Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock Q

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1601. If there is a group of peaceful nonviolent farmers that I regularly terrorize, especially by having them line up, and slap them silly, if I see a couple of new people in the line, it might be a good idea to know who they are, just in case they are the sort who believe in "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" and a hard blow to the head in retaliation for a slap to the face!
1602. If it has been a few decades, or centuries, since the last time a particular planet has been investigated, and has been marked for conquest, or the usual snatch and grab type of raid, it might be a good idea to do a current investigation of the planet - just because military forces on the planet marched with sharpened blades on sticks back during the first investigation doesn't mean that they haven't invented something that looses thirty projectiles in a second, and keep it up all day!
1603. If a planet marked for conquest has devices that share information about what's going on orbiting the planet, it might be a good idea to go through the information on them before attacking. After all, it might be useful if destroying a certain White House in the middle of the Washington District of Columbia will cause the locals to surrender, or piss them off to no end.
1604. Likewise, when checking out those orbiting information devices, figure out the differences between fact and fiction. The one might be more entertaining than the other, but it is not true. Then again, sometimes the real stuff can be stranger than the fake stuff.
1605. If I am a mundane human criminal committing a crime, only for an obviously superhuman police officer, such as an android or a werewolf, to show up, and point a mundane weapon at me, such as a handgun, it might be a good idea to drop my weapons and surrender. After all, they don't need to use that handgun to kill me if I try to shoot it out with them.
1606. If for some reason I am forced to team up with the Hero, there'd better be a damn good reason if I'm not as powerful as the Hero, despite the fact that I used to kick his ass on a regular basis. Such acceptable reasons include, recovering from an injury inflicted upon me, my favorite weapon being stolen and I'm forced to make due with an unfamiliar weapon, my powers having been locked away, or the Hero trained hard enough to be able to kick my ass only to find me having been already bested by someone stronger than me.
1607. If for some reason I'm forced to team up with the Hero, my Minions had better still follow me - those that do will be rewarded, where as those that defect will be severely punished - unless they give me a very good reason, like their family was held hostage.
1608. I will set up a council of scientists whose job it is to constantly monitor the stability of the planet’s ecosystem, and advise me on future policies and facilities to ensure said stability. Polluting the planet, over-hunting, and unchecked expansionism will only make the planet eventually inhospitable and prevent any possible chance of my empire surviving in the future. It’s also a great way of ensuring the local nature deities won’t join forces with the hero. After all, I may be an evil Overlord, but at least I’m an evil Overlord that appreciates the power of nature.
1609. If I have retired, I shall, discreetly, investigate anyone claiming to be me. I mean, just because I might be out of the Overlord business doesn't mean that I can't at least have a decent reputation to uphold.
1610. If the Impostor is a joke, to the point that even my weakest foes could have bested him in their sleep, I'll merely tell him that being an Evil Overlord doesn't pay as well as it used to, and point out all of the various financial costs, like paying the minions, building upkeep, and let's not forget about the eventual hospital bill. Odds are that they will quit after learning about those previously untold expenses.
1611. If the Impostor is certainly eviler than me, and worth the exercise, with a nice bounty on their head, I shall simply beat them, but in order to fool the onlookers, I'll make the fight seem more difficult than it actually is, by not using all of my power, by using my unfavorite hand, using my least favorite weapon (although I will be reasonably familiar with it), faking a few injuries, like a limp in my leg and having my main arm in a cast, and all that. Then, just before I kill the Impostor, I'll whisper into their ear my real identity - actually, do that while they are already dying and unable to harm me. After that, collect the bounty that was placed on "my" head.
1612. Alternatively, instead of being the Overlord, be the Adviser to the Overlord. That way, when the inevitable uprising occurs, and the Rebellion manages to storm the throne room, which I'll leave just before this occurs, even to seemingly assist the Rebellion at times, and it will be their head that ends up on a spear shaft. As for me, well, the new guy will need an Adviser, and it seems there's a vacancy that I can fill.
