"I’ve taken enough grief about calling my goddamn car the goddamn Batmobile. I’m the goddamn Batman and I can call my goddamn car whatever the hell I want to call it."
"What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. Might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him. Any other questions?"
—Tony DiNozzo on Gibbs, NCIS
Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn't treat him like a star
'Cause you can spit in the wind or tug on Superman's cape
But Lord knows you just don't mess around with CNR!
— "Weird Al" Yankovic, CNR
slowbeef: What the hell was that?
Diabetus: I don't know, but Billy kicks ass.
"'If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!' Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it! And then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor! Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth. And then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one! And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a 'Tzu'!"
"We like to imagine that as soon as Teddy returned to the U.S., he started breeding his own piranhas in an attempt to finally find an animal that could stand up to him in a fight. Like all other such attempts, this was doomed to failure from the start."
— Rohan Ramakrishnan, Cracked, "The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Bullshit Animal Facts"
"Pootie Tang will draw you a picture of how he gonna kick your ass, then mail it to you ten days in advance. The picture gets there right? You're goin', "What the hell is this?" and then Pootie Tang knocks on your door, promptly kicks your ass and you still won't know what happened to you!"
— J.B., Pootie Tang
So what would Brian Boitano do
If he were here today,
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
— South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, "What Would Brian Boitano Do?"
Comment: Give Jackie Chan a weapon - any weapon - and the fight just becomes unfair.
Response: It'd be unfair in the first place. YOU'RE FIGHTING AGAINST JACKIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
"That's right motherfuckers! Now you KNOW why I'm awesome!" [Geno assumes Badass Armfold]
Soldier 1: Who was that?
Soldier 2: Brock fuckin' Samson.
Soldier 1: No way! Dibs on his cigarette butt!
— The Venture Bros., "Home Insecurity"
"This man... the essence of the sun! Strength... spirit... he surpasses all others!"
"It's just there's so many legends about that guy, I mean, I once heard he took on an entire Covenant battalion by himself. And rumor has it, he can't be killed. And my friend's cousin's neighbor told me he has laser eyes."
Corey: And where might we find this Lucas?
NC: Within the twilight of a full moon. When the sky is dark and fire of stars PIERCES through the night! THAT is where you will find... Lucas.
But back at the cave, Batman stopped everyone from arguing with one word.
Because Batman is... Batman.
Harry: "They were dealing with something far more dangerous than me, Harry Dresden, who's battered old Volkswagon was currently in the city impound. They were dealing with the potential dark lord nightmare warlock they'd been busy fearing since I turned sixteen. They were dealing with the wizard who had faced the Heirs of Kemmler riding a zombie dinosaur, and emerged victorious from a fight that had flattened Morgan and Captain Luccio before they had even reached it. They were dealing with the man who had dropped a challenge to the entire Senior Council, and who had then actually showed, apparently willing to fight - on the shores of an entirely too creepy island in the middle of a freshwater sea."
throwaawy: A meteor didn't cause the dinosaurs to go extinct. They saw the ginormous bugs they were living with and simply gave up on life, knowing Skitter was coming soon*. (*note: dinosaurs sense of the passage of time very poorly)
— A commenter on the protagonist of Worm