Fanfic / Harry Potter and the Rest of the Sentence

"Botnik Studios is not responsible for any faces eaten by Harry Potter with hot sauce, headmaster hair scooting next to you at breakfast, or ribs fractured in hysterical laughter."

The fanmade sequel to the Surreal Humor masterpiece that was Botnik Studios' Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, Harry Potter and the Rest of the Sentence brands itself "Book II" of the same saga, depicting Harry and the gang's next year at Hogwarts following the events of Pile of Ash.

Having been made through the same method of using a Botnik Predictive Keyboard fed on the Harry Potter books, it doesn't make much more sense.

The plot, as near as can be parsed, follows Villain Protagonist Harry trying to enact bloody revenge on just about everyone he comes across, usually through use of his trademark catchphrase, "Ogden!", which seems to function as an all-powerful spell that does whatever he wants it to do. Characters die, are resurrected, and die again. Hermione gets married to Harry off-screen and wishes he would pay more attention to her. And Voldemort escapes captures again and again by pretending to be Hagrid.

…oh boy.

Harry Potter and the Rest of the Sentence features examples of:

• Adaptation Name Change: Chapter 7 reveals Lord Voldemort's true name in this universe to not be Tom Marvolo Riddle, but instead Tomato Hagrid Riddle.
• Adaptational Villainy:
  • Harry kills Hagrid, bites Hermione, throws a rock at Dumbledore (which leads to his death), and doesn't save Ron (or might even be the one who actively kills him), which is all in sharp contrast to his role as The Hero in the original books.
  • Hermione isn't quite as bad as Harry, but she also went "to get a good look at Ron and his killers" while not lifting a finger to help him. She also helps Voldemort escape Harry's notice once, though given the sort of person Harry is in this story, that may not actually count as "villainy".
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: In Chapter Three, there is a "Mrs Harry" and it's implied that it's Hermione.
  Harry: Hermione, you're you in a way I never noticed I want.
• Ambiguous Situation: It's unclear whether Ron coming back to Earth was literal or figurative.
• And That's Terrible: Harry uses these exact words to explain why he shouldn't use "Ogden" on Hermione.
  Harry: The Deplorable Word is too powerful to be of use disciplining lady friends. It would shatter floor, past, ceiling, present, chimney, uncle. And that's terrible. And I would have to pay. With much pain.
• Animate Body Parts: Some disembodied feet travel to Hogwarts so they can burn Dumbledore to death.
• Animate Inanimate Object:
  • Harry's hat is apparently able to think and twitch.
  • There's also Malfoy's Nimbus Two Thousands which are all delighted when Harry says "Ogden".
  • The door of the brain room in Chapter 1 announces "Not of the room".
  • Hufflepuff's skirts can move around and transform into a diary. They also seem to have captured Slughorn.
• Applied Phlebotinum: The spell/word "Ogden" which seems to do whatever Harry wants it to at that moment.
  • A possible justification for this is that Harry is casting wordless spells, and is shouting "Ogden" as a sort of battle cry.
• Arc Words:
  • Variations of "[X] will be paying… with much pain" keep cropping up.
  • As does “Ogden”, both as a exclamation and a character.
• An Arm and a Leg:
  • Either Harry or the Death Eaters turn Ron's robe into steam which burns off all his limbs.
  • Harry tries to demolish Malfoy's legs, but Malfoy's Nimbus Two Thousands somehow thwart him.
• The Atoner: Once he's killed everybody, Harry intends to exact revenge on himself. Of course, he only plans to do this after killing everyone else already.
  "Everyone was going to die. Everybody. And then he would pay for all the evil dark shadows beneath his misery. He would be promptly paying, with much longer pain."
• Bad Liar: Voldemort randomly tries to convince everyone that he is Hagrid even though he's just had the Death Eaters burn off Ron's limbs and seemingly shoot him into space.
  • To try and prove that he is Hagrid, Voldemort brings out some spiders, but they have "unconvincingly fake" hooves.
  • At one point, he shows up in disguise and says he is "definitely not the Dark Lord", Harry immediately knows he is.
• Black Magic: "Ogden" might or might not be technically this, but every time it is spoken, terrible things happen.
• Blatant Lies: Chapter 7 is titled "The Return of Ollivander". This is his very first appearance. (Granted, he did eventually disappear in the source material.)
• Call-Back:
  • The goblin thinks about Mr Staircase, the shabby-robed ghost from HPPWLLLPA.
  • Harry "felt a great overreaction" again in Chapter 5.
  • Hermione becomes a soft little black horse, which is a possible reference to how Harry thought of Ron as a loud, slow and soft bird.
  • Hermione tells Malfoy, "You are Hagrid now", referencing what Dumbledore said to the pig of Hufflepuff. (Doubles as an Ironic Echo, as this time around, what with Harry having just brutally murdered Hagrid, the target should be very very worried by the implications.)
• Came Back Wrong: Ron. After being brought back to earth (from space? Heaven?), he is unusually quiet and apparently on the verge of passing out, which the other characters attribute to Resurrection Sickness. As he's dying (again), he notes that this is probably for the best, as "he had found it difficult to gather his thoughts when inhabiting a brain".
• Car Fu: Harry's OGDEN causes a train to slam into the cracked diary.
• Crack Fic: No, you think? If you want an example, just pick any of the tropes above and below.
• Crossover Punchline: Dialogue in Chapter 7 implies that "Ogden" is the Deplorable Word.
• Death by Adaptation: Ron Weasley. Twice.
• Darker and Edgier: Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash has its darker moments, but in Rest of the Sentence, gruesome death is almost constant.
• Denser and Wackier: Rest of the Sentence is, as noted by several reviewers, noticeably more surreal than even the original.