1613. If I have "hired" some street rat in order to get an item for me, I shall indeed "repay" them, with a nice bag of money. After all, good help is hard to find, and I might have use for them later on down the line.
1614. If that Royal, whom I work for, is looking for a suitable suitor for their daughter, I shall remember the Street Rat who had helped me out before, and pay them another visit, and tell them that they might be able to help me to solve another problem, and mention the Princess in passing.
1615. In fact, if I was looking for the street rat, only for the guards to capture him having been with the Princess, who had runaway from the palace, I shall have him brought before the Royal family, and simply explain that the guards might have been slightly overzealous when I told them to find him, and explain to the Royal family that the young man is a solution to a very serious problem that threatens the kingdom, with the over-zealousness being due to the man's minor criminal record and the fact that he was with the Princess.
1616. During the meeting with the Royal family, I will at some point pause, ask for the Royals' apologies, and then walk up to the young man, to carefully examine him, remarking how he looks so familiar, before recognition seems to come upon me, at which I'll say, "It can't be." When everyone asks "What?", I'll simply states that he reminds me of a Lord who had been murdered some years prior, with their entire family slain, including a young boy, who would be the young man's age, had he lived, seeding the possibility that the young man might be the son of some dead Lord, and thus eligible to marry the Princess.
1617. Eventually, after some "Heroic Deeds", the Street Rat will prove their worth, marry the Princess, and guess who gets to advise him on how to rule his new kingdom? Me! Muhahaha!
1618. If at any point the Hero loses their memory to some sort of violent trauma-induced amnesia and I choose to employ them, I will personally hunt down every single aspect of their past and erase it from existence. I will then create a very highly detailed backstory for them that absolutely vilifies everything from their past and paints me as the hero. And I will instruct my minions to treat the Hero with genuine respect and camaraderie. Those with personal vendettas against the Hero and refuse to get over it will be assigned to other, more covert tasks that are as far away from the Hero as possible.
1619. If for some reason, my armor designers decide to make armor for the female minions that emphasizes the fact that they are female, with a large chest and/or breasts, make sure that it is practical, and that there is adequate padding between the body and the armor itself. After all, there's plenty of armors that show off male anatomy, like the codpiece, which is probably less practical than a fancified breastplate!
1620. Make sure that there's at least a few women on the design team that's making armor for female minions.
1621. If my fighters are the sort that could care less about armor, then make sure that they have a decent shield for protection.
1622. Outfits for my forces shall consist of the following - Glasses to protect the eyes from the sun as well as dust (vision correction as well if needed), Helmet to protect the head from accident and enemy attack, Protective mask to protect the face from injury (identity concealment, optional), Armor that protects from weapon attacks, animal attacks, the environment, and has ammunition pouches for easier reloading, Gloves to protect the hands from blisters during fighting and from sharp objects while scavenging for items, as well as sturdy boots that can protect the feet, both for marching and kicking down doors. Other equipment will depend on specialty, such as medical equipment and trap disposal, but all will know how to use the equipment.
1623. If my villainous plan involves killing exactly half of the entire universe, I will make sure that any and all heroes who just tried to stop me are not part of the surviving half.
1624. My mobile containment device will be regularly checked for scratches, cracks, damages, etc.. In addition, it will be kept on my person on all times, not strapped to the back of my ship.
1625. If a faithful minion of mine has been captured by Law Enforcement, do everything I can to get him back - arrange for someone to pay his bail, bribe the guards, or just blast the cell open. This will make them exceptionally loyal.
1626. On the other hand, is said minion has been disloyal, antagonistic towards the others in the group, and is proving to be more trouble than they are worth, leave them to rot. They might even serve as a warning to those who displease me.
1627. If I come upon a place, where the locals help me and mine to heal up from a recent scrape with "hostile natives" (actually, the Law), and they do so for free, even helping to get us supplies, I will thank them for their help, and leave them alone - might need that place again.
