Funny: Atlantis: The Lost Empire

  • The explorers' submarine is being attacked by a totally unexpected Giant Space Flea from Nowhere. Rivets are popping, leaks springing, alarms blaring. Mrs. Packard seems bored when she grudgingly announces, "All hands, abandon ship."
  • This dialogue between Milo and Vinny while loading the sub.
    Vinny: Oh, ehh, gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and uhh… Paperclips. Big ones. You know, just, eh, office supplies.
  • When Milo is speaking to Kida in several different languages and she speaks French, Mole excitedly exclaims "She speaks my language!" and promptly whispers something in her ear. First she listens with interest, then she does a double take, and then she knocks him to the ground with a single punch..
    • Made better when the others immediately take a liking to her as a result.
    Audrey: Hmm. 'bout time someone hit 'im. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.
  • Vinny's advice during the final battle: "Don't get shot!"
  • The caravan is temporarily halted by a colossal pillar next to a chasm. Milo and Vinnie examine the pillar - for different reasons.
    Milo: Will you look at the size of this? It's gotta be half a mile high, at least. It must have taken hundred — no, thousands of years to carve this thing.
    Vinny: (detonates his TNT charges so it falls down over a chasm) Hey, look, I made a bridge. It only took me, like, what? Ten seconds? Eleven, tops.
    • It's the gleeful look on Vinny's face that seals the deal.
  • "I know how to swim pretty girl--good! Pretty good, I swim pretty good."
    • Milo's boxers then inflate after going into the water.
      • Even funnier: if you look closely, you can see Kida trying not to laugh.
    • Also funny, is that as a trained linguist he should have known the correct wording was "Pretty well". He's so distracted by Kida that he forgot grammar.
  • The picture of Preston Whitmore and Thaddeus Thatch immediately post-kiss. They're both recoiling, and it looks hilarious. And it's Whitmore's fault.
    Mr. Whitmore: I said, "Thatch, if you ever actually find that so-called journal, not only will I finance the expedition, I'll kiss you full on the mouth." Imagine my embarrassment when he found the darn thing.
    • It wasn't part of the bet to immortalize the incredibly awkward moment on camera. Whose idea was that?!
  • Early on, as Helga brings Milo to Whitmore's mansion, she describes Whitmore like he's a serious, tough, dangerous guy. Then the next scene reveals that he's the complete opposite: a funny old Deadpan Snarker.
  • When the Ulysses finally descends into the ocean, for a split-second, you can actually see a man waving at the viewers.
  • When Milo starts up one of the flying machines:
    Vinny: Hey, Milo, you got somethin' a little more sporty? You know…like a tuna?
    • Clearly, Vinny gets all the best lines. From earlier:
      Vinny: We've done a lot of things we're not proud of—robbin' graves, plunderin' tombs, double parking...But nobody got hurt! (Beat) Well, maybe somebody got hurt, but nobody we knew..."
      Vinny: (upon seeing the sketch of the Leviathan, which resembles a lobster) With something like that, I'd have white wine, I think.
    • And then there's when he tricks Milo into thinking he drank nitroglycerin. "Don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything...except pray." "BOOM!" *Mole and Vinny walk away and laugh* And later: "Hey, too bad we don't got some nitroglycerin eh, Milo?"
  • Sweet's medical check-up of Milo, ending with him handing Milo two enormous beakers and telling him to fill them up. Milo does a Spit Take on the thermometer in his mouth. "With what?!"
    Sweet: (sticking a tongue depressor in Milo's mouth) So, where you from?
    Milo: (unintelligible)
    Sweet: Really? I got family there.
  • Sweet's way of dealing with Mole after poor Milo sat on the dirt collection: show him soap, and yell as Mole retreats, "Back! Back, foul creature! Back to the pit from whence you came!"
    • Sweets rat-tails the poor man!
  • Milo getting sick over the side of the ship. "Carrots, why is it always carrots. I didn't even eat carrots."
  • Dr. Sweet, telling Milo that he doesn't want to know about Mole's backstory.
    "Trust me on this: you don't wanna know. Audrey? Don't tell him. You shouldn't've told me, but you did, and now I'm telling you, you don't wanna know!"
  • Kida trying on Milo's glasses.
  • We are briefly given a shot of Milo and Audrey in an escape pod as Milo nervously chants "it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink, it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink..." Just the way Milo's voice sounds when the says the second "sink"; it breaks.
  • "Hah! What have you done? England must never merge with France!"
  • When the crew realizes they're in a dormant volcano, Sweet asks if it could erupt at any time, but Mole says that it would require "an explosive force of tremendous magnitude." Everyone immediately looks at Vinny, who happens to be building a time bomb at that very moment.
    Vinny: (Beat) Maybe I should do this later, huh?
