Quotes: In Name Only

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"Is this the first time a title has been remade, instead of a movie? And God Created Woman shares little with the 1956 Brigitte Bardot movie except for its name..."

    Web Animation 

"More alarm bells start to ring when you boot up a game called "Alone in the Dark" and the first three options on the title menu are “HOST GAME”, “JOIN SERVER”, followed grudgingly by single player thrown out like a chicken bone from the feasting table.

I guess we’re
co-op multiplayer now. They fucked up the "Dark" thing in the last Alone in the Dark by setting the whole game on fire so now they’re fucking up the "Alone" part instead!"

    Web Original 

"They are adaptations, just not in the literal, pedestrian sense. I adapt essence. I've been told that Othello is a moorish captain, but in my mind he's a magical talking cello with a lisp. Who is right? Is there a right? For that matter, is there a left?"

Matt: Can we talk about how Judge Dredd at this point is totally indistinguishable from, say, the lead character from Demolition Man or Rex Cliffhanger, which I think was the Cliffhanger guy’s name? Everything that makes him Dredd, by appearance, is gone now.
Chris: It’s basically just Cobra 2 now.
—Matt Wilson and Chris Sims on Judge Dredd (1995)

"The Patriot is “based” on the book The Last Canadian. I use quotes on based because it is based on the book in the same way Transformers is based on Les Misérables."
Miles Antwiler on The Patriot (1998)

"It's difficult to write a review about Dragonball Evolution without comparing it to its source material, mostly because Dragonball Evolution is to Dragonball and Dragonball Z what fish sticks are to chocolate."
slowzombie's Review on Dragonball Evolution

"By that point, I could only wonder why a movie with this title took two hours to even vaguely resemble what it's supposed to be, especially after it spent all that time doing all it could to avoid it...I suppose that closing moment best captures what a misfire The Lone Ranger is because it truly captures its disdain for the property and serves as a reminder that Hollywood exhumed a corpse just to laugh at it for 150 minutes."

"If I painted my asshole pink and stuck a star earring in it, it would be more like Jem than this damn movie."
Michael K., "It's Worse Than I Thought"

"Fantastic Four plays Doom as an anti-authoritarian hacker, which seems like a rather strange choice when dealing with a character famed for his own authoritarian dictatorship. (It also puts Doom in the curious position of being right for most of the film.)"

"Judging from the title and David Hasselhoff's fondness for not trying too hard, you'd think this show would be Baywatch, at night. Instead they took the extra step and made it Baywatch, only in a detective agency solving beach cases. But if you watch it in slow motion with the brightness turned down, yeah, it's Baywatch, at night."

"Mikhail Mxyzptlk...This is where things began to go off the rails, and in retrospect, it's where the show stopped being about Clark's journey and started being a very dull drama that survived because people like you, and ME, yes, me, I am guilty as well, watched it in order to see if Mikhail was, indeed, like the Mxy we know and love.

He was not."

David: So in one episode, they managed to turn Jaime Reyes into a complete wuss, Ted Kord into Dick Cheney, and Dan Garrett into a random soldier who ended up going rabid. And Booster Gold into a gloryhound who actually wants to take away from other peoples’ success.
Chris: Hey, at least it had the names you recognize from stuff you like!
ComicsAlliance on Smallville ("Booster")

"Every single word in this title is a lie. There are no teenagers, no mutants, no ninjas, and no turtles. Well, there actually be may turtles — it's hard to tell."
Hardcore Gaming 101, on the Vietnamese bootleg iOS game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"Hey, wait. You know what would have made it even more of a Wayne's World game? If you controlled a big hand. Both Wayne and Garth have hands. And faces too. Wait! They also both wear blue jeans, so you could control a pair of jeans that has to infiltrate a face warehouse to get their hands back! And if you collected the letters that spelled, "SCHWING," your pants would get a hard-on for a bonus 2000 "Party On!" Points. That would be a better game and keep in mind, I have no formal video game training."

    Web Video 

"So, Matthew Broderick's wife Sarah Jessica Parker emerges from the water and starts smashing New York City, and then wacky hijinks happen with characters from Friends, and then, um, they discover that Godzilla has made small velociraptor eggs in Madison Square Garden, and they have a wacky scene where they mumble mumble."

I'm starting to acquire a foreboding sense of grief
For this increasingly-uncomfortable game they're calling "
I'm after sprawling levels and organic thieving stunts
Not cutscenes and pre-animated moves beloved by cunts
Is this another stealing of a once-familiar name
To keep afloat the sinking ship of next-gen console games?
You've broken in and stolen one more thing that I adore
Well, call it what you like, but it'll never be
Thief 4

"(sniffs the air) H-hey, you guys smell that? (sniffs cartridge) Smells like something that starts with a "b". (sniff) And ends in "—trayal.""
Noah Antwiler on Ultima: Runes of Virtue

Seriously, aside from all the names... is ANYTHING about this movie like the video game series that inspired it?

    Western Animation 

Lois: There is no talking penguin in The King and I!
Peter: There is in Peter Griffin Presents: The King and I!

Bart Simpson: Alan Moore! You wrote my favorite issues of Radioactive Man!
Alan Moore: Oh really? So you like that I made your favorite superhero a heroin-addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?