Funny / Wrongfully Accused

• Pretty much anything Fergus Falls says.
  • "Give me photo analysis, footprint analysis, DNA, bra sizes..."
  • "Ivy needs water – I got spaghetti! Watch it, plate could be hot!"
  • "A caterpillar has two-thousand eighty seven minute hairs on each leg, but, for the life of me, I cannot tell you why women keep falling for the wrong man."
  • "Shoot and gut every animal in the park. Their stomachs might contain something that could be a clue. Donate the meat to charity. Hides could be turned into warm socks for the poor. Grind up the bones for dog food. I want nothing wasted."
  • "I'm as sure about that as I am that that's an anaconda." (Lt. Bagley is then grabbed by said anaconda.)
  • When he initiates the manhunt for Ryan at the crash site: (To Bagley) "I want roadblocks around a 10-mile radius. Set up communication with all law enforcement. That's state, county, city!". (To Orno) Get me Governor Carlson; I may need the National Guard. (To a random cocktail waitress who passes by) "Diet Coke, no ice."
  • During his introductory appearance:
    Fergus: Take this blood sample to the lab – and don't go walking around with it all day.
    Van Attar: Up yours!
  • "Davy Crockett died for our sins!"
  • "It's as American as a burrito."
  • "There are two things that frost my butt: it's a snow cone about that high and the other is Ryan Harrison."
• Some stuff during the opening concert scene:
  • Ryan's Lord of the Violin poster parodying Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance (1997).
  • Harrison has a nose itch while playing the violin, and uses his bow to scratch it.
    • Also a third arm pops up to scratch his head while the other two are playing the violin.
  • He unknowingly jabs a woman in the front row of the orchestra with his bow. A camera pan reveals that others in the front row have worn helmets for protection.
  • At one point while playing, Ryan’s bow flies off the violin like an arrow being fired from a bow, hitting an unlucky patron offscreen. He then retrieves another bow from a quiver on his back and continues playing.
  • An usher seats Cass by pulling out a lightsaber.
  • When Ryan sees Lauren for the first time seated in the box seat next to Hibbing Goodhue, she's sensually sucking on a cigar. Ryan's erection pushes the drawer of his podium outward. Lauren then bites off the tip of the cigar making the drawer quickly retreat back into place.
  • The classical piece that the orchestra is playing shifts into a Jimi Hendrix-style rock number, complete with Harrison playing a few chords of "The Star Spangled Banner" on his violin like it's an electric guitar.
  • Harrison is given a slab of meat as a gift after his performance.
• Goodhue's reception following the opening concert.
  • Ryan confusing a muslim man he accidentally Groin Attacked for him praying.
  • This bit.
    Lauren: I've never missed one of your concerts. Hibbing, however, wasn't at Friday's.
    Hibbing: It was a...high colonic.
    Ryan: Yes, Jewish holiday. Mazel tov!
    Hibbing:' Uh...yes
• Ryan at the Goodhue Estate.
  • When Goodhue is leaving:
  Goodhue (driving off-screen): Goodbye, darling
  Lauren: Have a safe flight.
  Goodhue: Could you please open the gate for me?... (crashing noises)... Never mind.
  • Ryan and Lauren's dog
    Ryan: You're dog certainly has surprised look on his face.
    Lauren: Well that's because you're looking at his butt.
    Ryan: Oh, then he's certainly not going to enjoy that uh treat I just fed to him.
  • This... exchange.
    Lauren: I used to lick envelopes for a living; those long manila ones.
    Ryan: I'm not wearing any underwear.
  • Lauren's tongue going out Ryan's ''other'' ear.
• "Yours in adultery, Lauren."
• The newscaster interview:
  McKintyre: Hibbing has been my good friend since our school days at Cherry Pants-upon-Buttocks.
  Ruth Kimble: He's invited you to come to Columbia Heights to make an important speech; a speech that will have terrorists peeing their pants.
• Hibbing cycling through radio stations: "...a lesbian ...oral... used to masturbate... nymphomaniac Siamese twins who cheat with each other's husbands... I'm not having orgasms... these gay guys."
  Goodhue: You only wanted me for my connection with (pulls out a chalkboard with the words McKintyre, shoreline, terrorists and assassination written on it)... McKintyre and for my acquired shoreline, the perfect place to land a small group of terrorists. This is about assassination.
• Hibbing rapidly trying to open a box of band-aids to put on his gunshot wounds.
• Cass throws a small gun in the bay. It still manages to make a giant splash that reaches all the way up the cliff and drench her.
• Ryan and Laughrea's fight.
  • Laughrea's night-vision headset has a ceiling fan pull string to activate it.
    • Ryan turns on a light as Laughrea still wears the night-vision goggles. Laughrea, blinded by the light, takes them off revealing his eyes are glowing green.
  • The totally random slinky going down the staircase.
  • At one point during the scuffle, they're both momentarily playing Twister.
  • Ryan using a rough draft of the Titanic (1997) script as a blunt instrument on Laughrea.
  • Laughrea drops a metal table on top of Ryan making him leave an impression resembling carbonite-frozen Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back.
• "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, one nation indivisible, 'til death do us part."
• When Orno is questioning Lauren:
  Lauren: Ryan and I were having sex; hot, steamy, sweaty sex. Every part of my body tingled orgasm after orgasm–
  Orno: Lady, I just asked for your name.
  • When Ryan is taken away in the police unit, one of the boom microphones from the paparazzi is some woman's leg wearing a long sock and a sandal. Another is just a cone of ice cream.
