Funny / Defiance

The Series

Season One

Pilot

• Irisa and Tommy.
  • When Tommy has to arrest her, Nolan indicates the handcuffs would be a bad idea. Considering this, Tommy just points and lets Irisa walk to jail freely.
  • When trying to make conversation, he simply says of Irisa, "you are very, very disconcerting."
  • Finally, when Irisa explains how she could have escaped and killed him, his only response is "What is wrong with you?"
• The genetically engineered, super soldier killing machine is disabled by a punch to the arse. Doubly hilarious given how downright threatening and murderous they are in the game.
  • And just before getting punched in the ass, Nolan tries to take a punch to the Bioman right in the crotch. The Bioman looks down at him, looking like he's pissed. What does Nolan say while looking up at the Bioman before he grabs him and throws him across the ring? "Nothing personal."
• "Did you seriously just call me 'sweetheart'?" "It was my second choice."

"Down In the Ground Where the Dead Men Go"

• Nolan having some fun at Rafe's expense after learning his father made dog food before the war.
• Alak and his mother, the latter of whom is in the middle of a famous Castithan bath. This does not stop her from giving him a very long, very close hug.
• Tommy saving the Castithan being tortured for cowardice by arresting him.
  Castithan: What for?
  Tommy: [thinks about it] Loitering.
• Crossing over with CMOA, Stahma's casual story about how Datak challenged her betrothed to a duel for her hand.
  Christie: Did he win?
  Stahma: They never got the chance. On their way to the duel my man of great honor was accidentally flushed out an airlock. It was a tragic accident.
  • Christie then innocently asks how someone can be accidentally flushed out an airlock. Stahma just laughs.

"The Devil In the Dark"

• Tommy being told to watch over Irisa when she storms off. He returns a few moments later with a bit of blood on his head.
  Tommy: She threw me off the roller.

"A Well Respected Man"

• This exchange, after Rafe has a blow up with his son, with a random miner in earshot.
  Rafe: If you tell a soul about what you just saw here, I'll dump your dead body down a mineshaft.
• At the end, when Datak gets his council seat, he calmly makes his rounds then, as polite as possible, shuts the door in Nolan's face.

"The Serpent's Egg"

• Nolan doesn't even pretend he can tell Irisa what to do.
  Nolan: Can I trust you to be a good girl and behave yourself while I'm gone?
  Irisa: Probably not.
  Nolan: That's my girl.

"Brothers In Arms"

• How does Nolan know that Datak has been taken hostage by Pol Madis? Datak was acting nice.
• Datak getting an enema during the closing montage. His actor absolutely sells what he's about to go through.

"Good Bye Blue Sky"

• The random idiot in homemade armor who makes the brilliant decision to taunt the Razor Rain storm. He promptly gets nailed by a chunk. Even better, after it happens, he seems actually kind of surprised he's still alive and his armor worked.
• Amanda calling the radio station to get her album played. When Alak insults her taste in music, her response is simply;
  Amanda: Listen you little punk, I'm the damn mayor! Play "Shiny Happy People" or you're fired!

"I Just Wasn't Made For These Times"

• Tommy's sailor lingo, taken from Moby-Dick. Nolan finds it annoying.
• McClintok finding out about being played by Robert Pattinson in a film about the space station.
  McClintok: Who?
  Nolan: Twilight.
  McClintok: Ah...was he the vampire or the werewolf?
  Rafe: Don't look at me.
  Nolan: Amanda?
  Amanda: What, just because I'm a girl, I'd know something like that?
  Nolan and Rafe: Yes.
  Amanda: ...he was the vampire.
• Nolan laughing like a madman when McClintok asks about the state of air travel and the space program in 2046;
  McClinktok: But what about space travel? What about exploration?
  Nolan: I think people have had more than enough of outer space at this point in time!

