When old Methuselah discovers the connection between I - Am That Is and Matthias' name, he starts giggling and wise-cracking, causing Matthias to think that the grinning old guy next to him has finally snapped. Jacques kindly described it as "second infancy". And Matthias keeps thinking that for almost a page.
Basil's banter with Cluny while he and Jess were taking back the tapestry.
Cluny: "Get him! I want his head!!"
Basil: "What's the matter? Isn't your own head good enough?"
Any scene with Basil Stag Hare.
Sela and Fangburn tell Blatant Lies to Cluny in an attempt to explain why Redtooth is missing - he actually got killed by Constance, they claim he fell in a random swamp. Fangburn is so used to agreeing with everything his boss says that this happens:
Martin's Odd Friendship with Gonff, self-proclaimed Prince of Mousethieves.
The Legend of Luke
Gonff befriends a goshawk by using his old Prince of Mousethieves shtick. The goshawk, Krar Woodwatcher, honestly believes Gonff is a prince and cannot wait to serve him.
Beauregard "Beau" Fethringsol Cosfortingham trying to remember his name. He finds it hard, due to his memory going from old age, and winds up calling himself Beauregard Fethringclair Confounditall.
Chugger the squirrelbabe adopts the four old creatures from the Arfship as his "ole granpas". Trimp tells him to stop being so rude, but they respond that he can call them blather-faced bloaters just so long as he keeps feeding them.
Vurg and Beau attempt to build a raft. They end up with a complete mess...
"Oh, splendid, absojollylutely spiffin'! All she needs is a jib boom, spanker, top royal gallants an' mizzen shrouds!"
Vurg peered at him questioningly. "D'you know wot yore talkin' about?"
Beau leaned against the raft. It collapsed. "No, d'you?"
Mariel of Redwall
The Running Gag about the mole who has a taste for wild garlic.
Mariel and Dandin toward the beginning. They've established that they don't have any food except for some months-old oatcakes that Mariel had kept to remind her of Redwall, and they decide to sleep. Dandin starts talking about Abbey food, and then:
Dandin: Prob'ly mint tea as well, icy cold, brewed since dawn, clear and fragrant, just right for sipping on a hot day like... (Mariel hits him over the head with her haversack) Yowch! Mariel: One more word and I'll let you have it again! Dandin: Can't hear you, old mouseypaws. You've knocked me senseless with those two oatcakes in there! Mariel: Good! Perhaps you'll be quiet now. Dandin: Quiet? I haven't said a single word! Mariel: Right, then I'll say a single word: Goodnight! Dandin: Don't you mean good afternoon? Mariel: I mean goodnight, or I'll brain you with this haversack! Dandin: Oh, righto. Goodnight!
It's especially entertaining in the audio version - some particularly good voice acting on the part of Dandin's actor.
Pretty much anything Blaggut does.
At supper, he asks Mellus where the mousebabe and molebabe are, and calls her "stripedog". She glares at him, and responds tightly that they're in bed and her name is Mellus, not "stripedog". Completely unaware of how angry he'd just made her, Blaggut responds cheerfully:
Blaggut: Pleased t'meet yer, Mellers. My name's Blaggut, but the Cap'n 'ere calls me fat'ead an' lazypaws an' baggybum an' suchlike names. Hoho, 'e's a one fer names, is the Cap'n! (Slipp kicks him) Slipp: Will you stow all that 'Cap'n, Cap'n'! Yer an addle-nosed, bottlebrained, butterbellied barnacle!
Durry gets swept overboard, and Joseph, without thinking, grabs "the thing nearest to him - Foremole." He swings Foremole over the rail by his feet so he can grab Durry.
Most scenes with Clecky and Garrul together. Clecky is very highstrung and Garrul is laidback, which makes for some interesting dialogue.
The Long Patrol
"If brains wuz bread, youda starved to death afore you was born!"
Having just captured the Painted Ones, the hares shout out recipes for cooking one. When others ask for some, Rockjaw Grang responds that he's been doing all the carrying so this one is his and the others should get their own; this one's going in a hotpot. After Major Perigord remarks that they are not really going to eat the rat, Rockjaw simply says, "spoilsport!".
Rockjaw threatening to bean Lieutenant Morio with a pie for calling him Russano's "pretty little nurse" after the badgerbabe is christened.
Tammo attempting to speak like a vermin for his undercover mission with Midge and Rockjaw. His accent is so bad that they both decide he should just pretend to be mute.
Two incompetent rats in Damug's army, Sneezewort and Lousewort. At one point, they smack into each other twice in their hurry to get away from someone.
The Duel of Insults.
Florian vs. Dwopple the mousebabe. "Madame, that wretch shot me in the posterior, and called me a rabbit t'boot!"
Song's grandma, Ellayo, is fiercer than just about anyone in the book. It's to the point that when she threatens to tan the tail of her grown son, he backs down because she will seriously do it.
Also Ellayo discovering that she is apparently the adoptive mother of no less than twelve hedgehogs, owing to her long lost husband having brought them home with him when they are reunited.
Nearly everything having to do with Dotti. The girl is a one-hare comedy routine.
Lord Brocktree and Dotti's interactions.
The Rabble hedgehogs constantly getting words wrong. Examples include:
Mirklewort: *to her son Skittles* H'I'll skelp yore tail wiv a big stick! Go an' play! Can't yer see this is a serious conservation?
Baron Drucco: They're probably off at a celerybrashun or somethin'.
Log a Log Grenn: Celerybrashun?
Mirklewort: Don't let our big words fool ye, marm. Drucco means they've gone to a party o' some sort.
Mirklewort: Oh, hush yer whinin', Drucco! If'n we wants the haremaid to win, we have t' make some sacriphones!
Ruff: I reckon we gotta make some sacrifices, too, marm!
Mirklewort: *nods sagely* Them, too!
On that front, Baron Drucco and Mirklewort together. Drucco is an enormous hedgehog leader, but it appears that his wife, wiry little Mirklewort, is the real leader of the Rabble.
Skittles has apparently wandered off no less than four times since he was born. He is exactly two seasons old, and is probably the most precocious Dibbun in the series.
Practically every single exchange Jukka and Fleetscut have. Particularly the bit where he eats a load of unripe apples...
The scene where Ripfang and Doomeye try to break into the chamber where Ungatt Trunn is keeping the hares locked up. It could easily be pure Nightmare Fuel, considering that what the two rats want to do after they've broken in is eat the hares, but they're so totally stupid and incompetent it's one of the funniest scenes in the book.
The loss of Plugg's tail and everything rising from it, particularly when after going to extreme lengths to hide the fact that it got cut off he rips it off and waves it around himself when he gets overexcited.