• Die Laughing: Harry does this to Hagrid by shouting "Ogden!" at him. Hagrid laughs so hard that his heart jumps out of his moustache and his head erupts in fireworks.
• Disproportionate Retribution: Hagrid growls at Harry and argues with him about his fingers, so Harry kills him.
• Do Wrong, Right: Harry becomes bored waiting for the Death Eaters to kill Ron Weasley, and so apparently does it himself.
• Even Evil Has Standards / Horrifying the Horror: After Ron's death, the Death Eaters stare at Harry "for what seemed like hours", before "the sick wizards backed away, looking terrified".
  • Voldemort himself seems quite desperate to pass himself off as Harry's "Hagrid friend" (who Harry had earlier killed), especially after Ron mocks him "You do realize that Harry is going to say... something... to you in a moment, and then you will die?"
• Eye Scream:
  • Harry's feverish eye imploded and "He will be paying much pain".
  • Draco Flitwick has his eyes fried by a silver knife.
• Family-Unfriendly Death: Many of them are vague, but evocative.
  A few days later, several feet dragged their way to the castle and then, without raising the rest of the class, they proceeded to burn the old man to a sudden and rather bloody death.
  ...but butterbeer poured in flood from the eyes of Harry Potter, expelling Mr Voldemort away and from the others and drowning Weasley. Ron, he didn't really care. ...he was almost glad to be melting back into his skeletal remains.
• Fate Worse than Death: Living with Harry. Ron is glad to die just so he can get away from him.
  Besides, living with Harry Potter was not entirely 'living'.
• Fingore: Harry bites his fingers during his overreaction.
• Forced Transformation: Harry's OGDEN causes Hermione to turn into a soft little black horse.
• Grievous Harm with a Body: Attempted by Slender Man. When he appears, he's "brandishing a few stray doxies." Doxies in the setting are tiny magical creatures that are often confused with fairies.
• Girls with Moustaches: Hermione has bushy hair on her face.
• Heart Beats out of Chest: Hagrid's heart leaps out of his moustache.
• Hellish Pupils: Voldemort's "swirling pupils of blood".
• Hidden Depths: Voldemort is apparently a great dentist.
• Hollywood Acid: Harry's butterbeer flood might have similar properties, given its effects on Ron.
• I Am a Humanitarian: Hermione is once again the target of this from Harry.
  He sighed, and, taking a deep bite out of Hermione's head, he began tearing.
• Inherently Funny Word: "Ogden" is, apparently, or else it's a spell that causes the target to Die Laughing.
• Luminescent Blush: Hermione has one after Harry declares his love for her.
• Man on Fire: After Harry knocks out Dumbledore with a rock he's burnt alive by some disembodied feet.
• No Name Given: The Goblin who has Harry's Invisibility Cloak and hangs around the Ministry with Hermione is just "the Goblin". (You would be forgiven for thinking that it's Griphook, however, as he is the only Goblin fanfiction ever seems to remember exists.)
  • The goblin also belongs to Uncle Vernon, which confuses things even more.
• Noodle Incident: The Goblin wistfully looks at the couch "where Bellatrix didn't think to look".
  • Also, the only time Snape appears in the story he's rolled up in a carpetbag.
• One-Steve Limit: Averted with Draco Malfoy and Draco Flitwick, though the latter is stabbed and blinded as soon as he's mentioned. It does cause a bit of ambiguity over who "Draco the Death Eater" is, because considering the rules of this universe Flitwick's injury/death is not necessarily permanent.
• Rage Against the Author/Ret-Gone: One of Harry's targets for revenge in Chapter 7 is Chapter 6, which might explain why it's so short and titled "There Isn't One".
• Revenge: The Arc Words are, after all, that "[X] will be paying… with much pain", and that does seem to be Harry's main motivation, as well as the Goblin's.
• Say My Name: Harry says "Ogden" at least once a chapter. Ogden is also a character who appears briefly in Chapter 4.
• Somebody Doesn't Love Raymond: After Malfoy announces that he doesn't like Harry, Harry "could not understand how this was happening".
• Super Window Jump: Malfoy flings himself out of a greenhouse window near the end of Chapter 4. As with many of the horrific events in the story, it seems to be caused by Harry Potter and his "Ogden" spell/familiar.
• Surreal Horror: It's almost impossible to tell what exactly is going on at any given moment, but the general gist is clearly "not good".
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: Voldemort shows up in disguise at one point saying “I am definitely not the Dark Lord,”
• Tank Goodness: Just before being killed Ron starts muttering about his father's tank, though it's not clear what type of tank he means. It's possible he was trying to summon one to use against the Death Eaters.
• Tastes Like Purple: The firelight somehow sounded faint.
• Tears of Blood: Harry cries a flood of butterbeer which banishes Voldemort and drowns Ron.
• Unexpected Character: Slender Man is briefly mentioned in Chapter 5 "brandishing a few stray doxies".
• Unexplained Recovery:
  • In Chapter 1 Harry bites a chunk out of Hermione's head, but by Chapter 2 she's completely fine.
  • Ron has his limbs obliterated and is (possibly) flung into space, which kills him. However, Harry shouts OGDEN and brings him back to Earth. By the next chapter he's back alive, at least until Harry drowns him in a flood of butterbeer tears and kills him again.
• Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Harry finds Ron's murder very boring and takes the opportunity to stare at his own hands and ask Hermione questions rather than helping him.
• Villain Protagonist: Harry is out to kill everyone, and then himself.
• We Need a Distraction: Hermione helps Voldemort and his centaur slave escape Harry's notice by asking him a distracting question.
  Hermione: Harry, which deflated jar did Professor Dumbledore know best?
• Your Head Asplode: Hagrid dies after his head is covered in a wave of magical fireworks.

---