"If I Ever Leave This World Alive"

• Alak tells everyone who is listening to his radio show that face masks won't help protect people from disease, Gilligan Cut to a seller turning off the radio and continuing to sell face masks.
• At the end of the episode, Doc Yewll lampshades the Hollywood Tactics of the first two episodes, the stupidity of causing a Volge attack and then trying to flood the town with radiation. Nicky mutters "That was all Birch's idea."
  • A little hypocritical humor in the same scene, Yewll chastises Nicky for smoking and how bad it is for her, taking her cigarette and putting it out in the ash tray. During the course of the conversation, Yewll pulls out a cigarette from the pack and begins to smoke it.
• "Ozin, get your head out of Datak's ass, and listen." - Amanda Rosewater

"The Bride Wore Black"

• When Irisa shows up at the wedding Tommy comments she's not wearing any knives. Irisa reveals they were just strapped to her leg under the skirt.
• Irisa's wedding attire in general. Very...unique.
• When Rafe tells Datak that the mines will go to the Irathients when he is dead.
• Everyone assuming that Datak was angry over Christie not wearing an eye shield.
• Rafe casually deflecting Datak's racism and then pointing out the big flaw in what he just said;
  Datak: ... and the scent of your pink skin sickens me!
  Rafe: *Laughs* Does this skin look pink to you?

"Everything is Broken"

• "Keep it up. I'll skin your golfball head and wear it as a hat." "What's a golfball?"
• When Yewll and a E-Rep scientist are arguing a means of removing the keys from Irisa's body via electrocution:
  Yewll: It'll fry her.
  Scientist: It's survivable.
  Yewll: So's castration.

Season Two

"The Opposite of Hallelujah"

• Yewll and Datak are speaking in the Internment Camp Reverie:
  Datak: Color me intrigued.
  Yewll: Color you anything. You'd be more interesting to look at.
  • Later, when they're spending the night huddled against each other for warmth, Datak takes advantage of Yewll being asleep to give himself a handjob — using her hand. When she wakes up, she's not amused.
  Yewll: (flatly) Want me to check for lumps? (Datak looks awkwardly at her. She pats him on his junk.) Nope. You're good. (pulls hand away.)

"In My Secret Life"

• Stahma, Alak, and Christie having the most awkward family bath time ever. "You kids and your 'personal space'."
• Nolan's incredibly lame Pun about Berlin's name.
• Berlin's dismissal of Nolan's "happy cowboy" routine, including calling him out on watching too much Star Wars as a kid and referring to Irisa as his "hot Chewbacca".
• In a bit of Black Comedy, while Pottinger is cutting off Yewll's finger, Churchill dully tells her to "think of something happy. Like Christmas."
• The stasis fence interview.

"The Cord and the Ax"

• Stahma smells Christie's pregnancy.
  Christie: You—you can smell that? You can seriously smell that.
• Pottinger taking Nolan out for a stroll, and informing him that he's interested in Amanda.
  Nolan: You know, I enlisted pretty young, so I never got a chance to experience high school. This right here? Pretty much what I imagined it would be like.

"Beasts of Burden"

• When Nolan and Amanda are fooling around, she mentions that she has a staff meeting in ten minutes so they have to cut it short.
  Nolan: I'm not getting sex because you have to go work in a whorehouse.
  Amanda: The irony is delicious.
• Then Irisa barges in on them to bring Nolan to the mayor's office. Amanda asks if she knows how to knock.
  Irisa: I was raised by him.
  Nolan: It's a good point.
• Doc on how she got out of prison
  Nolan: You got yourself paroled from Camp Reverie? How'd you manage that?
  Yewll: Raw sex appeal.

"Put the Damage On"

• Rafe gets to try out the Tarr family bath. Hilarity Ensues when Stahma decides to join him.
  • Just Rafe, period. First when trying to get has politely fend off the Tarr's attractive young servant girl, his attempt to keep his composure in the incident above, and finally he gets some good snark in on Datak when the latter shows up to apologize.
• More of a Tear Jerker when you consider the full context, but this exchange when Doc just barely shows up in time to save Amanda:
  Nolan: Where the hell have you been?
  Yewll: Booty call.
• Yewll and Lev:
  Lev: I didn't come here to be healed. I came here to be forgiven.
  Yewll: You're obviously suffering from dementia as well.
• Apparently Doc was quite the romantic poet when she was younger.
  Lev: 'Our bodies were the temple, and our prayers so beautiful they must have made God cry.'
  Yewll: I wrote that to get in your pants.
  • Even funnier is that it actually worked.
• Yewll gets a lot of good snark in this episode, especially with Datak.
  (when Datak complains about his situation) And you bear no responsibility for any of that.
  (later)
  Datak: I've killed men for speaking to me like that.
  Yewll: First step is admitting there's a problem; very good! Now, I want you to burn the Castithan crazy scrolls and fix your family from the inside.
• Datak even gets some good lines at his own expense.
  Christie: You're a disgusting troll!
  Datak: Well, what family doesn't hit a rough patch now and then? I'll see myself out.
• Datak hiring a male Irathient prostitute. It turns out the Irathient is also an agent for the Votanis Collective, but he is angry at Datak for potentially wasting his time when he could be male-prostituting for real money.

