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Funny / Serge Storms
aka: Tim Dorsey

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  • The early novels had a minor drug cartel as a recurring villain group pursuing the stolen - and jinxed - suitcase of money. By Stingray Shuffle they were officially the worst cartel (someone has to be, after all) and were suffering the indignities of having the power company turn off their lights. The kicker? They were Russians pretending to be South American, and they had foolishly called themselves the Mierda Cartel. None of them spoke Spanish and no one had the heart to tell them.
    • When the cartel hears about the bigger groups' attempt to build their own submarines for smuggling operations, the Mierda Cartel decides to build their own... and use the blueprints for the 19th-Century HL Hunley as the cheapest available model. Then the cartel boss watches the inaugural voyage and learns why the Hunley never made it back from its first (and only) mission.
  • Listening in to any time Serge is bedding a woman. The woman is usually in the throes of the most incredible relief in her life... and Serge is busy chatting about whatever trivial bit about Florida he's obsessing over that particular book chapter.
  • In Hammerhead Ranch Motel:
    • "Porkchop" Dole, a public safety officer who was goofing off on the job during an apparent bridge suicide (really Serge jumping off the bridge for his own reasons and surviving) is approached by reporters and recounts a bogus story about making a heroic effort to talk down the jumper.
    It was such an impressive TV performance that Dole probably would have salvaged his career. Except he was absentmindedly holding his "Ask someone who gives a shit!" coffee mug prominently for the cameras.
    • Country's mother is described as being a third-generation Swedish immigrant while her father is "fifth-generation Jim Beam, and global knowledge was viewed in their home as a new strain of syphilis."
  • In Orange Crush, a gubernatorial candidate challenges his incumbent opponent to a wrestling match as a publicity stunt, but Serge, acting as the governor's champion, steps into the ring for a real fight, leading to a confused brawl as the two combatants' romantic partners, the other candidate's staffers, and some actual wrestlers milling about join in the fray.
  • In The Triggerfish Twist:
    • Serge talks about how the city council is trying to shut down strip clubs due to the tawdriness of local performers like Sharon (with the Moral Guardians being a little to eager to keep rewatching videos of the offensive acts, supposedly in order to do a better job of advocating for their shut down). Since Sharon's stripping is a major source of income for them, Serge tells Coleman that "we may be forced to lower our moral code and start pimping Sharon as a Hooter's waitress."
    • A cop lists all the sleazy things that have happened to members of the McGraw family of redneck criminals (dead, prison, hospitalized from a venereal disease, etc.) and notes that one of them even became a book critic.
    • Serge watches the home-shopping network as he and Sharon have sex and wonders if anyone is really "up at this ungodly hour buying this ridiculous shit." The scene then cuts to Coleman placing an order to that network in the next room.
    • The descriptions of a bank employee embodying The Peter Principle (fittingly, his name is Pierre Principal) gets some Crosses the Line Twice chuckles with the sheer audacity of his efforts to cover up his bad decisions. At one point, he writes a memo warning about a problem that he himself caused and that other people are starting to get annoyed by and is "roundly praised as the only vice president with any vision." Then, once his superiors finally wise up, they are unable to justify firing or demoting him after giving him so many positive evaluations for his employee record up until then.
  • In The Stingray Shuffle:
    • The scene at the bookstore that is really a cocaine distribution ring hiding drugs in copies of a single obscure book, only to have to deal with the author coming for a book-signing, accompanied by camera crews and legitimate readers who want to buy autographed copies of the books. Every conversation between the owner and his main assistant shouts of Surrounded by Idiots.
    Owner: How are you keeping the books with the cocaine separate from the others?
    Cashier How am I doing what?
    • The cartel hit squad tear apart a whole office (from the carpets to the ceiling tiles) looking for a file before being reminded to check the filing cabinet.
  • Serge's psychiatric evaluation in the beginning of Cadillac Beach. Too long to post here, but particularly the section about Crazy Luke.
    • "Yup, gonna chop me some heads."
    • Also in Beach, Serge had finally been caught and placed in a high-security psych ward. He proceeds to act like he's in an episode of Hogan's Heroes and gets his fellow inmates to dig out the most inept escape tunnel ever made. While the guards are all busy laughing at the other inmates trying to crawl into the useless hole, Serge simply hides in the laundry truck and escapes that way.
    • Also in Breach Serge makes harassing phone calls to the head of a telemarketing firm. In the final call, he poses as a cop and claims that the man who's been calling him is a Spree Killer and that they've traced the calls to somewhere inside the telemarketer's house.
    • Serge takes an acquaintance to a Back-Alley Doctor to receive treatment for a relatively minor gunshot wound and the incompetent doctor kills the patient. Despite this, Serge argues that the doctor is clearly excellent at his job due to being able to correctly diagnose his unlucky patient as dead.
  • In The Big Bamboo:
