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Anime and Manga
"He's more likely to hit me if I dodge."
— Mikazuki Augus, Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans
"They're such lousy shots! If they keep this up, it'll be smooth sailing to Russia!"
— Andy, Undead Unluck
Comic Books
Lucky Luke: (a shot misses him and hits a cow) It's a shame to be such a lousy shot.
Jolly Jumper: You'll not hear me complain.
Jolly Jumper: You'll not hear me complain.
— Lucky Luke, The Rivals of Painful Gulch
"So is there a Decepticon school where they teach you how to miss?"
— Swoop, Transformers: Rage of the Dinobots
Fan Works
"I don't even really have to dodge. He just kind of misses."
"'Lonzak, you lummox!' cried Zarkendorf. 'He's right in front of you—how could you possibly miss? Didn't I send you to the Stormtrooper Academy on Kamino?'"
"A fierce battle follows, during which about 1 in 10 shots fired actually hits something."
Film — Animated
"You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you!"
— Mushu to Mulan, who hit exactly what she aimed at
Film — Live-Action
Arius: Mr. Bennett, my soldiers are patriots.
Bennett: Your soldiers are nothing. Matrix and I could kill every one of them, in the blink of an eye. Remember that.
Bennett: Your soldiers are nothing. Matrix and I could kill every one of them, in the blink of an eye. Remember that.
— Commando
"Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!"
— Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"I don't know what all the fuss is about. Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy."
"My God. Do we just suck, or is this guy really that good?"
— Mr Hertz, Shoot 'Em Up
Go-To-Guy: You realise we weren't trying to kill you. We were only trying to scare you into surrendering.
Smith: Well that's one way to explain why you can't shoot straight.
Smith: Well that's one way to explain why you can't shoot straight.
"And these blast points, too accurate for Sand People. Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise."
K-2SO: I'm surprised you're so concerned with my safety.
Jyn: I'm not. I'm just worried they might miss you — and hit me.
Jyn: I'm not. I'm just worried they might miss you — and hit me.
Donatello: Good thing these guys aren't lumberjacks!
Michaelangelo: [dodging Foot Clan axe swings] No joke! The only thing safe in the woods would be the trees!
Michaelangelo: [dodging Foot Clan axe swings] No joke! The only thing safe in the woods would be the trees!
"Look, son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you."
— Little Bill Daggett, Unforgiven
He's a humdinger, a Western swinger
But he has a little trouble with his trigger finger!
When he takes aim, it's anybody's guess!
He's The Shakiest Gun In The West!
But he has a little trouble with his trigger finger!
When he takes aim, it's anybody's guess!
He's The Shakiest Gun In The West!
—Opening theme by The Wilburn Brothers, The Shakiest Gun in the West
Jules: You see the size of that gun he fired at us? It was bigger than him. (He turns around to the bullet riddled wall) We should be fucking dead, man.
Vincent: I know. We was lucky.
Jules: No, no, no, no. That shit wasn't luck.
Vincent: Yeah, maybe.
Jules: This was divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is?
Vincent: I think so. That means that God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.
Jules: That's right. That's exactly what it means. God came down from Heaven and stopped these motherfucking bullets.
Vincent: I think it's time for us to leave, Jules.
Jules: Don't do that. Don't fucking blow this shit off! What just happened here was a fucking miracle!
Vincent: Chill, Jules. This shit happens.
Jules: Wrong! Wrong. This shit doesn't just "happen."
Vincent: Do you want to continue this theological discussion in a car or in a jailhouse with the cops?
Jules: We should be fucking dead, my friend. What happened here was a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!
Vince: All right, it was a miracle. Can we go now?
"You missed! With a CANNON!!"
— Tecopa, Tremors 4: The Legend Begins*
Literature
<Would it be asking too much for one of you to actually hit something?!!>
—Visser Three, Animorphs #29: The Sickness
"Principle of Evil Marksmanship: The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun."
Live-Action TV
Brigadier: No casualties?
Turner: No, sir. All well. Fortunately Vaughn's jackboots couldn't... couldn't shoot a flying elephant.
Turner: No, sir. All well. Fortunately Vaughn's jackboots couldn't... couldn't shoot a flying elephant.
