Funny / The Brak Show

  • Anytime Dad opens his mouth, expect to hear the funniest thing you'll ever hear in your life.
    • "I am sick of being pushed around like a stolen shopping cart full of rotten pumpkin meat!"
    • "You found your real parents?"
    • "Mother, people only invite you to dinner for three reasons: to sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion!"
    • "You say sewers, I say waterslide."
    • "Brak! Stop driving your little baby car around Saint Babiesburg and take your asteroid smashing like a man!"
    • "Moustache. No moustache."
    • "You drive around, you run a light...maybe you honk at the ladies and they say (high girly voice) 'Hey, chief! Where'd you get the new ride, ah?' And you say: (ridiculous frat guy voice) 'It's Parko's, maahn. I'm just keepin' it for him while he's in the joint. See ya later, maahn.' Then you drive away, so proud to be a nose-possessing man."
    • (upon seeing giant killer ants) "Holy crap, they DO wear hats!"
    • (comparing himself to a robot) "I may not have seventeen-inch claws, but when I grip you, you know that you've been gripped!"
  • The entirety of the final episode.
  • This dialogue in "Sexy New Brak Show Go"
    Brak: 'Dad can I open the box even though it's not a recognized mealtime? Can I? Can I? Huh? Can I?
    Dad: Ask your mother.
    Brak: Mom, can I open the box?
    Mom: Ask your father.
    Brak: Dad can I open the box?
    Dad: Ask your father.
    Brak: Dad, how about that box?
    Dad: Say it like a princess.
    Brak: (girly voice) Father, may I open the box?
    Dad: No no no, Princess the Cat
    Brak: I don't do her.
    Dad: Then you don't open the box! ... but I love you very much!
  • Brak's little bit in "War Next Door" while dressed in a beet costume
    I'm hot for ya, baby,
    I'm a pickled beat!
    I'm red but not embarrassed,
    And I am good with meat.
    Of course I make an excellent borscht!
    And I'm hot for ya, babaaaaaaaaaaaah!
  • Brak spends an episode competing in staring contests. His dad tricks him into blinking several times throughout their match.
    "Before a contest, it is customary to blink at eachother. You go first."
    "It looks like she wrote her phone number on the back of your eyelids!"
  • Zorak takes Dad on, and immediately gets attacked by a species of fly that loves to feed on mantis eye-juice.
  • At the end of the episode, a gigantic floating eyeball appears with a voice like Fat Albert, only known as "The Eye." He challenges Dad to a staring contest right before the credits.
    "Float like a floating eye, sting like a floating eye! Oh yea!"

  • The episode "Goldfish" during Brak's mini freakout when he finds out he can't go to the Carnival of Feet right away, complete with loud yelling and exorcist head twisting.
    "Today is the day of the Carnival of Feet!
    There'll be feet there and feet, and don't forget the feet.
    I'll be there if I'm not somewhere else!
    At the one and only Carnival of Feeeeet!"
    • Same episode, Don Tickles, Notary Public.
    • Same episode:
      Brak: Don't talk to me mom, I'm a murderer!
      Mom: Oh, dear.
      Brak: I'm going to bed, but I don't see how I'll ever get to sleep!
      Brak: *in bed* Man, I love sleeping! *snore* Oh, I wish I could wake up so I could go back to sleep again! *snore*
    • And again:
      Brak: Mr. Tickles, how do you think Thundercleese is going to take this?
      Mr. Tickles: Oh, my god! He'll tear your arms off!
      Brak: But I love my arms! That's where my hands live!
  • Thundercleese apparently has a lightswitch OF TOTAL DEVASTATION!
  • Dad: Then you don't open the box! ... but I love you very much!
  • Brak hunts down Mr. Tickles' twin brother in One Fish Lake. He finds a gold fish with a large, prospector-like beard.
    "Some say he still lives here and grew a beard... BUT THAT'S A DAMN LIE!"
  • Brak losing his freaking mind in "Braklet, Prince of Spaceland".
  • To get Brak the okay to join him in seeing Ass Disaster 4, which Zorak hints is a pornographic film, Zorak lies that the film is about donkeys. Cue Zorak's WTF reaction when he finds out the film actually is about donkeys.
  • Any and all songs; particularly those sung by Zorak.
  • In "Hippo", after Brak's dad gives some advice, Brak's mom replies, "Brak's not here. He ran out screaming hours ago."
  • This exchange.
    Zorak: Alright, whaddya wanna do?
    Brak: Do you wanna make love, darling?
    Zorak: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME!!?
    Brak: I wasn't talking to you. I was practicing for my wedding night.
    Zorak: What!?