Funny / The Prophecy

  • Gabriel meeting with Jerry:
    Gabriel: Gee, Jerry, you look like shit.
    • Gabriel doing the "coin behind the ear" trick and telling Jerry it's bus fare.
  • In a Funny Background Event, one of the kids smacks an older kid directly in the head with a dodgeball.
  • After Gabriel insinuates he needs him for a while longer, Jerry remarks "Never trust a fuckin' angel," all the while Gabriel glares at him.
  • Gabriel and Jerry's conversation while they dig up Colonel Hawthorne's body.
    • When they finally unearth the corpse, Gabriel is...rather enthusiastic about how the late colonel was the "meanest, sickest talking monkey" before stating "I love him!"
    • When Gabriel finds that Hawthorne's soul is gone:
      Jerry: Bad news for the war effort, huh?
      Gabriel: SHUT UP!
      • Immediately followed by this:
        Gabriel: Jerry, if you were a soul, where would you hide?
        Jerry: The hell away from you?
  • Gabriel questioning Simon about the whereabouts of Hawthorne's soul.
    Gabriel: So, where's the soul? You know, bigger than a breadbox?
  • A Genius Bonus joke as Gabriel is teaching kids to play his horn. Keep in mind, it is the horn that Gabriel's supposed to blow to begin The Rapture. Not surprising when one boy shatters his schoolhouse's glass windows with it.
    Gabriel: (delighted and impressed) Very good!
    • Made funnier by his benediction to the departing children: "Study your math. Key to the Universe."note 
  • When asked by Catherine who he is, Gabriel replies "That's a long story."
  • Gabriel to Thomas after the latter and Catherine catch him about to kill Mary:
    Gabriel: Son of a gun! Priest wannabe. Figured it out.
    • The completely casual way Gabriel tells Thomas and Catherine what he's going to do to Mary to get Hawthorne's soul.
      • This:
      Thomas: Goddamnit!
      Gabriel: You're really gonna have to watch it with that profanity!
  • Jerry's cheerful response to Thomas shooting him multiple times. His line is so incongruous that you almost can't help finding it funny.
    Jerry: (smiling slightly) Thanks, man. You're a sport.
  • Gabriel grousing at Thomas after he shoots Jerry in the head, finally killing him:
    Gabriel: (slams Thomas against the wall) Pest! You have any idea how hard it is to get one of those?!
  • After escaping from the police, Gabriel goes to the hospital, explains to the nurse someone's going to die very soon, and tells her "I'll just be a minute." The nurse objects and moves to call security, only for Gabriel to execute his instant death touch on her, then casually turns and walks into the ICU.
    • He then cursorily checks the patient charts, dropping said charts on the beds when he finds them unsuitable. When he finds one patient listed as "stable," he dismissively goes "Get outta here!" One would think he's picking out tomatoes at a grocery store.
  • Gabriel's cheery "HI!" when pulling Rachael away from death. The fact that he looks like an undead version of, well, Christopher Walken makes it that much funnier.
  • Gabriel and Rachael sitting at the counter in a diner. Gabriel looks deep in thought while Rachael just stares blankly. For bonus points, Gabriel has a large blood stain on his shirt, and Rachel is wearing a hospital gown.
    • Gabriel's concise reply to Rachael when she asks him why he needs her alive, before the line becomes nightmarish:
      Gabriel: Can't drive. But I can wait...until the stars burn out, if you don't make up your mind.
    • As he and Rachael depart, Gabriel tells a waitress, Madge, that he doubts they'll meet again, to which Madge agrees. This becomes a Brick Joke in the third film where a reformed Gabriel visits the same diner, meets Madge again, and greets her exactly like he did the first time around.
  • Gabriel's We Can Rule Together offer to Thomas near the end.
    Gabriel: Nice move, beautifully done. Tommy, you gotta come back with me. Upstairs. I-I can get you in now. You'll love it! Nobody tells you went to go to bed! You eat all the ice cream you want! You get to KILL, all DAY! All NIGHT! Just like an angel!
  • Right before Thomas delivers his Armor-Piercing Question, Gabriel points at him and tells him "Make it good."
  • After Catherine shoots Gabriel when he crashes his way into the Indian hut:
    Gabriel: (collapses and glances down at his bullet wound, then looks back up at Catherine) I'm getting really sick of you.
    Catherine: Go to Hell.