— Doctor Who, "The Invasion"
Martin Crane: A man's supposed to honor his agreements. Didn't you learn anything from that movie?
Frasier Crane: Yes, only that bullets are useless against a man who can kick really high.
Frasier Crane: Yes, only that bullets are useless against a man who can kick really high.
— Frasier
Ranzar Malk: Well, Mayfeld… he's one of the best triggermen I've seen. Former Imperial sharpshooter.
Din Djarin: That's not saying much.
Migs Mayfeld: I wasn't a Stormtrooper, wise-ass!
Din Djarin: That's not saying much.
Migs Mayfeld: I wasn't a Stormtrooper, wise-ass!
Din Djarin: Troopers?
Bo-Katan Kryse: A squad at most.
Axe Woves: And they couldn't hit the side of a bantha.
Bo-Katan Kryse: A squad at most.
Axe Woves: And they couldn't hit the side of a bantha.
Crow: Here's some free advice to the mutineers - STOP AND AIM YOU IDIOTS!!
Servo: Why is he so hard to hit? How can they keep missing this slow, giant white thing?
Mike: You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to "miss."
Servo: Why is he so hard to hit? How can they keep missing this slow, giant white thing?
Mike: You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to "miss."
— Mystery Science Theater 3000 , riffing on Space Mutiny
Lister: Why don't we meet anyone nice?
Cat: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
Cat: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
— Red Dwarf, "Quarantine"
"The great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target."
— James May, Top Gear (UK)
Music
"You will be terrible, when it comes to shooting you're just terrible
You'll shoot at 210 Gungans and not a single one will die
We'll get the last laugh on Palpatine's ass
By building him an army of guys
So terrible
am I!"
You'll shoot at 210 Gungans and not a single one will die
We'll get the last laugh on Palpatine's ass
By building him an army of guys
So terrible
am I!"
Video Games
Reginald: Status Report; did we get him?
Burt: Uh, we completely missed and he's in the ship now.
Reginald: Completely missed? (sigh) We spent so much money on that!
Burt: Uh, we completely missed and he's in the ship now.
Reginald: Completely missed? (sigh) We spent so much money on that!
Stormtrooper 1: We could go to the shooting range.
Stormtrooper 2: No need, I hit three out of twenty yesterday.
Stormtrooper 1: That many?! It's a new base record!
Stormtrooper 2: I closed my eyes. It actually helped.
Stormtrooper 2: No need, I hit three out of twenty yesterday.
Stormtrooper 1: That many?! It's a new base record!
Stormtrooper 2: I closed my eyes. It actually helped.
"Ever notice how all the bad guys in action movies have TERRIBLE accuracy? They couldn't hit the broad side of a barnacle with a Splash-o-matic!"
— Marina, Splatoon 2note
I took the sights off of my gun to save weight. I don't need to aim.
—Royal Army grunt, Far Cry 4
Web Animation
"Oh, my God, I suck!"
— Church, Red vs. Blue
Webcomics
"Sheena, this guy's aim's so bad, I'll be safer if he's targeting me!"
— Kid Radd, Kid Radd
"Where do we get these guys, Stormtroopers 'R' Us?"
— Revolver Ocelot, The Last Days of FOXHOUND
Web Original
"Bond uses Jinx's grappling line (which still hasn't been taken down) to get to the roof. He then uses it again to run down the roof and head for Graves' ice skimmer. As he gets in, Zao's henchmen keep missing, despite being about ten feet away and shooting at a mostly stationary target."
"I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on these helmets..."
"They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies."
"My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice."
— Evil Overlord List, Item no. 56
"And then I fired again. And then I missed. And then I fired, and fired, and missed. I missed both times. And then I fired. And I missed. This went on for several hours. And then I fired. And then I missed. And then I was out of bullets. And then I got sad. And I had a Popsicle. And I passed out in the snow. And then I woke up. And then I reloaded. And then I fired. And then I missed. I missed again. I fired. I hit something. But it wasn't what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I passed out again. I had another Popsicle. I had a dream that I was firing at something - I missed."
— The Game Grumps playing Nancy Drew
"Excellent shot, Mister Joe, except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!"