    • Then when the volcano has awoken:
    Vinny: (while holding a sizzling stick of dynamite) Hey, I had nothing to do with this!
  • It was in the midst of a dramatic moment, but there's just something unexpected enough to be amusing when a princess in a Disney movie kicks an enemy indelicately and then pulls a knife. Now why didn't Belle ever think of that?
  • Milo attempting to drive a truck.
    Milo:'Course I can drive a truck. Sure, you got your steering and your gas and your brake and, of course, this metal, uh, looking... thing. Okay, so it was a bumper car at Coney Island, but it's the same basic principle.
  • The slide show.
    Milo: The first slide is a depiction of a creature, a creature so frightening that sailors were said to be driven mad by the mere sight of it.
    [a picture of Milo on the beach wearing flippers, a dragon-floaty and a fishing pole is shown while his cat Fluffy plays with the end of the fishing pole]
    Whilmena Packard: Hubba, hubba.
    Audrey: (eye roll) Geeze, I used to take lunch money from guys like this
  • Cookie is serving everybody the same brownish, disgusting slop:
    Cookie: For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.
    Mole: I wanted the escargot!
    Audrey: [Gives Mole her tray] Knock yourself out...
    • Later on during the same scene:
    Cookie: Main course!
    -Nobody wants to eat any more-
    Cookie: Don't you worry. It'll keep and keep and keep!
    Ms. Packard, stubbing out her cigarette on her food: Thank God I lost my sense of taste years ago.
    -Everybody dumps their food into the campfire, which causes a small explosion-
  • Milo's assigned to quiz Kida for the rest of the explorers. However just as he's about to talk to her, she sneaks up behind him and begins to grill him using almost exactly the same words:
    Milo: Okay. Um... (rehearsing) 'Look, I have some questions for you and I am not leaving this city before they're answered!' That's good -
    Kida (pouncing on him from behind): I have some questions for you - and you are not leaving this city before they're answered!
  • "We're all gonna die." (flicks cigarette away)
  • Everything Mole does in the sequel.
    • When the team gets attacked by the Kraken for the first time, Mole loses his cheese that he was eating which rolls into the water. When the Kraken reveals itself for the first time (in this case showing off its tentacles and roaring), Mole weakly says "Uh, you can have it."
    • "*after saving Audrey* You see? You cannot live without me."
  • Milo trying to explain a life preserver to Kida.
  • Milo's coerced into helping the villains, but that doesn't mean he intends to let himself be bullied. "How 'bout you translate and I'll wave the gun around!?"
  • When the crew decide to use someone to interrogate Kida. Mole insists he goes
    Helga: Someone needs to talk to that girl.
    Mole: I will go!
    Vinny: Someone with good people skills.
    Mole: I will do it!
    Sweet: Someone who won't scare her away.
    Mole: I volunteer!
    Mrs. Packard: Someone who can speak the language.
    Mole: For the good of the mission, I will go!
    Rourke (to Milo, who hasn't been paying attention): Good man, Thatch. Thanks for volunteering.
    Mole: [breaks down sobbing]
  • Post-mass slide into darkness:
    Rourke: All right, who's not dead? Sound off.
    * collective groans from main characters*
    Cookie: Dang blasted bugs done bit me on mah sit-upon! Someone's gonna have to suck out this poison! Now don't everybody jump up at once.
  • At the museum, all the board members, save for Mr. Harcourt, quickly take cover in different rooms when Milo comes up, and as Mr. Harcourt tries to get into a room, we see one of the board members run out of one room to one across from him.
  • Mrs. Packard stating she sleeps in the nude, then Sweet tossing Milo a sleep mask and explaining "she sleepwalks".
    • The very next shot is Vinny wearing a sleep mask, lending credence to Sweet's claim.
  • "Attention, tonight's supper will be baked beans, musical program to follow." (Beat) "Who wrote this?"
    • Funny in itself, but also a Parental Bonus; an allusion to the old P.A. gags from the TV series MASH.
  • A Freeze-Frame Bonus: Right before Cookie argues with Helga, a quick look at his wagon shows the writing "TODAY'S SPECIAL: SHUT UP AN' EAT!"
  • This exchange when Rourke is taking Crystal!Kida away from Atlantis, causing the water to dry up and the Atlantean crystals to lose their glow.
    Milo: We can't let him do this!
    Vinny: (holds Milo back) Wait a second!
    [Everyone dives for cover as Rourke presses a detonator and blows up the bridge, leaving the crew trapped on the island with a gaping chasm between them and Rourke]
    Vinny:...Okay, now you can go.
  • "Whoever took the L from the Motor Pool sign, ha ha, we are all amused."
  • During the final attack:
    "Alright, Milo, this is it. Any last words? Yeah, I really wish I had a better idea than this!"