- Nearly any scene involving Porthos.
Porthos: I just said you're praying. Are you deaf too? I know you're blind, because if you'd seen the tits that just walked out of here, you'd have tears in your eyes.Porthos: Aramis, if you can name me one thing - one single thing - that's more sublime than a plump, pink nipple between my lips, I'll build you a new cathedral.Aramis: Forgiveness.Porthos: Forgiveness?(Beat)Porthos: Forgive me! Forgive me.
Athos: What is Porthos doing?Aramis: (without looking up) Walking into the barn naked, or so it would seem.
- Later in the film, he shoves a gun up a belligerent brothel patron's behind and threatens to pull the trigger.
- "I'm just a fat old fart with nothing to live for. I'm going to hang myself...just as soon as I'm sober!"
- Porthos going out to hang himself, and Aramis' nonchalant attitude towards the whole thing:
Athos: [about the loud crack from the barn] What was that?Aramis: [smugly] It's all right; I sawed the beam. [The building promptly collapses, and Athos stares at Aramis in disbelief] Well, I'm a genius, not an engineer!
- And after Portho's suicide attempt.
Porthos: ARAMIS! You did this! You knew I would try hanging myself and you sawed the beam! Admit it! Admit it!Aramis: Of course I knew! You've been moping around for months! Well maybe now you've gotten the idea of killing yourself out of your head, you can stop boring everyone and be useful for a change! (Beat) And put some clothes on!Porthos: Oh. Well...okay. (Walks off humbled)
- And then the brilliant exchange between a furious (and naked) Porthos and Aramis:
- Louis' scenes with Pierre, his chief advisor.
Louis: But Paris is the most beautiful city in the world. Why should my people feel anything but pride and contentment?Pierre: Of course, Your Majesty, I'm sure they are content. And proud. But they are also starving.Louis: Now, about these riots. We have stocks right now on the wharf, don't we? Distribute that.Pierre: But Majesty, that food is spoiling. That is why it was not sent to the army.Louis: Then you must hurry.Pierre: What...an excellent idea, Your Majesty.
Louis: You're the new chief advisor. Execute him for distributing rotten food. And the next time there are rioters - shoot them.(Pierre and the new chief advisor stand there in Stunned Silence, before the new advisor lamely tries to console Pierre)
- Louis later promotes a different advisor and orders Pierre to be executed for distributing rotten food.