Funny / This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It

• Whenever Amy shoots something with the Furgun.
• The infected firefighter's Bloody Hilarious evolution from Halfface Firefighter to Halfface Firefighter Scissorarms to Halfface Bloodyhead to Halfface Firefighter Bloodyhead Spinbones.
• When Detective Falconer arrived at Dave's house and sees Dave standing naked in his driveway, covered in blood, high on amphetamines, and covering his crotch with Franky's severed head. After the seriousness of the last few pages, this situation is jarringly funny, because it's so unexpected and out-of-place:
  Falconer: SHUT UP. Both of you. You're coming with me. Put some pants on.
  Dave: Fuck you. This is my house. I make the rules. You take your clothes off. John, get the Twister mat.
  Falconer: Are you high?
  Dave: A little.
• Amy's line after a certain Doctor's explanation of the parasite is hilarious:
  Amy: I wasn't even paying attention, all I can picture is you having sex with him.
  John: What?
  • This is a Brick Joke: much earlier on in the book, Dave joked to Amy that his therapist was a woman and that the two of them had sex. Hence why Amy utters this line upon actually meeting said therapist.
• After John blows a lock off a door and they block it off with a huge, heavy cabinet:
  Dave: We could have relocked that door but somebody blew a hole in it.
  John: I'm sorry, princess.
• The bit about The Alleged Car:
  John had jumped up onto the truck's bed and opened the Caddie's trunk, expecting to find that everything had been stolen. But apparently even the looters who ransacked the impound yard took one glance at the rusting piece of shit and deduced that there could be nothing in the trunk worth the effort of prying it open. That was probably a good thing for both the citizens and law enforcement of Undisclosed. Inside they'd have found the aforementioned shotgun (a custom-made triple-barrel sawed-off), two hundred shells, Dave's blood-splattered chainsaw, the green mystery box taken from Dave's shed, a bag of Dave's clothes, a bottle of Grey Goose, a bad black velvet painting of Jesus and a fucking flamethrower.
• In the epilogue, when Lance Falconer and David Wong describe how they're going to fabricate details in their account to make "Lance" seem cooler, shortly after "Lance" begs David not to make him say or do anything ridiculous, the next words out of his mouth are that he's going to get his pubic hair bleached and straightened so that his penis will look like Santa Claus. It's best not to be drinking anything while you read this book.

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