Funny / Atlantis: The Lost Empire
  • The explorers' submarine is being attacked by a totally unexpected lobster machine. Rivets are popping, leaks springing, alarms blaring. Mrs. Packard seems bored when she grudgingly announces, "All hands, abandon ship."
    • In the same scene: "He took his suitcase? Margie, honey. I don't think he's coming back."
    • And when Mrs. Packard has to leave because the sub is seconds from annihilation. "I have to call you back. No, no, I'll call you." Still with no sign of excitement. Margie would never guess that Mrs. P is in imminent danger of a horrible death.
    • Earlier when Audrey contacts the bridge - while engineering is being flooded with sea water - she connects them and then calmly opens a "Crime" magazine like the whole damn sub wasn't about to be blown to pieces.
  • This dialogue between Milo and Vinny while loading the sub.
    Vinny: Oh, ehh, gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and uhh… Paperclips. Big ones. You know, just, eh, office supplies.
    • Vinny's advice during the final battle: "Don't get shot!"
    • The caravan is temporarily halted by a colossal pillar next to a chasm. Milo and Vinnie examine the pillar - for different reasons.
      Milo: Will you look at the size of this? It's gotta be half a mile high, at least. It must have taken hundred — no, thousands of years to carve this thing.
      Vinny: (detonates his TNT charges so it falls down over a chasm) Hey, look, I made a bridge. It only took me, like, what? Ten seconds? Eleven, tops.
      • It's the gleeful look on Vinny's face that seals the deal.
      • In the same scene, Milo is so fixated on the pillar's beauty that he doesn't notice Vinnie very obviously setting up explosives until literally the moment the thing goes up.
    • When Milo starts up one of the flying machines:
      Vinny: Hey, Milo, you got somethin' a little more sporty? You know…like a tuna?
    • Clearly, Vinny gets all the best lines. From earlier:
      Vinny: We've done a lot of things we're not proud of—robbin' graves, plunderin' tombs, double parking...But nobody got hurt! (Beat) Well, maybe somebody got hurt, but nobody we knew..."
      Vinny: (upon seeing the sketch of the Leviathan, which resembles a lobster) With something like that, I'd have white wine, I think.
    • And then there's when he tricks Milo into thinking he drank nitroglycerin. "Don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything...except pray." "BOOM!" *Mole and Vinny walk away and laugh*
    • The roadblock convo.
      Rourke: Looks like we have a little roadblock. Vinny, what do you think?
      Vinny: I could un-roadblock that if I had about two hundred of these (points at dynamite). Problem is, I only got about (counts on fingers) ten. Plus, you know, five of my own and couple of cherrybombs...roadflare. Hey, too bad we don't got some nitroglycerin eh, Milo?"
    • When the crew realizes they're in a dormant volcano, Sweet asks if it could erupt at any time, but Mole says that it would require "an explosive force of tremendous magnitude." Everyone immediately looks at Vinny, who happens to be building or dismantling a time bomb at that very moment.
      Vinny: (Beat) Maybe I should do this later, huh?
      • Then when the volcano has awoken:
        Vinny: (while holding a sizzling stick of dynamite) Hey, I had nothing to do with this!
    • This exchange when Rourke is taking Crystal!Kida away from Atlantis, causing the water to dry up and the Atlantean crystals to lose their glow.
      Milo: We can't let him do this!
      Vinny: (holds Milo back) Wait a second!
      [Everyone dives for cover as Rourke presses a detonator and blows up the bridge, leaving the crew trapped on the island with a gaping chasm between them and Rourke]
      Vinny:...Okay, now you can go.
  • Vinny talks about how he decided he wanted to became a demolitions expert:
    Vinny: Well, as far as me goes, I just like to blow things up.
    Dr. Sweet: (lifts up Vinny's sleep mask) Come on, Vinny. Tell the kid the truth.
    Vinny: My family owned a flower shop. We would sell roses, carnations, baby's breath, you name it. One day, I'm making about three dozen corsages for this prom, you know, the one they put on the wrist, and everybody, they come. "Where is it?", "When is it?", "Does it match my dress?" It's a nightmare. Anyway, I guess there was this leak next door of gas or what. BOOM! No more Chinese laundry. Blew me right through the front window. It was like a sign from God. I found myself that boom.
    • Vinny before leaving Atlantis:
      Vinny: You know, I'm gonna re-open the flower shop, and I'm gonna think of you guys every. Single. Day. Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, Saturday to 2. Sunday...I'm gonna take Sunday off, probably... Maybe I'll go in for a couple of hours, dunno. But...August, I'm gonna take August.