"This Woman's Work"

• When Rafe goes to visit Datak, he asks him where the bath is. Datak says there's a shower out back. Rafe laughs—as he learned last episode, only the lowest Castithans use showers.
• Datak, now living in a hovel made out of an old shipping container, takes a moment to put Rafe's beer on a coaster.

"If Only You Could See Her Through My Eyes."

• Datak Tarr, in the middle of having sex with Jalina:
  Datak: What, hearing my name over and over again? Do you think I'm some kind of egomaniac?
  Jalina: ...No.
• Later, Doc Ywell comments on the matter:
  Datak: Jalina was sworn to our home since she was a child. I adored her.
  Yewll: That's one word for it.
• And a bit later:
  "There are two kinds of friends in the world. The kind that helps you move a dead whore, and me.
• There's something weirdly funny about Datak and Rafe's takeout of a corrupt organ-harvesting surgeon - specifically, Rafe's oddly disinterested manner as Datak thumbs out said surgeon's eyes. He's not even horrified, he's just irritated, looking like he's thinking "dammit, he's doing this again?" or "There's just no helping it, is there?"
  • And then there's their reaction as they just leave him lying there.
  • Rafe implying he gouged both his eyes out cause he ran with scissors.
• In a Call-Back to a first-season episode, Christie takes a page out of her father's book while Alak is yelling at her over her Cosplaying.
  Alak: How would you feel if I painted my skin Human pink?
  Christie: My skin's not pink.

"Slouching Towards Bethlehem

• Datak actually taking offense that Stahma was questioned instead of him about the bomb planted in New York.
  Datak: That's disrespectful.
• Tommy confronts Berlin about being in a relationship with Nolan. She insists that they aren't dating, just having lots of sex.
• Nolan and Irisa's conversation about trying to find the location of Kenya's kidnappers suddenly turns into a typical father-daughter argument about the family car when Irisa decides that she's the one going to go out and look for them:
  Nolan: I want you safe in town.
  Irisa: I'm not safe anywhere.
  Nolan: Okay, but...
  Irisa: And I can't die.
  Nolan: Okay, but...
  Irisa: And Amanda needs you here.
  Nolan: (sigh) What do you need?
  Irisa: Keys would be nice. (grabs the roller keys and leaves)
  Nolan: (flatly, to the empty room) Be careful.

"Painted from Memory"

• Nolan dancing around his roll in the sheets with Berlin around Tommy...for a few seconds, anyway.
• Nolan, after recognizing a symbol described by Kenya, goes to Berlin to confirm his theory.
  Nolan: [bursts into Berlin's workroom] Need you to take off your shirt. This is important.
  Berlin: [unfazed, looks at Kenya and then back at her film] Well, if we're gonna have a three-way, I'm Berlin.
• Stahma, visibly rattled at seeing Kenya is dragging Datak with her into the forest.
  Stahma: How long can a human being survive without air?
  Datak: Do I look like a biologist?
  Stahma: You look like a pauper, but that's incidental.
• Stahma mentions that she marked Kenya's grave with flowers...and then they crest the hill to find the entire field covered in lavender flowers.
  • Much later in the night, after several hours of fruitless digging, Stahma throws down her shovel in frustration and starts ranting angrily in Casti. Meanwhile, Datak continues to dig, unfazed.

"Bottom of the World"

• When Ambassador Tennity tries to pick a fight with Amanda regarding luggage, Pottinger takes the Ambassador aside, reminds her of her crimes, incompetence at committing them, and the solid evidence against her, then suggests that she "toddle that well-marbled ass back there and pick up your own damn bags."
• The entire scene with Rafe, Christie, Alak and Quentin. The undertones and ironies in the dialog are rather humorous. Also, after Christie's revelation that having a half-Castithan child is kicking her own senses into high gear and having seen Alak playing some serious tonsil hockey with Deirdre, watching the part where Christie backs off from Alak, claiming she has a cold, is rather amusing as he looks honestly very puzzled.
• The visit to the Gulanite mines has Nolan warning Berlin of danger morphing into understated flirting about her eyebrows, to Irisa's annoyance, and Tennity and Amanda exchanging insults.
• Datak Tarr has been reduced to pulling the equivalent of three-card monte scams to make money.

"Doll Parts"

• While Amanda and Berlin are searching Deidre Lamb's room for evidence, Berlin opens a box with several large, strung-together beads and absent-mindedly wonders what they're for. Amanda advises her to rebox them and wash her hands.
• An extremely sick Castithan man walks into the lawkeeper's office and confesses to Deidre Lamb's murder. His performance hits on every single cliche you can think of; the only way it could be more blatant that he was lying was if he was holding a big neon sign.
  Castithan: I killed her. I loved her too much.
  Amanda: Really. What was her real name?
  [beat]
  Castithan: ...I never wanted to know. It would have spoiled the magic.
  Amanda: Do I look like an idiot!?
• Stahma and Datak both assuming it was each other who threw Dierdre from the top of the Arch.
• Alak's face when Christie reveals that she was the one who killed Dierdre is a darkly funny mix of confused and aroused that basically says "I have the weirdest boner right now". And "Oh Gods, I married my mother!"

"All Things Must Pass"

• Tommy having a nice flashback from when he proposed to Irisa back in season one. Its heart-warming and romantic ...which is rudely interrupted when Nolan cauterizes his wound with a hot knife.
• Doc Yewell having a good snark-fest with Imaginary Lev.
  • And then there's this bit when Yewell realizes that the Kaziri is speaking to her through Lev:
  "Did you hack my imaginary wife?"
• Stahma and Datak being shackled together in an abandoned shack in the middle of nowhere waiting for death somehow turns into a couples therapy session. Apparently, for some couples that's what it takes.

"I Almost Prayed"

• Though the context is sad, Berlin is suddenly called to report to Viceroy Mercado while completely hammered. After failing miserably to stand at attention, she bluntly admits to it when Mercado points out the obvious.
  Mercado: You might want to gargle.
• Mercado gets some more good snark in when he points out Pottinger's obvious favoritism to Amanda.
  "Can't you just pay for sex like a normal person?"
• While wrestling with a super-advanced AI bent on terraforming the entire planet, Cai feels the need to point out that Irisa's telepathic voice is too loud.

Season Three

"The World We Seize"/"The Last Unicorn"

• Datak Tarr is distinctly put out by the Votan General hitting on Stahma and snarking about Datak's social climbing.
• Doc Yewll explains that she's leaving Defiance.
  Amanda: This town needs a doctor.
  Yewll: What this town needs is a sensitively worded obituary.
• Irisa's "hero tale" has been written like a 1950s sci-fi magazine, complete with a rather scantily-clad, large-breasted version of herself on the cover.
• When Nolan insinuates that the Omec woman licked him for non-feeding reasons, Irisa just groans and walks out.

"Broken Boughs"

