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Funny: Marvel Universe


  • Spider-Man is the quintessential comedian super hero. From joking his ass off to even Thanos to even the Hulk. A list of his best moments is located on the top.
  • Doc Samson, in discussion with General Ross:
  • Mr. Immortal of the Great Lakes Avengers explaining how he found out about the villain's plan.
    Mr. Immortal: "I beat it out of my imaginary childhood friend."
    • Even funnier, before the line we see the 'beat down', which consists of Mr. I punching the now squirrel-sized Deathurge... from our perspective, he's punching the air while something goes "SQUEAK!"
  • Pete Wisdom in a wheelchair and a bald cap in Excalibur #94: "To me, my X-Men! I sense danger! Make it so! Somebody get me a drink!" Made even funnier when you consider that it was published four years before Patrick Stewart played Professor Xavier in the X-Men films.
    • And in Excalibur #102, Pete again: "It's vital you keep his mouth covered. He can control your mind by voice, if you remove the gag, you're doomed. Don't worry, he breathes through his fingers..." (The "supervillain" in question was a government agent who'd made the mistake of trying to strong-arm Kitty Pryde. They tied him up, gagged him, and shipped him off to a super-prison.)
  • During Marvel's Civil War, after Captain America gives a heartfelt and awesome speech about doing the right thing no matter what, a reassured Spider-Man says, "Can I like, carry your books to school? For the rest of my life? I mean it. I can give you my lunch. My aunt made tuna sandwiches. Again." The Mood Whiplash isn't overstated.
  • From Avengers: The Initiative:
    Rhodey: That's some pretty big Hulkbuster armour.
    Tony: Thanks. I've got a smaller one for taking out Ant-Man.
    • Also Cloud9's summing up of the KIA storyline, and War Machine's reaction.
    Rhodey: @#$%! There is not a word of that I approve!
  • From Marvel Civil War: Fallen Son, with Wolverine on his way to "visit" Crossbones, who was involved in Captain America's death:
    Daredevil: I won't let you violate his civil rights.
    Wolverine: Is that what they're calling 'em these days?
  • The entirety of the Avengers Christmas Special—specifically the part where Santa Claus who is actually Ultron crashes the party, paralyzes the Avengers, and is only defeated when his Santa programming compels him to eat a cookie containing explosives.
  • "They put the sights on top for a reason."
  • Squirrel Girl. Pwning Doctor Doom. Being called Anti-Life. But especially her encounters with the evil, evil man.
    • The Ironic Echo Cut before the reveal that she beat Thanos.
    • A similar situation: Luke Cage borrowing a rocket from Reed Richards in order to shake down Doom for a debt of $200.
  • The Marvel Civil War has been mentioned twice already, but the scene of utter win is during the wedding of Storm and Black Panther. Spider-man is talking to a Gorilla guy (can't remember the name) and says that he really needs to choose a more lovable animal to base himself off of, since Spidey's had first hand experience with this. The Gorilla guy is a shaman or chief of a tribe and the Gorilla part is due to it being a spirit animal. He gets angry at Spidey, and starts a fight. Due to the generally charged tensions in the universe at the moment, the entire wedding reception degrades to what is essentially a bar brawl. This Troper was debating between snickering and wincing for the happy couple, until they comment to each other about how now the party's truly started. But... yeah, Spidey... drunk... yeah.
    • Was it Man-Ape? He's a Wakandan, but why he'd be at T'Challa's wedding is beyond me.
      • That in itself is a Funny moment. One of the subplots of the wedding story was that Man-Ape felt insulted that he hadn't been invited to the wedding. He planned to crash it and start a coup as payback. The whole thing fell apart when he found out he actually was on the list of invitees. So he decided to get drunk on T'Challa's Scotch instead.
  • The story arc Blockbuster from Ultimate X-Men - Spidey teaming up with Wolverine.
    • Logan visits Black Widow for information. Spidey tags along, goes, "Hey! I know you. You owe me eighty dollars. [I helped her and she stole my webshooters.] These cost money!" and is summarily ignored.
    • Daredevil: "Could you please not sit on my head."
  • From the Ultimate Galactus trilogy, after Thor has just promised to buy Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm beer:
    Thor: You. Military-industrial-complex drone woman. Bring us beer.
    Carol Danvers: Certainly. How far would you like it shoved up your ass?
    Thor: Well, I wanted a keg...
    • From the same trilogy, there's also Sue Storm viciously shooting Tony Stark down when he hits on her. While still in the Iron Man armour.
      Tony: You know, some girls think my armour is pretty... cool.
      Sue: You should definitely try and meet someone like that, then.
      Tony, slumped in disappointment: ...I'm going now.
  • Every Mini-Marvel strip: "That was a haiku, chumps!"
