Funny / Teen Girl Squad

Issue 1
  • The Ugly One's death.
    The Ugly One: I have a crush on every boy!

Issue 2

Issue 3
  • Cheerleader's idea for "a whole new look": an elephant-head mask.
  • "Possums..."
  • "My blood hurts."

Issue 4
  • "Y'all are so whack." "Wiggidy-wack?" "No, just regular type."
  • What's Her Face being "weirded out" by So-and-So's imaginary boyfriend, Brett Bretterson.
  • The Fighting Growlbacks Bottomless Spirit Pit.
    So-And-So: (falls in) Aaah! Go Growlbacks!
    What's Her Face: When you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.
  • After Cheerleader goes to impress the quarterback:
    The Ugly One: Tee hee.
    What's Her Face: We're cool.
    (What's Her Face and The Ugly One get squashed by a "NO pounds" weight and a sack of "YOU'RE NOT" potatoes)
    Narrator Strong Bad: NO! YOU'RE NOT!
  • Cheerleader attempting (and failing) to get Quarterback to date her.
    Cheerleader: So, Quarterman, how's about you and me?
    Quarterback: How's about you get some brains?

Issue 5
  • "My lungs are filling up with sand. And cigarette butts."
    Olda Boy 2: I'm gonna miss her.
    Olda Boy 1: I'm gonna miss video games.
  • "I think my friend and some presidents just flew by." "LATE 360 SHOVE-IT TO BONELESS...'D!"

Issue 6
  • The Ugly One being gung-ho about jumping into a lion's mouth for a "Secret Santa" gift exchange. "I want presents! I WANT PRESENTS!! CANNONBALL!"
  • "Let's see... Lion's mouth plus Decemberween present divided by peer pressure times height equals... TRIPLE SALCHOW!"
  • "Double-double whipless mochacinno half-caf!"
    • "3 noses?"
  • "Wave o' babies..."

Issue 7
    Narrator Strong Bad: AGH! GRAGH! And... he died somehow.
    "Torso takes silver!"
  • "Mrs. Commanderson, she's some kind of bird reptile, and she teaches pre-k!" "EERRAAAK!"

Issue 8
  • "Tompkins, point your rear end in the direction of the principal's office." "Aw, peas!"
  • "16-hour drum solo!" FLOOR TOM'D! STEP MOM'D! ... Pom-pom'd?
  • TWELVE-SIDED DIE'D!! Oh, that's rough.
  • What's Her Face's bass guitar turns into a shark. She notes that it feels seaworthy, before it suddenly eats her.
    What's Her Face: Ow! My most of me!
  • "This be my new back-up band: a shark."

Issue 9
  • The girls reacting to Cheerleader's death by the Crazy Learner's Permit Girl:
    So and So: Whoa...Cheerleader's gone.
    All 3 girls: WE'RE FREE!
    Mr. Pitters: We're ointment!
    The Ugly One: The tyranny is over!
    Mr. Pitters: I can be a teen girl!
    Vultures: Ain't no teen girl.
    (Cut to a dining room table where the vultures are seen eating Mr. Pitters.)
    Narrator Strong Bad: Chomp chomp chomp chomp...
    —>Vultures: Quite good, quite good.
    Narrator Strong Bad: ...chomp chomp...

  • The Best Friends Squad song.
    What's Her Face ate staple sauce
    A heaping bowl of staple sauce
    And Crazy Learner's Permit Girl
    Gave me a ride to Babbage's.

Issue 10
  • Strong Bad making out with the paper that The Ugly One post-makeover is drawn on. His brother's reactions only make it better.
    Strong Bad: [Having just been caught kissing a piece of paper] WHAJIT - UH, THIS IS A PIECE OF, UH, PIIIZZAAAAAA [Stuffs the paper into his mouth] It's over!
    Strong Sad: Uh, Strong Bad, were you just first-basin' it with that piece of loose-leaf?!
  • What's Her Face getting stuck on Spin Mode. "Wheeeeeeeeeee."
  • "BAGH! Only 23 metres!"
  • "Oww! I hope they have these corn chips in heaven!"
    • "Corn is no place for a mighty warrior!"

Issue 11
  • "Forebode... CHOMP!"
  • So and So meets her boss at the Shirt Folding Store, whose face is made from magazine clippings:
    Manager: Here's you're name tag, MARK! Now get to minimum wage-in'!
    Narrator Strong Bad: MEET A FIST! (Manager gets punched out by an astronaut)
    Astronaut: Ckhk. She killed my dog.
    So and So: Uuum... 'kay.
    Astronaut: (sprouts a superhero cape and flies away) Ckhk. Da da da DA!
  • The Teen Girl Squad (minus So and So) at their cabin:
    Cheerleader: Does "Ugs" have one 'g', or 2?
    The Ugly One: The deuce.
    Cheerleader: Alright Uggs, since So and So's not here, you're bunkin' with me! I'll take snoring over night-terrors any day.
    What's Her Face: Then who's sharing my bunk?
    (zoom out to reveal What's Her Face's bunkmate is an emaciated anthropomorphic raccoon in a skirt and bow)
    Raccoon Girl: Hiya bunkmate. Do you love me?
  • A fat guy coughs up a miniature baseball stadium while trying to buy a "coughiversary" gift for his wife. ("A coughiversary?! How romantic!")
    Stadium: "...and it's a double play!" "Yaaaay!"
    Coughing Man: ...That's not my wife.
    So and So: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuum... 'kay.
  • Cheerleader and The Ugly One sneak over to the boys' camp at the other side of the lake... which turns out to be a "Cosplayover Camp", where the two are greeted by D&D Greg and Science Fiction Greg.
    D&D Greg: (dressed like a medieval swordsman) Welcome, fair maidens, to our fair village.
    Science Fiction Greg: (dressed in a Starfleet jumpsuit) I think you mean "Welcome, earthlings, to our fair star system."
    D&D Greg: Village!
    Science Fiction Greg: Star system!
    D&D Greg: BEHOLDERS!
    Science Fiction Greg: SENTIENT NEBULAE!
  • The campfire song:
    And the chumbly wumbly bear came a-tumblin' down!
    Did he sell beans?
    Lord no!
    Did he sell eggs?
    Lord no!
    But he couldn't and he wouldn't and he shouldn't, so he stapled it down!

