Quotes / Horrible Hollywood

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    films - live action 

Celeste: [accepting an award] Oh, there's so many people to thank! First of all, my fabulous supporting cast, who gives a new meaning to the word "support"...
Ariel: (Bitch!)
David: (Hag!)
Montana:: (I hate her so much!)

    live-action tv 

"MOVIES, MOVIES!
WOW THEY ROCK!”
Well once they did,
But listen kids:
It's all a big crock!
Now it's market trends, fickle friends and hollywood baloney
Believe me Neil, you're better off polishing your Tony
Jack Black, 87th Academy Awards (shortly before Anna Kendrick throws a shoe at him)

I'm a fucking talk show host, okay? I'm all fucked up.
Larry, The Larry Sanders Show ("Putting the 'Gay' Back in Litigation")

    theatre 

The usual crowd. The traveling compliment show. Everyone thrilled with everyone's success; positively orgasmic at anyone's failure. Envy so thick, you can cut it with the knife lodged in every other back. The script's going along pretty well. Some interesting changes I sort of like. At any rate, Buddy does, therefore, I do.
Stine, City of Angels

    web original 

Having lived in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I can assure you that panel two’s depiction of a Hollywood producer is 100% accurate.

Movies have a long and storied tradition of biting the hand that feeds them, lashing out at the callus, cold-bloodedness of Hollywood and the soul-selling 'artists' who reside there. However, the Coen Brother's Barton Fink may be the first to depict Hollywood both literally and metaphorically as hell, going as far as to compare the studio system to the Nazis.

James Garner's marvelous detective series The Rockford Files (1974-1980) met a sudden and ignominious end twelve episodes into its sixth season. The series had been moderately successful during its network run on NBC, but a huge hit in syndication, grossing some $52 million by mid-1979. Nonetheless, the studio producing the series, Universal, in a notorious and flagrant example of 'creative bookkeeping,' insisted the show was actually $9 million dollars in the red, and Garner, who worked hard to keep the series on schedule and on budget, watched helplessly as his profit participation evaporated.

I know, BREAKING NEWS, a creepy grown Hollywood director tried to get on a pretty, barely legal girl. The real news is that Woody tried to get with Mariel when she was already legal. But WTF at her parents... “Iss okay, honey, juss share a room with him. He’ll make you faymish!
Michael K., "Woody Allen Tried To Get With Mariel Hemingway When She Was Barely Legal"

Because Fifty Shades of Grey is a sex movie, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan have routinely been asked about sex. Because Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan seem to dislike at least this specific sort of sex (fake sex, with a person they hate, in a movie they made for a job they regret), they routinely display discomfort (ranging from wide-eyed confusion to intense aversion) when talking about sex, in general.
Kelly Conaboy, "50 Shades of Sigh"

Now it's Britney Jean's turn to tell us her story. Britney sits down with the camera and says 'DEAR GOD HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE. I CAN NO LONGER FEEL MYSELF IN MY OWN SKIN. I CAN ONLY SUBMERSE MYSELF DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO MY OWN PAIN. PLEASE SOMEONE, ANYONE SAVE ME FROM THIS.' And then the interviewer says hahahhah Britney you are the best OMG tell us how you stay so fit, girl!
Jezebel, "Britney Spears' Delusional 'Documentary' is a Hot, Glittery Mess"

Here's what I learned in two years of mostly answering phones, typing reports, making coffee and periodically having to run up to the Oscar-lined executive floors: Entertainment is a fabulous business to go into if you enjoy being a nervous, groveling toady, a petulant tantrum thrower and a crafty manipulator—all at the same time.

    web video 

Everything I’ve heard about Hollywood has never been good. You know, they make these movies, they’re supposed to make you feel really good, and make you escape the pains of your real life, but when you go to Hollywood, the pain is there. It’s always there and Hollywood never lets you forget that.
Donnie DuPre, Demo Reel

    real life 

In Hollywood, you can seduce a man's wife, rape his daughter and wipe your hands on his canary, but if you don't like his movie, you're dead.
Josef Von Sternberg

It's about two percent movie-making and ninety-eight percent hustling. It's no way to spend a life.
Orson Welles, The Battle Over Citizen Kane

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.

You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if Ishtar is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time at a higher fee!
Paul Williams, composer for Ishtar

...there's a strange dichotomy of encouraging us to be fiscally responsible, but then upper management allows certain talent and filmmakers to bleed us dry with their outlandish requests for private jets, wardrobe and grooming stylists - and are surprised when they are asked to work more than 5 hours to promote their film.
Anonymous employee at Sony Entertainment

I can't even go to the movies; when I'm there I think about the fact that I have to learn my lines when I get home. And if I go to a late movie, I fall asleep. It's a real thrilling life, I tell you...I've spent many times driving home from my auditions crying, because I put everything into it and the person I auditioned for was eating salad and talking on the phone while I was reading for them.
Sarah Buxton (actor, not the singer)