1628. If I have the only person who can defeat me at my mercy, I will not settle for brainwashing her and sending her to fight her friends. I will instead slit her throat.
1629. If my Dragon suggests this as a plan, perhaps it is time to look for a new Dragon.
1630. Just because I am Evil-aligned, this doesn't mean that I can't be honorable, especially if it means that Karma will look more favorably towards me if I am.
1631. If I am indeed an Evil Ruler, whose lands happen to be bordered by those ruled by a Good Ruler, I shall take no aggressive actions towards them - they cannot react if I do not act after all.
1632. If my evil-aligned lands are indeed bordered by good-aligned lands, I will set up favorable trade deals, that benefit both of us, a non-aggression pact, and a whole lot of things that will at least make the other side think that I am, at the very least, a reasonable and honorable person, which will make them less likely to attack me.
1633. If I find myself in a Treasure Island kind of situation, I'll instruct my men to carefully examine that three-quarters empty apple barrel, or any other nearly empty food container that could fit a youth in it, by looking into it. Same applies to other such places that a youth could hide at in the room. Should that cabin boy be found, the men will have prior instructions to joke about that "Big Apple" that they found in the barrel, and send them off to scrub that section that's on the other side of the ship. After that, we'll get on with the meeting.
1634. If in a Treasure Island type of situation, if I find out that one of mine had murdered an officer loyal to the Captain, without my permission, I'll have that man see me privately in the gallery, as that's where I'm working at. I will then cause a loud commotion, call them a murderer, claim that I won't let them kill the boy, get into a fight with them, and, kill them! I'll then claim that they had bragged about murdering the officer, and that they threatened to kill the cabin boy if I didn't go along with their plan to commit mutiny against the Captain, perhaps even blubbering and crying, and perhaps being sick to my stomach about having to kill that man. Thus the Captain, seeing that I am indeed loyal, and remorseful about what I did, will see that my killing of the man was justified, and not punish me too seriously.
1635. Make sure that my people have different types of food to eat, especially if I find myself as a Lord in a Stronghold game.
1636. Just because I'm from a race that is Always Lawful Good, does not mean that I cannot be a villain. One would be surprised at the number of Villains who are members of supposedly good races.
1637. If for any reason my Dragon asks me if they could form a team comprised of some of my other underlings for the express purpose of finding my old friends and comrades, and the team comprises of individuals who are ‘’extremely’’ dangerous even to me, I will disband the group immediately and privately investigate my Dragon for any potential ulterior motives. At best, the investigation will turn up nothing and prove my suspicions wrong. At worst, I’ll have to quickly deal with a potential civil war, an insurrection, the murder of my old friends, or all of the above,
1638. If I am the Ruler of a county, I shall have a Secret Identity that is actually an Open Secret, in the form of a non-commissioned officer, or equivalent, in the military. This will allow me to get to personally escort those suspicious individuals to deem if they are indeed a threat to my lands or not. Of course, since the most observant of these individuals will occasionally see Officers looking at a mere Sergeant, with a bit more respect than normally allotted to one, my cover shall include a special medal of bravery, or equivalent, which also grants one an Honorary Title of Honorary Prince, which will help if a regular soldier accidentally calls me, Your Highness. After all, there's plenty of such medals where a higher ranked officer has to salute an inferior if said inferior is a recipient of, such as the Medal of Honor.
1639. If I have an Open Secret Secret Identity while serving in the military, said identity will have a name similar to my own, or perhaps I'll just use the same name as my real identity, and I shall put myself through the same Basic Training every other soldier goes through. After all, since every one in my nation is going to know the truth anyways, might at least know enough about what I claim to be while in the alternative identity, at least enough to fool a member of a foreign nation at any rate.
