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Quotes: Author Tract
"Why must we punish our most productive citizens with an income tax? Oops, I forgot to tell a joke!"

"A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author."

"A recurring character in these books—variously named Hugh Farnham, Jubal Harshaw or Lazarus Long—is a crusty older man who's a wellspring of wisdom. 'Daddy, you have an annoying habit of being right,' runs an actual bit of dialogue from Farnham’s Freehold (1964). In the worst of Heinlein's later books, daddy not only knows best, he often knows everything."

"Oh man. So last week we watched an amazing episode where Gambit went full scumbag...Well, after that column went up, my good friend Mark Hale informed me that the episode where Gambit is a creepy possessive stalker who calls Rogue fat because she’s hanging out with another guy was written by AN ACTUAL PICKUP ARTIST , whose recent work includes a 'system' designed to teach dudes in their 40s how to hook up with girls in their 20s. This is the single most amazing piece of information I have ever received, and I will cherish it forever, for I now have the key to understanding why Gambit is such a hilarious scumbag."
Chris Sims on X-Men, "Dazzled"

"In the tradition of the wacky-themed Bat-villains of the '60s comes Anarky, the character whose superpower is giving pedantic stoner monologues...Haha, what brilliant satire! The character who thinks this base-level philosophy is so cool is literally a snotty 12-year-old. Suck it, teenagers with Che posters and overdue copies of Nausea. But nope: Anarky's creator, Batman writer Alan Grant, admits that the character was meant to be a mouthpiece for his own thoughts."
Batman: Yes, yes, I am thinking that whoever spouts such brilliant philosophy surely has a huge dong, no matter what Jenny Walker said in home ec.

"Superman threatens persecuted 'illegal aliens' with deportation if they don’t prove their worth to America. Grounded is full of this kind of ponderous, pretentious gobbledygook, meant to show the reader how important and thoughtful it all is. Over and over, Straczynski inserts shrill arguments for how seriously the reader should take this pointless exercise in Superman solving 'real' problems through glib assertions of nonsense axioms and generous application of brute force and intimidation... and then #705, a rushed piece of mechanical hackwork featuring a child abuse story made up of half-remembered garbage cliches from network television specials 20 years ago.

Aaaaaand scene. Exit Straczynski, stage left, to the sound of 1,000 flatulent windbags vigorously deflating."
Jason Michelitch on Superman: Grounded, "The 5 Worst Comics of 2010"

"Whereas in the first volume, it was just a kind of crazy storyline, it is now a Batman story whose content appears to be sponsored by Coast to Coast AM. It’s like someone took their top five favorite conspiracy theories and shoehorned them into Batman mythology alongside random product placements. Like, I am legitimately expecting Obama’s birth certificate to show up at some point."
Laura Hudson and David Wolkin, "The Complete and Utter Insanity of Batman Odyssey"

"I met [Roberto] Orci on the set of Ender’s Game, and in his defense I can say that he came across as very fan-friendly and totally willing to hear audience concerns... But I will say that before he deleted his very entertaining Twitter feed, he had Fidel Castro as his avatar and was prone to linking to conspiracy theories, which may explain why every major movie he's written has featured a large-scale secret plan by either government, an evil corporation, or both."

"Seagal’s previous movies had his trademark action mixed with the actor’s own crazy views on politics. Here, we eliminate the action and are left with a dramatic movie about Seagal’s nutty political views. We kind of have the same crack pot view as in The Sunchaser where 'medicine BAD' and 'doctors want to make people sick to earn money'. Our good doctor heals all afflictions and illnesses with herbs and roots from good ole nature. In fact, the cure to the (and I really want to emphasize this) government engineered virus are some tea leaves Seagal grows on his property. Now I have no medical training and most of my science I either read on my own or are throwbacks from high school/college. But I think I can safely say that is complete and utter BULLSHIT."

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