"Like many Transformers, they brilliantly set their guns to shoot everything around the target, except the target. We feel that gave the opponent a fighting chance."
—The Nostalgia Critic as Optimus Prime, reviewing The Transformers
"Set your guns to 'not even close!'"
— The Nostalgia Critic reviewing Spawn
Krennic: Ugh, I guess I'll have to go down there.
Trooper: Don't you have a million Stormtroopers?
Krennic: Yeah, but I can actually hit something! (storms away)
Trooper: (hangs head) What an asshole.
Trooper: Don't you have a million Stormtroopers?
Krennic: Yeah, but I can actually hit something! (storms away)
Trooper: (hangs head) What an asshole.
— The Nostalgia Critic, Rogue One review
"And now we partake in the best part of any Arnold movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!"
— The Nostalgia Critic reviewing Commando
"Now remember men, you're stormtroopers! You couldn't hit a dead blue whale!"
— Mike Nelson, RiffTrax of A New Hope
C-3PO: Oh no! Chewie, they're behind you!
Bill Corbett: And if you give them several hundred unimpeded shots they might, might, just get lucky and bounce one off a wall that might, and let me stress again might, actually do some damage... possibly.
Bill Corbett: And if you give them several hundred unimpeded shots they might, might, just get lucky and bounce one off a wall that might, and let me stress again might, actually do some damage... possibly.
"Gentlemen, fire - and miss an astounding percentage of your shots - at will."
— Bill Corbett on the First Order Stormtroopers, RiffTrax of The Force Awakens
(Well, those turning around would see.... A dead stormtrooper. Somehow the fucker missed, at point blank, and nailed his teammate instead.)
Stormtroopers: Traitor!
(One of the stormtroopers shoots at the executioner. Also missing, and hitting his buddy. Causing the rest to look at him too. And one fires at him. And well... Yeah, this repeats, and starts up a chain reaction. Haken sighs.)
Haken: These guys are more dangerous to themselves than to us, hell they're more dangerous to themselves than we are.
Stormtroopers: Traitor!
(One of the stormtroopers shoots at the executioner. Also missing, and hitting his buddy. Causing the rest to look at him too. And one fires at him. And well... Yeah, this repeats, and starts up a chain reaction. Haken sighs.)
Haken: These guys are more dangerous to themselves than to us, hell they're more dangerous to themselves than we are.
"Beast Man uses one of Grayskull's high tech kill-you guns to blast at the fleeing He-Man, altogether forgetting the cardinal rule of cartoon villains: they've got the worst aim in the universe."
— X-Entertainment's article
on a Masters of the Universe coloring book
on a Masters of the Universe coloring book"The one thing those movies make plain about Imperial Storm Troopers is that they couldn’t hit the broad side of a Death Star even if they were standing the length of one womp-rat away from it. Their job is to fill the air with blaster fire and miss. They do that job very effectively."
Western Animation
Skumm: Haven't you ever heard of target practice?
—Captain Planet and the Planeteers, "Who's Running the Show?"
Cleveland: Oh no, they're shooting at us!
Peter: Good thing bad guys are such terrible shots!
Guard: (shooting in random directions) Man, these guys are elusive!
Peter: Good thing bad guys are such terrible shots!
Guard: (shooting in random directions) Man, these guys are elusive!
— Family Guy, "Cool Hand Peter"
Stormtrooper 1: Have we ever hit anyone with these guns?
Stormtrooper 2: I hit a bird once.
Stormtrooper 2: I hit a bird once.
— Family Guy Presents: Laugh It Up, Fuzzball, "Something Something Something Dark Side"
Kanan: Wow, you really do shoot like a stormtrooper. Guess I don't have too much to worry about.
Rex: It's this helmet. I can't see!
Rex: It's this helmet. I can't see!
Other
"The characters in these movies exist in a Twilight Zone where thousands of rounds of ammunition are fired, but no one ever gets shot unless the plot requires him to. The bullets have read the screenplay."
— Roger Ebert reviewing The Big Hit
"...I mean, heck, if you're one of Kadyrov's Chechens, you don't even have to shoot anyone. You can shoot at unoccupied buildings, trees, fields, you know, anything for the gram."
— Perun, documentary about ammo logistics for the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine
for the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine