involves
Mentioning Barrel Blast
(It's closing in)
My screen is all burned in?
(It's closing in)
I always have that stupid grin
(It's closing in)
And just like my virginity,
I'm worried this 1080p outline's here for infinity
(I'm on the border)
Does my whole life need a giant watermark?
(Of starting over)
I truly really never noticed something so stark?
(Why is it this way)
These are some deep questions—this is getting too philosophical for me
(Blue from feeling like I'm suffocating)
To lay it on the line, it's closing in on me
(It's closing in)
It's always been this way?
(It's closing in)
Not sure if that's okay...
(It's closing in)
Constantly from day to day
To lay it on the line, it's closing in on me!
Might as Well
It's our time to prove our worth
By saving the world, save this frameless Earth
And when we do, we'll rub it
In the faces of our government
How could you tax a hero's quest?
Just take that, IRS!
We gotta save the world, we gotta save the day
I know you all don't have some plan, so hear me out as I sway
You don't want blue cataracts; wouldn't that be anti-swell?
You've got nothing else going on, so you all might as well
We can't give up, at least not yet
We gotta try, I can't lose this bet
We're the only ones capable
Of ending this blue fable,
So we mustn't stall our big night
This so counts as a fight!
Take your nearest hand, bop it on your closest head
Loyalty or no dignity; not both, or you'll be dead
It's our duty to fight back after borders came to dwell
When else does this ever happen? So we all might as well
Might as well!
Stand up and unite, our strength combined can take the fight,
Because it's up to us, and with some luck, we'll watch the border's demise
And if unaware before, prepare yourself 'cause this is war!
There's not much time before we incline, forever borderline!
By saving the world, save this frameless Earth
And when we do, we'll rub it
In the faces of our government
How could you tax a hero's quest?
Just take that, IRS!
We gotta save the world, we gotta save the day
I know you all don't have some plan, so hear me out as I sway
You don't want blue cataracts; wouldn't that be anti-swell?
You've got nothing else going on, so you all might as well
We can't give up, at least not yet
We gotta try, I can't lose this bet
We're the only ones capable
Of ending this blue fable,
So we mustn't stall our big night
This so counts as a fight!
Take your nearest hand, bop it on your closest head
Loyalty or no dignity; not both, or you'll be dead
It's our duty to fight back after borders came to dwell
When else does this ever happen? So we all might as well
Might as well!
Stand up and unite, our strength combined can take the fight,
Because it's up to us, and with some luck, we'll watch the border's demise
And if unaware before, prepare yourself 'cause this is war!
There's not much time before we incline, forever borderline!
Stupid Nintendo Games (Reprise)
We saved the world
From a blue border quarrel
I just have to live with it for the whole rest of my days
It's a lot but you've been taught
This thing is worse than you thought
But there's one small thing that makes it all okay:
Stupid Nintendo games!
(That blue border won't stand in my way)
These stupid Nintendo games!
From a blue border quarrel
I just have to live with it for the whole rest of my days
It's a lot but you've been taught
This thing is worse than you thought
But there's one small thing that makes it all okay:
Stupid Nintendo games!
(That blue border won't stand in my way)
These stupid Nintendo games!
Just Buy The Game
Scott: Some games come
And so-ome games go
To a place
Not your shelf though
These are large corporations
That need our aid
To save…
Their graves…
We all got some cash, why bother, even lie?
Are new jeans worth more than Mighty No. 9?
No. 9…
Just buy the game…
It’s better than feeling the shame
You don’t have to play
It’s all for the sales charts anyway
You’ll make some pals…
Good job!
You boosted their moraa-aale…
Jerry: Thank you for buying this instead of repairing the roof! [Scott gets knocked down by a falling roof piece]
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: Just buy the game…
Unless you want an early grave
Scott: Wait, what?
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: Don’t have to play
Though it’d be in your best interest to pay
Scott: [winces nervously as he dodges Terry pulling out a pocket knife]
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: You’ll die alone… (you’ll die alone)
Scott: Oh my god!
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: Buy this or we’ll break all your boooones…
Jerry: Oh, violence is the only answer when Godfall sells bad!
Scott: Wait! You guys, I-I think I got it all wrong! We can’t buy every game! If we’re not interested in one, why should we spend our money on it? If a game fails… that stinks, but… failure’s a part of life! Without failure… we wouldn’t have success! We shouldn’t feel the need to buy a piece of entertainment we’re not interested in! We should focus on what makes us happy and what we want to experience, and not what people we don’t know tell us what we should like! We’ll embarrass ourselves how we want to, dammit!
All: Don’t buy the game…
It wasn’t worth it anyway
Some things just fail
Why make things hard, just pay your bail
It’s a part of life… (It’s a part of liii-iife!)
You’ve gotta take the loss in striiiife…
Jerry: We’ve got to take a stand and buy whatever we want now!
Scott: And play a better gaaaaaaame!
All: Play a better gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! (Play a better gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!)
Beee-eetter gaaaaaaame!
Play a better gaaaaaaaaaaaaame! (Play a better gaaaaaame!)
Beeeeetteeeeer gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame...!!!!!!
And so-ome games go
To a place
Not your shelf though
These are large corporations
That need our aid
To save…
Their graves…
We all got some cash, why bother, even lie?