    • The panel after that line. Especially since the reader was probably doing the exact same thing. (Counting the syllables on their fingers, that is).
      • Special mention for the one where Super-Skrull lands in New York and tries to find the Fantastic Four.
        Super-Skrull: Hello citizens of Earth! I have come to battle the Fantastic Four with their own powers. I am stretchier than Mr. Fantastic, stronger than the Thing, hotter than the Human Torch and more invisible than the Invisible Woman! Does anybody know where the Fantastic Four live?
        Random Bystander: How can you be more invisible than the Invisible Woman? That's conceptually impossible.
        Super-Skrull:...
        Super-Skrull: Does anybody know where the Fantastic Four live?
      • Kl'lrt is adorable in Mini-Marvels.
        Johnny Storm: "Well, how do you like THIS!" (entombs him)
        (an entire page's worth of sitting in the dark later) Super-Skrull: "I DON'T LIKE THIS!"
    • Also the Mini-Marvels' predecessors, Bullpen Bits:
      *Hank McCoy transforms into the Beast*
      Iceman: But, that's impossible! I don't understand!
      Beast: Ah, it's just simple bio-chemical engineering.
      Iceman: Well, yeah, but...how does your costume disappear?
      Beast': Ah, it's just, um, simple... um... bio-clothical engineering.
    • Another Bullpen Bits strip, with Silver Surfer trying to talk Thanos out of destroying the universe:
      Silver Surfer: "Okay, Thanos... imagine you destroy the universe, and this girl, Death, falls in love with you and becomes your girlfriend!"
      Thanos: "Okay."
      Silver Surfer: "Eventually, her birthday comes up... now what do you get her for her birthday?"
      Thanos: "Hmm... a pair of shoes?"
      Silver Surfer "You just destroyed the universe! There are no shoes!"
    • And the saga of Johnny quitting the Fantastic Four... because they don't like that he refuses to turn his flame powers off. More particularly, the reaction of the other members to this:
      Sue: Reed! Don't let him go! We need him!
      Reed: I know we may never adjust to life in a pleasantly comfortable room temperature, Sue, but Johnny's made his choice. It won't be easy, but we'll find some way to manage without the fire alarm and sprinkler system going off every five minutes!
      Ben: Do you think we'll ever get used to the convenience of not having to replace burnt furniture every week?
      Johnny: [By the door, ignored] Seriously, I'm leaving now.
      Ben: How will our lungs ever adapt to clean air free of soot and smoke?
      Reed: We'll get through this wretched increase in our quality of life together, Ben. As a team.
    • It gets even better when he tries to join the Avengers, only for Wolverine and Spider-Man to continue the barrage of insults. Then as Johnny gets tired of the abuse and leaves, we get this gem:
      Thor: THE AVENGERS DOTH CLAIM ANOTHER VICTORY!
    • "Spider-Man remasked! We don't know who he is anymore!"
    • The Mini-Marvel take on Planet Hulk ends with all the Illuminati panicking at Hulk's return to Earth... except Namor, who's calmly relaxing on a chair saying "I live underwater."
    • A good deal from "Welcome Back Thor".
      Reed: Thor is implying that I am dumb! But I'm not!
      Tony: Thor is implying that I'm just a soulless robot! But I'm not!
      Skrull Hank: Thor is implying that I'm a green-skinned alien shapeshifter trying to take over the planet as part of a full-scale worldwide invasion!
      Beat
      Skrull Hank: But I'm not!
    • Tony: "Well that's just great. The army was pretty much useless here. Way to go, useless army! You are of no use to anyone here, now that the hammer is gone, so you might as well take your uselessness home!" (Thor returns in a crack of lightning) "Hey! Very useful army! Where are you going?"
    • Elephant Steve. Nuff said.
  • Fat Cobra of Immortal Iron Fist on having his match delayed: "Bring me my wenches of waiting!"
  • In World War Hulk: X-Men, as the title implies, the X-Men are fighting the Hulk. When Darwin steps up, the X-Men obviously hope his power to "evolve" a way to survive any given situation will produce a way to beat the Hulk. Instead, it teleports him to the next state.
    • There's also Hulk's response to Monet describing herself as "practically invulnerable."
      Hulk: [Punting her like a football] Go be invulnerable in Jersey.
  • J. Jonah Jameson's reaction when Spider-Man unmasks himself as Peter Parker in the second issue of Civil War. Well, technically it's his lack of reaction - he appears to have a heart attack.
  • In X-Men Noir, Police Chief Magnus taunts Black Tom Cassidy with threats of killing him so he'll go to "Irish Hell." "You wouldn't like Irish Hell, Blackie. There's no whiskey and the women hit back."
    • On the very second page of that series, there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot of Pietro pouting when his partner plops a hat on his head. He manages to look about eight years old.