  • A blink and you'll miss it moment, but when everybody is picking a truck to drive, we learn that there's a rule that Vinny must stay a certain distance away from the oil truck at all times. As if he were a walking fire hazard...
  • Really, most of what Vinny says is hilarious. According to the DVD commentary, most of Don Novello's dialogue was ad-libbed. He just started rambling and they kept most of it
  • When Milo is speaking to Kida in several different languages and she speaks French, Mole excitedly exclaims "She speaks my language!" and promptly whispers something in her ear. First she listens with interest, then she does a double take, and then she knocks him to the ground with a single punch..
    • Made better when the others immediately take a liking to her as a result.
    Sweet (clapping): Oh, I like her!
    Audrey: Hmm. 'bout time someone hit 'im. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.
  • "I know how to swim pretty girl—good! Pretty good, I swim pretty good."
    • Milo's boxers then inflate after going into the water.
      • Even funnier: if you look closely, you can see Kida trying not to laugh.
    • Also funny, is that as a trained linguist he should have known the correct wording was "Pretty well". He's so distracted by Kida that he forgot grammar.
  • The photo of Preston Whitmore and Thaddeus Thatch immediately post-kiss. They're both recoiling, and it looks hilarious. And it's Whitmore's fault.
    Mr. Whitmore: I said, "Thatch, if you ever actually find that so-called journal, not only will I finance the expedition, I'll kiss you full on the mouth." Imagine my embarrassment when he found the darn thing.
    • It wasn't part of the bet to immortalize the incredibly awkward moment on camera. Whose idea was that?!
  • Early on, as Helga brings Milo to Whitmore's mansion, she describes Whitmore like he's a serious, tough, dangerous guy. Then the next scene reveals that he's the complete opposite: a funny old Deadpan Snarker.
  • When the Ulysses finally descends into the ocean, for a split-second, you can actually see a man waving at the viewers.
  • Sweet's medical check-up of Milo, ending with him handing Milo two enormous beakers and telling him to fill them up. Milo does a Spit Take on the thermometer in his mouth. "With what?!"
    Sweet: (sticking a tongue depressor in Milo's mouth) So, where you from?
    Milo: (unintelligible)
    Sweet: Really? I got family there.
  • Sweet's way of dealing with Mole after poor Milo sat on the dirt collection: show him soap, and yell as Mole retreats, "Back! Back, foul creature! Back to the pit from whence you came!"
  • Milo getting sick over the side of the ship. "Carrots, why is it always carrots. I didn't even eat carrots."
    • It should be noted that his voice actor, Michael J. Fox, is actually allergic to carrots.
  • Dr. Sweet, telling Milo that he doesn't want to know about Mole's backstory.
    "Trust me on this: you don't wanna know. Audrey? Don't tell him. You shouldn't've told me, but you did, and now I'm telling you, you don't wanna know!"
    • In Milo's Return, we get a clue as to what it is: Mole was raised by naked mole rats.
  • Kida trying on Milo's glasses.
  • We are briefly given a shot of Milo and Audrey in an escape pod as Milo nervously chants "it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink, it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink..." Just the way Milo's voice sounds when the says the second "sink"; it breaks.
  • "Hah! What have you done? England must never merge with France!"
  • It was in the midst of a dramatic moment, but there's just something unexpected enough to be amusing when a princess in a Disney movie kicks an enemy indelicately and then pulls a knife. Now why didn't Belle ever think of that?
  • Milo attempting to drive a truck.
    Milo:'Course I can drive a truck. Sure, you got your steering and your gas and your brake and, of course, this metal, uh, looking... thing. Okay, so it was a bumper car at Coney Island, but it's the same basic principle.
  • The slide show.
    Milo: The first slide is a depiction of a creature, a creature so frightening that sailors were said to be driven mad by the mere sight of it.
    [a picture of Milo on the beach wearing flippers, a dragon-floaty and a fishing pole is shown while his cat Fluffy plays with the end of the fishing pole]
    Whilmena Packard: Hubba, hubba.
    Audrey: (eye roll) Geeze, I used to take lunch money from guys like this
  • Cookie is serving everybody the same brownish, disgusting slop:
    Cookie: For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.
    Mole: I wanted the escargot!
    Audrey: [Gives Mole her tray] Knock yourself out...
    • Later on during the same scene:
    Cookie: Main course!