• Nolan is reading aloud from the sci-fi novel version of Irisa's hero story, and both he and Irisa are grinning as she tries to grab for the book and discard it while he gleefully recites from it and even shows off the "artistic rendering" of a rather well-endowed version of her as she attacks E-Rep soldiers.
• When Stahma and Datak return home after seven months and decide to take a bath, Datak goes into a rant about how he knows who to trust, and doesn't need Stahma's help. Then he realizes he's too stiff from his injuries to get in the bath, and asks for his help. She just smirks and ignores him.
  • Also, when they get home, they catch their servant girl in their bath.
  Datak: Testing the tub for leaks?
• Datak nagging Stahma every step of the way while she's setting up the radio with the VC.
• Nolan and Irisa arguing over the fate of little Luke, who they have rescued from Pilar.
  Nolan: Let's go. Leave him here.
  Irisa: He's a baby!
  Nolan: He seems pretty happy.
  Irisa: He's a baby.
  Nolan: We can't afford to lug him around.
  Irisa: He's a baby.
  [beat]
  Nolan: You're so demanding.
• When Amanda confronts Datak over her unresolved anger concerning Kenya's death, his reaction is basically "You're still mad about that?"
• Rahm Tak is in full Evil Is Hammy mode, holding Irisa hostage and threatening to kill her if Nolan doesn't surrender, mocking his Red Baron of "The Butcher of Yosemite":
  Rahm Tak: I'll show you who the butcher is! I AM THE BUTCHER! THE BUTCHER OF— [aside] Where are we?
  VC Soldier: Tulsa, sir.
  Rahm Tak: I AM THE BUTCHER OF TULSA!

"Dead Air"

• Stahma comes up with a plan to poison T'evgin, the male Omec, for Rahm Tak.
  Stahma: I will fill a hidden needle, and inject the Omec during coitus.
  Datak: Coitus?!
  Stahma: It's a human word. It means-
  Datak: Yeah, I know what it means.
• Nolan and Amanda encounter Pottinger in the former EMC's site, Arrowhead.
  Nolan: Oh, nuts.
• Pottinger's bio-men being named after the Beatles. And the look on Nolan's face when he realises.

"History Rhymes"

• Datak doesn't take the failure of Stahma's poisoning gambit well, and suspects that Stahma had ulterior motives. Said later to baby Luke:
  Datak (speaking Castithan): Grandma Stahma loves purple enchanter penis so much that she has forgotten all about your daddy Alak!
• The former Earth Republic engineer finds life in Defiance is interesting, to say the least, when Yewll and Amanda confirm that the former really was skinned by the latter mere days ago.
• Stahma insists on her ability to manipulate the omec to help them return alak from the V.C camp. Datak is unconvinced.
  Datak: Contrary to what you think, darling, your chivo is not magic.
  Stahma: On many occasions you've said different...
• Doc Yewll's distinct lack of enthusiasm at Amanda's coined term:
  Yewll: Now the arktech adapted itself, keeping the connection going through a spread-spectrum signal.
  Amanda: Like Bluetooth?
  Yewll: You're adorable. But sure, why not, let's call it "Bluetooth for the brain."
• While meeting with an Earth Republic turncoat, Rahm Tak laments that they're now being entertained by showtune-singing Bio-men. After thoroughly venting his disgust at the man and his lack of morals, he heads back to the tent, "To see if the giant plant eats Audrey."

"Where The Apples Fell"

• T'evgin's rather blunt admission that he's been boning Stahma, and Alak's subsequent reaction.
• Datak's genuine belly laugh when he realizes Nolan was threatening to kill Alak to get Datak to talk... and Alak was in on it the whole time.
• Yewll has forgiven Amanda for skinning her to save the Omec. After giving a heartfelt reasoning about how Amanda doesn't see some people as worth less than others, she admits that it might just be because her ponytail is cute.

"My Name Is Datak Tarr and I Have Come to Kill You"

• There's some delicious Black Comedy in the deaths of Rahm Tak and his raiding party. Not only is it all so well-deserved after all of the hardships they've caused, but the whole affair is backed by the musical stylings of The Doors, befitting Rahm Tak's obsession with old Earth pop culture.
• Also, some of the dialog is darkly humorous:
  Rahm: Why you?
  Datak: They assumed you'd shoot whomever came out. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't.
  Rahm: Call me a sentimental old fart.
• And when Datak is cutting off his own arm.
  Rahm: Oh man! That is some gangster-ass shit!
  

"Ostinato in White"

• Doctor Yewll is performing an autopsy with her veterinarian-turned-doctor understudy.
  Yewll: Keep your hands off my dead body.
  Samir: You said I could apprentice, so let me apprentice.
  Yewll: I was joking. Did you not pick up on my withering sarcasm?
• The autopsy continues.
  Samir: You seem pretty disturbed by this particular corpse.
  Yewll: What, are you a pet psychiatrist, too?
• Later, after Yewll has determined that the murder victim is a clone of herself:
  Samir: You know what would be weird? If that was you on the table, and you're the clone. Or you're both clones. Or—
  Yewll: [cold stare]
  Samir: I'll stop talking now.
  Yewll: That might be best.
• It's followed by a bit of Nightmare Fuel when Yewll attacks Samir with a syringe due to his discovery of her mind control implant, but this gem still counts.
  Samir: What's this thing on your neck?
  Yewll: Bling. Makes me feel girlish.

