What happens when you combine a comic book world's volatile personalities and bizarre situations with a World of Snark? More funny than you can shake a stick at.
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Deadpool in general, really.
His introduction to the new PvP tournament and his being a new recruitable/winnable character.
"You want 'MORE INFO'? I'm flattered, you must like me. That was a haiku."
"I like beaches, puppies and getting caught in the rain."
"I promise I come with swords and guns!"
"I want to grow up to be a dragon, and I see dead people. Well, I make dead people. But I usually see them after."
"Press the Action Button to continue! Wait, wrong game."
Deploying him in SpecOps 6 resulted in this conversation:
Deadpool: Agent...ah, never mind. You. The one with the mouse. Did you buy me or win me? Just curious.
Deadpool: If I go do this mission for you, you gotta promise me something. Send me on a mission with Wanda. A Team-Up! Pleeeeeaase. I want to team her up real bad.
Deadpool: That's just between you and me. Also, hey, tell the developers that they better saddle up and build Bob, Agent of HYDRA. I mean it. I'm lonely.
Deadpool: Now that's over with, how about we trade places? You go on balls-out crazy ninja missions and I'll kick back and drink your coffee and pretend I'm not playing Alliance when the boss walks by. Sound good? Sweet.
His deploy in SpecOps 8:
Intro Text:Ultron has released a horde of androids, and we need someone to delay their advance. It's a suicide mission, and there's only one man we can afford to lose: Deadpool.
In Season 2, Chapter 2, Wade has finally "convinced" the developers to add Bob, agent of HYDRA. Wolverine's Heroic Battle against Deadpool and Bob can be quite frustrating but the extreme hilarity, pop culture references and lambasting the fourth-wall are well-worth it, win or lose.
During Season 2, Chapter 4, Deadpool gets a deploy mission. He doesn't know what it would be for (and the player never finds out), but he just figured it's probably his turn.
Then in SpecOps 17 he deploys himself again, this time to go capture a White Gorilla (read: armed Wakandan insurgent) because he's heard they're endangered or something. Fortunately he realizes his error before he can start a captive breeding program...
For bonus points, he names the insurgent he captures "Teddy," lampshading the fact that White Gorilla Tacticians look uncannily like Theodore Roosevelt.
His Marvel XP dossier written by Maria Hill is pretty starightforward (as expected from her), detailing his origins, abilities, etc...then we have this gem about his "quirks":
Spider-Man brings his snarky one-liners and quips to the game.
His pre-boss-battle conversation with Madame Masque in Mission 3.6:
Madame Masque: You know what they say about scorned women and fury...
Spider-Man: Scorned women and Fury? I'll have to ask him when we're done here.
Madame Masque: For that alone, you deserve to die.
Being the main source of snark in the entire game, Mr. Stark has his moments.
While deploying Beast in SpecOps 5:
Tony Stark: We're neck-deep in Jotun here, and we need an extra scientific mind to take a calm look at how Iso-8 is working with Asgardian nature. Beast? Maybe the Phoenix experience has tuned up your sense of Iso-8's cosmo-mystical side.
Beast: Cosmo-mystical? Did you come up with that yourself?
Tony Stark: I see you are unfamiliar with Stark Industries' neologism division.
He makes up more words in Mission 11.5:
Phoenix: Constrictor is cracking the whip over the test subjects, Nick.
Tony Stark: The Brotherhood has proclaimed today the first official day of Mutanthattan.
Nick Fury: He didn't call it that, did he?
Tony Stark: No, that one's all mine.
By SpecOps 14, he declares that all the talk about Svartalfheim, Muspelheim, and Niflheim makes him want "Tonyheim." Thor replies that if there were a Tonyheim, Asgard would raze it.
He deploys Phoenix in SpecOps 6, asking her to try and contact the Phoenix Force to help take out some mooks. Jean is frustrated that Tony is treating the idea with his usual flippancy (he calls the Phoenix Force "hot wings"), and so decides to scare him into mindfulness when she gets back:
Phoenix: No Pharaoh, but there was some kind of equipment behind the shield. It's ashes now.
Tony Stark: Good, that probably bought us more time—
Phoenix: Oh, and the Phoenix Force is coming to incinerate the planet. Did I mention that?
He was in especially fine form throughout SpecOps 8.
Another "somebody gets the better of Tony Stark" conversation, courtesy of Vision.
