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- From Shrek 1, there's Donkey realising that Dragon is a girl dragon, and starts complimenting her on reeking of feminine beauty and babbling about not being ready for a relationship of this magnitude.
- The entire ogres are like onions bit.
Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than you think.
Shrek: Example? Okay, umm... ogres... are like onions.
Donkey: [Sniffs onion in Shrek's hand] They stink?
Shrek: Yes- No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry!
Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs?
Shrek: NO! [peels an onion] Layers. Onions. Have. Layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers... you get it, we both have layers! [sighs and walks off]
Donkey: [Beat] Oh, you both have laaayers... [sniffs onion on ground and makes face] You know not everybody like onions... CAKE! Eeeeverybody likes cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I DON'T CARE... what everyone likes. Ogres... are not... like cakes. [walks off]
Donkey: [Beat] You know what everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious!
Shrek: NO!! YOU DENSE, IRRITATING, MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN! OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! END OF STORY! Bye-bye!.... See you later. [walks off]
Donkey: [beat] Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole, damn planet...
Shrek: You know what? I think I preferred your humming.
- These two moments of Comically Missing the Point:
Farquaad: [He notices Shrek] Oh! What is that? It's hideous!
Shrek: [turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad] Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
Shrek: We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
- And this:
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
Shrek: No! D'ya think?
- "We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the morning — I'm makin' waffles!"
- When Shrek crashes into Fiona's room in the castle, he goes over to the bed and she puckers up her lips, expecting a kiss. Instead of kissing her, Shrek grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her.
- When Shrek and Fiona start making balloon animals, from real animals.
- "What you're doing- do the opposite of that!
- "Now hand me that big old rock the one that looks like your head."
- "You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!"
- "Celebrity marriages...they never last do they?"
- Donkey's just made of these. He IS voiced by Eddie Murphy, after all.
- Whenever Donkey appears onscreen while singing "I'm a Believer". Same thing with the Shrek Karaoke Dance Party, where he sings "Baby Got Back" (with Dragon shaking her backside to his tune).
- Gingy's interrogation is made of funny.
Gingy: (distressed) Do you know the muffin man?
Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man.
Farquaad: Yes, yes, I know the muffin man... who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well, she's married to, the muffin man.
Farquaad: (invested) The muffin man?!
Gingy: (crying) THE MUFFIN MAN!
Farquaaad: (Completely in awe) She's married to the muffin man...
- Even better; that conversation goes absolutely nowhere and raises more questions than answers, the exact opposite of what an interrogation is supposed to do.
- Duloc is indeed the perfect place.
Keep your feet off the grass. Shine your shoes, wipe your... FACE!
Donkey: Wow...let's do that again!
Shrek: NO! (Stops Donkey) NONONONO...no.
- When Shrek is taking on Farquaad's knights at the tourney, he wins over the audience with his fighting prowess, and then a random bloodthirsty granny in the crowd really takes things over the top.
"The chair! Give him the chair!"
- Shrek takes a groin shot while he, Fiona, and Donkey are escaping from the dragon's castle (Shrek's holding the smaller two while sliding down a stone banister that has a large bump appropriately placed). His eyes cross, but (being an ogre) he shakes it off more quickly than a human would.
- Shrek hears a strange noise and gets up from his table.
Shrek: I thought I told you to stay outside!
Donkey: (from the window) I am outside!
(Confused, Shrek looks around. He sees a shadow scurry across the room. He looks under the table when he hears a voice. He spots the Three Blind Mice scurrying on his table.)
Blind Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
Blind Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
Blind Mouse 3: (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.
Shrek: GOTCHA! (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder)
Blind Mouse 1: I found some cheese! (bites Shrek's ear)
Blind Mouse 1: Blah! Awful stuff.
Blind Mouse 2: Is that you, Gordon?
Gordon: How did you know?
Shrek: ENOUGH! (grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house?!
- Immediately followed with Shrek discovering that the Seven Dwarfs have placed Snow White's coffin on his kitchen table.
Shrek: Oh, no no no no no! Dead broad OFF the table!
Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!
Shrek: Huh? (Sees Big Bad Wolf, in night dress, sitting in his bed)
Wolf: (Irritably) What?
- "I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'."
- Donkey, after Shrek roars at him to try to scare him away. "Wow...That was really scary! Now, if that don't work your breath would certainly get the job done because you definitely need some tic tacs or somethin' cause your breath STINKS!"