1640. The cover story for my Open Secret Secret Identity, in regards to why I have that particular medal that allows my "Superior" Officer to respect me more than normally allowed, as well as grants me an Honorary Title, shall me fairly simple, and plausible - that I saved someone who was in danger of drowning in a fast-flowing river, risking my own life in the process, and that this person turned out to have been the leader of my country, for which I was rewarded with the medal.
1641. Alternatively, if I actually do something honestly worthy of the medal, that will be used instead.
1642. I will remember that police forces, military, and the like shoot at center of mass for a reason. Once target is downed, THEN shoot them in the face. Twice. Same applies for my troops.
1643. If I am in a Big Bad Ensemble, and the heroes are fighting my rival(s), I will take a page from Galeem and Dharkon's book and take the opportunity to kill everyone while they are distracted.
1644. Sometimes the best alibi for a crime, is to confess to having done the deed in a manner different from what actually happened. For instance, smother the victim, clean the scene, make the corpse look like they were sleeping, and a little while later, shoot the body, and then confess to shooting the victim. Once the crime lab finds out that the victim was already dead when I shot them, I'll just be charged with "attempted" murder, which has a much lighter sentence than an "actual" murder charge. If I pull it off correctly, I'll be out within ten years, less with good behavior.
1645. Unless there is a much more practical reason for doing otherwise, I will always have my highly advanced spacefaring warship blast the hell out of the hero’s location before trying to get the MacGuffin. Doing so after I send my army to get the MacGuffin from the heroes is just a waste of valuable resources and only breeds resentment and weak morale among my forces. Best case scenario, most of the heroes die and my army can pick off the rest while I get the MacGuffin. Worst case scenario, assuming the MacGuffin isn’t my Soul Jar, the MacGuffin is destroyed and I am forced to achieve my goals with much more conventional and pragmatic means.
1646. If I am a magic-user, it would be a good idea to know about the current levels of Muggle technology, especially in an Urban Fantasy or Science Fantasy setting.
1647. Anyone within my Legions of Terror who decides to get an ear gauge (a ring-like accessory that leads to wider holes than standard ear piercings) will be shot on sight. I will not get any myself.
1648. Hoop earrings, or any type of danglers, are problems waiting to happen.
1649. If in a world that has both Sufficiently Advanced Technology and Sufficiently Advanced Magic, or at least a decent level of both, I shall have three research teams, one working on Technology, one working on Magic, one working on Both, and members of each team can help those on each of the others.
1650. If I am the Ruler of Hell, unless I am the one making the rules, I shall make sure that I am up to date on what is, and is not, a sin, or a crime worth punishing. During the eleventh century, for instance, it was acceptable for 30-year old men to marry 13-year old girls, while two men having sex with each other was considered a hideous crime. In the twenty-first century, two men having sex with each other is acceptable, while a 30-year old man marrying a 13-year old girl is a hideous crime.
1651. Depending upon magical/technological levels, me and my forces will each have the equivalent of the Bag of Holding in order to carry food, medical supplies, as well as items of interest. We shall also carry Bottomless Ammo Pouches, Arrow Quivers, Knife Belts, and other such things, in order to make sure that we never run out of ammo.
1652. I will not blab about my plans to do horrible, horrible things to the hero's loved ones before I have actually executed them.
1653. In the event I ever meet someone I suspect is my long-lost abandoned child, who has the ability to induce psychotic breakdowns at will, I will not employ them as my hitman - I will immediately kill them.
1654. In the event that I am a Necromancer, I will not resurrect a Hero who has fallen in battle. Odds are, they'd fight me, even if it meant dying again after vanquishing me, like that one skeleton knight.
1655. When it comes to expanding my Empire, I will not go after lands ruled by Good Rulers, as I'd lose that war anyways. Instead, I'll go after lands ruled by those eviler than me - I'm much more likely to win that war. The only exception to the Good Ruler rule is if the person has given into Black-and-White Insanity - those guys are not right in the head, and even the average person would prefer a stable Evil Overlord over an unstable Good Ruler.