"When Twilight Dims the Sky Above"

• Nolan is asked to leave Amanda's office after a drunken Mexican Standoff with Datak and the V.C. delegation:
  Datak: I say good riddance.
  Ambassador: You too, Datak. The grown-ups need to talk.
• The ambassador calls Datak a haint. "It's okay when I say it."

"Of a Demon in My View"

• Kindzi and Doc Yewll are discussing Nolan, who is passed out on the operating table:
  Kindzi: I find him quite beautiful. Don't you?
  Yewll: Not really my gender.
• Datak and Stahma are in their house, arguing:
  Stahma: Then perhaps Kindzi has killed him.
  Datak: We should ask her when she arrives, which I imagine will be soon.
  Stahma: You're trying to upset me.
  Datak: Yes, well, I'm bored. I have to pass the time somehow.
• How did the Omec find Earth? "Rockin' Robin".

"The Awakening"

• Datak rebuffs Samir's long monologue about maintaining faith during their captivity by the Omec.
  Datak: Do you suppose faith will prevent me from pissing into your cage?
  [Beat]
  Samir: Please don't do that.
• Elsewhere, when Stahma tries to warn Alak about Kindzi's vendetta against the Tarrs:
  Stahma: Kindzi wants me to suffer before taking me.
  Alak: Maybe you shouldn't have had sex with her father.

"Upon the March We Fittest Die"

• Nolan tries to get Irisa to keep from going on the suicide mission to the Omec ship, only for her to snap "One rule" (Nolan family motto: "We live together, we die together.") and just walk off.
  Nolan: She uses that like a freakin' sledgehammer...
• Doc Yewll keeps snarking even in the face of certain death.
  Yewll: An artificial person is a tolerable loss.
  Datak: No. You're a real person with enormous honour and infinite soul.
  Yewll: Just stick it in me, sailor.
• She gets another one in later, after changing an engine panel's directions from Omec to English for Nolan's benefit:
  Yewll: Okay, you see a big word, just sound it out.

Other

"Bonus Material"

• Alak Tarr's radio recaps, especially when he stops in the middle to advertise for various businesses in Defiance. Also asking people to stop referring to his mother as 'Hot Mama Stahma'.
• One of the outtakes has Rafe and Luke discussing the golden MacGuffin and what it may be. With the straight possible face, Graham (Rafe) says: "It's a suppository. Hurts like hell."
• In a recap of their top 10 moments of the season thus far, the Stahma/Kenya love scene was titled 'Gayliens'.
• While sitting down and discuss the Datak-Nolan fight, Tony Curran talks about their preparation. He casually brushes aside the stunt coordinator's concerns - "Hey, we're just acting here, you know." - until he looks over and sees Grant Bowler psyching himself up for the fight...
• The series of behind-the-scenes featurettes hosted by Jesse Rath are full of funny moments. Among other things, he speaks at length about learning the Castithan language, and just how much they say isn't subtitled because it's so filthy.
  "You can't just say jhondera like it's nothing. You have to sound like you're lifting a house."

"Meta"

• When asked which character they would like to play other than their own, Grant (Nolan) and Stephanie (Irisa) say they'd love to play a Sensoth. Tony (Datak) and Jaime (Stahma) on the other hand would play each other.

General

• At least 60% of the comments that come out of Dr. Yewll's mouth are this.
• If you look carefully, you'll notice that Nolan's gun is taped together.

"Lost Ones" (Web Interquel)

• Nolan, asking Irisa about the cult, says something in Irathient that translates to "Yesterday crazy God party."

The Film

• When two guys come out of the woods, with a gun, and threaten the camp for food, Zus asks if they like hunting Jews to intimidate them. "You're Jews?," they reply in surprise. "No, we're the Gestapo," replies Zus.