Funny: Ed Wood

  • Ed's completely insane idea for a movie, based on the random collection of stock footage he's just viewed:
    Ed: The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
  • The premiere of Bride of the Monster, with Tor Johnson blinded by contacts, the furious audience wanting to rip Ed to pieces, and their car being stripped in the few minutes they're inside.
    • "Now THAT was a premiere!"
  • Bela throwing a massive, and particularly profane tantrum when referred to as "Karloff's sidekick."
    • Even better is the Brick Joke during the making of Plan 9 from Outer Space later on, when Bunny meets Bela's stand-in.
      "Now let's hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker."
    • Also, the discovery of Bela's stand-in.
      • The Production Posse's bafflement at Wood's choice of stand-in in general is fantastic. "He's got his ears."
      "My God... it's uncanny!"
  • Bunny talking to Ed at the wrestling match about becoming a woman, and thoroughly unnerving Dolores in the process.
    "It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized I have to take action! Goodbye, penis!"
  • Ed's mouthing of the words to Criswell's narration of Plan 9—and being appropriately hammy while doing it.
  • The Where Are They Now captions are hysterical, especially with the music and editing still doing its best to be reverent. Highlights include describing Tor Johnson as "achieving his greatest fame as a best-selling Halloween mask", Paul Marco being "the founder and president of the Paul Marco fan club", Bunny Breckinridge "despite much talk, never actually had his sex change. He is currently living in New Jersey" and Criswell "departing our dimension in 1982".
  • The sequence where they need to steal the octopus for Bride of the Atom. Whilst they forget the motor, resulting in poor Bela having to humiliate himself by rolling around, the theft is as funny; with the octopus suspended from the ceiling, they position Tor underneath it to catch it. When it drops, it seemingly crushes him. For several seconds, they seem to believe they've killed him.
  • Ed and Orson Welles commiserating with each other about Executive Meddling, hilarious because Ed is complaining about his terrible films and Welles is complaining about a movie which will come to be regarded as a classic Film Noir:
    Ed: And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
    Orson Welles: Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican.