"DO YOU ALL HATE ME OR SOMETHING!" Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around
—Legolas; chapter thirteen
, written by crazyroninchic, is a parody of Mary Sues
that frequently come up in Lord of the Rings Fan Fics
. It begins when several of the characters (which includes Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, and Gimli) discover an unusual book and begin to read. They soon realize, to their horror, that the book is a Mary Sue Fan Fic
titled "Tales of a Dream Come True." During the forty-five chapters of the fic, minds are scarred, sanity is lost, and more characters join in on the fun
. And it is hilariously awesome.
Two sequels were written by crazyroninchic, Starr Struck
and I TOLD You to Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around
. The former is a sequel to "Tales of a Dream Come True," in which one of Starr
's daughters makes it her mission to turn Middle-earth back to normal
. The latter is more of a midquel, with Arwen having a flashback to a previous incident with Mary Sue Fan Fics
.Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around
can be read here
; the sequels can be read here
Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around provides examples of:
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: When Pippin reads part of a sex scene out loud, the others "shouted various exclamations, about tricksy hobbits and gross mental images and Pippin's mother."
- Berserk Button: Pippin really doesn't like it when Starr steals his song in chapter ten.
- Big "NO!": The readers do this quite a few times over the course of the fic.
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Arwen imagines herself disemboweling Celeste with a dull spoon.
- Earlier, in chapter fifteen, everyone imagines eviscerating Starr with a toothpick.
- Cuteness Overload: Pippin's insistence that he'd worked hard on the song Starr stole causes Arwen and Éowyn to swoon.
- Department of Redundancy Department:
Legolas was at the archery practice field, practicing his archery.
- Derailing Love Interests: This is what happens to both Arwen and Éowyn in order to make Starr and Celeste look better.
- Did I Just Say That Out Loud?:
Legolas just muttered something, knowing what would come of the fictional Legolas being in Starr's room at night when she is 'vulnerable.' Honestly, he was not a lech, he wouldn't take advantage of a distraught female!
"Apparently you would." Elladan said without looking up from the book.
Legolas blushed. Whoops. Did he say that out loud?
- Doomy Dooms of Doom:
Sam gulped and took his place in the Chair of Doom, picked up the Book of Doom, flipped one of many Pages of Doom
, and began to read the word of The Spawn of Morgoth…and Doom.
- Embarrassing First Name: The Suethor's real name is revealed to be Murtle.
- Embarrassing Nickname: Legolas, Aragorn, Faramir, and even Gimli are bestowed these during the Suefic.
- Even Beggars Won't Choose It: Aragorn says that even Grima wouldn't touch the Mary Sue.
- Hypocrite: In chapter thirty-four, Celeste calls Arwen a hussy...and this is after Celeste has cheated on Aragorn with both Pippin and Faramir!
- I Need a Freaking Drink: Arwen expresses this sentiment in chapter fourteen, and Éowyn pours herself "a liberal glass of wine" in chapter thirty-four.
- Loads and Loads of Characters: The initial group of readers consist of Elrohir, Elladan, Faramir, Legolas, Arwen, Gimli, Merry, Aragorn, Éowyn, and Pippin. Glorfindel, Éomer, Sam, Haldir, and Thranduil eventually become readers.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: As it turns out, Prettyprettyprincesssweet16 is not just some idiotic fangirl, but an agent of Sauron who wrote "Tales of a Dream Come True" in an attempt to drive everyone insane.
- Oh Crap! There Are Fanfics of Us...: This is the premise. The characters find a Suefic, with themselves as characters.
- OOC Is Serious Business: Everyone completely freaks out when Faramir utters the sentence, "U r sooo rite" (and yes, the misspellings are intentional), none more so than Faramir himself.
- Retcon: Some time in between chapter seven and chapter nineteen, crazyroninchic apparently changed her mind on whether or not Haldir is supposed to be dead.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Happens occasionally during the Suefic, the prime example being in the first chapter when Legolas "whiskered" Starr off her feet.
- Rule of Funny: This fic lives off it, which could explain the Retcon mentioned above.
- Sickeningly Sweethearts: Starr and Suefic!Legolas. Also Celeste and Suefic!Aragorn, to a certain extent.
- There Should Be a Law: Thranduil's reaction to the Three-Way Sex mentioned below between himself, Starr, and Legolas.
- Three-Way Sex: Happens multiple times in the Sueverse and sometimes with more then three. Most notably between Legolas, Thranduil, and Starr. Much to the disgust of the former two.
- Too Dumb to Live: In the final chapter, Starr and Celeste finally die; one of the two possible reasons that are given for this is that "their miniscule brains were no longer smart enough to remember to breathe."
- Trauma Conga Line: The entire Sueverse fiction is made of this for everyone involved.
- Troubled Fetal Position: Seen from multiple characters, but Legolas most of all.