  • She-Hulk's rematch with Sentry after he interrupts her fight with Lyra, starting with her screeching up in a cab (and paying the driver 40 bucks) to lay him flat after getting tossed into the next state.
    *WHAM* "Nobody underhands me like a lawn dart into Jersey, you hear me, Reynolds? Nobody!"
    • Set up masterfully in the prior issue, where Sentry flies in at the end and basically Team Rockets She-Hulk.
  • Captain Britain: During a fight with one of his many alternative selves, Captain Britain ends up having this conversation:
    Captain England: By 'eck, lad... I 'ope that knows what tha's getting into 'ere.
    Captain Britain: What do you take me for? Of course I know what I'm getting into. I'm in a parallel universe, fighting an alternate version of myself alongside a group of parahuman mercenaries who want me to help the wrongly accused Majestrix of...
    (Captain England hammers him in the face with his staff.)
    Captain England: No.
    • Another fight scene occurs in a comic book store, and the owner's reaction to a real superhero duking it out on the premises is absolutely hilarious.
      Owner: Oh God. Are you going to throw him through the window? You are. Let me get this copy of X-Men #137 out of the way first- it's valuable. It's-
      Owner: Oh. Oh well. Never mind. "Cover slightly worn. Reduced to clear..."
    • Fresh from remaking the world in his own twisted image, Mad Jim Jaspers introduces himself to his new friends in the Crazy Gang in front of a giant billboard of himself.
      Mad Jim Jaspers: Hello. I'm Jaspers. Jim Jaspers. Mad Jim Jaspers, actually. You can call me "Mad." Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I made you. I made everything actually: I made the sky. I made the tiger and the lamb... I put the bop in the bop shebop and the ram in the rama lama dingdong! I made the stars, the cockroaches, the trees, the winklepicker shoe...
      (Behind him, Captain Britain is hurled through the billboard and the Fury charges after him. Jaspers does a double-take.)
      Mad Jim Jaspers: Well, I don't remember making that!
  • A Thor moment from an issue of The Avengers:
    Random goon having captured most of the team, and gloating
    Thor from a distance: "I SAY THEE....."
    Goon: "I say thee? Awww, crap!"
    Thor: "NAY!" *Hammer to the face.
  • Red Hulk has been a source of these pretty much since Loeb stopped writing the series, as all the characters he beat up previously get their own back, including Iron Man and this wonderful confrontation with Thor. Thor's exchange with Bruce Banner is just the cherry on top.
  • In Iron Man issue 44, Rhodey had visited Tony who had given away his fortune and his company to lead a normal life in a small apartment. Then, there was a beep and Tony unleashed a massive computer lab right in his apartment.
    Rhodey: Well, Tony, you've got a computer lab in here that NASA would be jealous of! This must've cost a pretty penny! And here I am worried you went welfare on me.
    Tony: What are you talking about? I did give away my money—I just kept a little for... incidentals. You know me Rhodey— I have to have my gadgets.
    Rhodey: Tony, my friend, if this is your idea of slumming...
  • In The Punisher story arc "Welcome Back, Frank," after Frank drags himself back to his apartment to just sort of lie there and bleed, his weirdo neighbors tell him that they plan to nurse him back to health. Cue a look of abject horror on Frank's face coupled with just about the most hilarious "What?"s in all comics.
  • She-Hulk #9: It is announced that Jen has wedded Col. John Jameson in a quick Las Vegas ceremony presided over by, what else, an Elvis impersonator. The next page? A glorious nine spit takes from their assorted friends and family.
  • Dan Slott's run on She-Hulk was nothing short of amazing, but what really got this troper was She-Hulk's boyfriend commenting on how stupid the metals the Avengers use are (referring to Adamantium). Jarvis then comes out with a saucepan on his head...
    Jarvis: It's made of Forbushian-metal.
  • Captain Marvel V3 #4 has an unforgettable scene with Drax the Destroyer attempting to purchase mint cookies from a girl scout.
  • These captions from Captain America: Reborn #3:
    Ant-Man: Regretting being current Thunderbolt.
    Ant-Man: Just looking for an excuse to leave.
  • From an issue of Fantastic Four where the team ends up in Hades' realm and imprisoned, and then Hercules steps in:
    Hercules: Hold, Hades, and harm my friends no further! I have brought here someone whose words even you may not gainsay!
    Hades: Bold words, but we are within my own realm! Here, not even the will of Zeus may deny me!
    Hercules: Actually, I was referring to your wife.
    *An outraged Persephone enters the room, and Hades immediately goes Oh Crap*
  • During the Beyond! miniseries, the Wasp asks Medusa the secret to her long and happy marriage to Blackbolt.
    Medusa: Communication.
    Wasp: ...He's mute.
    Medusa: Yes, and I can't stress enough what an aid that is during our occasional disagreements.

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