    -Nobody wants to eat any more-
    Cookie: Don't you worry. It'll keep and keep and keep!
    Ms. Packard, stubbing out her cigarette on her food: Thank God I lost my sense of taste years ago.
    -Everybody dumps their food into the campfire, which causes a small explosion, complete with mushroom cloud-
  • Milo's assigned to quiz Kida for the rest of the explorers. However just as he's about to talk to her, she sneaks up behind him and begins to grill him using almost exactly the same words:
    Milo: Okay. Um... (rehearsing) 'Look, I have some questions for you and I am not leaving this city before they're answered!' That's good -
    Kida: (pouncing on him from behind) I have some questions for you - and you are not leaving this city before they're answered!
  • "We're all gonna die." (flicks cigarette away)
  • Everything Mole does in the sequel.
    • When the team gets attacked by the Kraken for the first time, Mole loses his cheese that he was eating which rolls into the water. When the Kraken reveals itself for the first time (in this case showing off its tentacles and roaring), Mole weakly says "Uh, you can have it."
    • "*after saving Audrey* You see? You cannot live without me."
  • Milo trying to explain a life preserver to Kida.
  • Milo's coerced into helping the villains, but that doesn't mean he intends to let himself be bullied. "How 'bout you translate and I'll wave the gun around!?"
  • When the crew decide to use someone to interrogate Kida. Mole insists he goes.
    Helga: Someone needs to talk to that girl.
    Mole: I will go!
    Vinny: Someone with good people skills.
    Mole: I will do it!
    Sweet: Someone who won't scare her away.
    Mole: I volunteer!
    Mrs. Packard: Someone who can speak the language.
    Mole: For the good of the mission, I will go!
    Rourke: (to Milo, who hasn't been paying attention) Good man, Thatch. Thanks for volunteering.
    Mole: [breaks down sobbing]
    Audrey: (nudging Milo) Go get 'em, tiger.
  • Post-mass slide into darkness:
    Rourke: All right, who's not dead? Sound off.
    * collective groans from main characters*
    Cookie: Dang blasted bugs done bit me on mah sit-upon! Someone's gonna have to suck out this poison! Now don't everybody jump up at once.
  • At the museum, all the board members, save for Mr. Harcourt, quickly take cover in different rooms when Milo comes up, and as Mr. Harcourt tries to get into a room, we see one of the board members run out of one room to one across from him.
  • Mrs. Packard stating she sleeps in the nude, then Sweet tossing Milo a sleep mask and explaining "she sleepwalks".
    • The very next shot is Vinny wearing a sleep mask, lending credence to Sweet's claim.
  • "Attention, tonight's supper will be baked beans, musical program to follow." (Beat) "Who wrote this?"
    • Funny in itself, but also a Parental Bonus; an allusion to the old P.A. gags from the TV series M*A*S*H.
    • Also the earlier announcement: "To the person who stole the L from the Motor Pool sign, haha we are all very amused."
  • A Freeze-Frame Bonus: Right before Cookie argues with Helga, a quick look at his wagon shows the writing "TODAY'S SPECIAL: SHUT UP AN' EAT!"
  • During the final attack:
    "Alright, Milo, this is it. Any last words? Yeah, I really wish I had a better idea than this!"
  • When Audrey and Cookie are visiting a market and notice a tattooed Atlantean, Cookie shows off his own tattoos.
    Aw, that's nothin'. [lifts up shirt] I got all 38 United States. Wanna see Rhode Island dance? [slaps belly] C'mon on now, dance.
    • Audrey looks both disgusted and intrigued for most of the scene. Also, he either hasn't bothered to update his tattoo since 1889, or thinks there is still only 38 states.
  • During the sequel, as the fly after a madman who thinks himself Odin, Milo comments that the storm started around the time he stole the Macguffin Audrey dismisses the idea of "old gods affecting the weather" And Vinny gives us this.
    Vinny: "Well, there was that Indian wind god, spirit, whatever, Kraken. Yeah, the Kraken might have been a god. Maybe not. And that big Atlantis crystal... that was kind of like a god."
    • 'after seeing Þrymr for the first time'
  • Milo's handling the boiler in Mole's Drill Tank, much to Audrey's chagrin. He then manages to explain to Audrey, the youngest member of the expedition and a Child Prodigy of an engineer to boot, exactly what went wrong, complete with technical jargon. It sounds like a Crowning Moment of Awesome, but the facial expressions they both make throughout this exchange are priceless.