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Quotes: Dreadful Musician
Oh, I write love songs for my favorite girl
And sing them soft and low
But before I get to finish
She says she has to go
She's nice and says, "Excuse me,
I've got to find a bar
I think I need refreshment
'Fore I hear you play guitar."
Harry Chapin, "Six-String Orchestra"

Get off that piano. You're hurting its feelings!
"Jelly Roll" Morton (legendary jazz musician)

Klink: Col. Hogan, I have decided not to play in your prisoners' orchestra. I may, however, do a solo over the loudspeaker system.
Hogan: Well, if I were you, I'd wait until the general leaves, sir.
Klink: Why?
Hogan: I mean, how would it look, a mass escape while he's here?
Hogan's Heroes, Movies Are Your Best Escape

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Cacofonix: I will now sing a song, if you please...
Fulliautomatix: Oh no, you won't! Oh no, won't! Oh no, you won't!

"Just as they did with Sputnik in 1957, the Russian Nerd Program has pulled ahead of the rest of the world. During the Sochi Winter Olympics opening ceremony, the Russian Police Choir sang Daft Punk's "Get Lucky." It was incredible, with individual performances ranging from cranky to grumpy to Steve Urkellian."

Sylvester Stallone can’t sing. At all. Part of the story should be this caterpillar to butterfly aspect where Nick can’t sing but by the time he gets on the big stage he should sound awesome. In Rhinestone when Stallone has his big coming out, he honestly sounds ten times worse than when he started. A medal should be given to Dolly Parton for trying to carry Stallone because you can see her straining to try to drown out Stallone’s grunting but with no luck. I can’t stress to you how painful it actually is to hear the pretty singing of Parton contrasted to the caveman Rocky grunts Stallone forces out as if a melody is something he should hit like a heavy bag. I was so thankful the credits started rolling despite Stallone doing an encore number because it meant I could mercifully shut off the movie at that point.
Miles Antwiler on Rhinestone

Garfield: The accordion is the second worst instrument in the history of man!
Squeak: What's the worst instrument?
Garfield: What, you never heard of the bagpipes?
The Garfield Show, Not So Sweet Sound Of Music

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