1656. If I decide to decorate my outfit or lair with spikes, they will be the kind that kill heroes in one shot.
1657. Of course, if up against Snake People, spikes strategically placed upon my outfit; knees, elbows, and a few other places, will reduce the odds of them wrapping me up.
1658. Make damn sure that my taxes are paid up. I do not need an agent from the Intimidating Revenue Service to show up at an inopportune time.
1659. Due to the fact that the Knight in Shining Armor tends to save them, I shall not kidnap those princesses, no matter how pretty they look. Instead, I shall befriend their parents, and simply set things up so that an Arranged Marriage to me looks good from their point of view, and I get things legally.
1660. In the event that one of my rivals decides to kidnap the princess, I shall go out to save the princess, and thus get the reward of half, or all, of their kingdom, their hand in marriage, and the treasury. And it definitely doesn't hurt my image, either.
1661. If living in one of those Fantasy, Science Fiction, or Science Fantasy worlds that have multiple sapient races, or species, make sure that everyone has equal rights. Makes things much easier, for the most part.
1662. If I am normally a Hero, but I've found myself in a land where the local "hero" is someone with Black-and-White Insanity, who gives out Disproportionate Retribution for the slightest of offenses, and the local "villain" is really a Punch-Clock Villain who mainly exists as the so-called "hero's" punching bag, and keeps them from going after the average citizen for "so-called crimes", then by all means, take out this Fake Hero.
1663. I will drill into the heads of my minions, lieutenants, and Dragon that under no circumstances are they to allow the hero a shot at a fair fight, no matter how much they may want to kill the hero under such circumstances, and ensure they will kill the hero the millisecond the opportunity presents itself. Any who refuse to do so, whether it’s due to some sense of honor, relation to the hero, admiration of the hero, or a personal vendetta, will be reassigned and relocated to some distant part of my Empire for the time being. Unless they’ve proven to be particularly disloyal and/or disobedient, and thus there’s no good reason to keep them around, in which case they’ll be summarily executed on the spot.
1664. When guarding a prison cell, I will not be fooled into opening the cell door by the prisoner smiling and winking at me, then lowering himself behind the door.
1665. I will carefully study my enemies' biology and take advantage of it. For example, if I am faced with normal humans, and I have the means to, I will issue rubber bullets coated in lactic acid to my troops, which will be used to non-lethally incapacitate intruders.
1666. Likewise, double-check my own race's biology, and prepare for possible weaknesses my enemies might use against me. For instance, if my race is reptilian, areas that drop below a certain temperature for part of the area might not be worth taking over. On the other hand, a thick winter coat can keep my troops warm, and act as a low-grade form of body armor.
1667. Once this list and all its modules are inside my safety deposit box, I will root out any repeated entries and precede any countermeasures to them with "If in a temporary fit of insanity I do". This will make it easier to memorize.
1668. If I am unable to apply rule number 1553 and I find myself with resource scarcity, and only if I lack a Cosmic Keystone to replenish them, I will research a Portal Network that can lead to other galaxies/dimensions for mining.
1669. In the event that upon arrival I find (the previously studied) Grand Admiral Thrawn in a position of command, and specially if the Emperor isn't around, I will quietly gather just enough resources to build a portal back and quietly escape. It is not worth the risk.
1670. If in a Medieval-themed Fantasy, and I need to armor a lot of lower-class troops, I will look into that form of armor known as the Gambeson. Made from linen, it is crafted in layers, and is effective enough to protect against arrows, and reduce the amount of injuries from other weapons, and is just as good, if not better, than leather armor, not to mention cheaper and easier to produce. Plus, it would get me the patronage of Youtuber Shadiversity, who will at least say that I am awesome for picking this type of armor, as it is much more realistic. Besides, it also functions similar to a winter coat, which is useful in Europe-styled settings.