Vision: This component is critical to the completion of my power-control systems array.
Tony Stark: So you're saying we need it.
Vision: I do not believe repetition will improve cognition at this point. Proceeding.
Then later some banter with Quicksilver:
Tony Stark: Like my high-school coaches always said. You can't teach speed. Quicksilver: It is a fine advantage to have. But I'm a little more than speed. Tony Stark: Sure, of course. But don't shy away from your gifts. Take me as an example. I'm handsome and rich and brilliant and funny. Why wouldn't I embrace that? Quicksilver: You'll have a fine second career as a motivational speaker, Tony. Tony Stark: See? That's another one of my gifts.
[Quicksilver gets him back later by working a casual mention of having Tony's arc-reactors into the conversation a second after someone else is asked to retrieve them] Tony Stark: You take a little too much pleasure from that. Quicksilver: Hey, like you said, why should I shy away from enjoying my gifts
And throwing Invisible Woman for a loop:
Invisible Woman: Reed has his report. How is the Vision looking? Tony Stark: Well, he's red and green, mostly. Invisible Woman: ... Tony Stark: I mean, he's fine. Looking good.
And finally after it's all said and done:
Tony Stark: Well, you're free to do what you want now, Vision. Including changing that color scheme. Vision: My exterior aesthetics are fully modifiable. Do you have suggestions, Tony Stark? Tony Stark: I was thinking a more subtle palette... maybe a wig. How’d you like to be blonde?
Tony's dialogue with Crimson Dynamo in Spec Ops 9, Mission 1.
Crimson Dynamo: Stark, ha! Extremis tech is incredible power! I have seen it!
Nick Fury: Agent, recover Whiplash's new armor. Pepper, keep the Agent alive while he's doing it. There. That ought to work.
Despite being on the Anvilicious side, the "Sponsored Covert Task" from UL still gives Stark a chance to get some amusing snark in.
Tony Stark: This really sets me off. It's one thing to take money out of my pocket. I mean, I have a lot of money. But to let that money get to Doom... Who owns this place? First, I'm going to buy it. Then I'm going to take it out of commission.
Nick Fury: The factory is shut down, Mr. Stark. Judging by the awful condition of the place, we're doing the workers there a favor. Unfortunately they don't know who owns the factory, or what the owner might have to do with Stark Industries. Tony Stark: I'll find out. This is what I pay lawyers for. Also why I created Jarvis. Once I've got that information, it'll be time to have a conversation with the factory's owner and find out who set him up to make this stuff. Nick Fury: Or we could ask Dr. Doom. Tony Stark: Was that a joke, Fury? Not your forte.
Tony Stark: Agreed. If we take piracy seriously, we can prevent stolen tech from falling into the wrong hands. It may not involve punching people in capes, but it's just as important for keeping the world safe.
In Season 2, everyone either gets in a dig at Tony's expense, tells him to piss off, or both. Fury even calls him a nerd.
The dialogue that ensues when Selene shows up in Mission 2-1-5.
Tony Stark: Selene, Selene, the Club's Black Queen.
Nick Fury: I will shoot the first person who speaks in iambic pentameter.
In Squirrel Girl's Covert Task, Stark still has hesitations regarding her joining with SHIELD. Fury promptly chastises Tony how Squirrel Girl single-handedly defeated Doctor Doom, much to Tony's dismay.
When Squirrel Girl makes a return in Season 2, Tony's still a little bemused:
Tony Stark: Ay yi yi, that's a lot of symbiote goo. How many bodies? Four?
By Spec Ops 13, on the other hand, the writers must have decided to throw him a bone.
Maria Hill: The fewer people who know [about Thane], the less of a chance the Black Order has of finding out before we can take them out. Tony Stark: If we can take them out. Nick Fury: No. When. There is no if. Get your billionaire-playboy swagger back, Stark. We need it. Tony: Aye aye, sir. Swaggering, sir.
Deploy missions may send the character in various missions via the flavor text: be it a recon, espionage, or diplomatic situation. While there are mandatory hero deploys, there's the mere fact with optional deploys that you can send the Punisher or Deadpool to "convince" Jonah Jameson not to publish Fury and Hill's abduction, or having Magneto or Juggernaut accompany Maria in a peace conference is a great source of laughs.
