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Quotes: Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?
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"Now I'm gonna make you dance, get your chance
Yeah, boy, shake that ass...
...Oops! I mean, girl! Girl, girl, girl!
Girl, you know you're my world"
Eminem, "Just Lose It"

"Our private parts remain very far away
'Cuz we're not gay
No we're not gay
No we're not gay
No we're not—

No we're not saying there's anything wrong with that!
But for that other team we simply do not bat"''
Quinton Flynn and Jeff Nimoy, The Yaoi Song

Hugh Laurie: You do, Kevin, you look absolutely fabulous. If I was homosexual, I'd want to buy you a drink at the very least.
Kevin McNally: Thanks. If I was homosexual, I'd have a pint of lager.
Hugh: As it is, I like birds.
Kevin: Me too.

Roku: Here I am, practicing fighting with Sozin!
Aang: Wow! You guys were friends?
Roku: Yes. Friends. Totally friends. In conclusion: friends. I liked a girl! See?
Sozin: Right now, we have it all right here in the Fire Nation. We have lots of money, success, and privileges, and you now have a hot wife.
Roku: Once again proving that I am straight.
Sozin: Our undeniable heterosexuality aside...

"I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, but you can't because she is in Canada."
Rod, Avenue Q

"We live across the hall. No! We don't live 'together'. I mean, we live together, but in separate heterosexual bedrooms."
Leonard, introducing himself and Sheldon to Penny, The Big Bang Theory

I'm so straight that when I bought my house, the first thing I did was brick up the back door! You know why? Because my asshole's JUST for shitting!
Straight Dave, aka Bruno, Brüno

The Cat: Wilson— cover my back.
Deadpool: You're letting me cover your back? Oh, this is so totally cool! Weasel's gonna fart— oh wait, forgot I'm not friends with him anymore... Okay, I'll make friends with him again just to tell him, but then I'll break up with him again. Not break up like we're going out or anything! I'm all man, I tellya! C'mere— you snake chicks and all twenty of you Rives and Makeshifts and I'll show all of you!

Jay: Yo, man, tell me something about me.
Jay: Fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys. (Silent Bob gives Jay a surprised look)
Jay: ... Dude, not all the time!

Social Link, Go!
Yosuke: Hey, let's go to your room. But, like, not in a gay way or anything.

Santana: All I know is, you blew me off. To be with Stubbles Mc-cripplepants. Fine. Your loss. Cause now, I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam that we're gonna sing at Regionals.
Brittany: Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you told me you were in love with me.
Santana: I honestly don't know what I was thinking...could you stop staring at me, I can't remember my locker combo.
Glee, "Original Song"


"Yes, there's nothing like a good-smelling man," said John dreamily. Suddenly we were all very uncomfortable and there was a lot of throat-clearing and coughing and we all walked a few paces farther apart. (I haven't told you about John yet, have I?) Then John started to make a great and pathetic show of noticing the women as they passed. "Why, that little heifer would give a man some strong sons," John said in a booming and falsely masculine voice. "A man could surely plant some seed there, he could."

- Straight married men have gay sex all the time!

Yeah. Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. [Jay makes a rude head gesture; a car horn honks, which seems to snap him out of it] Ewww, you fucking faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!
Jay, Clerks

My name is Olaf Peterson. I am very good in bed.

"Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes, but for the record — if anyone out there still cares — I'm not actually gay."
John Watson, Sherlock


"I'm straight. I'm straight!"

I like girls!
Tyler, Total Drama Island

    real life 
family values: Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.
I'm going to the truck stop to practice my family values.

"Best in Russian police at find illegal homosexual dens. Almost strangely best."

"We thought Tom was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most—There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.' Very, very strange."
Bronson Pinchot on the making of Risky Business

"What I learned from that video is that Kirk Cameron has pretty much always been obsessed with gay sex and he’s more obsessed with gay sex than I am! That’s saying a lot, because my usual thought pattern looks like this: Gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, straight sex, gay sex, Martika, Golden Girls, kittens, In-N-Out, gay sex, weed, gay sex, gay, sex."
Michael K.,"Kirk Cameron on How to Talk to Gay People"

"On the whole, though, it's just not as good as tonguing another man's balls... I mean, as it used to be... I'm not gay!"

"I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!"
Tom Servo, mocking Watney Smith in Outlaw Of Gor

Light's parents had made light's bed into a double bed (I know what your thinking sickos no theres no slash!)
Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything!
he loved Dark which maybe he did a little but not really cos Darks not gay!!!! SERIOUSLY
"I am not gay" Darksaid because the readers at home might think so other ways.
"Where did you get him he is very hansom!" dark said but only because he was a clone of him HES NOT GAY."

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