  • In Hurricane Punch, a seething Serge and curious Coleman read an article about Mahoney being interviewed about Serge. Serge denies being a Serial Killer while Coleman notes that the stats the authorities have released say he is the eleventh highest body count of any active killer in the country and recently passed the body count of Jeffrey Dahmer before asking what sexual dysfunction means, as Serge bitterly curses Mahoney.
  • In Atomic Lobster:
    • Serge and Coleman are keeping their acquaintance Jim Davenport under surveillance to protect him from a hitman in one scene, and Coleman keeps track of a bunch of people in kayaks and canoes who are paddling nearby. Then, Serge is briefly alarmed to realize all of those people have paddled over to his house before realizing that they're just watching Shameless Fanservice Girl Rachael sunbathing naked. This gets a brief Brick Joke when one of their neighbors, who also enjoys nude sunbathing, jumps off a seawall to escape from a domestic dispute between her lover and his wife and a news report mentions that she was hospitalized after landing on a nearby kayak.
    • Serge ends up in a support group with people who have confrontation issues. Between Time Skips, he ends up turning it into a Fight Club-like group where the members dress as clowns and mimes. Their fights become an internet sensation that "[strike] a chord across the entire nation, which experts attribute to a political backlash against the French."
    • After Coleman and Lenny set a slow-spreading fire while smoking a giant bong, Coleman watches the blaze and says he wishes Lenny was there to see this. Serge is horrified at the thought that Lenny is inside the burning building.
    Serge: Dear God! You don't mean he's...
    Coleman (solemnly): In big trouble. Left the house without telling his mom. Had to rush back.
  • In Nuclear Jellyfish:
    • A police official discussing Serge's creative murder of two Neo-Nazis and the video showing the murder that Serge posted on YouTube says that people who saw the video but don't have any pertinent information for the investigators should "stop calling us and laughing."
    • Serge captures two members of a murderous gang and demands to be told their future plans, where their loot is stashed, the names of their confederates, and whether they prefer Ginger or Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island.
  • The death by toilet in Gator A Go-Go
  • The Amusing Injuries of the Dog the Bounty Hunter Expy throughout Electric Barracuda include indignities like being pinned under his own motorcycle after the kickstand gives way.
  • In Tiger Shrimp Tango, Johnny Vegas's latest horribly failed attempt to lose his virginity results in him being robbed by a Femme Fatale, and one of the detectives interviewing Johnny mistakes the reason for his agonized sobbing and tries to reassure Johnny that things could have been worse as "She didn't even touch you."
    ''The crying became deafening wails."
    Detective Wow. He must have really loved that furniture.
  • In Shark Skin Suite, the prologue shows Serge bragging about how something he wrote (an Amazon review of duct tape and how it can be used to tie people up) finally got published for the world to see. Coleman points out that a newspaper already published a manifesto Serge wrote.
    Serge: Turns out they were printing it in cooperation with the police, asking the public's help to track a serial killer. So that slightly taints its acceptance on literary merits.
  • In Coconut Cowboy:
    • Every conversation Serge and Coleman have with the student who thinks Serge is an ordinary historian, satirist, and blogger.
    Matt: I'm sure you have lots of followers trying to locate you.
    Serge: That's one way to put it.
    • Serge accidentally gets high, goes on a gibberish rant that gets posted online, and gets peeved about how he ended the speech by promising never to kill anyone ever again.
    Serge: Now I'm definitely against drugs. I obviously don't want to kill anyone else, but promise? That's just crazy talk.
    • The Small-Town Tyrant clan spends hours trying to dig up the money and bodies their youngest members hid beneath one of the leaders' houses, then learn that the kids forgot who lived in which house and have been burying things under the house of an honest citizen (something they take a while to comprehend).
    • The older yokels aren't free of stupid moments themselves, as best demonstrated when they get excited about a news story about their town just because it mentions their names and the local landmarks, while failing to realize how the article is denouncing their corruption.
    Otis: The article makes you look great. Says the city of Wobbly cast more votes for you in the last election than there are people in town.
  • In The Pope of Palm Beach, Seen It All stoner Coleman of all people has a You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me! Corpsing reaction to Serge describing his "alternate sexual orientation" of suspecting he is only attracted to women who own plaid shirts.
  • A Running Gag in Tropic of Stupid (which begins with a prolonged Seinfeldian Conversation between Serge and his bound and gagged next victim) is how much of a Fallen-on-Hard-Times Job it is (at least in that part of Florida) to get hired by Liberty Mutual Insurance to dress up as the Statue of Liberty and wave a sign advertising their services. The culmination of these scenes comes when one Big Bad Wannabe shows up after being absent for several chapters and fumes about his humiliating and financially-devastating fall from grace. The reveal of how desperate this once arrogant man has become comes when he "[flings] a cardboard sign into traffic and began tearing off his green Statue of Liberty costume. He stomped on the pointy felt hat.".
  • In The Maltese Iguana, Serge uses Siri and Alexa simultaneously, and the two smart assistants start badmouthing each other.

Alternative Title(s): Tim Dorsey

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