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Can't Believe I Said That
A form of Self-Deprecation. Alice and Bob are having a conversation and Alice says something that provides Bob with an opportunity to respond with a witty or charming comment...and Bob completely blows it. This will generally lead to the conversation being over, leaving Bob to lament his stupidity in saying what he did. This usually takes on one of two forms:

Type A: Bob will repeat his statement to himself, followed by a comment about how stupid he is.

Type B: Bob will say what he should have said in the first place, followed by a comment about how stupid he is.

In slightly less extreme cases, Bob will comment on how stupid the ''line'' is rather than personally calling himself stupid. Another variation involves Bob not repeating the previous statement at all, instead opting for "I can't believe I just said that" or "Why did I just say that?"

Compare That's What She Said, Who Writes This Crap?!.

Not to be confused with I Can't Believe I'm Saying This, or with lampshading A Rare Sentence.

Examples

    open/close all folders 

    Film 
  • In Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, Dana tells Nate that she "thinks he has pretty eyes" and he gives her a lame response. When she leaves, he says this:
    Nate: I think you have pretty eyes too. Stupid!
  • Scott Pilgrim vs. The World:
  • Gretchen invokes this in Mean Girls, when insulting Regina. It's pretense, of course. She perfectly well meant to say what she said.
  • Star Wars: A New Hope: Han Solo in the detention entryway, over the communications system: "How are you?" He cringes horribly.
  • Love Actually. When meeting David the Prime Minister for the first time, Natalie worries about how she thought '(she) was going to say shit or something and ruin everything.' Then realises that she has indeed, just said shit, and quotes this line verbatim.
    Natalie: Hello, David. I mean, sir. Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said shit. Twice. I'm so sorry, sir!
    David: It's fine, it's fine! You could have said fuck, and then we'd both have been in real trouble.
    Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have a terrible premonition I was going to fuck up on my first day. ... Oh, piss it.
  • In the movie Dan in Real Life, Steve Carell's character flirts with a lady at a small bookstore. When their conversation is over, he wants to talk more, so he asks if he can call her. As she's about to drive off, he says, "Just so you know, I would even call to say I'm not calling." A couple seconds later he's driving down the road by himself and says "I'd even call to say I'm not calling?" with a self-deprecating tone.

    Live Action TV 
  • Played with in Arrested Development. Michael Bluth often invokes the trope before the other party has even left the room, mouthing "What is wrong with me?" while the other person's eyes are diverted for some reason.
  • In the Sabrina the Teenage Witch episode "Sabrina Through The Looking Glass", Baltimore Oriole star Brady Anderson stars As Himself and serves as Sabrina's spirit guide when she becomes trapped inside a mirror world. As she's leaving, he advises her to remember that "life is a team sport." After she goes back, Brady delivers the following line:
    Brady: Life is a team sport? How stupid does that sound?
  • Happens in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Welcome to the Hellmouth" as Everyone Meets Everyone:
    Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
    Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you.
    She starts down the hall.
    Xander: (unimpressed with himself) We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.
    • Also in the musical episode:
    Spike: So that's it? You've just come to pump me for information?
    Buffy: What else would I want to pump you for? *beat* I really just said that, didn't I?
    • In the comics it's Satsu's turn to say this. After sleeping with Buffy, a vampire is about to kill her, threatening that he bets she tastes sweet. Satsu dusts him, drawls, "You have no idea," then groans as they had been keeping their lesbian fling a secret.
    • Another episode has Buffy read a letter from Cordelia's captors: "Come to The Bronze before it opens or we make her a meal."
    Xander: "We gotta cook her dinner?" (Beat Panel) "Aw, pretend I didn't say that."
    • Giles gets one in season five.
    Xander: I still don't understand why we have to come here to get info on a killer snot monster.
    Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space. i did not just say that.
  • In the episode of Friends "The One With The Blackout", Chandler gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Victoria's Secret model Jill Goodacre. She offers Chandler gum and at first he turns it down. Then he realizes that he shouldn't have and tells her:
    Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Thinking) Gum would be perfection? Gum would be perfection. Could have said, "Gum would be nice," or "I'll have a stick," but no no no no no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
    • Also in "The One With The Holiday Armadillo", Monica says "Okay Ben you stay here and Santa, The Armadillo and I will have a little talk in the Kitchen. There's a sentence I never thought I'd say".
  • In the How I Met Your Mother episode when Ted is noticeably upset at his long-distance girlfriend not calling him and Robin invites him over, Ted doesn't even miss a beat, immediately commenting out loud at his own corniness. She suggests they drink wine and his response is "Wine not? Wow, that's the stupidest thing I've ever said."
  • Webster in Band of Brothers: "'They got me.' You believe that? You believe I said that?"
  • Doctor Who, from "School Reunion"; "Correctamundo! There's a word I've never used before, and hopefully never will again."
    • From "The Eleventh Hour"; "I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everybody's aunt! And that's not how I'm introducing myself!"
    • Later in that episode; "Final score, no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare, WHO DA MAN?" Beat "Right, I'm not saying that again."
    • From "The Lodger":
    The Doctor:(After noticing some suspicious mold in Craig's flat) I'll fix it, I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister.
  • Rimmer does this at the end of the Red Dwarf episode "Holoship", when he quotes a movie on which earlier he had been heaping contempt: "We won't be apart, we just ... won't be together." (Look of absolute self-disgust.) "I cannot believe I just said that!"
  • Parks and Recreation:
    "Are you interested in running for public office?"
    "Absotootley, I — am very sorry I just said that."
  • In the Mork and Mindy episode "Mork Runs Down", Mindy'a father has this reaction while trying to reassure a very sick Mork.
    Mork, don't worry. After you get your gleek, your gorgles will be gone! (Beat) I can't believe I just said that.

