Quotes / MST3K Mantra


"If you're wondering how [Joel/Mike/Jonah] eats and breathes
And other science facts (la-la-la),
Just repeat to yourself 'It's just a show,
I should really just relax.'"

"If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends."
Puck, last lines of A Midsummer Night's Dream

"I guess you have to fill in the rest of the holes yourself."
Caveman, Holes

"Relax kid, it's just a movie."
Ham Salad, Hardware Wars

Austin Powers: Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go back and visit my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the '90s and traveled back to — oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil Exposition: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself. [Looks at the camera] That goes for you all, too.
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Matt Burch: Well, first you have to explain how the crew of a Corvette could storm a cruiser...
AndrewWelc: Matt, it's a game, we don't have to explain everything! :)
Matt Burch: Oh yeah. :)
Escape Velocity, "EV - A Blast From the Past (portions of an AOL chat room log)"note 

"You know, if you're going to let every little thing bother you, it's going to be a very long night!"
Prince Naveen, The Princess and the Frog

Bolin: Wait! You like that? It didn't make any sense! [...] Stars are magic fairy dust? Are you guys crazy? Are you crazy?
Baraz: It's just a mover. Don't over-think it. It's like a ride.
Varrick: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, kid!
The Legend of Korra, "Remembrances"

Cornelius Timberlake: I actually dream of a day when my great-great-grandson will bring sexy back.
Bobby Moynihan: Bring sexy back? What does that mean?
Cornelius Timberlake: It'll be gone, and he’ll bring it back.
Will Forte: Where did it go?
Cornelius Timberlake: Just trust me, people will be on board!

Real Life

"It's only a movie, and after all, we're all grossly overpaid."

"Calm down, it's only wrestling."
Cyrus, ECW

"If you need the security a strong continuity provides, you may not want to seek psychological security in Star Wars, Star Trek, or any other science fiction series (or computer game continuity). There's holes, gaps, and other problems — my suggestion to you would be to just try to relax a little and enjoy the escapism. When escapism becomes work, an obssession [sic], or is just stressing you out in general, then it's not doing its job and you need to take a step back and take a breather."

"The Indiana Jones movies are all entitled to some dumb moments. They recapture the spirit of the old adventure films that came out during The Great Depression and World War II. Audiences were looking to escape the real world and forget about their troubles. And that's what movies are all about: entertainment. But today, audiences are far more critical, have less imagination, and aren't as willing to suspend their disbelief; and that is the death of cinema."
James Rolfe, Cinemassacre's "Top 10 Dumbest Indiana Jones Moments"

Gregg Easterbrook: In the Lord of the Rings movies and their endless spinoffs, everybody's fighting over a magical ring. In Guardians of the Galaxy — No. 1 movie of 2014 by U.S. gross — everybody's fighting over a magical stone. Finding and possessing a small mystical object is the MacGuffin of many box-office smash flicks. OK, they are movies. But how many times in the real world has a single small object controlled the fates of millions?
Drew Magary: Never! Totally ruined the movies for me. And to think, I cared about this magic 'ring' when no such magic rings occur in nature! And that spaceship in Close Encounters! How many times have YOU seen a spaceship in real life? Laughable... I'm gonna hire someone to do their taxes on fucking camera and then send it to Gregggggg for his approval. It'll be his favorite movie ever. WHAT AN ABSOLUTE PENIS.
Drew Magary, "Gregg Easterbrook Is a Haughty Dipshit"

"Smallville is really a show that demands lubrication to go down smooth."
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Abandoned")

"So, a recent strip involving Davan explaining how condoms work to my alternate persona with a banana upset some readers... because it was 'unrealistic' for a cat to use a condom. Seriously? This comic involves a jelly cat, subterranean alligators and a core cast that should have been arrested several times over for assault and THAT'S bothering people? Of course that's not realistic! This is a comic."

"It's a fanfiction. A parody fanfiction. Just relax. Try not to think about it too hard."

"Science has an explanation for everything. Unfortunately, movies do not."
Doc Brown in a MAD parody of Back to the Future, in response to Marty pointing out a Plot Hole.

"I asked Michael why it was easier to train oil drillers to become astronauts than it was to train astronauts to become oil drillers, and he told me to shut the fuck up... so, uh, that was the end of that talk."

"'Was that real manure?' No, it wasn't. 'Was that real manure?' No! 'Was that real manure?' It's a movie! Stop asking me the question!"
Thomas F. Wilson, "Biff's Question Song", about questions people ask him most frequently about Back to the Future.

"I've learned through experience not to question Disney logic. You will never get a satisfactory answer and you will only be left with confusion."

"If you don't buy that, don't bother watching the show."
Dean Cain, Lois & Clark DVD commentary track

“Adults...struggle desperately with fiction, demanding constantly that it conform to the rules of everyday life. Adults foolishly demand to know how Superman can possibly fly, or how Batman can possibly run a multibillion-dollar business empire during the day and fight crime at night, when the answer is obvious even to the smallest child: because it's not real.”
Grant Morrison, Supergods: What Masked Vigilantes, Miraculous Mutants, and a Sun God from Smallville Can Teach Us About Being Human.