1671. In a Fantasy setting, I shall see to it that all possibilities are explored, especially where weapons and armor are concerned. For all I know, despite the usual stereotypes, my mages and archers might actually benefit from wearing plate armor. Of course, if metal armor isn't good for say a mage's ability to use magic effectively, or reduces the sneaking capabilities of my thieves, then I shall make use of the Gambeson, which is made from thick cloth, which should allow my mage to use magic, and for my thief to be sneaky.
1672. In the event that centaurs exist, in one way or another, one thing I shall try to convince them to do is allow a rider on their back, especially in combat. Since they'll probably refuse, at least initially, I shall set up an experiment, where one centaur warrior trains with a human rider fighter for a month or so, learning how to utilize the various weapons centaurs and mounted fighters tend to use, and then have them engage in mock combat against another centaur and a rider on their usual mount. Should the centaur with a rider best the other two, or at least hold their own well enough that it was a struggle for the other two to beat them, it will be used as proof to allow for the possibility of getting centaurs to allow riders on their backs.
1673. If I am the leader of a group of eight, or more, people, who are traveling, and a handful of bandits, beasts, or other hostiles, attack, I won't match them man-for-man - I'll have everyone ready to take part in the fight. Odds are, the other side will decide to leave my group alone. Failing that, I have more people on my side than they do. Some might even be able to switch places with those who are tired, or double-team, or even triple-team, the enemy.
1674. I will order my Dragon and minions to destroy the heroes’ getaway car instead of disabling it, if they ever manage to trap the heroes in a certain location.
1675. If I have access to a castle, or some other building/place that can provide my forces with a defensive advantage, I will station as many of my fighters inside of it as I can. There is no reason to place my forces in front of it, as that just throws away any advantage. This is especially true in the event that I'm outnumbered.
1676. Remember one thing about being a defender in a siege - if my base is properly set up, I can simply wait for rescue, as my friends and allies should receive word of my need, especially if messages have been sent out.
1677. In the event that I am wealthy, as is another family or group, if they decide to go into an area of business that's beyond my understanding, I shall not enter into a pointless competition with them by entering into the same business. This also applies to things like vehicles, home decorations, weaponry, and other such things.
1678. Make sure that the armor that my forces use is appropriate to the situation. Depending on the forces I'm fighting against, or with, changes might need to be made.
1679. It is safer to assume that a minority group will understand, if not necessarily speak, the language of the majority, than to assume that they do not understand. It might keep one from accidentally, or intentionally, offending the wrong sort of people, especially if they can also use the language of the majority.
1680. Even if I have superpowers, it might be a good idea to have normal bodyguards. Reason is, if I'm dealing with a superhero who has a Thou Shalt Not Kill, that superhero will be forced to hold back, to avoid causing serious injury to my bodyguards. That being said, if dealing with someone who doesn't have that rule, make sure to have powered bodyguards as well, and have my normal ones get to safety.
1681. Remember to use a weapon that's practical to the given situation. If I can use a crossbow to snipe an enemy at a distance, instead of trying to charge at them from over three hundred feet away with just a knife, do it.
1682. Pursuant to other rules on this list, I shall keep in mind that once my dominion has been secured, my word should be the law. As such, I should evaluate whether or not marrying the princess is absolutely necessary to "legitimize" my rule. After all, royal bloodlines often can be changed thanks to the barrel of a gun.
1683. If marrying the princess is not absolutely necessary, she shall be dealt with pursuant to other rules within this list.
1684. If marriage is necessary to continue my bloodline and my Trusted Lieutenant, who has been there since the beginning and know exactly how much of an evil bastard I truly am, exhibits the appropriate interest I will consider the appropriate possibilities, benefits, and consequences of pursuing said relationship. As mentioned previously, there is no reason I cannot harness The Power of Love for my own benefit, in addition to keeping the Dark Action Girl near at hand.
1685. I shall not hold the past deeds of a people's ancestors against them. Got to move forward with the times, and not live in the past.
