Funny: The Three Musketeers (1993)

  • D'Artagnan thinks he's a real badass... Perhaps a little too much.
    Athos: Your manners have not improved yet. You're late.
    D'Artagnan: You in a hurry to die?
    Athos: (Porthos and Aramis arrive) Here come the grave diggers now.
    Porthos: Athos, you cannot fight this boy.
    Athos: Why not?
    Porthos: I'm fighting him.
    D'Artagnan: Not until 1 o'clock.
    Aramis: I have a duel with him too.
    D'Artagnan: Not until 2 o'clock.
    • Shortly thereafter:
    Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
    Jussac: You're under arrest.
    Aramis and Porthos: (in unison) A fool.
    Jussac: Are you coming peacefully or do you intend to resist?
    Porthos: Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a moment, all right?
    • The guards then actually wait to attack until the Musketeers have finished conferring with one another and Porthos announces "Now we're prepared to resist!".
  • The Musketeers, having rescued D'Artagnan from the executioner's block, hijack the Cardinal's coach, and Aramis and Porthos investigate its contents while Athos drives:
    Porthos: Champagne?
    Athos: We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos.
    Porthos: You're right - something red.
    (shortly after)
    Porthos: For a chase, the Cardinal recommends his excellent '24 Cabernet. (aside to D'Artagnan) You can't have any, you're too young.
  • At the end of the movie, D'Artagnan has just been made a Musketeer and is talking to the title trio about what comes next for them, when Girard and his brothers, who were pursuing D'Artagnan earlier in the movie, spot him.
    D'Artagnan: So what do we do now? What's next?
    Porthos: Well, we protect the King...
    Aramis: ...Protect the Queen...
    Porthos: ...In the name of God... And France, correct?
    Aramis: France indeed.
    (Girard and his brothers have caught up with D'Artagnan. At the other end of the street they draw swords)
    Girard: D'Artagnan! My sister's honor will not wait a moment longer.
    D'Artagnan: I'll handle this.
    Porthos: D'Artagnan, we also protect each other.
    D'Artagnan: All for one.
    Aramis, Porthos, Athos: And one for all.
    (Girard's eyes widen)
    Girard: RUN!
    The movie ends with Girard and brothers fleeing as the entire Musketeer corps chases them, with an overhead shot of a steady stream of blue tunics down the street.
  • When rescuing D'artagnan from execution, Aramis shoots one of the guards and makes the sign of the cross with the smoking pistol.
  • During the battle with the Cardinal's guards, the Musketeers have all defeated their opponents. Aramis points out that D'Artagnan is fighting on the roof.
    Athos: (in the most deadpan voice possible) My God, he's still alive.
  • "The manly art of wenching." The entire scene.
  • Porthos claims the sash D'Artagnan just ruined was a gift from "the Queen of America." D'Artagnan calling him out on this Critical Research Failure is what gets him into a duel. And later he reveals himself by bringing up "the Czarina of Tokyo."
  • Aramis' introductory scene. He's a lovely young blonde's theology tutor, but unfortunately she's married.
    Aramis: We must pray for our sins!
    (The young lady's husband, a Cardinal's guard, bursts in)
    Aramis: Second thought, God's often busy.