- The nervous Donkey has to be goaded into crossing a rickety rope-and-plank bridge over a volcano. He says, before they set out, "Don't look down." Donkey actually manages not to, though he seems like he's about to try once or twice... and then he puts a hoof wrong and ends up with his face poking through a gap in the planks. "SHREK! I'M LOOKIN' DOWN! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Donkey: (after Shrek shakes the bridge) DON'T DO THAT!
- And then there's this part:
Shrek: [beat] Oh, I'm sorry! Do what? Oh, THIS? (sways the bridge)
Donkey: Yes, THAT!
Shrek: Yes? Yes, do it? Okay! (begins swaying the bridge some more)
Donkey: (backing away) No! Stop! STOP THAT! STOP– (realizes he's now on the other side of the bridge) ...Oh!
Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
- Right afterwards:
Donkey: So where is this fire-breathing pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talking about the dragon, Shrek.
- The whole sequence with Shrek and the angry mob at the beginning. The mob plot the best way to attack the ogre, as they think he'll make bread from their bones, until Shrek appears out of nowhere to explain, no, that's giants. After a graphic description of what ogres make from their victims, one villager gets brave enough to wave his torch in Shrek's face; the ogre just calmly douses the flame with a moistened finger. Then Shrek unleashes the mother of all roars that gets the mob screaming...and they keep screaming long after the roar has ended.
Shrek: (Hushed) This is the part where you run away. (Mob flees, Shrek laughs) And stay out!
- Donkey and Shrek are making their way up the volcano when Donkey smells something foul. Naturally, Donkey assumes Shrek let one rip, prompting the following response:
Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talkin' about no brimstone. I know what I smelled, it wasn't no brim and it didn't come off no stone neither.
- When they see the dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot burning lava:
Shrek: Well sure, it's big enough, but look at the location!
- Right after Shrek and Donkey rescue Fiona, she goes on for a bit about how noble they are for rescuing her and about how she's waiting for Shrek to kiss her.
Fiona: No, it's destiny! You must know how it goes! The Knight rescues the Princess from the keep of the dragon, and then they share true love's first kiss...
Donkey: With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think- you think that Shrek is your true love?
Princess Fiona: Well, yes!
[Shrek and Donkey look at each other]
Donkey: AHA!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!
- While Shrek just wants to barge into the wedding, Donkey gets Genre Savvy by suggesting him to wait for the Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace portion.
Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?
Donkey: You wanna hold her?!
Shrek: (irritably) Yes.
Donkey: Please her?!!
Donkey: Then you gotta gotta try a little TENDERNESS! The chicks love that romantic crap!
- Then they find out they missed that bit and Shrek barges in anyway, but still just in time to say "I OBJECT!"
- Donkey's reaction to seeing Ogre!Fiona for the first time.
Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess. It's me, in this body.
Donkey: Oh my God, YOU ATE THE PRINCESS!
- When Donkey does realize Fiona is the ogress in front of him Donkey asks her if she suddenly became ugly because of the rats she and Shrek were eating.
- There's a bit of Black Comedy when the Magic Mirror answers Lord Farquaad's question of "Mirror mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" with "Well, technically you're not a king." He simply says "Uh, Thelonious?", who takes a small mirror and breaks it with his fist as a warning. Lord Farquaad then smirks and states "You were saying?"
- Lord Farquaad doing his Evil Laugh when entering the dungeon to interrogate Gingey and when he walks up to the table Gingey's on, we see he's too short to look over it. He clears his throat and the table is lowered to the point where he can interrogate Gingey.
- Before that, there's also when we see him make his introduction looking all important before coming to the dungeon's doors and being revealed to be much shorter than the guards.
- On Fiona and Farquaad's wedding cake, the figures of them on the top are the same height, so Fiona pushes Farquaad's figure down further into the cake to make it more accurate.
- Doubles as irony since his VA John Lithgow stands 6'4" and is one of Hollywood's tallest actors.
- This entire scene, also a throwback to the first movie.
- Also, in Scared Shrekless, when Gingy is telling his story. When the first clone of his deceased girlfriend Sugar, visits Gingy she bangs on the door very loudly, and the way she says "Together forever." to Gingy especially her face after she says that when Gingy answers the door. She says it like a weird pervert.
- Puss and Donkey each trying to out do each other when telling a scary story.
- Shrek's reaction to Christmas trees.
Shrek: The tree goes inside the house?!