1686. When it comes to food information, make sure to list nutrition content for eating/drinking the entire package. Granted, it might not stop people from eating 800+ calories worth of snacks, but at least they'd be aware of the amount.
1687. No matter how awesome or sexy an outfit looks, should my troops be unable to complete the safe and basic obstacle course in it, to say nothing about the more advanced, and riskier, obstacle course, I shall not make my troops wear said outfit.
1688. Never ever rob a doughnut shop, or a fast-food joint, or any of those other places where the police, town guard, or space patrol, or local law-enforcement equivalent, like to hang out at, especially if they are the sort of places where one can get a late-night snack or meal. More than one would-be thief has found this out the hard way.
1689. No matter how good the benefits of doing so might be, I will not work with Nazis. Unless you’re fighting prehistoric vampire-eating Pillar Men, the only possible result is a Karmic Death.
1690. I will not attempt to use the Omnicidal Maniac being of pure destruction as a weapon. It won’t end well.
1691. If I am the Omnicidal Maniac, I will not attempt to destroy the world during the big battle between The Hero and the Big Bad. While it might be dramatic, it will only result in them teaming up to stop me. Instead, I will help the Big Bad defeat the hero, then kill everyone while the Big Bad is busy founding his new empire.
1692. If I the dominant power in my world, and I am given a choice between developing a new superweapon capable of destruction on an entirely new scale or a Boring, but Practical equipment upgrade that makes my army more efficient, I will choose the equipment upgrade, unless I have a VERY good reason to choose the superweapon. Superweapons always have a weakness that my enemies can exploit. An army is usually harder to destroy.
1693. If I am not the dominant power in my world, I will create TWICE as many superweapons as I think I need. And I will keep the existence of the other half secret, and store them separately from the ones I plan to use to make threats.
1694. In the event that wearing a Badass Cape is the height of fashion, but I wish to prevent that age-old Cape Snag, simply wear one that can be easily removed, in order to prevent such things. Who knows - my enemy, who might be counting on this, might be the one to come undone.
1695. While executing minions who fail me may be a tempting prospect, and may occasionally be necessary to keep my minions from getting reckless, it is also wasteful and may prevent me from recruiting new minions. I will try to limit it to costly failures and failures that could have been very easily avoided with even a little bit of thought. And I will remember that hindsight is 20/20, and things that seem obvious now might not have been at the time.
1696. Likewise, I shall refrain from killing minions or assets that have outlived their usefulness, unless I can’t control them, in case they become useful again in the future.
1697. Alternatively, instead of killing those who have failed me, or have outlived their usefulness, the ones that just simply failed me too many times will simply be fired, and the ones that served me well will be given a nice severance package. After all, it's possible for failures to redeem themselves, and the useful ones can always come back to me if I need them again, or if they just need some sort of regular employment to put food on the table.
1698. That being said, I reserve the right to kill minions that never learn from their mistakes.
1699. If, for some reason, I require a rather lengthy regeneration process and have been performing such a ritual throughout the course of the hero's journey, I will not interrupt the reincarnation when he arrives to fight him, as this practice tends to turn one into an Almighty Idiot. I will surround myself with whatever magical barrier is available to me at the time, one that is 100% Plot Coupon proof and will only open once the reincarnation is complete. If I'm strong enough, I will teleport FAR the hell away to somewhere relatively inconspicuous, such as the house of one of my minions or my past subjects to continue the process.
1700. If I am ever sealed inside a particularly shoddy can, I will not perform petty acts like reviving my minions or spreading more of my influence whenever I gain ground against one of the various bonds imprisoning me. I will use my time, when not entertaining myself, to pinpoint the hero. Whenever I gain an advance, I will conjure a bare minimum of fifty (50) versions of my strongest minions, enhanced by my influence, around the hero, promptly obliterating him. Alternatively, if I intend to observe the law of Conservation of Ninjutsu, I will conjure an extremely enhanced version of a lieutenant directly at his location.