Are new jeans worth more than Mighty No. 9?
No. 9…
Just buy the game…
It’s better than feeling the shame
You don’t have to play
It’s all for the sales charts anyway
You’ll make some pals…
Good job!
You boosted their moraa-aale…
Jerry: Thank you for buying this instead of repairing the roof! [Scott gets knocked down by a falling roof piece]
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: Just buy the game…
Unless you want an early grave
Scott: Wait, what?
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: Don’t have to play
Though it’d be in your best interest to pay
Scott: [winces nervously as he dodges Terry pulling out a pocket knife]
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: You’ll die alone… (you’ll die alone)
Scott: Oh my god!
Terry, Jerry, and Jeb: Buy this or we’ll break all your boooones…
Jerry: Oh, violence is the only answer when Godfall sells bad!
Scott: Wait! You guys, I-I think I got it all wrong! We can’t buy every game! If we’re not interested in one, why should we spend our money on it? If a game fails… that stinks, but… failure’s a part of life! Without failure… we wouldn’t have success! We shouldn’t feel the need to buy a piece of entertainment we’re not interested in! We should focus on what makes us happy and what we want to experience, and not what people we don’t know tell us what we should like! We’ll embarrass ourselves how we want to, dammit!
All: Don’t buy the game…
It wasn’t worth it anyway
Some things just fail
Why make things hard, just pay your bail
It’s a part of life… (It’s a part of liii-iife!)
You’ve gotta take the loss in striiiife…
Jerry: We’ve got to take a stand and buy whatever we want now!
Scott: And play a better gaaaaaaame!
All: Play a better gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! (Play a better gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!)
Beee-eetter gaaaaaaame!
Play a better gaaaaaaaaaaaaame! (Play a better gaaaaaame!)
Beeeeetteeeeer gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame...!!!!!!
The Next Best Thing
Well, it's Christmas man, what do you have planned?
Surely something legal and just.
Though you must admit, your gifts lack grit
Perhaps this time you should indulge in sins
Other than gluttony and lust.
Like greed, now that's a sin!
I know that it's expensive to come up with great gifts
And the hottest games your kids already own.
But if you listen to my song
The answer's been there all along
Perhaps it's time to buy a game that's brewed at home......
So, may-be
How about the next best thing?
Like this bootleg GBA game called Return of the King?
It might not be Nintendo or Square Enix or Sony
But you have to admit that the name's got a ring.
Ring-a-ding ding! It passes the title test!
There's Super Mario 4 and 14
Yes, that's real, look it up
They're just as good as Mario Odyssey
You know your kids will play whatever
If it's wrapped up in string
So throw that dirty ROM hack into their stocking
And get the next best thing!
I got Somari and Kirby: Red Diamond
Perhaps you'd like Pokemon: Chaos Black?
Mario Kart Fighter and 7 Grand Dad
No one will know that they're fake
So cut yourself some slack
You deserve a break, a game is a game
And try to ignore that built-in sense of shame
They can't all be Call of Duty
So squint your eyes, swallow your pride
And don't you dare be snooty!
So, how about the next best thing?
Just think of all the money that you'll save. Cha-ching!
So, why spend $70 on a AAA game
When you can buy a homemade one
That has the same name?
Shop local, folks!
I understand your reservations
Getting Crash 2 Advance can sting.
But if you give your cash to me
I guarantee you all will see
And though these games might not be great
It's way cheaper to emulate
So trust in Scott and you can't lose
And use the savings for some booze
And this Christmas you will dance and sing!
With the next. Best. Thing!!!
Surely something legal and just.
Though you must admit, your gifts lack grit
Perhaps this time you should indulge in sins
Other than gluttony and lust.
Like greed, now that's a sin!
I know that it's expensive to come up with great gifts
And the hottest games your kids already own.
But if you listen to my song
The answer's been there all along
Perhaps it's time to buy a game that's brewed at home......
So, may-be
How about the next best thing?
Like this bootleg GBA game called Return of the King?
It might not be Nintendo or Square Enix or Sony
But you have to admit that the name's got a ring.
Ring-a-ding ding! It passes the title test!
There's Super Mario 4 and 14
Yes, that's real, look it up
They're just as good as Mario Odyssey
You know your kids will play whatever
If it's wrapped up in string
So throw that dirty ROM hack into their stocking
And get the next best thing!
I got Somari and Kirby: Red Diamond
Perhaps you'd like Pokemon: Chaos Black?
Mario Kart Fighter and 7 Grand Dad
No one will know that they're fake
So cut yourself some slack
You deserve a break, a game is a game
And try to ignore that built-in sense of shame
They can't all be Call of Duty
So squint your eyes, swallow your pride
And don't you dare be snooty!
So, how about the next best thing?
Just think of all the money that you'll save. Cha-ching!
So, why spend $70 on a AAA game
When you can buy a homemade one
That has the same name?
Shop local, folks!
I understand your reservations
Getting Crash 2 Advance can sting.
But if you give your cash to me
I guarantee you all will see
And though these games might not be great
It's way cheaper to emulate
So trust in Scott and you can't lose
And use the savings for some booze
And this Christmas you will dance and sing!
With the next. Best. Thing!!!