Issue 12
  • The girls' suggestions on how to get "several boys".
    So and So: Mock U.N. medals?
    What's Her Face: Wearing unflattering clothing?
    The Ugly One: Voodoo? Is it voodoo? VOODOO!
  • "CLONK!"
  • "I got valentime cards from every football player except one!" "I got cards from every lunch lady except one!":
    The Ugly One: (speaking to skeleton lunchlady) Excuse me, Mrs. Embalmo...
    Arrow'd Guy: (with impaled voodoo doll resembling TUO) BAD JUJU!!!
    The Ugly One: Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!
  • After the Ugly One bites it, So and So feels obliged to inform "her next of... um... fruit cup".
    Cheerleader: Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes is serious times!
    So and So: -tines.
    Cheerleader: (angrily) Whaaaaaaaaat?
    So and So: VALEN-TINES! T-I-N-
    (An anthropomorphic fork in a race car drives in and runs over So and So)
    Strong Bad: (imitating a race car) Tiiiiiiines, tiiiiiines, tiiiiiiiines, TINES!
  • Cheerleader's incurring the wrath of the Wireless Wizard.

Issue 13
  • Tompkins and his virtual pet. "Please stop feeding me!" ("Heh heh heh heh.")
  • "Ding dong. Ding dong, yo."
  • Mrs. Tompkins-robot-mom-erson's Long List of instructions:
    Momkins: Listen, I'll be at a place until a time. My cell phone number is some numbers. The baby needs stuff. What's poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut. Good luck! (bolts out the door with a crazed expression on her face)
    Narrator Strong Bad: SHE GONE!
  • "Don't let Timkins play my PSone!"
  • Cheerleader's, What's Her Face's, and The Ugly One's babysitting rates are, respectively, "$15/hour", "$4.75/hour", and "plain yogurt/hour".
  • "SHHH! Keep it down! The baby is studying for the SAT."
    • "Goo goo is ga-ga. Wah wah is ga-ga. Are all goo goos wah wahs?"
  • Either Cheerleader got a seriously wrong number and is too self-absorbed to notice, or her "B-List" of cute boys to call includes a fat, middle-aged plumber named Randy.
    Plumber: And this is for a how many gallon toilet, ma'am?
    Cheerleader: Bring all your hot friends! They've got two pantries!
  • So and So's face when she yells, "STOP! How many of those have you had?!"
    • "Don't you remember health class?! You'll microwave the baby!!" (while holding a book that says "(strike)urban legends(strike) i mean, health class")
  • The Ugly One is apparently a fan of rapper Peacey P, who just happens to randomly appear when she mentions him.
    Peacey P: Crample-o-stow wha clamminuh whaow... My new album drop next Sursdai, y'all biscuitheads!
    The Ugly One: Can a sister get an autograph?
    (Peacey P's bodyguard dangles TUO off a balcony)
    Narrator Strong Bad: DANGLED OFF A HOTEL BALCONY'D!
    The Ugly One: That's it?
    Narrator Strong Bad: Uh, and then DROPPED FROM SAID HOTEL BALCONY'D!
    (The Ugly One is dropped onto a "Bayonet Tailgate Party")
    The Ugly One: That's better!
  • The Garbage Disposal Song.
  • "Snack Mix. In Tompkins' parlor. WITH THE PRETZEL STICK!"
  • "You're not my real father!"

Issue 14
  • What's Her Face cleaning out her locker
    What's Her Face: Old papers, old pencil, old person... (pulls out Mr. Pitters)
    Mr. Pitters: I left a check for last month's rent on the table!
    What's Her Face: See you in September! Ooo, what's this? (gets eaten by a cake monster)
    Evil Cake: Tastes like nine-minute miles!
  • The mock end credits sequence.
    It's over!
    And you're walking into a parking lot
    With the hot guy
    It's over!
    And they all made fun of you
    But they got stuff dumped on top of them!

Issue 15
  • So and So bragging "I was on every committee ever!" with a manic look on her face.
  • Sci-fi Greg's reaction to Japanese Culture Greg's robotic date:
    Sci-Fi Greg: You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.
  • "What is this... 'dress' you speak of? Is a... food?"

4 Gregs
  • D&D Greg displays a surprising knowledge of the rules of football, much to the confusion of his peers.
    D&D Greg: The offensive team has four chances to advance the ball ten yards at a time with the objective being to...
    (cricket noises)
    Sci-Fi Greg: It's like I don't even know you anymore.
    D&D Greg: (slightly defensive) Fantasy football still counts as fantasy!
  • D&D Greg mistakes the school mascot for a "shambling krenshar" and starts beating the stuffing out of him (much to the amusement of the "slightly attractive, slightly overweight color guard maiden" Greg was trying to defend).
    Mascot: Stop! It's just me, Regular Greg, from AP Calculus!
    D&D Greg: Trying to take human form, eh? I'll not fall for your sorcery, shape-shifter!
  • The ending where the girls and the Gregs are apparently writing each other's comics. It gets so heated and so confusing that Strong Bad falls over.