Thor's exchange with Loki in Mission 1-5:
Loki: Dearest brother! Perfect timing! I was just thinking about you. Thor: Thinking about the pain you will feel when Mjolnir smashes your lying mouth? Loki: Hah! Humor is not your strength, favored of Odin. Repeating what someone says with a question? Barely worthy of a chuckle!
Hydro-Man's introduction in Mission 3-2:
Tony Stark: Hydro-Man. Haven't seen him around lately. Last I knew about him, he was putting the moves on Sandman's girlfriend.
Nick Fury: Put the two of them together, all we'd have to do is watch.
Also Thing's conversation with Hydro-Man:
The Thing: I gotta hypothetical question. If I drank you, what would happen?
Hydro-Man: I would tear you rock from orange rock, from the inside out. Which I intend to do anyway.
Deploying him in SpecOps 4 results in this dialogue:
Tony Stark: Hercules, we have a job for you.
Hercules: Indeed! What labour might this be? Must needs I slay a few thousand spawn of Hades? Seduce some queen of the fiery realms? Truly, there is no task too great for the mighty—
Tony Stark: We need you to hold up a building.
Hercules: ...That is all?! Pffft. Out of the way, Man of Iron.
Valkyrie's Comically Serious reactions to the blue-collar, greedy, very much not-noble Wrecking Crew in SpecOps 5 are an endless source of entertainment.
Valkyrie: [to the Wrecker] A crowbar? Do I face a carpenter in battle?
Valkyrie: We cross sword and crowbar once more. Unless you choose to yield.
Valkyrie: Do you too take part in Loki's Wild Hunt? And when it is finished, will your soul be forfeit? Piledriver: It's not about the soul, kiddo. It's all about the cash. And Loki pays well. Everything's for sale. Just depends on the bargain. Valkyrie: Will you bargain with the blade of a sword? Piledriver: Long as I can trade you a punch in the face. Square deal?
She gets another good moment in SpecOps 14, when sent to investigate a boat full of Jotun trying to cross the North Sea. Upon her return, she says nothing more than "Jotun, it seems, are not so good at swimming."
Iron Man: Well, if you put it like that, yeah. Fix things. Make it all go away.
This exchange from Mission 12.1. You can practically hear Sif's irritation:
Intro Text:SHIELD, despite employing the best analysts in the world, has no idea what kids these days think is "cool". We've been monitoring a spread of strange new emoticons using Norse runes. We'd like Sif to take a look to make sure it isn't more of Loki's mischief. Hill: We're going to need Sif to check out what these kids are texting each other. Sif: The battle is here. I am a warrior, not a wetnurse. Hill: Understood, Sif. But we need to make sure that Loki isn't manipulating the children of New York. [later] Sif: They use our noble runes to create crude drawings of happy cats, not hostile spells. Hill: Kids these days. Good to have you back.
In Daimon Hellstrom's SpecOp in San Francisco, there's something bizarre that Baron Mordo's boss marker is always targeted on the Transamerica Tower. Aside from Dr. Strange, Mordo seems to have a grudge against financial advisors.
The special Heroic Battle in Season 1 involving the Warriors Three versus Thor, Sif and Heimdall, and in Wave 2, Loki, Executioner and Amora. is, from start to finish, full of hilarity. From a Rant Inducing Slight that set off the three gods against the Warriors Three, to Skurge having to attack in spite of wanting to finish the feast, then Loki hightailing it back to the Helicarrier, and last but not least, Volstagg blabbing about Fandral once having shaved Hogun's beard off, earning the latter's rage.
In his XP Dossier, Hercules compares the Avengers to the Greek Pantheon: He compares Hulk to Ares since they're both fierce warriors, Iron Man to Hephaestus, since they're both inventors and weapons designers, Captain America to Apollo as they're both "beacons of light and hope", and Thor...to Aphrodite, since they both have long blonde hair. And to end his file, this gem from Maria Hill:
Maria Hill: If he doesn't stop looking at my butt I'm filing a personal complaint with S.H.I.E.L.D. Human Resources. God or no god. I'm serious.
Spec Ops 2 Mission 1:
Mockingbird: [referring her time being mind-controlled in Spec Ops 1] After that, I don't remember much - just that I was working for the "White Queen".
Nick Fury: Emma Frost. She's one of the good guys. Why would she attack S.H.I.E.L.D.?