• Ryan's sentencing and conviction with his wrists and ankles getting cuffed...and then his mouth ball-gagged by a dominatrix.
  • The airplane-style safety spiel on the convict bus complete with the guard miming the instructions like a flight attendant:
    Announcer: Seats in the upright position. Handcuffs and ankle chains must be securely fastened or... you will be shot. Exits are clearly marked, but you will not be using them. Should you use them... you will be shot.
• The entirety of Ryan's escape from the bush crash.
  • The intentionally bad special effects as the bus falls down the cliff and keeps bouncing around making pinball noises.
  • The rapid-fire "Thank you!"s from the bus passengers as Ryan tosses them out so they don't get run over by the train.
  • Ryan jumps clear of the train… and lands on a bicycle with the seat missing.
  • The train having a mind of its own and chasing Ryan through the woods, especially when it peeks from behind a tree to find him.
• Ryan getting hit by tree branches in the woods while evading the authorities.
• Ryan’s painfully obvious Line-of-Sight Name monologue of various objects in the bait shop to ward off John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) and Maury Hannigan (Real Stories of the Highway Patrol).
  Ryan: …I can’t go fishing this afternoon. I’ve got a big meeting over at uh, uh "Mensroom".
  • John Walsh dropping tons of food on the floor after realizing he'd been had by Ryan spoofing The Usual Suspects (see Dramatic Shattering on the main page for a full description).
  • Ryan finds his wanted poster (with a mug shot of him holding a plaque that reads “BAD GUY” no less) and draws black hair, glasses, a beard, and a cartoon hat on it so no one could recognize him. When Maury Hannigan sees the vandalized photo, he yells for Harrison to freeze making you think he did the math. He instead brings out and frisks a bespectacled customer with black hair and a long beard wearing a tiny hat even titled on the side of his head like the drawing.
• Ryan finds a large, plastic, key-shaped case containing a rock he then uses to break into Goodhue's house.
• Cass having to explain the concept of a sister to Ryan:
  Cass: I understand her, you see... I think she's my sister.
  Ryan: Sister?
  Cass: It's like a brother only you do each other's hair?
• When Ryan kisses Cass on her forehead, it leaves a smooch mark even though Ryan clearly wasn't wearing lipstick.
• During the Baywatch parody, one of the female lifeguards pushes her breasts up before attempting a rescue so that they bounce up and down as she runs. In the same scene, one of the male lifeguards starts to head into the water but immediately retreats because the water's too cold.
  • The two lifeguards running with sand toys and a floatie instead of rescue gear.
• As soon as Ryan is in Cass' apartment, he begins drawing the shades to hide himself including on things like a door peephole and a landscape painting.
  • When Cass is assuring Ryan no one can see him six floors up in her apartment, she's Instantly Proven Wrong when her neighbor shouts "Hey Cass, who's your new friend?" and she immediately shuts the door drawing the blinds on it to save face.
  • "Your lies are like bananas, they come in big, yellow bunches."
  • After Cass kisses Ryan: "Damn you! Damn you for making me fall in love with you!"
    Cass: Listen, I'm gonna give you a sponge bath, give you a bracing enema and make you something to eat.
    Ryan: An enema?
  • Ryan accidentally covering his arm with spaghetti after he is distracted by the news report about himself.
  • At the same time, Ryan mutes the TV and the news anchorwoman clearly experiences the effects of it.
    • "Henningsen and Sachs presents Old People on Ice" (a senior couple repeatedly lose balance and fall while skating).
• Ryan investigates Cass' scrapbook:
  • The first two clippings about the Goodhue murder Ryan finds are titled "This Isn't the Story You Want" and "The Story You Want Is At The Bottom Of The Page".
  • A Society Column clipping about Goodhue marrying Lauren: "Successful Businessman and Worthless Shit Wed".
  • It also mentions Cass went to "No Parents Orphanage".
• The Mentos Commercial Parody during Ryan's escape.
• Ryan in the diaper truck and the aftermath.
  • Apparently, all you need to remove a truckload of horrendous diaper-stink is to rub yourself with a single perfume sample from a magazine.
• Ryan masquerading as a doctor:
  Ryan: (tapping a man's belly) He's pregnant.
  EMT: Doctor, this man has been shot 5 times
  Ryan: Down at the end in the 10 bullets or less lane.
  EMT: Doctor, you better take a look at this. (a pregnant woman breathes rapidly)
  Ryan: Uhhh... no thank you!
  Ryan: (towards a patient in cardiac arrest) Administer 200,000 units of, uh... adrenaline.
  Ryan: Balance and rotate the organs, put granny on the gurney, put the cop in post-op.
  Nurse: ICU? [Intensive Care Unit]
  Ryan: ...and I see you, you're a fine nurse.
• LOGIN: LOGIN
  PASSWORD: PASSWORD
  
  Computer: ..."Main Menu".
• Ryan riding an hydraulic car. The music being "La Cucaracha" makes it even funnier.
  • Ryan getting out of the car and trembling uncontrollably from the aftershocks of the malfunctioning hydraulics. He grabs on to the now-still car to stabilize himself, lets go... and starts trembling again.
• Sean's sniper POV has a silhouette outline of McKintyre drinking out a bottle...to which McKintyre perfectly shapes with when drinking water.
• During the climactic shootout, Ryan takes a gun from the backpack of a random little kid who was casually passing by. It contains other weapons like knives, an uzi, grenade, brass knuckles etc.

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