Anytime Dad opens his mouth, expect to hear the funniest thing you'll ever hear in your life.
"I am sick of being pushed around like a stolen shopping cart full of rotten pumpkin meat!"
"You found your real parents?"
"Mother, people only invite you to dinner for three reasons: to sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion!"
"You say sewers, I say waterslide."
"Brak! Stop driving your little baby car around Saint Babiesburg and take your asteroid smashing like a man!"
"Moustache. No moustache."
"You drive around, you run a light...maybe you honk at the ladies and they say (high girly voice) 'Hey, chief! Where'd you get the new ride, ah?' And you say: (ridiculous frat guy voice) 'It's Parko's, maahn. I'm just keepin' it for him while he's in the joint. See ya later, maahn.' Then you drive away, so proud to be a nose-possessing man."