    Theatre 
  • In Pippin, Charles nobly offers to leave his son Pippin with a word of advice before going, but only comes up with the cliché, "Home is where the heart is." Charles wonders why he said that, and so does Pippin a moment after thanking his father.

    Videogames 

    Webcomics 
  • A comic of Funny Farm featured Ront describing the steps required to reach the town of Bucket, which involved going through the Phukket river and ends up summarizing it as "Going around the Phukket until they climax in Bucket." and, as his brother cracks up, remarks that he can't believe that sentence just came out of his mouth.
  • This episode of The Non-Adventures of Wonderella.
    Wonderella: "...that's like the worst comeback ever uttered by the human mouth."
  • Homestuck:
    Dave: huh
    Karkat: WHAT
    Dave: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it

    Web Originals 
  • In Agents of Cracked episode F.U.B.A.R.-King Up The Wrong Tree
    Swaim: ''Are you saying, that you need my quasi-legal fetishes and weird dick to make this happen?
    DOB: Is that what I'm saying? Jesus, I guess.
  • In Worm, Chapters 6.2 and 6.3 see Taylor assembling furniture with the very-good-looking Brian, and trying not to make it completely awkward:
    Brian: Relax. You're allowed to breathe. [Taylor laughs nervously] You okay?
    Taylor [thinking]: What was I supposed to say? Admit I didn't know how to deal with being around a good looking guy?
    Taylor [out loud]: I get nervous when I'm close to people. I think, you know, maybe I have bad breath, or maybe I have B.O., and I wouldn't be able to tell, because it's mine, so I hold my breath like that to be safe. I dunno.
    Taylor [thinking]: Bravo, Taylor. Bravo. I imagined the slowest, most sarcastic of slow claps. Talking about bad breath and B.O. was totally the way to go. One of those brilliant moments that would have me cringing every time I remembered it in the next few years or decades, I was sure.

    Western Animation 
  • Hurricanes: In an Enemy Mine case, Amanda and Stats (Hurricanes) entered a truce with Garkos, Wyn and Genghis (Gorgons) to find who's trying to kill commentator Winston Honeychurch. Amanda told the Gorgons they'd have a chance to act like cops. At the first attempt to capture the outside foes, Genghis told them to stop in name of Law. He'd later feel silly for having said that.

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