''"one day the teno was chillin in his beach chair in his spaceship sippin a lemonade. he was usin frost cause mag is the bad guy from x men so he didnt want to use mag. and he was listenin to metalica and playin air guitar on his fragger, on his back he had a braten called bratenoby dark'ness radiaton proc skywalker and it has long ebony black hair with purple streaks (excep no it dosent cause its a gun duh) and had an icy blue muzzle like a limpid tear, a limpid tear of destruction and murder that shot bullets for killin grinners and robos and the flood from halo that was in warfarme for some reason but not oculisks cause their op cheaters, remove oculisks!
he also had a pistl but who cares about that lol"''
—Opening to teno verses vay heck
teno verses vay heck is a most likely purposefully bad Warframe Fan Fiction by "drbackspace" about a Tenno who fights Councillor Vay Hek.
It can be found here.
teno verses vay heck provides examples of:
- Adaptational Badass: Maroo is no slouch in canon, but in this fic, she steals a rocket launcher from a Bombard and aims it straight at Vay Hek, disrupting his plan to catch an Oculyst.
- Author Filibuster: Not a long one, and it's about why drbackspace doesn't much like Grineer Sealab missions.
- Author Tract: Parodied; drbackspace sarcastically mentions that Vay Heck sounds like "politicans i dont like, cause its classy to put polticks in warfarame fic".
- Big Damn Heroes: The Teno himself in chapter 1 to the Steel Meridian along with John Prodman, and Ember and Maroo in chapter 2.
- Butt-Monkey: The Teno's pistol, which he doesn't consider a very good weapon.
- Cloudcuckoolander: The narrator.
- Complacent Gaming Syndrome: In-universe, involving Frost's Snow Globe.Teshin: "your frost... you only have one power anyone cares about..."
- Leet Lingo: Frequent.
- Malaproper: Frequent. It's right there in the title.
- Only Sane Man: Tyl Regor of all people, by virtue of having all his sentences rendered with proper spelling and grammar.
- Real Life Writes the Plot: drbackspace apparently hasn't yet defeated Tyl Regor, leading everyone (even his ally, Vay Hek) to call him a cheap boss.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: To a ludicrous degree. Among other things, Steel Meridian is never spelled right, or the same way twice.
- Shout-Out: Buckets of them.
- The very first paragraph has Teno describing his Braton with some of the same descriptors as Enoby Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way and seeming to think that Mag is Magneto.
- The guy on the other end shouting "THE GRINNERS ARE KILLIN EVERYBODY!" is lifted straight from another Troll Fic.
- The Archwing is referred to as the Arch Bunker.
- Vay Heck frequently fires missle bombs at the Teno in Chapter 1.
- Misspellings include stell moradins and still mordenkainens for Steel Meridian, mario for Maroo, lodoss and lodis for the Lotus, and possibly perry the platypus for the Perrin Sequence.
- Vay Heck at one point declares the Teno *** up his face.
- John Prodman is shown at one point watching a game of Family Feud.
- Chapter Two is spelled "CHAPPER TWOP" and Tyl Regor mentions that the Teno called his informant "Nathan from School", both from Welcome To Fanfiction.net.
- Troll Fic: Pretty obviously. The Shout-Out to ''My Immortal in the opening paragraph, the amount of Lampshade Hanging, and Tyl Regor being the only character to use proper spelling and grammar, are pretty obvious giveaways.
- Tyop on the Cover: Three of them!
